The romance continues...

So the groom and three of the kids took off for where the noon ceremony was going to be held.

I finished getting ready with the two remaining daughters PLUS a daughters friend. By this time I was feeling really quite ill. My throat was killing me. I felt like I was burning up. Very bride-like!

And on top of that I had this annoying buzzing in my ears that was becoming increasingly hard to hear over.

But we all piled in the car and got to where the ceremony was being held.

This was a lovely place. There was a small fountain with a classical guitarist playing lovely music and about fifty guests gathered around. The music was beautiful many people told me. I couldn’t hear it over the buzzing in my ears.

Oh, and I forgot to mention but two days before the ceremony the minister had taken ill and we had to scramble to find someone else that could do the ceremony on Saturday. I was puzzled when a woman I had never seen before came up to me and told me she was ready to start. Who was this? It was the new stand-in minister who we had never met before.

The ceremony started. I couldn’t hear a word. I was just trying not to throw up. It was very romantic.

We got to the part of the ceremony where my husband was going to give gold chains and a little speech to my kids about joining our families and blah, blah, blah and I was going to do that for his kids. I think he did great. There were lots of hugs and some tears. Yea, yea, whatever. “Hurry this up so I can lay down” I was thinking.

Then it was my turn. And I could not remember what I was supposed to say. My almost- husband stepped in and gave his kids the chains and I have no idea what he said to them but there were more tears and hugs. And blah, blah, blah…I was just trying not to fall over.

Next we exchanged our vows. And for some reason the only word I heard was “bzzzzz, bzzzzzzz, zzzzzzz…povery…mumbbble, bzzzzzz” I interreupted to say “POVERTY? WHAT ABOUT POVERTY?” and the minister and my almost- husband said this was part of the vows and blah, blah, blah, so I said “I do” and he said “I do” and we were married.

I didn’t care. I thought I was dying even worse now. I could hardly hear anything with this buzzing and I was super dizzy.

But, hey, it was a wedding and isn’t there some saying about “the wedding must go on”?

So it did. (wow, this is getting long. Do you need to take a potty break? I do! Be right back!)

As the reception started we heard a commotion out in the lobby. Somehow we had each arranged a mariachi band and neither band was very happy with the whole situation. My new husband got them settled down. Actually I think he payed one of them to go away.

And the reception stretched on.

I was told that the groom gave a beautiful speech to me during his toast. I literally could see his mouth moving but could not hear a word.

I tried dancing with him but I was so dizzy I thought I would fall over.

I could not eat a thing. It looked amazing. It looked delicious. It made me want to throw up.

Finally I went into the restroom and lay down on the floor. The cool tiles felt wonderful on my burning-up face. I laid there for awhile and one of my girlfriends came in and got all upset and I got all upset and we both started crying, although I had no idea of why I was crying. I’m tellin’ ya. I was just sick, sick, sick.

My parent left early to take care of my sister.

One of the other guests wore a beautiful white lace dress and at one point I told Steve just to marry her because I was too sick and she was dressed for the part. He told me it was too late, that we were already married.

Acccck. Finally this was over.

The kids all left with many admonitions not to get arrested or burn the house down (that is an entire other story…sigh)

And we retired to our honeymoon suite in the hotel.

Steve kept trying to help me (or perhaps he was just trying to have some bridal night fun - ha) but I just wanted to be left alone. By this time I could barely stand up and could not hear at all with the buzzing. I felt like I had boiling water poured over me.

Steve tried being sweet and I kept saying “leave me alone” and he tells me now that I told him I wanted an annullment because I wasn’t going to ever get married again AND I took off my dress because it was too hot and I threw it in the trash. I don’t remember that at all.

At four am we had an urgent call from home that one of the sons was really, really sick and needed to go to Urgent Care…

…so Steve and I packed up, ran home, got the kid and both of us went to Urgent Care!
Both of us had strep throat AND my blood pressure was above stroke level (because of the strep) which explained the fever, the buzzing, the dizzy and everything else.

