Sunday, September 4, 2011

Indigestion

My God, he was earnest.

As he leaned forward all I could look at was the piece of “crust” adhered to his lower lip. It moved up and down with his words, “…food allergies, vegan, sorghum flour…”

I tried to stop the flow of words…

“… xantham gum, nutritional yeast flakes, coconut oil for cookie sheet…blah, blah, blah…”

Inside my head I thought, “Oh please, please, please shut up!” Outside my head I heard myself say, “Geez, I’m sorry to have upset you. All I asked was what kind of a pizza is this anyway?”

Food allergies or not, there would definitely NOT be a second date.


This little story is linked to week 70 of Saturday Centus. The prompt is in bold. To read other offerings written around this prompt, just click here.

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27 comments:

  1. JudieSeptember 4, 2011 at 10:16 AM

    Can I ever relate to this!! I have a post-it note that I stick on the dashboard of my golf cart when I am paired with a certain member. It states "I am here to play golf. I am not interested in your health problems, including food allergies. I do not discuss religion or politics. If you have issues with my stance, please ride with someone else."

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  2. Barbara F.September 4, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    Hilarious, Jenny! xo

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  3. DonnieSeptember 4, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    That was too funny...lol...That pizza looks very inedible to me too.

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  4. Ms. ASeptember 4, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    Most excellent!!! (and I'm laughing my butt off at Judie's comment)

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  5. Mid-Atlantic MarthaSeptember 4, 2011 at 11:13 AM

    Gee -- enough to make a person swear off pizza! Actually, it's sort of like planning a meal for my family....Dad - allergy to beef and beans, Brother -- has to eat low fat, Brother in Law -- diabetic and gluten free, Son-in-Law -- lactose free, onion free and no tomatos. No way to prepare one meal for everyone.

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  6. Dazee DreamerSeptember 4, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    Boy, I should say so. Yikes.

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  7. Pat TillettSeptember 4, 2011 at 11:36 AM

    Ha! That was so funny! You sure packed it in there! Good job...

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  8. TreySeptember 4, 2011 at 11:49 AM

    Sounds like he might be a little on the Aspergersian side.

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  9. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comSeptember 4, 2011 at 12:15 PM

    Jenny, you dated him too? So sorry.
    Very fun piece. I especially like that a piece of crust was stuck to his lower lip. That dufus!
    xoRobyn

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  10. LynnSeptember 4, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    He sounds like a real charmer:@)

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  11. Busy Bee SuzSeptember 4, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    That is SO darn funny. Yep, not a second date indeed. :)

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  12. AnonymousSeptember 4, 2011 at 2:14 PM

    He really sounds like a winner!

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  13. Kim LehnhoffSeptember 4, 2011 at 2:17 PM

    I'd be focused on the crust on his lip - and I'd be planning my escape.

    One time, I went out on a first date that I feared would not go well. My daughter was instructed to call my pager at 8:30. If I wanted to escape, I could say it was work summoning me.

    I was never so happy to receive a page in my life!

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  14. cj SchlottmanSeptember 4, 2011 at 2:26 PM

    Another good one, Jenny. I can't get the image of crust on his lip from my mind! Boring and bad manners, too. Not good.

    Namaste...........cj

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  15. BettySeptember 4, 2011 at 2:41 PM

    Enjoyed your little story, but can't help but wonder where you found the perfect picture to go along with it.

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  16. AmesSeptember 4, 2011 at 3:11 PM

    Ugg that pizza looks gross! And I would be grossed out watching the crust gyrating on his mouth too!
    This was a good one! Sounds like something I'd read in one of Robyn's Sex and Dating columns. LOL! ~Ames



    Judie you crack me up too!

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  17. CherylSeptember 4, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    Perfection!

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  18. CarolineSeptember 4, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    Hilarious! I loved that story! That's one of my "things." Food is pretty when plated (nicely) but I don't want to see it after its been demolished by teeth. You're so funny!!!

    aprons and old lace

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  19. LeoviSeptember 4, 2011 at 10:23 PM

    Very good and funny. Tasty pizza.

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  20. Susan AndersonSeptember 4, 2011 at 11:35 PM

    You're right. We DID kinda go the same direction.

    You did it well!

    =)

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  21. People Who Know Me Would Say:September 5, 2011 at 2:56 AM

    I think I know him!!! This is hilarious! And further proof that you da bomb when it comes to the written word.

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  22. JoSeptember 5, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    I can't help but wonder how she is going to sneak out on him ... it doesn't sound like the date will end soon enough!

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  23. BECKYSeptember 5, 2011 at 8:19 PM

    Yucky pizza! And yes, a Great Escape was indeed essential! :)

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  24. TinaSeptember 6, 2011 at 7:02 AM

    oh dear he would definitely have to go wouldn't he! What a laugh! :-)

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  25. 21 WitsSeptember 6, 2011 at 7:44 AM

    Oh so funny! I too can relate and Judie says it so well! Right on!

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  26. Bargain Decorating with LaurieSeptember 6, 2011 at 4:04 PM

    Oh too funny! I'm so glad I don't have to go on dates. I'm afraid I'd get up and walk out on somebody like that! laurie

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  27. UnknownSeptember 8, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    Dear Jenny,
    Hilarious!
    I love this prompt. I could write ten centus-texts using it!
    There are so many possibilities to write family-dramas and about love-problems. Pizza units us!

    Hugs,
    Anna

    Sanna trys an L-p-pizza for SC wk 70

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Jenny Matlock