Monday, July 2, 2012

Where is Bermuda?

And why do they have all my shorts?

I'm not a good sagger.

You know?

When my pants are falling off me and hanging down on my butt, it's just not a good look for me.

I'm trying to get ready for vacation...

...and having lost some weight recently, I realized I can't really go on a road trip with shorts that are much too big.

You know how when you sit in a car for a long time it makes your shorts all baggy anyway?


I told Mr. Jenny I needed to get some new shorts.

I told Mr. Jenny that I couldn't get capris because I have stubby little legs and capris make me look like I have fat dachsund legs.

Mr. Jenny replied, "Yeah, those capris things are weird anyway.  It's like a woman can't commit.   Are they shorts?   Are they pants?   Geez, I can't pick...I guess I'll wear capris."

I was silent...processing this onslaught of fashion opinion from...ummm...the decidedly unfashionable Mr. Jenny.

But then Mr. Jenny informed me that I needed to get the shorts I always wear ANYWAY because the capris make me look bowlegged.



Ummm...  good to know.  I think.


In July in Arizona shorts are in ...ummm...short supply...

So we went to store after store looking for Bermuda shorts.

There were a gazillion capris.  (bowlegged?!?!)

And a gazillion short shorts.  (not a good look on a chubby BOWLEGGED!!!! woman!)

But hardly any Bermuda shorts.

It took five Kohl's, one Dress Barn and two K-marts before I finally found Lee Rider Bermuda shorts in my size.

I bought both of them.

I tried them on for Mr. Jenny.

He said they look great.

I asked him if I looked bowlegged in them.

He said, "Look, everybody is bowlegged.  It's not, like, an insult and how many times do we have to talk about that statement anyway?"

I huffed a bit.  I didn't realize I had tried to discuss it quite that much. 

But really, is trying to find clarity on being bowlegged, and exactly how bowlegged you are, a thousand or two times really unnatural?  I think not.

And, sadly, there is a small possibility that I might be a bit obsessed about possibly being bowlegged now.

And that makes me worried if my diet continues successfully  how I will find the next lower size of Bermuda shorts.

I don't even know where Bermuda is, actually.

But I'm willing to go there if it means I can camoflauge looking bowlegged.



The things I am subjected to in this household.






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Pondside said...

You should have plenty of time on your road trip to really explore this topic. I'll be Mr Jenny will be glad for a long, uninterrupted span of time in which he can reflect on his remark and its meaning - both to him and to you. A road trip is so good for a marriage!
Oh, and congrats on the size smaller shorts - you will always be able to find smaller shorts, believe me!...and in a month, after the Hallowe'en stuff is out of the stores and the Christmas stuff is picked over, you'll find the new summer stock in all the stores. Just get in there before October, or they'll be sold out and starting to display Valentines' things.

Amy said...

At least he didn't say anything about pigeon or crows feet, right? Yay for needing new shorts because all your others are too big. Best feeling in the world. And enjoy your trip in your brand spankin new shorts from Bermuda!!!

Theresa said...

Bowlegged? I don't think so:) Glad you found some shorts!!!!! Hey Jenny, you won my giveaway! Email me you mailing address and I'll send you something special:) Have a blessed day, HUGS!

Tami Von Zalez said...

Just opt for skirts - they are soooo much more comfortable!

Erika said...

No one has ever described me as bowlegged but I completely get the feeling on capris. They cut off my legs in the middle of the legs and it only makes me look...well, cut off, stubby, and chubby. Not the look I am going after giving birth to two children and not losing the birth weight of baby number two.

I think bowlegged would be better than chubby and stubby.

Sue said...

I end up wearing capris because I can't find shorts long enough that fit me.

If you find a good venue, let me know!


JDaniel4's Mom said...

The two of you are so much fun!

Stephanie Matlock Allen said...

Shorts?? In Oregon? You greatly overestimate our weather... ;) see you soon!

Holly said...