All Sunday the two of us were raging sick.

I have no idea what anyone else did. And actually I could have cared less.

Monday we went to court with our daughter. (another long story)

And on Thursday we finally got to go on a quick little “honeymoon” trip to Northern AZ. And it was fun.

And I decided I liked my new husband! In fact, I loved my new husband! And I decided I wanted to have a another wedding because I really, really don’t think the one we had just endured counted at all.

My new husband thought it really wasn't worth taking the chance on having all that bad luck find us again! Hmmmm....

And now, here it is ten years later. And all year my husband has said we would have a little wedding ceremony since I couldn’t recall the first one at all. And we’ve been talking about this for months.

Which means, of course, that several months ago I started having some health issues that have laid me up.

Which means, of course, NO WEDDING CEREMONY! (which doesn’t totally, totally surprise me!)

But you can put away your kleenex now because with our without a remembered wedding ceremony marrying my husband is the absolute best and most wonderful thing I have ever done. Ever.

We have lived through drama, illness, death and even some of the dreaded POVERTY!!!!

And we have gotten closer and more in love.

But I won’t bore you with all that mushy-gushy stuff.

To close up this post I thought I’d share some wedding photos with you.

But wait. I only have a few.

Why? Because the photographer messed up the film from the wedding. True story.

But I suspect you are not the tiniest bit surprised.

Sigh…

A Romantic, Almost-10th-Anniversary Post

...or not...

Tomorrow is our Tenth Wedding Anniversary. Hooray.

The traditional gift for a tenth Anniversary is tin or aluminum. Hmmmm…

I don’t think you should send us a tin or aluminum gift but I do think you should rejoice with us in a wedding that seemed doomed from day one.

Oh, I don’t say this lightly. Heaven knows we were in love. It would be so much nicer to say “young” and in love but I was 40-something, he was 50-something and we’d both been around the block a few times.

The marriage came after a funny, super-long-distance courtship. He was an ex-pat living in Mexico City and still had his apartment there when we got married. I was a certifiably insane single Mom living in Phoenix.

But that is another story for another time.

This story is about the wedding.

When he had been up we had planned a great wedding at a neat hotel pretty close to us and since we had both enjoyed a lot of great times in Mexico City we had arranged for a Mariachi Band, tequila toasts, cuban cigars (ssssshhh) and lots of great food.
We had also arranged for all our combined kids to be present. Two nineteen year olds, two eighteen year old and a sixteen year old.

That alone should have warned us there would be trouble.

But we had no idea exactly what would happen in that final week before the actual ceremony.

Now the youngest of this group of kids had been giving me some rebellion problems for a few years and she decided that particular week would be a great time to get arrested. So she did. Yea. It was not good. It was got even more stressful when I found out her sentencing was set for the Monday following the actual wedding ceremony. OK, there went the honeymoon.

AND my youngest sister who had been quite ill for a lot of years had decided that might be a good week to die. And she whole-heartedly attempted it ending up in the hospital in critical care.

AND my husband-to-be got detained in Mexico City with a business crisis so I was valiantly trying to manage all the crisis PLUS the final wedding plans all on my own.

AND the company I was working for had filed bankrupcy earlier in the year. I had arranged for the week off but another round of lay-offs occured that week. As HR Director (and the only employee left in the HR department) it was my job to tell people they were being laid off less then two months before Christmas. No vacation time. Just a lot of tears and anger from shocked employees.

And in between all this there were kids to pick up at the airport. Visits with caseworkers for my little juvenile delinquent. A houseful of kids who seemed to delight in encouraging new levels of noise and commotion. AND there were nights spent in the hospital spelling my poor Mother so she could get some rest which also meant I had no family to help me with the whole wedding mess.

