Have you heard this quote about friendship?

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

I love that quote. I really do.

And today's post is for a friend...

...and that friend might need reminded while she is going through a pretty rough patch in her life that she has a lot of people singing melodies to her.

And even though some of the tunes might be slightly off-key...

And even though some of the tunes might be be downright dreadful...

It's OK, really.

Just try and remember that we are willing to sing them. And that you deserve them. And that covering your ears won't work because you will still hear them anyway.

So...

Yesterday Morgan helped me sing to a friend.

She actually sings pretty good for a 3 1/2 year old.

She didn't really sing with words...she sang with three little dum-dum suckers picked carefully for color: pink, blue and purple ... that she put into a little gift bag of a few Arizona treats I was taking along on our errand. She sang with being polite and wonderful while her Grandma was doing something important with someone amazing.




The friend is PJ, for those of you that know her. And this is what the little sign I am holding says:
Because yesterday one of the artists that PJ most admires had a showing here in Mesa. And Morgan and I went.

The artist is Erika Simmons who creates really amazing mixed media art. Her innovative creations are being commissioned around the world. She is beautiful, smart, creative and has that fire that you see in people who are passionate about what they do.

Erika graciously made time for me to see her today as a surprise for PJ!

But actually the surprise was on me because I was totally blown away by what she does.

Her work takes mixed media to a whole new meaning...re-cycled cassette tapes, 8 mm film, books, sheet music...



You can also click here to read PJ's original post about Erika. There are lots more pictures there.

So PJ, my silvery-gold friend...even though I did this for you...it ended up being for me, too!

Thank you for that.

Oh...and PJ?

Do re mi fa so la ti do!

Matlock to you...and to everyone else...

The blind men, the elephant and friendship...

Do you know the parable of the blind men and the elephant?

It is a story of six blind men who visit the palace of the Rajah and encounter an elephant for the first time. As each touches the great animal with their hands they discover various things!

The first touches the side of the elephant. “How smooth!" he declares, "An elephant is like a wall.”

The second blind man puts out his hand and touches the trunk of the elephant. “How round! An elephant is like a snake.”

The third blind man touches the tusk of the elephant with hesitant, exploring fingers. “How sharp! An elephant is like a spear,” he declares with great certainty.

The fourth, fifth and sixth blind men touch the leg, the ear and the tail of the elephant and each announces their discovery. "The elephant is as tall as a tree!" says the first...the elephant "is like a fan" and lastly "the elephant is like a rope."

Each man is certain that his declaration is true. And it is. To him. But each only holds a small piece of the truth.

If they sat down together and talked honestly about what they had felt and what they thought perhaps a broader picture and vision of the elephant would have been created.

But they did not. And that was the end of the parable.

But, you know me.

That certainly wouldn't be enough wordiness for one, single post...

So...

I shall continue...

I have spent the past three days with friends.

We all met almost eight years ago through an unlikely venue...a now defunct message board at an on-line store called Gooseberry Patch.

We have all stayed in touch.

And this past weekend was finally the time to put as many of us able to attend in one place at one time.

Of the forty or so women active in our group, eleven were able to come to Arizona.

Over the years we have met and spent time with each other. Sometimes in ones or twos. Of the eleven able to attend this year there were only two I had never met face to face.

When we started talking about the idea over 6 months ago I really wondered how the whole thing would work out.

Lots of people told me "you are crazy! You can't put that many women together without creating drama and cat-fighting!"

And I was afraid they might be right.

I worried about whether the shy ones would get lost in the shuffle.

I wondered whether my husband and I could, indeed, transport and entertain such a big group of various personalities for such a long time.

I thought about the logistics of airport pick-ups and who shares a room and who has food allergies.

And then I decided to just trust each of us.

We were all friends. Maybe in different ways. But friends.

So...I let go of the reigns and something magical happened.

Those with organizational strengths stepped forward and arranged intricate little schedules that worked. Those with talents offered to teach us things. All of us did whatever we could with kindness, and empathy, and consideration.

And it all came together.

And when WE, as a group, all came together the magic started.

Shy women bloomed...and talented people taught...and quiet people laughed...and rowdy people became even rowdier...and meals fell together...and we transported lots of people from point A to point B with nothing but conversation, giggling, tears, laughter and joy.

And there were no tricks...no illusions in this magic. It was just there.

There was no bickering. No fighting. No undercurrents of jealousy...

And I think we all accomplished something totally mythical.

We shared.

Truly and honestly.

Our individualities and our strengths...our worries and our hopes...our ideals and our sense of humors.

And we sat down together and talked honestly about what we felt and what we thought and we, together, created a broader picture and vision of an elephant. ...and we created a bigger picture and vision of friendship.

...and that, my friends, is truly how to experience an elephant.

Best friends...

Best friends support you when you're down.

Best friends listen when you cry.

Best friends understand when things are hard and don't say "suck it up!"

Best friends feel our sorrow.

Best friends understand our pain.

And we do those things for them.

Do you agree?

My question to you, then, on this cold and rainy Arizona afternoon is why aren't we ever this kind to ourselves?

Why must we beat ourselves up and say "c'mon girl, be tough, no crying, quit having a pity party."

If one of our close friends was experiencing what we're sometimes going through we would be supportive and kind and make them tea and send them a card and we would help them until they felt better.
But we rarely do that for ourselves.

And I think that's sad.

I was talking this afternoon to a friend whose Mother just died two weeks ago, who suffers from chronic illness, whose grandson is a relapsed heroin addict with all the ugly stuff attached to it and she said to me...

"I am such a baby. All I do is cry. I hate that I am having a pity party...I am just a whiner."

And instead of answering that I said "wow, you think that's bad? I have a friend whose Mom just died, who suffers horribly from degenerative arthritis and whose grandson is a heroin addict."

And she said, seriously, "wow, that poor thing..." and then she paused.

And then she thought about it.

And then she yelled at me a little bit for tricking her.

But it made me think really hard about why we are so darned hard on ourselves.

My naturopath has a theory that the reason women statistically suffer from chronic illness at a higher rate then men is because we are always trying to tough it out.

She believes that if we just cried when we need to, took a day of self-pity when we need to, didn't always put ourselves down by thinking we are not tough enough and not strong enough that we would all be a lot healthier.

And I agree.

And for some reason I felt compelled to share that with you today.

Just something to think about on this rare, drizzly, gray Arizona afternoon.

And while you're thinking about it make sure you entered my double box-o-lemons giveaway two posts down!