Sunday, January 3, 2010

Football is very stressful.

Especially the Fiesta Bowl.

Have you ever heard of it?

They play it in Glendale, AZ this year between some team in Idaho and some team in Texas.

I only know this because my husband used to live in Idaho and he and his son are going to the game. But that's not the stressful thing.

Oh no. Not at all.

The stressful thing is that some people my husband is friends with in Idaho came down yesterday to go to the game, too, and we had to go to brunch with them this morning.

Now don't get me wrong.

I've met these people before and they are totally sweet and lovely.

But people in Idaho generally hate me. I've only been there twice and this couple and one other couple were the only two people in the entire state that were nice to me. OK, technically a waitress was. But still.

I know you're thinking I'm exaggerating but it's true. Both times I went there were to events that my husbands ex was at and, seriously, everyone shunned me. I felt like I had leprosy. Or psoriasis. Or something.

Technically I was only at those two events but I think possibly there was a State-wide bulletin to be MEAN to Jenny Matlock.

What do you mean I sound paranoid? No, no way. No paranoia involved here. No sirreebob! There was a definite conspiracy going on and... hey wait a second, can you?

OK, sorry, I had to just check something. I thought I saw someone from Idaho standing outside my office window watching me write this. But I closed the blinds. ha!

Paranoid? Geez. I can hardly believe you even thought that word about steady, non-imaginative little me.

OK, where was I?

Ummm.... paranoid....Idaho...Fiesta Bowl...

OK, yea. Regained my train of thought.

OK, so just in case things were ackward between me and the Idaho'ans I prepared a few jokes to lighten the mood.

We picked them up a little after ten and they seemed as lovely and sweet as ever, but you can never be too careful.

So shortly after we all hugged and climbed into the car to head out for brunch I introduced my first ice breaker.

I casually said...."So....Why did the potato cross the road?" And after a brief silence they, and my husband, all said "huh?"

And I explained that I had printed out some jokes to break the ice but I had left them at home. And after they just kept looking at me I said, "He saw a fork up ahead! Get it?"

And then I apologized that I could only remember a few of the jokes.

I think my husband muttered "Thank God" under his breath but I'm not sure.

So to keep things relaxed and all I immediately went into my second joke. " Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?" and weirdly they didn't know the answer to that one either.

Anyone from Idaho should know that the answer is "He desperately wanted a scoop!"

Ed, the visiting Idaho'an guy, said "gee, I'm sorry I didn't prepare any Arizona jokes."

I think he was sincere and after that everything seemed just fine.

Sure, they Idaho'ans kept looking at me cautiously from the corner of their eyes but I think they relaxed when we got to our destination.

So we did all the stuff like laughing, and talking and eating and listening to a cowboy sing Western songs to us. And we sat in the sunshine all relaxed and happy and told stories of our kids and our lives and all that fun blah, blah, blah stuff you do when you are visiting with nice people from Idaho.
And soon it was time to drop them back at their hotel and head home.

We made arrangements for them to come and visit us on Tuesday and hugged and chatted and hugged and said goodbye about twelve times.

It was so fun.

But now, I'm thinkin'. Tuesday is like one whole day away.

What if the people from Idaho who hate me get in touch with them and tell them they're supposed to be MEAN to me?


This is very stressful and worrisome.

I think the best solution for me is to print out the entire sheet of potato jokes just in case.

Seriously, how MEAN can they be if I am making them crack up with cool jokes like...

How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.

Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.

But even with this aresenal at my disposal I still think football is just seriously way too stressful!

So I'm hoping this Fiesta Bowl thing is just a one-time activity. It probably is. Do people care that much about watching football anyway?

And listen. If you have people visiting you from Idaho, please feel free to use my jokes. And please tell them it's OK to be nice to me if I am ever brave enough to visit their beautiful State again.



PS: Donna & Ed! If you read this I totally had a great time!

PS#2: Steve! Listen, if you read this please don't divorce me for being so weird!

PS#3: Anyone from Idaho! If you read this I'm kiddin' for 99.9999% of the State! But if you happen to be in the .0001% of the State that is MEAN - be nice!!!!! And don't read my blog ever again!


Kat said...

This is hysterical Jenny (btw, that Texas team is TCU. We love them, even if they are the TCU Horned Frogs - I swear I could not make that up) And I don't think you're paranoid at all. If this is a small town you're talking about, there may well be an evil grapevine lol. Hope the rest of your week goes smoothly, but you might want to keep those jokes handy just in case.... Kathy

Vicki/Jake said...