I was supposed to be relaxing, getting my hair done, getting a mani-pedi, finding my dress. Yes, I had procrastinated on the whole dress issue. First of all I hate shopping for clothes. Period. Second of all I hate wearing dresses. Period.

On Thursday I found a few minutes and rushed into a department store only to find absolutely nothing I liked. Or should I say only to find absolutely nothing that dimished my haggard appearance. I ended up buying some purple dress that I detested.

During the nightly long phone calls (trust me, you do not want to know how much those phone bills were!) my soon-to-be-husband and I had I cried, he listened. I said we need to postpone this thing, he said “there may never be a better time. Let's just do it.”

It was soooooo romantic.

Or not.

My sister got out of the hospital fairly stable on Thursday.

I refrained from killing all the rest of the noisy kids in the house with great difficulty. I refrained from killing the juvenile delinquent with even greater difficulty.

The groom got to Phoenix on Friday.

And by this time I couldn't care less if we got married or not.

All I really wanted to do was lay down and sleep for about a month.

On Saturday morning I was a wreck.

My fiance was all giddy and happy and la-la-la we're getting married.

I was all exhausted and sick and I think I really disliked all five kids. And I came down with a huge case of cold feet. The absolute most freezing feet ever.


I had sworn after my first marriage of 19 years failed that I would never, ever, ever get married again. What was I thinking?

Sure I loved this guy but what did that matter?

The big day continues tomorrow….

A kind of disturbing subject

I need you to use your imagination for a minute. OK?

OK!

Now. Look at this picture. See the smiling Mom? See the platter of cookies? Pretend the cookies are a platter of sliced tomatoes. And pretend the little kid at the bottom right is you. Ready? So...you know how at one point in your life you don't like something? Like, say.... tomatoes?!?

When you get to be an adult and you are sitting around the table and everyone is sitting around at a big family dinner and someone is passing the tomatoes but when they get to you they don't even hand you the platter because you don't like tomatoes.

But then when you start liking tomatoes you say "no, really, pass me the tomatoes" and they say "you don't like tomatoes" and don't pass them to you.

And you have to really stretch and reach across the table to get the tomatoes and usually your shirt or your sleeve or something goes into the gravy or the butter.

And then for the next several minutes it is marvelled at around the table that you are eating tomatoes and you don't like tomatoes.

C'mon. Don't pretend this doesn't happen in your life.

It does, right?

It's not just my strange family that does this non-passing of tomatoes thing.

Right?

OK, well the point of this story is that I didn't use to like tomatoes and now I do and this continues to happen and it is annoying.

And now I have also discovered I like CELERY as well. Another hated vegetable from my childhood!

So I'm not sure if I can handle the whole non-passing of tomatoes PLUS the whole non-passing of celery.

I'm just saying.

Because I've been a little concerned about this whole issue and I thought I would share it here, among friends...to make myself a little less worried...

...with Thanksgiving (and relish plates) coming around quite soon...

Aren't you glad you read this? I know it gave you amazing insight into the meaning of life and all that stuff.

Families are soooo complicated.

Sigh.

12 Weeks of Christmas- Week Five

OK. This was another dream. It turned out better then the whole hot-glue, glitter dream fiasco of earlier in the 12 week challenge. Sigh.

My idea came from the three criteria I am trying to use in all of my Christmas thoughts this year - re-use, re-cycle, use it up!

Now I have to say before I start showing my pictures that I could not get my old Christmas cards down...they are on a too high shelf and my husband was super busy today so I did use printed out clip-art. But my idea here is to use old Christmas cards with coordinating card stock for the backs.

And now...with no further ado! I give you TEA TASSELS!

Tassels seem to be the rage this year. So I decided to make something that would be a Christmas card and a little Christmas gift/decoration AND cheap to mail and disposable when the recipient was finished.

So do you want to know how to do it?

I know you do.

And here we go!

