The day the music died...

for me was a little over nine months ago.

As a woman whose life has been defined by writing, playing and listening to music for so long I found myself unable to turn the radio on or to listen to CD's. Commercial jingles could literally bring me to tears. I would have to leave the grocery store when certain songs came on. After awhile it just became less painful to not listen at all.

With my radio dial set firmly to talk radio and my computer speakers set forever on mute sadness hung heavy over my heart.

A cumulation of sadness and sorrow had erased the music in my soul somehow. Making my friend Alice's life interview and music playlists for family memories in her final days, the sorrow and sadness of watching my daughters destruction and pain, seeing how quickly life passes in the final moments of my sisters life, the realization that sometimes family members cause you pain when you need them most all combined into a paralyzing potion that made my ears unable to listen to what my heart perhaps needed to hear.

My only exception to my music hiatus has been for the girls. When they were with me I played Christmas music and their silly music CD's. Once in awhile I dragged out my dusty guitar and played or picked out a few songs on the piano.

But for the most part the music was quiet.

So many songs brought back the past...Bryan Adams blaring in my car with the sunroof open and my sister laughing in her brief flight from the reality of her diminishing life; singing loudly and badly with my daughter in the car on road trips with her face laughing and eyes bright and true; remembering first dances and first kisses set to the songs of youth with Alice in her sun-washed bedroom... it was too much...and it hurt...and my heart grieved ...

But this morning the music has truly come alive for me. Someone from my past brought me my music today ... an unlikely angel I have not seen or talked to in years ... a memory resurfacing from happier, carefree, less heart-scarred days has allowed my heart to sing again.

And somehow this combination of lyrics, melody and rhythm pulsing over and around me makes me feel able to finally rejoice in my life again.

Hope. Possibilities. Potential. Tomorrow. Joy. All things feel in the realm of my reach.

The mute button is off my computer and when I leave for errands I'm taking Steve's car cuz it has a rock'n'roll stereo in it!

And if you pull up beside me at an intersection don't laugh at this middle-aged frumpy woman blaring music like a teenage wannabe.

Just rejoice with me. The music is alive.

Good morning!

It's Saturday. How did that happen? I'm off to do some errands and get some groceries and then we are heading to Julia's basketball game at 1 after which all three little girls will come home with us. It's cute cuz Steve is soooo excited. He cracks me up. He has really come into his own with these three little sweeties so I figure it'll be an easy day for me.

Friday night excitement

nah....not really. Just boring. We had planned to have it be a little less boring by going to the movies AND picking up a birthday present for my Dad. But Steve is working and I'm going to lay on the couch and watch something hugely inane.

My parents came over to visit today with Uncle John and Aunt Sharon. It was gorgeous outside. Warm, sunny, beautiful skies. We sat outside and had fresh made lemonade and some raisin/applesauce cookies. I made both with the xaagave sugar substitute and they were a huge hit.

We ran over to eat at Outback and that was it. It's hard not to eat their bread but I got a salad with blue cheese vinaigrette that was really good, a 6 oz sirloin and fresh veggies. It was very satisfying but I will admit....it sure wasn't a slice of cake....sigh....

Greg is going to get some work at his part-time job which will help out in the immediate short-fall from being laid off. Lucky he is so well respected by all his employers - that really helps out.

OK, gonna go watch Bulging Brides (Steve hates it and for some weird reason I love it)

Well darn

Greg got laid off today. Scary, scary. We feel so badly for him. Stressful times for sure.

Just in case you care...

I went to put the clothes in the dryer and the man is now gone. I know...this is an astonishing update. I knew you'd want to know.

Driving in a winter wonderland

Well....kinda, sorta. Jessie and I hung out last night since Kevin's out of town and since I hate driving at night she graciously just let me stay there in their cozy guest room. First of all I have to say that Jessie is turning into a good cook - she made some 13 bean soup that was really delicious. We talked and laughed and went for a walk and just hung out. It is so wonderful to have uninterrupted time with her - I miss her a lot, still...and she's been married almost 2 1/2 years

She got the guest room ready really perfectly including some fresh picked snapdragons and sundries in a pretty basket. I felt really, really special but then I used the guest bathroom and saw she had folded the tp into a triangle and I felt like royalty....woo hoo. Thanks Miss Jessie.

Hmmm.... interrupting this blog to say there is an elderly man standing in front of our house taking pictures. Hmmm... very strange. OK, Jenny....focus.... oh yea.

So since she had to go to work I got in the car to come home around 7:15 and the windows were covered in frost. Wow, that was so neat. Except I honestly couldn't remember how to put the defrost on in my car and it took me a bit to figure that out.

Hmmm.... now the elderly man is walking through the neighbors yard and standing by their door. Ok, ummm.... focus...

So today I'm going to go take a little nap right now and then do some outside stuff...looks to be a beautiful...

Hmmm.... he's still standing there...

OK, I can't focus. This post is officially over. But have a good Thursday.

Good morning!

It's amazing what a second night of 11 hours of sleep does! I feel almost totally better and my headache is finally gone. Hooray! Ouch. OK, I guess I shouldn't have shouted.

Let's see. Had Morgan and Riley yesterday. Riley helped me weed in the garden and seems to be quite interested in gardening which makes me excited. Morgan is, as always, her nutty little self. Her way of twisting the english language continues to amuse and amaze us. I often want to say "Morgie, do you want to buy a pronoun" but then I remember she is only 2 1/2 so I resist this urge. Megan did Julia's hair up in two long braids yesterday and she was so adorable. Alas, I did not have a camera with me.

My schedule with the girls seems to be pretty set of late. Mondays I meet Kerry at pre-school at 10:30 to get Morgan and pick up Riley. I do billing for Steve on Monday mornings. I don't see Julia at all on Mondays because she goes directly to gymnastics from school.

Tuesdays I meet Megan at school and bring Morgan and Riley to our house where they wreak havoc until around 1 and then we head home. Greg gets home around 3 and then I leave to pick up Julia for our weekly homework, chat, hang-out date which is wonderful! One of my favorite things.

I almost always have Wednesdays off.

Wait. This is boring. Sorry. Anyway, suffice it to say I have lots of time to enjoy the girls PLUS we go to soccer and basketball games on Saturday. My life would be pathetic without them I suspect.

You know, get up, eat breakfast, watch tv, eat lunch, watch TV, eat dinner, watch tv and go to bed. Sigh. Don't you feel sad for me?

Greg employers filed bankrupcy today and Steve and I wonder how that will shake out for him, although I suspect Greg will land on his feet no matter what. He is hard-working and industrious.

And perhaps I should emulate him and get off here to go get something done...since I've been a slug since Friday afternoon.

OK, I'm off! To get started! Really! But perhaps first I will have breakfast and watch a little TV. sigh...