HA HA...loved this one too...You're just fun! And remember, the EX is an ex for a reason...she should have stayed home.
And you're such a fun gal, how could they not have a good time! And hey, I'm not from Idaho, but I got your jokes (O: I'm sure they will get them as they're on the way back to Idaho (O:

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

Now who couldn't love being with you and your arsonal of potato jokes? Have fun and stay away from that hexing ex!

Melisa Waldorf said...

Ok seriously, YOU are too funny! I wish I were 1/2 as clever, witty, fun and interesting as YOU!! Thanks for making me kackle!

Fresh Local and Best said...

You're funny. I've never met anyone from Idaho, but I'll make a mental note of this post for the next time.

Anonymous said...

Even here in GA I got the memo to be mean to Jenny from 1% of the folks in Idaho!!! ha

You're funny and your guests look lovely!

Terri Steffes said...

Funny, I kinda feel that way about people from South Dakota but that's a story for another time.

I love your potato jokes but you shouldn't just HAND Idaho people a reason to hate you...

Tomorrow is a work day for me. Boo hoo.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha! The Idaho-Conspiracy!

This whole paragraph cracked me up:
"But people in Idaho generally hate me. I've only been there twice and this couple and one other couple were the only two people in the entire state that were nice to me. OK, technically a waitress was. But still."

You're a trip!

Julie Kwiatkowski Schuler said...

Stupid Idaho! What's with that real long skinny part at the top of their state anyway? You should ask them, didn't they have enough room for their potatoes?

Anonymous said...

Hi Jenny,

I'm from Idaho!

"Go Broncos! I know your the Under Dogs but you were last time to!"

Take it from me, not all people from Idaho are mean! I think that every state has that 1%, if you know what I mean! Idaho really is a great state and we have one of the best football teams in the Nation!

It might just be the "Ex" thing!


Suz said...

They've said it all
how funny

Anonymous said...

Forgot to mention...I'm a native Arizonian!

Vicki/Jake said...

Just a quick one here. I read your comment on my last post...
Jenny, you're a jewel! I'm so glad we met (O:

Laura said...

Okay, I'm going to go with NO, no more jokes! :) Also, I am never going to Idaho...I'll let them know it's your fault. I just can't spend my nights looking out the windows wondering.

Jane said...

Jenny, you crack me up! I am so glad you visited today...I love your blog! Although I do have to say...when I visited Idaho, the people seemed rather nice. Of course, that was 40 years ago!!! And i was kind of cute...

Looking forward to more...
Jane (artfully graced)

Tara said...

You might want to lay off the Idaho jokes when in the presence of Idahonians! I hope you've got it out of your system. Thanks for the amusing tale and I'm sure they don't all hate you, they might just find you extremely annoying, LOL. I however think you are laugh out loud hilarious!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Jenny. I want to have lunch with you. For many reasons...but today here is my list:
We lived in Glendale for a while. I LOVED it there.
I don't like football.
My husband LOVEs football.
What did I do today? I went to a football game. (Miami vs Pitt)
Who sat next to me? A stinky guy with the worst psorasis I have ever seen. And apparently, because of this, he does NOT shower. He stunk. And my day stunk.
And I still hate football.
But I faked it. For my husband.

please don't tell him.

ps. I have not been to Idaho. I have a feeling, if they don't like you...they won't like me!!

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

Jenny I don't know how anyone could not like you!

Football was on TV here today, also, and while I'm not the biggest fan of it I can tolerate the Superbowl when it comes around...especially when it means a party with lots of yummy dips and!

Glad you had a good time with the Idaho people. Got to admit they grow some really good potatoes out there! Your jokes were hysterical!

The Lemon Tart post is up and I'm headed off to sleep ...long day!

Bits-n-Pieces said...

one of my besties had to move to Idaho last year cuz her husband got transferred there by the air force, so I know there is at least ONE nice person in ID. But she travels for work and isn't there you shouldn't count on her if you have to go up there and visit.
I'm gonna save your jokes tho..just in case I get to go visit her there. Of course that won't be anytime soon, since they have like a bajillion inches of snow up there. (which is why I wonder why anyone would choose to live there? I just don't get it!)

Is that your hub in both of those pics? He looks just like my ex B-I-L. But it can't be him. His name is Ron and he lives in Southern CA! Unless Ron moved, and changed his name. Hmmm...

mub said...