Laughing so hard!!!! I totally get the obsession on the one negative (in our eyes) comment!! Why don't I ever re-hash the positive comments? Don't seem to keep them near as long. Don't they say it takes something like 25 positives to erase one negative? Mr. Jenny has some work to do!!!!
On a side's always hot in Arizona...why don't they have shorts, shorts and more shorts???

Jeanie said...

Well, I thought Bermuda was a little closer to the Bahamas, but I'd say it is close enough that lots of shorts could get lost in the Bermuda Triangle. I have a friend going to Turks and Caicos this month-I'll ask her to look around for your shorts. Or maybe you could switch to Jamaican shorts...they may be just the thing for someone whose husband makes crazy comments about bowed legs.

Jo said...

Congrats on the smaller size shorts!!! good for you!!! go Jenny, go Jenny!!! and hey, just go to bermuda to find the shorts ... that will teach mr. j!

Pat Tillett said...

Great post Jenny! You gave me a good laugh just when I needed it!

Melinda said...

Well, first you made me snort and then you made me laugh so hard that Ken asked if I was alright.
So I read your post to him and he understood my laughter.

Congrats on the weight loss and the new shorts!

Maybe you two COULD have a nice discussion on your trip.

Have fun.


Linda @ A La Carte said...

I must admit to wearing those capri things...yes I look stubby but I can't help it....they are cooler then long pants and sometimes shorts just aren't right since Bermuda's are hard to find. I would have another 'little' discussion with Mr Jenny...Bowlegged? I don't think so! hugs, Linda

Ames said...

Too hot for pants, legs too white for shorts, Burmuda shorts are actually mens pants cut at the knee. I think you are looking for peddle pushers. I, however, live in Capris and I don't look bowlegged. Hurrummp!I really think you need to explore this further with Mr. Jenny on your trip.~Ames

Stef said...

Maybe he likes a bowlegged woman. All this time...and you didn't know.

Jojo said...

Skip it. Get a sun dress! You crack me up!!

Ms. A said...

Yep, I wear the capris, due to white legs and wrinkled knees. I'm short and they look awful... but so does my face and hair and... oh, never mind.

J. Kwiatkowski-Schuler said...

How is everyone bowlegged? If he thinks everyone is bowlegged maybe it's because his eyes are bow-eyed. I found a pattern for knitted bermuda shorts. I bet no one has ever made them, ever. Who would want wool shorts?

Terra said...

I am sure we can find many a "compliment" for mr jenny when he is in shorts. Does he wear socks with them, and pull them half way up his calf? Im just saying?

Rachel said...

I hate shorts. Such an impossible piece of clothing could only have been invented in Bermuda, land of triangulation and frosty fruity beverages. Good luck.

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

Oh me! Oh my! I love your and your hubbys conversations! hahaha! (So glad I "clicked here" to read more about the whole bow-legged thing.
OH and congratulations on your losing weight...not that you needed to, but I am on the quest for some weight loss, so any time someone mentions losing weight...that sounds like a Yippee! and Yahoo! celebration.

(Hm....Mr. Jenny will be wondering if such a long road trip is a good thing after making even a teeny tiny remark... Oh...I have to say I have "discovered" the wonderful world of skirts to the much freedom and so forgiving at covering up my thighs! I like pants and capris aren't bad, but I think I have to lose some weight before getting back into any type of shorts!)

Blessings & Aloha!

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

OH dear...I have quite a few pairs of capris. I wonder if I'm bowlegged? I'll have to find a mirror. I'm glad you found at least two pairs of bermudas!

Judie said...

When we go back to the southeast, we always stop at Chico's at the outlet mall in Gonzales, LA. I bought two pair of shorts, one pair of capris (my legs are as long as Rod's)and three shirts for a mere $80 after they gave me all my discounts.

I thought for sure I would gain a ton of weight at the beach when Jeff and his girlfriend Amy showed up with enough southern food to put the Mormon Tabernacle Choir into a coma, but I only gained 4, which I have since worked off cleaning this house!!!