Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Road tricks.


It's my husband.

He has been the official road trip planner for our 4th of July departure.

I gave him a simple criteria for his planning.

Absolutely NO driving days longer than 8 hours.

I received his travel spread sheet a few days ago.


A travel spread sheet.

Day one.

Phoenix, Arizona to Twin Falls, Idaho. 

811 miles.  Projected driving time.  12 1/2  hours.

"What's this?" I inquired sweetly.

"Didn't it come through right?  Twin Falls.  Idaho."

"Ummm..." I continued, "What happened to driving 8 hours a day MAXIMUM?"

"Oh, yeah.  I forgot."

"Okay," I said in my most understanding wife voice.  "If we're going to be in Twin Falls then we can meet my friend, Dawn, in the morning for coffee."

Mr. Jenny paused. 

"Well.   We probably can't.   See day two?"

I looked at day two.

372 miles.  Projected driving time.  6.3 hours.

"That'll work, won't it?   We can visit Dawn in the morning?"

"Well," Mr. Jenny continued, "On Thursday morning we're stopping in Middleton for a business meeting."

"Business meeting?" I said in a slightly crankier voice.  "Business meeting?   And what am I supposed to do while you're in a business meeting?"

"Well, it's actually at someone's house there.   You know so and so and so and so, right?  We're going to stop there for coffee?"

"Coffee?   Coffee?  What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, their wives will be there.  You'll like them."

"How do you know I'll like them?   How can I possibly go to a coffee meeting with wives of business people when I am bowlegged?"  If you missed the entire disturbing bowlegged tale, just click here to be shocked and appalled.

Mr. Jenny sighed.

I think he was surprised I was still discussing the whole bowlegged thing.  As if I will be forgetting that anytime soon.   Geez.

"It'll be fun.   And besides, everyone likes you."

Well gosh.   The guy does have a point!

(insert sarcastic laugh here)

Mr. Jenny tried to distract me.  He showed me a nifty little map he had made for a detour to a pretty lake with a teensy little cabin at some place called Wallowa where he made reservations for Thursday night.

I graciously  acquiesed to attending the business meeting.  How could I possibly resist the allure of a place called, 'The Sugar Cabin.'  Although after driving 18.3 hours AND trying not to freak out about being bowlegged in front of people I've never met before, I'm not sure how sweet I'm planning to be.

(insert evil laugh here)

"So," I snarled, "At what point do I get to see the baby?"

"Baby?" Mr. Jenny replied.  

"Yes, Baby!   As in Quinn.   As in Grandson!   As in the reason for this road trip?"

"I know about the baby.  You don't have to rip my head off."  Mr. Jenny snarled back.  "Don't you see day 3?"

404 miles.  Projected driving time. 7.0 hours.

"Seven hours?   SEVEN HOURS?   Does this take in time to pee?   Am I allowed to pee?   Or do I have to pee in a jar so we can make it in SEVEN HOURS?   Oh.  Yeah.  It would probably work just fine for me to pee in a jar because I'm BOWLEGGED!"

Mr. Jenny glared at me.

I mean.   In a totally ticked off way.

"Will you just let this whole bowlegged thing go?"

"No!" I snapped.  "No, I will not!  And, in fact, I'm not even going with you because I wouldn't want to subject you to driving 2,969 miles with a bowlegged woman!"

Yeah.   That will teach him.  I'm not hormonal or anything.   Really.

Mr. Jenny looked defeated.

"Okay, look.   See?   Days 3, 4, 5 and the morning of 6 you will get to see the baby.   See?"

I sniffed.

"Look!  Baby time.   See?  And look.  On the way home we're going to go to Santa Cruz and stay with Sue.   And maybe see the other Sue.  Let's just finish talking about this later."

The Sugar Cabin?   Baby time?  Sue?   Maybe the beach?

Okay.  I was mollified.


Until I looked at the last day.

Santa Cruz, California to back home.

734 miles.   Estimated driving time.   10.4 hours10.4 hours!!!!

I opened my mouth to comment to Mr. Jenny.

Oddly, he had disappeared from my office.

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Julie Kwiatkowski Schuler said...

Just reading that itinerary makes me feel tired. Have a safe trip and take a lot of pictures.