You will need:

1. An old Christmas card or clip-art image approximately 4 - 5 1/2" wide and 4 - 5 1/2" tall and a similar sized image for the back or card stock cut to the same size
2. Some curling ribbon
3. A stapler
4. Tea bags
5. Ummmm.... glitter? OK, you don't NEED the glitter. I just like the glitter!

The first thing you need to do is cut around your image(s) and your card stock to make them the same size. I think it would be cute to use a different image on the front and the back of the project. Next you will pick coordinating curling ribbon. Wrap the curling ribbon around your hand to your elbow to make loops. I made 15 loops and that was about right. And if you think I'm going to show you a picture of my bat arms waving in the breeze while I did this...trust me....ain't happening. You know how to do this, though. And if you don't, e-mail me. I'm still not gonna show you my bat arms but I'll try to explain it a little better!

Gather one side of the looped ribbons together and tie a little short length of curling ribbon tightly around them. Smoosh (yes, that is so a word) all the ribbons together and then tie a second small piece of ribbon about an inch or so down from the first tie. Center the ribbon against the back of the back with the 1 inch section sticking out of the top. Then place the top picture on top of the ribbon. Like a little picture sandwich with ribbon filling. Staple at each corner joining the front and the back together. Now staple all the way around the top and both sides. Staple close to the little pokey-outy ribbon thing. DON'T STAPLE ACROSS THE BOTTOM! Cut the loop on the curling ribbon so all the ribbon dangles loose. Curl as many or as a few as you wish. Whatever looks nice to you!
Now take some tea bags and randomly staple them to various dangling ribbons. Put some glitter or rick-rack or whatever looks good to you around the edge. Or don't. It is your tea tassel.

And voila! C'est magnifique! OK, well maybe it's not, technially, magnificent, but I think it's cute. And it meets every single one of my Holiday criteria this year. And here's another one I made.
You could modify this idea and do it with hot cocoa packets or even individually wrapped candies. Those would be sparkly and pretty in the ribbon (but I don't have anything here but dum-dum suckers and those wouldn't be excessively pretty I suspect.) You could use color-themed ribbon or lace or satin ribbon you have laying around. You could put 25 little things dangling and let the recipients take one off for a Christmas count-down!

So that's my idea for week five of the 12 weeks of Christmas.

And can I just say I am exhausted.

Exhausted and covered in glitter.

So please be gentle with your comments after you finish reading this.

Sigh.

When do we stop?

Stop being a kid at heart?

Stop doing the little things that define each holiday like carving pumpkins or coloring Easter Eggs?

I still try to bully everyone to do these things every year because, somehow, by letting go of those little defining traditions I feel like I am letting little bits and pieces of myself atrophy and die. And I always want to do them with the people I love the most.

I remember coercing (in a nice way, of course) one of my elderly Aunt's to hunt for Easter eggs one year. I will always remember her little wrinkly face alive with childlike joy as she hobbled with her cane across the yard in pursuit of treasures.

This Halloween my Dad came over to carve pumpkins with the Granddaughters and my husband and I.

Dad is 80 years old. He said he can't remember carving a pumpkin in 50 years.

It was so fun!

Watching his face light up and his joy in scooping out the seeds.

It seems crazy that it has been so long since he did this.

But now, when I look at these pictures it seems like the look on everyones faces as they carved their masterpieces was the same, really.





Nothing much different between the three year old, the sixty year old, or the eighty year old.

And it made me determined.

It made me determined to continue doing these things long after anyone does them with me. And doing them even if everyone thinks it is childish and silly.

I will be the solitary, wizened old woman with forgotten glasses on top of my head wearing my Ohio State socks and no bra sitting in the nursing home trying to carve my little pumpkin with a plastic knife and spoon. I don't want to wait fifty years between carving pumpkins or coloring Easter eggs or hanging up my stocking.

I don't want to...and I won't.

I promise myself this.

And if you happen to be in the same nursing home as me we will, together, carve Halloween masterpieces no matter what anyone thinks.