I can't wait to tell my husband these potato jokes, I'm laughing so hard right now!!!

People Who Know Me Would Say: said...

Laugh, cough, choke, laugh, nose run, choke....thanks for that!

And the tour through your brain begins when????

Auntie sezzzzzz... said...

Oh Jenny, you are so cute! I'm so glad I found you and your blog. :-)


Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) said...

I just ask you, who the heck doesn't love a good 'tader joke! Funny post, girl. Ya' made this Ozarks farm chicks morning!

I just wanted to thank you for poppin' over with your sweet comment.

Ya'll have a wonderfully blessed day!!! :o)

storyteller said...

Ohmygosh ... I'm so happy you found me at Pat's and dropped by Sacred Ruminations leaving the link back here. I've enjoyed reading your last few posts and have decided I'd love to have you living next door. Of course I'd never move to Arizona ... ever! (My brother lived there with his family for more than a decade and some good friends live there now) because even VISITING for more than a day or two makes me ITCH from the dryness ... seriously! (did I mention I live near the ocean in Southern California?) And Spring time leaves me with watery eyes sneezing constantly!

Anyway ... your posts read much like my journals (the stuph I write for myself and almost never share with anyone) and all the way through I was wondering if your visitors know you blog and if so what they'd think ... then I read your PS comments and burst out laughing. I confess I immediately copied your URL and added it to my 'reader' so as not to lose track of you. That said, I don't open my reader often any more so there's no telling how long it might take me to return ... but since I save EVERYTHING, your posts will be waiting when I do as long as you don't delete them. As a fellow ADHD gal, I solve the undecorating problem by refusing to decorate at all these days.

Methinks my comment has gotten the best of me ... so I'm going to stop before I embarrass myself further. I do post on a few blogs because I'm 'scattered' but I'm hoping to gain some focus and clarity in 2010. It's nice to meet ya ;-)
Hugs and blessings,

Holly said...

Loved the potato jokes. They are definitely my style. I always tone my sense of humor down for company. If I forget a strange look usually puts me in my place. I forgot over the holidays and a gal complained that a certain hair dresser always cut her hair longer on one side than the other. Since her hair is cut short, my big mouth popped up," You must have one ear higher than the other." Then proceeded to look at one ear and then the next teasinly. My family would have burst out laughing. She laughed uncomfortably but then commented, "No, I don't." So I crawled into my corner and didn't inform her that of course she did. All of us do ...and one arm longer than the other and ... So thanks for the refreshing sense of humor. Someday, I'll be brave and let mine burst forth on my blog. After all my daugher posts it on Facebook after she's had a good laugh.

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Oh Jenny...

You prepared some jokes?! I think I love ya even more than I already did...

Deborah Ann said...

Dang! Now some weird Idahoan was just looking in my window. I didn't know this potato stuff was contagious! Heck, even my potato has 'eyes.' Now just look what you've gone and done!

Seriously, thanks for the laugh. Love your humor! You're over the kind of gal.

mrsofficer said...

hahaha Jenny I love your sense of humor! What a great story:)

Kim @ Starshine Chic said...

Funny!!! I've only been to Idaho once. Everyone I met was nice. But in case they aren't (the next time I visit), I'll have some potato jokes for them now. Thanks!

laterg8r said...

idaho, isn't that one of the states in the middle LOL ??? :D

Anonymous said...

phmc o ? fp 90

Brenda said...

There you go again making me laugh. And I love those kind of jokes because I actually get the punch line.

Amy said...

OMG...seriously...when I worked in Yellowstone we traveled to Idaho on one of our weekends off and I swear I thought the folks I came in contact with were so mean too! I'm sure most are not mean, but it just cracks me up that you had the same experience!!

BTW, GO FROGS {sorry Steve!}

Holly Lefevre said...

I am going to share your potato jokes with my son...go figure..I though everyone is Idaho would be nice. I am from LA, so I might think they are nice in comparison.

Coralie Cederna Johnson said...

OHMYGOSH, Jenny! This is just too funny! Potatoes! Who can make potatoes funny? You! Have a good one! Happy Tuesday! Coralie

Melissa Miller said...

He! Oh my goodness you always have me hanging on every word. I've never been to Idaho....:) *Smiles*

Janiece said...

Thanks for sharing your amazing state with us for the Fiesta Football game.
All in all most of the people in Idaho are just shy...and don't talk to people that the do not know...
and dependeding on who you ask I am pretty my quiet, shy, slightly glaring way....