Especially the Fiesta Bowl.
Have you ever heard of it?
They play it in Glendale, AZ this year between some team in Idaho and some team in Texas.
I only know this because my husband used to live in Idaho and he and his son are going to the game. But that's not the stressful thing.
Oh no. Not at all.
The stressful thing is that some people my husband is friends with in Idaho came down yesterday to go to the game, too, and we had to go to brunch with them this morning.
Now don't get me wrong.
I've met these people before and they are totally sweet and lovely.
But people in Idaho generally hate me. I've only been there twice and this couple and one other couple were the only two people in the entire state that were nice to me. OK, technically a waitress was. But still.
I know you're thinking I'm exaggerating but it's true. Both times I went there were to events that my husbands ex was at and, seriously, everyone shunned me. I felt like I had leprosy. Or psoriasis. Or something.
Technically I was only at those two events but I think possibly there was a State-wide bulletin to be MEAN to Jenny Matlock.
What do you mean I sound paranoid? No, no way. No paranoia involved here. No sirreebob! There was a definite conspiracy going on and... hey wait a second, can you?
OK, sorry, I had to just check something. I thought I saw someone from Idaho standing outside my office window watching me write this. But I closed the blinds. ha!
Paranoid? Geez. I can hardly believe you even thought that word about steady, non-imaginative little me.
OK, where was I?
Ummm.... paranoid....Idaho...Fiesta Bowl...
OK, yea. Regained my train of thought.
OK, so just in case things were ackward between me and the Idaho'ans I prepared a few jokes to lighten the mood.
We picked them up a little after ten and they seemed as lovely and sweet as ever, but you can never be too careful.
So shortly after we all hugged and climbed into the car to head out for brunch I introduced my first ice breaker.
I casually said...."So....Why did the potato cross the road?"
And after a brief silence they, and my husband, all said "huh?"
And I explained that I had printed out some jokes to break the ice but I had left them at home. And after they just kept looking at me I said, "He saw a fork up ahead! Get it?"
And then I apologized that I could only remember a few of the jokes.
I think my husband muttered "Thank God" under his breath but I'm not sure.
So to keep things relaxed and all I immediately went into my second joke. " Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?" and weirdly they didn't know the answer to that one either.
Anyone from Idaho should know that the answer is "He desperately wanted a scoop!"
Ed, the visiting Idaho'an guy, said "gee, I'm sorry I didn't prepare any Arizona jokes."
I think he was sincere and after that everything seemed just fine.
Sure, they Idaho'ans kept looking at me cautiously from the corner of their eyes but I think they relaxed when we got to our destination.
So we did all the stuff like laughing, and talking and eating and listening to a cowboy sing Western songs to us. And we sat in the sunshine all relaxed and happy and told stories of our kids and our lives and all that fun blah, blah, blah stuff you do when you are visiting with nice people from Idaho.
And soon it was time to drop them back at their hotel and head home.
We made arrangements for them to come and visit us on Tuesday and hugged and chatted and hugged and said goodbye about twelve times.
It was so fun.
But now, I'm thinkin'. Tuesday is like one whole day away.
What if the people from Idaho who hate me get in touch with them and tell them they're supposed to be MEAN to me?
Seriously?
This is very stressful and worrisome.
I think the best solution for me is to print out the entire sheet of potato jokes just in case.
Seriously, how MEAN can they be if I am making them crack up with cool jokes like...
How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.
But even with this aresenal at my disposal I still think football is just seriously way too stressful!
So I'm hoping this Fiesta Bowl thing is just a one-time activity. It probably is. Do people care that much about watching football anyway?
And listen. If you have people visiting you from Idaho, please feel free to use my jokes. And please tell them it's OK to be nice to me if I am ever brave enough to visit their beautiful State again.
Thanks!
Sigh.
PS: Donna & Ed! If you read this I totally had a great time!
PS#2: Steve! Listen, if you read this please don't divorce me for being so weird!
PS#3: Anyone from Idaho! If you read this I'm kiddin' for 99.9999% of the State! But if you happen to be in the .0001% of the State that is MEAN - be nice!!!!! And don't read my blog ever again!
Wait. Oh oops. I meant to stay "we interrupt this blog to bring you a special bulletin about how to annoy the heck out of your husband!"
Sigh.
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