Every year...no matter what.

But you'll have to bring your own plastic spoon and knife.

Sigh.

It's been that kind of a day....

...do you ever wake up feeling happy and as the day goes on you feel crankier and crankier?

You probably don't.

You are probably in complete control of your emotions at all times.

Me? Not so much.

I got up this morning with a few sniffles, nothing major, and decided to do a few things I've been putting off...like buying geraniums for the front of the house and doing a little bit of Christmas shopping.

Nothing major. But it seemed like as the day went on everything was ten times harder then it should be. Spilled the coffee in the car. Hit my head on the car door. Smashed my finger in the drawer. Dropped a shovel on my foot. Just dumb irritating stuff.

And it made me cranky. And I told my lovely husband I needed some space.

Which somehow translated in his head to mean to follow me around and bug me. Is that a male/female thing?

There I was watching Martha and he came out and commented on something on the show. WHAT? I need space, man. Back away from Martha!

Then I tried laying on the bed reading about PW in People magazine (is that crazy or what?) he came in. I sweetly snarled "look could you give me some space" and he laid down and tried reading the article with me. I need some space, man! Back away from PW!

Grrrrrrr...

So finally he asked me what was wrong. To which I replied "nothing" as any stubborn, super-crabby wife would.

Then he asked me again. Welllll... since he really wanted to know I decided it was only fair to subject him to a ten minute sniffly rant about my head hurting, my food hurting, my finger throbbing, I'm getting old, the kids are all gone, I don't know where I put my favorite fall purse, I don't know how to do the turkey for Thanksgiving and blah,blah, blah.

Poor guy.

Although he might have deserved it just a little bit for not understanding "I need some space"

But possibly not.

So finally he says "well, at least you don't have to get a shot in your butt crack!"

Dang it. Dang it. It made me smile. Dang it. Dang it! It made me laugh.

And so I thought I would share the story with you in case you are having a terrible day, too.

This conversation happened several weeks ago and Riley is our five-year old Granddaughter.

Riley: Grandma?
Me: Yes, sweetie.
Riley: So, have you ever had a shot in your ummmm.... ummmm.... well, behind?
Me: Of course. Have you?
Riley: I don't remember. I remember getting them in my arm and the top of my leg.
Me: Well, a shot in your behind kind of feels like a shot in the top of your leg.
Riley: Grandma?
Me: Yes, sweetie?
Riley: Weeeeelllllll...what if they miss?
Me: Miss what? Miss your bottom?
Riley: Weeeeeellll, yes.
Me: Well, I don't think they would miss your bottom. I think they have gone to school to learn how to do that.
Riley: But what if they do?
Me: Gosh, Riles. I just don't know.
Riley: Weeeeelllll, like what if they miss and hit your ummmm..... butt-crack?
Me: Ummmmmm..... welllllll ..... ummmm.... I guess I just don't know the answer to that

See?

Didn't that make you smile a little bit?

And aren't you glad I didn't give you your space?

And I, for one, am not having a terrible day tomorrow. I think I used up my allotment for the entire week today!

Sigh.

No, we don't live in an excessive neighborhood...

Why do you ask?

I mean, we do get what feels like 13,912 Trick-or-Treaters...and no matter how much candy we get it is never enough. And one of our neighbors builds a full haunted house every single year...this year complete with haunted trees, rolling fog and all kinds of drama... And another one of our neighbors sets up a movie in their front yard complete with lots of loud audio...
And another neighbor sets up several grills and condiment stations and hands-out hot dogs to all 13,912 trick-or-treaters
My husband and I swear each year not to get into the competition but this we fell prey to keeping up with the Joneses...

And, frankly, I think we've outdone ourselves.

We actually had four LIT AND CARVED PUMPKINS by the folding chairs we sat on to hand out candy.

I'm showing this daylight picture so you can experience the full wonder and glory of all that is Halloween at our house.


Sigh...