The best New Years resolutions are always...

...the hardest ones to make.

All week I've been trying to come up with the perfect New Years Resolution. One that will change my life! And make me realize the full karma of my potential (or something like that!)

And finally yesterday afternoon something happened that made me shout "EUREKA!" I love that word so much. So I actually shouted it several more times "EUREKA! EUREKA!"

But before I tell you my resolution I need to pinkie swear you into secrecy that you will not tell my Mother about this. It would probably kill her. The shock and all.

OK, well, yea.

I've been thinking since yesterday afternoon that I might be an alcoholic.

Actually I should probably do that officially.

Hi. I'm Jenny. I'm 53 and I think I might be an alcoholic.

The reason I think that is this.

I had a margarita yesterday when my husband took me out for a New Years Eve linner.

Now this might...

What?

Oh. Linner? It's that meal you have when you are getting old and have to combine your lunch and dinner so you can eat by 4 to be in bed by 7.

What was I talking about here?

Oh, yea.

Margarita.

So I had a margarita which pretty much knocked me on my butt.

But I also had a margarita back in April.

Which means I had two for the year.

Which means my alcohol consumption DOUBLED in 2009.

Scary, isn't it?

That fact, coupled with two mistaken alcoholic binges earlier in my life make me... What?

What do you mean how can you have a mistaken alcoholic binge?

OK, if you want the sordid details the first occured when I was barely 19 and went on a honeymoon with my first husband to Florida. First of all at the age of 19 I had never had an alcoholic drink of any kind. Hey, I lived in the country. Don't roll your eyes at me. Who knew that sangria had alcohol in it? Certainly not me.

I just thought it was refreshing and wonderful on a hot, humid Florida evening. Two pitchers of sangria later I found out that throwing up a refreshing beverage was not nearly as fun as consuming it.

Second mistaken alcoholic binge thing was with my second husband. When I was dating him.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

It is disturbing, right?

OK, so we had been dating awhile and I went to Mexico City to visit him. (he was an ex-pat with a Telecom business there)

And he took me to a fancy restaurant that served supposedly the best tequila in Mexico. And the coolest thing was it came with these little tiny glasses of this spicy stuff called sangrita. Which I loved. And the tequila was mighty smooth AND every single time you had a shot of it they brought you this little shot of sangrita.

So after downing about three of these I said "this is so weird because I don't usually drink! Yum, yum!"

And he stopped my hand from downing a fourth shot and said "ummm....if you don't drink I think you should stop and I think we should leave."

Oh boy. Trying to walk out of that restaurant was challenging.

But on the plus side I never got sick and the next morning when I was singing in the apartment he kept asking me "you don't have a headache? You don't have a hangover?"


I hope all this explaining didn't give you a headache this morning. Not that you might have a teensy bit of a headache anyway from possibly consuming a margarita yourself.

But...

Now you can clearly see why my New Years resolution for 2010 MUST BE CONTROLLING THIS TENDENCY.

At first I thought of some easier resolutions such as loosing weight, exercising, or finding the solution for world peace.

But really, what kind of a challenge would that be?

And I'm all about the challenge.

So it's official.

In 2010 I will control my drinking.

There I said it.

It's official.

And now I need to go find a leftover Christmas cookie or a piece of fudge or something.

Finding a resolution is hard work.

And I am exhausted.

Sigh.