Saturday mid-afternoon Mr. Jenny went to get us lattes from our favorite coffee place.
I told him decaf.
He told the barista decaf.
I drank my decaf.
It was good.
Only, here's the thing.
About 11:00 pm I wondered why I couldn't sleep.
About 12:07 am I was starting to get annoyed.
About 2:29 am I realized that I was going to have to kill the barista.
And not in a nice way.
So my question to you is this. If I need a character witness, or twenty, will you be willing to stand up for me and say it was Justifiable Homicide?
The definition of this non-crime, crime is: a killing without evil or criminal intent, for which there can be no blame.
And killing the barista under these circumstances is certainly understandable and I would not be blamed.
Right?
Right?
So, yea.
Please e-mail me your address and social security and credit card numbers and all that stuff so the court knows where to contact you.
Credit card number?
Oh, sorry. I just assumed you would want to contribute to my legal defense.
Sigh.
PS. The lovely, talented and famous illustrator and artist sublime Julie Schuler sent me this kinda/sorta scary ad for Sanka coffee. Check it out. Definitely some dark marketing. But check out the link to her book Ludmilla while you're there AND her Etsy shop. Julie is ridiculously talented. And, I suspect, she can probably drink all the caffeine she wants!
Here is a creepy vintage ad I just saw this week for Sanka.
ReplyDeletehttp://community.livejournal.com/vintage_ads/2174195.html
too funny Jenny...I'll vouge for ya! What's a 'barista'?
ReplyDeleteI'll be there for you!
ReplyDeleteIf you were ADD, you would have fallen asleep like a baby!
Enjoy your day!
you got it! i'll either be a witness for you or i'll bake you a cake with a file it while you are in the slammer! but either way i'll be supporting you. have a great caffiene free day today, hopefully!
ReplyDeleteI doubt that there is a jury in the world that would convict you. I HATE when that happens. I will definitely be a character witness. And can I use this in a short story I'm thinking of writing???
ReplyDeleteThis was great! I'm still laughing...another defense you could add to your side is the side affect of caffeine, which you're obviously not used to. I mean, how do we KNOW the barista didn't put the decaf in ON PURPOSE? Maybe she had MALICIOUS INTENT. It's worth a shot.
ReplyDeleteCertainly seems justifiable to me. Of course I had someone tell me once I could also kill my child as long as it was in front of at least two others to serve as an example. Maybe I wouldn't be the best one to aid in your defense.
ReplyDeleteTeresa
Justifiable indeed Jenny.
ReplyDeleteI would do the same thing, and NOT in a nice way. :)
Meri Wiley
ReplyDeletea.k.a. ImagiMeri's Creations
SS# 123 45 6789
CC# 1234 5678 1234 5678
Good luck
Love ya'
Meri
Well I would say "Don't you hate that" but obviously you do. I only drink coffee with caffeine because that is why I drink coffee. But sometimes I will have one a little too late in the afternoon for a pick up and have a night just like that. And I get about as mad at myself as you were at the barista.
ReplyDeleteI promise to do what I can to help you. I will seek out a decaf loving judge and jury for you and surely they will let you off.
ReplyDeleteThis post was so funny, not the part where you didn't sleep, but how you told it.
Thanks, for the laugh to start my day. Hugs
Awww poor hun! I'll even help you dispose of the body!
ReplyDeleteI'll design a program for you to help pass the days in the slammer - but I think you could get a sympathetic judge, and if you played it right, that barista could be the one needing help behind bars.
ReplyDeleteNothing like being jacked up on coffee during the wee hours of the morning! Blehhhhhhh!
ReplyDeleteTake a nappy poo!
LuLu♥
I'm kind of a caffeine addict so I don't know if I'd make a very good witness...I might be jittery. Why don't we just go TP the barista's house. I'd gladly help you with that and it would be a lot more fun than a long trial.
ReplyDeleteToo funny Miss Jenny! I love vanilla coffee. Yum! :)
ReplyDeleteCrackin me up! Caffeine doesn't keep me up but I can certainly sympathise and I will definitely appear in court for you
ReplyDeleteCompletely justifiable. I think your case would stand up in any court of law. And my credit card number is 9999 5555 7777 1111. Good luck! :)
ReplyDeleteOh, but didn't it taste good? I think giving up a night of sleep now and then is worth it for the "real stuff"!
ReplyDeleteUgh! That happened to me once. I went out to a very nice dinner on a business trip. I indulged in a little too much wine, and thought a cup of decaf would go nice with dessert. I'm pretty sure the first cup was decaf, but I wasn't paying attention on the refills. I was so wiped by the wine and the day of cross-country travel, that I went to bed right away. Then, about 2 hours later, I had awaken and was wide awake. For hours. I learned that the affects of caffeine lasted longer than that of alcohol. Go figure!
ReplyDeleteGood Morning Jenny Sweetie...
