Seriously?
Seriously!!!!
Argggh.
What was I thinking when I wrote this:
What was I thinking when I wrote this:
Back to the semi-discipline of writing.
Harder than I thought.
And why didn't I nag myself into ten minutes?
Or even 7 minutes and thirty seconds?
Geez-o-man!
...
...
And why didn't I nag myself into ten minutes?
Or even 7 minutes and thirty seconds?
Geez-o-man!
...
...
I guess I've turned inward a little more than I realized in this whole journey through chron-ICK!
Turning outward seems to be a lot more intense.
Swimming against the tide of self-isolation is hard.
I hope it tones some of my flabby body parts.
I've heard swimming is good for that.
Anyway.
So.
Ummm...
Tuesday afternoon I was sitting in the cool orange chair that looks out over the pool. I was admiring a table I painted some years ago.
I've held onto it as a reminder of how steady my painting hand used to be.
I've also held onto it because I like orange.
And I still like 'tattoo' painted furniture. I wrote about a cool dresser I painted here.
I sold that dresser.
Not sure why I did that because I really liked it.
However.
This was an ugly table I found at a garage sale for a few bucks.
It languished in the garage for a long time until one day I got out my paints and transformed it.
I'm feeling a lot like this table these days.
Sometimes I'm not sure what paint I need to use to make myself feel like myself again.
I feel.
Okay.
I feel.
Better than I did.
I found a great neuro doctor who said, "Why don't we just give this testing a break and see if I can just help with the symptoms for now?"
I wanted to kiss her.
I wanted to 'tattoo' paint some furniture for her.
...
I didn't do either thing.
I'm thoughtless but she was brilliant.
We tried some different medications and found a balance that keeps the pain mostly away.
Mr. Jenny likes that.
He didn't really care for the whole 'screaming in pain' wife thing.
He didn't say that.
I just sensed it.
And I see how relieved he is that I'm not begging him to go find me morphine every night.
Which.
by the way...
He never actually did.
Geez.
O.
Man.
So that's what I'm doing for now.
I'm good with it.
You can only be poked and prodded for so long.
You can only be treated like a pained-out lab rat for a certain length of time before you protest.
I protested.
And how lucky I was to find an 'ologist' who would actually listen to me.
And.
Hey!!!!
Guess what?
I'm at almost thirty minutes.
I know!
Can you believe it?
I have a lot more to write.
Like about our trip to Idaho and my wicked food poisoning (who doesn't love a story about that) and Mr. Jenny's trip to the hospital over Father's Day weekend and stuff about our Grandlittles in Ireland and a story about a weird thing that happened to me and another story about a weird thing that happened to me...
AND...
Lots and lots and lots more to write.
I'm thinking the purple post-it note is working.
Or perhaps it's only the 'or else' warning.
Whatever it is...
I'll be back on Friday.
And in the meantime...
Feel free to say geez-o-man!
And feel free to spray paint any ugly furniture you have laying around!
I'm a huge (perhaps literally, in the eyes of the general public--five foot four and 285 pounds, and it took me years to be able to say that out loud and not care what anyone thinks) proponent of Health at Every Size. Don't worry about the "flabby" parts, they really aren't as bad as we have been led to think by the diet industry. Swimming is great, absolutely, as is water aerobics. Both are non-impact exercise, which is good when one has any musculo-skeletal issues--or just in general!
ReplyDeleteThis society also has a major problem with introverts, making people feel bad about themselves if they can't or don't want to be social butterflies.
As for writing, I just conceded defeat in one of those month-long writing contests (JulNoWriMo) which I did on the heels of another month-long writing contest (JuNoWriMo.) What I was writing was garbage. I didn't want to keep writing things that were just going to be eliminated.
What you've written here is great. I hope that you feel like writing more, but please don't be so hard on yourself.
It's funny how it's always people who are good at something who beat themselves up because they aren't perfect at it. Then you have people who are tremendously talent-impaired who think that they are spinning garbage into gold. Some of these end up on the VMA music awards!
You're fine as you are, although certainly it would be wonderful to feel better. Cut yourself some slack!
LOVE that table! Well, I am happy you found an 'ologist to help with the pain! I am anxious to hear all of these stories when you are ready to tell them:) Have a blessed and pain free day! HUGS!
ReplyDeleteHappy Writing Wednesday! It is good to see you are back in the swing of things and that you have a schedule, you do know that the colour purple of your post-it note is significant don't you?!
ReplyDeleteWren x
First and foremost i am happy to hear you are able to keep the pain at bay.
ReplyDeleteNow having said that you wench, your talents are so many and so big. I am green with envy. I want to call you names. But I will only do that in my head. (ok i said wench)
I hope by the time I'm 60 I find just one thing I am good at. Just one for heaven's sake! You can't have them all Jenny!! :-)
Hugs
geez-o-man girl! One step at a time. I know that feeling oh so well, I always thought of it as trying to get my mojo back. It sounds like you're getting a little of your mojo back. praying you'll find the rest....
ReplyDeletexxoo,
RMW
That is a lovely table. I'm so glad you found an -ologist to listen to you. That's quite important, and I know how frustrating it is when they don't listen. And I just had surgery on my toe.
ReplyDeleteJenny, good to hear your voice again and see you still have your great humor! So happy to hear that the pain is being managed and you have a life again! Keep writing my friend!
ReplyDeletehugs,
Linda
Hello dear Jenny! You know, it really sucks when people as fabulous and talented and funny as you are, get ANY kind of illness, or pain!! I'm so sorry you've endured so much for so long. I truly hope your new "ologist" will continue to help you. Hey, she's a woman doctor, so that's the first step to being taken care of! :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and I LOVE Post-Its of every size and color. I use them constantly....and yet, still forget things! And seeing the Post-It stuck to your laptop made my laugh because it reminded me of a rerun on TV of Sex in the City! (I love that show, and mostly with Carrie and Mr. Big!) Anyway, one of Carrie's boyfriends broke up with her by putting a post-it somewhere...and I think it was on her laptop, too!!
I remember that fabulous orange table; you are so talented. I'm SO happy you've found a Dr. who is approaching things differently….AND it is helping!
ReplyDeleteSO happy to get that update Jenny.
Food poisoning? Mr. Jenny in the hospital?? What???
Keep us updated and feel better my friend.
Oh and geeze o-man!
YES, YES, YES! You're back. It sounds like the old Jenny. I'm so glad you found a doctor you like and a treatment that is helping.
ReplyDeleteDo you think you'll be able to go to Ireland one of these days? I know you were looking forward to going last April.
Perhaps with this doctor's help you'll find a new normal. Won't be like it used to be, but it will still be OK. That's what we talk about around here.
Ooops...forgot. Hope the Grandlittle's arm is healing well!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that they haven't found what exactly is wrong but being without pain is good too. You at least sound more like your old self, ha!
ReplyDelete