Terra said...

well, um...if you add another 12 hour drive you could cruise into Colorado and sit those bow legs on my couch....

Rachael West said...

I love a good road trip as long as we are allowed to stop for the roadside attractions… like the world biggest ball of yarn… or largest pair of cowboy boots.

I have photos with both :o)

Theresa said...

Oh my gosh, you are so entertaining...EVEN so much more since you are bowlegged:) I hope the trip will be a fun one, keep your eyes on the baby prize at the end of the trip:) BIG HUGS and safe travels!

Viki said...

I hated the drive from Ohio to Vegas. Never again. Good luck to you. I know once the driving is done you'll have a great time.

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Those long days on the road are not fun and make me cranky (can you imagine?). Anyway keep you eye on the prize...see that baby, see that baby! Safe Travels my friend! Linda

Melinda said...

This is better than a soap opera AND funnier.

Good Luck!!!


Tami Von Zalez said...

Time to book a flight, there are special seats for bowlegged passengers ....


Amy said...

I wanna go! And I will help you keep the whole bowlegged thing alive all the way there and back!!!

Susan Anderson said...



PS. Make that *definitely* the other Sue. We will make it happen, one way or the other...

anitamombanita said...

You should insist on stopping UT on your way...that would shorten some of your driving time for that day...AND we'd get to meet and I could show you this amazing place we live and and and.... give Sue a hug for me and dip your toes into the Pacific when you get to CA!

anitamombanita said...

oh, and by the way, I just assumed you meant the Sue who commented right above me... THAT Sue, cuz I don' know the Santa Cruz Sue, but I know the Sue that lives on the other side of the hill from her who is the most amazing wonderful Sue in the whole wide world! ;)

Unknown said...

That sounds like a long time in the car!

Jo said...

oh those are such long driving days ... but do have fun, enjoy the scenery, enjoy the trip ... the destination will make all of those hours worthwhile!

Jo said...

oh those are such long driving days ... but do have fun, enjoy the scenery, enjoy the trip ... the destination will make all of those hours worthwhile!

Sandy said...

I hate road trips unless I'm driving.. and I'll never go on another with Mr. N, he never lets me pee!! Loved this post and am so excited for you to see your grandson. Hopefully it will not turn into "day 5"...lol
Happy 4th of July Jenny!

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

hahaha!!! (Um, I mean, that is serious concerns...the non-stop road trip, for even pee breaks kinda concerns! And you have me curious about the "bow-legged" thing...I am off to catch up on that.

Enjoy your road trip and visits, especially with your grandbaby!!!

Hugs to you...now you know, you could also take a "detour" and make your way to this side of the continent...where I live, near Savannah! :o)

Blessings & Aloha!

Ms. A said...

Girl, I don't think I could do it! That's a LONG WAY and a LONG TIME to be stuck in a vehicle.

Have a safe trip and enjoy that baby... when you finally get there!

Ms Sparrow said...

Just hearing your itinerary makes me exhausted! I hope you hold up for the trip.

Betty said...

That is a lot of miles. Even 500 miles in one day is a lot. Just make him do all the driving. :) Have a safe trip!

Unknown said...

You're right Jenny. That's entirely TOO MUCH DRIVING time!
Maybe you should plan the next trip!!!!
Oh, seriously -I wouldn't let go of the bow-leg thing on the trip -that will teach him (never again!)

Hope you'll still have your sanity at the end of the trip:)

Jenny said...

Have you thought of flying? You'd be rested to play with the baby. xo Jenny

Dazee Dreamer said...

If you are stopping in Twin Falls, does that mean you are coming through Salt Lake. Because, you know, I could start some kind of ruckus and make you HAVE to stop for coffee. :)

pasqueflower said...

I hate marathon road trips almost as much as I hate flying after 9/11.
Ahhh--but when there are grandchildren waiting at the end of the trip, it is worth it.

Judie said...

My next road trip will be back to the Georgia coast, a mere 2000miles. I hope I can coax the dog children back into the car again!

Amy said...

Wait, you drove through UT and didn't even stop to say hi? Not even for a potty break? My potty is so sad. No one even remotely famous has ever visited it. Sigh. One day, Jenny. One day.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my.
Road trips are only fun when they are short and sweet. Which is how I describe MY legs. :)