ReplyDeleteYou are SO darn cute. Don't you just hate that when it happens? I will send you a cake with a file or two in it. How's that sweetie?
For me it is usually asking for unsweetened tea and ending up with sugar tea, that being a diabetic, I can't drink, but that one BIG sip was enough to do SO much damage. You would think that these people would be a little more careful with our orders, it isn't like these drinks are cheap these days?
I guess you, Hey are you awake in there? Jenny wake up. Oh darn she finally fell asleep. I knew it was gonna hit sometime soon. SSShhhhhhh,
we'll let her sleep for now.
Nighty- night sweet Jenny. Many hugs and much love, Sherry
I'd go to court and testify that you're most definitely a character. D'ya think that'll help?
ReplyDeleteI disagree with killing unless it's a mosquito~they deserve to be dead if they've feasted on my blood.
Howzabout you take it down a notch and just wing 'er? Don't aim for the center mass. That's what Bobby Goren would do. I love Bobby Goren and wish he was real.
Sigh.
Jenny I COMPLETELY understand. I have a drop of caffeine after a certain time and I am up all night and it makes me so pissy!! So yeah I will be your witness but without the divers license(scary photo) and SS# (hey gotta protect my rights) and no CC either...not much of a friend huh?
ReplyDeleteI'll vouch for you! Absolutely!
ReplyDeleteHave a great Labor Day and a good night's sleep!
Coralie
Can you imagine that ad now?
ReplyDeleteWe understand coffee made you edgy and you had to beat your kid....but you do have an option drink Sanka! Its kinda funny, what am I the only one going to admit that? Did you read the comments under the ad? Such an outcry of sympathy for an illustration. I wonder if anyone understood that was a drawing? Anyway, I'll help. I have to work until 9:00 but I'm free after that. Just tell me your address leave your keys in your ignition and....:D
You're right. Julie IS ridiculously talented.
ReplyDeleteAnd I will not only contribute to your legal defense, but I'll give you a few referrals...
Justice must be served.
=)
Oh boy can I relate...if I have a diet Pepsi past noon, I am UP all night!! I need decaf too.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we could force feed the Barista several Red Bulls, so he will know how it feels!!!
I'll be there!
ReplyDeletesounds like you may still be suffering from the effects of caffiene...that would be a good defense...
ReplyDeleteI'm here for you, sister. I even a fridge magnet that say, "A Real Friend will help you hide the body." So since there will be no body, there can be no murder, so you won't need a defense fund, or a program designed by Pondside. Let me know if you choose this option...
ReplyDeleteNo more regular coffee for you!
ReplyDeletesandie
I hate when that happens ... bad barista! I do love my coffee but I try not to drink it too late at night, as it has kept me awake on occasion, and I'm usually a very good and sound sleeper! I excell at sleeping :)
ReplyDeletePS: We did get "fluffier" from our vacation in San Francisco Jenny...lol.... back to dieting!
Hi Jenny! Today it worked!!! 2 of the last 4 have had the wonky background. I sent Steve my email, but I can read his post from yesterday.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, de-caf isn't non-caf. I learned that lesson the hard way too!!!
Totally justifiable - I cannot sleep at night if I have any caffeine either and it is maddening!!!
ReplyDeleteBummer...they owe you a free cup of coffee...if you could prove to them they made a goof that kept you up all night. :)
ReplyDeleteI got your back, Jenny!
ReplyDeletePerhaps justifiable.....but also a little premeditated. So not sure how you would get off with a jury. :)
ReplyDeleteThat is a surprising ad.
ReplyDeleteI hope you were able to catch up on sleep later after consuing the "not-so" decaf.
Heehee....see what happens when you drink COFFEE?!?!!! It's evil stuff, I tell ya!! EVIL!
ReplyDeleteGuess that is an example of "Old Time Hard Sell"!
ReplyDeleteI'm on decaf too, but not because of it wiring me too much. For numerous health issues, which dictate no cafeen.
I Misssssss The small Wiring!!!
I Misssssss The Real Coffee Taste!!!
-le sigh-
I'll back you up ... maybe ... when I was working at Panera (back in the day) I think I accidentally gave someone a caffeinated latte ... what? the buttons are right next to each other and when you're going fast sometimes you don't think ... so, I'll back you up for yelling at him, lol!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely will be a character witness! I have stared at the ceiling too many nights myself. They should at least be charged with a misdemeanor for stealing a good night's sleep.
ReplyDeletePoor Jenny. I guess the only solution is that you will have to make your own coffee. I know that might be blasphemy but how else can you absolutely guarantee it will be exactly as you want it....unless you are there, watching every second while it is made. I am so glad I've never had the problem of coffee keeping me awake. I can drink a cup of good French dark roast, loaded with caffeine and sleep away, if I'm sleepy. I'm not much of a sleeper,though. Never have been. Figure, at nearly 66, eternal sleep isn't that far off and I don't want to miss anything right now.
ReplyDelete