Showing posts with label weight watchers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight watchers. Show all posts

Friday, April 30, 2010

So...just the other morning...

...Mr. Jenny and I were laying in bed around 5:30 am.

And he put his arm over me.

And I said, "We've been going to Weight Watchers for three weeks now, can you tell a difference?"

And he didn't say anything.

I waited.

I waited.

I thought maybe he missed the question so I repeated myself.

And waited.

And then I said, "Well, just lie and tell me you can."

And he said, "Gee, I can really tell the difference."

And I said, "Really?"

And I waited.

And waited.

And then I said again, "Really?"

And he said, "No, but you told me to lie."

So, I said, "You're just all full of yourself because you've lost like 15.6 pounds already and I've lost like 6."

And he said, "Huh?"

Gee. That was such an unsatisfying conversation.

If you'll excuse me now I need to go sneakily pour some melted butter over Mr. Jenny's breakfast.

That'll teach him to not be supportive.


PS. I know 6 pounds is great. I'm just being a dork today! Aren't you surprised?

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Friday, April 16, 2010

Stick a fork in me...

I am just done.


I've been going along with the whole Venus/Mars thing for awhile now.

I'm even signed off on the whole right brain/left brain thing.

But now.

Now I am done tolerating the differences between men and women.

And no, it's not about the toilet seat.

It's about a travesty of equality.

A gross miscarriage of moral dignity.

I can barely speak in my rage.

I understand now why suffragettes ... ummm..... suffragetted.


I am asking you to rise up with me in my battle to correct this horrible indignity.

Are you with me?!

ARE YOU WITH ME?????!!!!!

OK. All you skinny people that read my can leave now.

Just go.


I like you and all.

But you just don't want to waste time reading this.


Goodbye now.



OK, I think they're gone.

And now I can share this indignity with you.

It brace yourself... this! Don't see the problem? Look closer...
... OK, yea.

Having accepted that Bulging Brides is probably not going to be visiting me anytime soon...I made Mr. Jenny take the plunge and join Weight Watchers with me.

And since Mr. Jenny weighs more then me (Thank all that is holy for that) AND he gets an extra six points a day...I hate him.

I do.

No, that is not just my envy talking.

No, I just really hate him. There he is with his 938 points a day and there I am with my measly 11!

It is wrong!

Wrong I tell you!

Not only do we have to have the babies (which is often a good excuse for needing WW's in the first place) but we have all that monthly stuff and then menopause and then everyone knows that women are just genetically engineered TO NEED CHOCOLATE MORE THEN MEN!

And not only do I only get 11 points there is no possibility of even getting THESE extra points......because I had all the necessary female junk removed a long time ago... now, even though I can't use that monthly stuff for an excuse I have to worry about the whole menopause stuff...

...which increases the whole genetically engineered factor of chocolate need.

I just hate this.

It's dumb.

And I'm not going to take it anymore!

I am going to rise up and eat chocolate!

I am going to rebel and eat 12 points today.

I am going to just call it a day and order a burqa.

In black.

With vertical stripes.

Because that's how I am.

Me...and all those other suffragetting kind of women.



Oh sorry.

What was I eating?


Nothing at all.

I was just swallowing another glass of water if you must know.

Skinny people?

You can come back now.

What were we talking about?

Oh nothing.

Nothing really.

Just wondering where to buy a burqa. But I suspect you don't know the answer to that.


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