Scoop. Scoop Matlock here.
I've been working at this rinky-dinky newspaper for ten years now into a six month gig.
I don't know why I'm still here. Apathy, I guess. Or maybe just waiting for a big story to break.
This place is so low on the news totem-pole that their idea of a big story is a dog sitting on the porch of a general store eating licorice.
I'm never going to win a Pulitzer Prize for investigative journalism working at this rag but I just keep wishing.
And you know what? Sometimes wishes do come true because this week a vicious crime wave hit our town. It hit us hard.
I stayed up all night writing the perfect headline to be certain that my story would be picked up by the Associated Press. Each word was finely honed to ensure my nomination for the prestigious Pulitzer nomination.
My editor held the presses and I turned my finely-oiled lead story in just as dawn broke.
Yea. It's a rinky-dink paper all tight.
The part-time proofreader must have been attending his English as a second language class. Now my chance of winning anything except a booby prize is shot. When I picked up the first copy of the issue hot off the press, there was my headline blaring away in 48 pt. Helvetica Bold.
CRIME WAVE SAYS HELLO TO MUDVILLE!
The end.
And, BTW, I heard that groan.
This stretch of the imagination was brought to you by the color violet from Rainbow Summer School. If you would like to read more 'normal' links just click here!
And if you want to know what happened to Scoop right after this story broke, just click here!
why would I want to read more normal links? They aren't nearly as entertaining!
ReplyDeleteAh the old dying newspaper! My daughter writes for them too. Worked for the AP. She changed careers and now is thinking of returning to journalism as she misses it so much!
ReplyDeleteI think your posts are perfectly normal, just like me! LOL!
Love Di ♥
Oh, Jenny, darling, your blog far surpasses any newspaper in terms of entertainment and delight.
ReplyDeleteFantastic post, Jenny! Violet can do just that..
ReplyDeleteOy vey! It's time for me to go bang my head against the wall to erase this shocking piece from my brain.
ReplyDeleteYour post had the sound of the old "Dragnet" series on TV! Serious monotone voice just relaying the facts.
ReplyDeleteLoved it!
No groans here, this was priceless. Unfortunately, my post this week is definitely going to garner groans. It may cost me some followers as well LOL Kat
ReplyDeleteWow! What a let down that would be after working so hard on a story and hoping for that Pulitzer. This was great! I am not groaning at all. Loved it! Hugs
ReplyDeleteI... LOVE... THE... COLOR... VIOLET!
ReplyDeleteSo there! -grin-
Hey, I'd read any newspaper that has 48pt Helvetica Bold headlines in VIOLET!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI'd kinda like to live in a town where a dog on a porch eating licorice is a big news item :-)
Kelly
I thinki Violet is my favorite color next to Chartreuse and Teal, and right up there with Lipstick Red and Sky Blue .. great Jenny, now I am going to be playing in my crayons all day!
ReplyDeleteJenny you are the most entertaining blog on my list! Keep it up!! VIOLET!!!
ReplyDeleteJenny I also live in a town like that!
ReplyDeleteAlas we are not allowed to print in colour so I don't suppose we can copy your VIOLET headline!
Hahaha...you crack me up! Keep up the good work...
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha! You reeled me in...hook line and sinker!
ReplyDeleteI read that whole thing in black and white (like the old tv shows.) It was awesome. And I am still impressed as ever. :)
ReplyDeletecan i groan again ??? for emphasis??? Jenny, i love your sense of haha ... thanks for the chuckle this morning and well, a whole bunch of other mornings ...
ReplyDeleteHaha! Another play of words color post! Very creative! You get an A+!
ReplyDeleteI, for one, would LOVE to hear more about the Violet crime wave. Who is she and why would she do such evil things? Curious minds want to know!
ReplyDeleteheehee
ReplyDeleteI almost did something with "violent" this week.
=)
"...and the violet crimewave was a very grape diaster for our small town!" tee hee
ReplyDeleteI'm sure similar mistypes happen in small town newspapers everwhere!
So sorry to see summer school end - it was fun!
♥ Pat
YOU ARE SO FUNNY!!!!!!
ReplyDeletexoxox
Suz
Giggling. Jenny does it again!
ReplyDeleteYou are nuts! But I love you anyway:) Enjoyed your story!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! I love the reporter's picture!
ReplyDeleteOh LOL!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't quite sure what to expect as I read down your post. Not this ending, that's for sure! Nicely done :)
Keep 'em coming, Scoop!
ReplyDeleteOh what fun!
ReplyDeleteHi you!! Okay, my tangent this morning is, am I weird that I think plates should be round, just like tires? And I love Winter Frost White because it would be a beautiful way to show off my delicious looking foods! I do like the wine berries pattern and Addie would like the Hearthstone (square and dark) lol!!! Mom and daughter not seeign eye to eye, go figure!! Love you Jenny!!!
ReplyDeleteGroan!!!
ReplyDeleteDear Jenny,
ReplyDeleteViolet=Violent!
I don't know if I should laugh or cry. I could be that good-for-nothing proof-reader! I make spelling mistakes all the time. The horror of it!
Hugs,
Anna
Anna's Rainbow Violet
Read my poem for Mrs. Nesbitt, when you have the time:
Anna's H-word-abcWed
That's how I would probably spell it, so I didn't notice anything wrong. :) Thank God for spell check. I didn't realize how bad my spelling was until spell check would either catch my mistake or not even recognize the word and have no suggestions. You had me laughing.
ReplyDeletefabulous!
ReplyDeletehaha!!! (oh! Of course, I am not laughing at good ole Scoop!) ...Actually, I am wee bit slow here...and I didnt get that VIOLET was supposed to be VioleNt, until I read Anna's comment! So NOW I am groaning..at my "slowNess" to pick up the error! haha)
ReplyDeleteBlessings & Aloha!
And thank you soooo much for sharing your cousin's awesome cottage of doors :o)
the world needs more characters....I am happy to say that you are one of them!
ReplyDelete