Thursday, May 8, 2014

I refuse to be faceless...

I refuse to have yet another doctor look at me like I'm a blood test...

...or a lab result...

...or an enigma of a lab result.

It seems like the higher level the specialist I see, the less interest they have in human interaction.

After a cursory 'hello' they lower their eyes to the computer screen and start spouting off anomalies or the lack thereof.

I sit on the crinkly paper and kick my heels against the exam table trying to make sense of it all.

I look at Mr. Jenny, who accompanies me to these appointments, and see his frustration.

And...

well...

I've had enough.

Last week I found a picture of me from four months ago and put it on my phone.

Last week when the specialist looked at their computer screen instead of even glancing at me I said...

...quietly...

...but firmly...

"Excuse me.   May I show you something?"

Before the doc could answer, I opened my phone to my picture.



"This is me.  Four months ago.  Four.  Months.  Ago."

He looked at the picture and looked at me.
 
 

Several times.
 
Back and forth.
 
"Yes.   This is me.   And I'm here for help.  Can you help me?"
 
He slowed down.

He explained more.

I actually felt like a human being instead of a lab rat.
 
It was quite empowering.
 
I wasn't rude.   I can understand how busy these doctors are.  I can understand how much pressure they have to see a million patients in 5.3 days. 
 
I understand.
 
I do.
 
Really.
 
But...
 
We're not done with this testing/specialist phase of the chronic illness journey yet.  I keep thinking we should be out of 'ologists' soon, but there sure seems to be a bunch.
 
And while it's great to have so many resources...
 
And while it's great to know what's NOT wrong with me...
 
And while  I'm still hopeful they will tell me what IS wrong and help fix it.
 
I must continue through the process...
 
But I will not continue to do it invisibly.
 
I will do my best to make them see ME and MY symptoms and the woman I was only a few short months ago.
 
I will share my picture along with my plea.
 
And maybe, just maybe, one of them will find out what's happening.
 
This chronic illness does not hesitate to make itself known!
 
I am not going to hesitate to make myself known to these doctors.
 
Yeah, man!
 
I'm pretty sure a faceless person can't make much noise.
 
So!
 
Hear me ROAR!
 
ROAR!
 
Oh.
 
Wow.
 
That was loud.
 
Blush.
 
 

post signature

48 comments:

Helen said...

Loud is great, loud is good!!!!

Heather{Our Life In a Click} said...

Good for you lady!!! You're so wise!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny you are a warrior and a strong woman. Make them see YOU and they will respond(well most of them). God Bless you and your journey to find out what the heck is wrong!! Big Hugs my brave and amazing friend.

Linda

Terra said...

Oh Jenny, I love to hear you roar and your idea is brilliant, to bring the doctor's attention to you! Not your symptoms or lab results. Well done. For me, I prefer a doctor who prays and quotes Scripture. A doctor who is a real person. You go girl!

Carol Doggett said...

Sending good juju to you, today and everyday! I hope they soon discover (what we all know) how incredible you are and that you need to put your superhero cape back on and be fabulously health again! Shine bright sweet lady!

Jeanie said...

You are one smart lady and have what it takes to get them to notice you. Keep making sure they know you are a person and not just a "case". Thanks for letting us know that no matter how bad things are you are still Jenny.

"Alone again.... naturally!" said...

Keep roaring girl! It's the only thing they seem to understand these days! I really hope you get some concrete answers...SOON! Hugs, Cathy

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Because I lived this I so feel your pain Jenny. I hope you get answers soon! You're beautiful, smart, funny and you will get answers!

Amy said...

First, here's a HUGE HUG for you!!! And second, my heart breaks at your suffering, but I'm so proud of your strength. Even through this you are an inspiration. Love you much sweet friend!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I'm here to say I love you, Jenny. You're a beautiful human being.

xoRobyn

Theresa said...

Keep roaring my friend! My Brother is going thru some pretty tough times too, seeing doctor after doctor! I continue to pray for you sweet Jenny! I pray that God will guide these doctors and help you to feel better! I love you, HUGS and prayers coming your way!

Nellie's Cozy place said...

Hi Hon,
I hear you, I have lived Drs. appts. telling me there was nothing wrong with me, I had one Dr. laugh in my face because I had a list of my symptoms, something I had read about in a magazine that I should do, so
I didn't forget.......I came out in tears of course.........
That was a wise thing to do, cause
they will certainly remember you, cause think the Drs. just can have such terrible bed side manners, it is ridiculous, it is like they just turn their emotions off.....
and it is very evident to their
patients.
Praying for you hon, it is a very frustrating and difficult and lonely place to be............
and my heart goes out to you...
Just always remember God sees you
and He knows and He cares even when it doesn't seem like it....
Hugs, Luvs,and prayers
Nellie

Nellie's Cozy place said...

Hi Again Jenny,
I just was reading blogs and came
across this blog post and thought of you immediately. The post is from
a young lady who is maybe in her
mid 30's who has been sick with an
envirionmental illness for probably
close to 10 yrs. or longer.
Just thought her post would encourage you. She has written a few books, one of which I read when I was going thru a hard time
physically. It is called "Grace in
time of need", by Joanna Harris.
Anyway, thought you might enjoy
her post..........cause am sure
you will relate to it......

http://joyoharris.blogspot.com/2014/05/god-who-sees-el-dios-que-ve.html

Blessings to you hon,
Nellie

Viki said...

I'm sorry things aren't getting better for you. Somewhere there is a doctor that will figure it out. This will probably sound ridiculous but have you been tested for Lyme disease? I read a while back about someone that was going through all kinds of health problems and finally went to a doctor that found that she had it. Just a thought.

Sarah~Magnolia Surprise said...

Good for you, making them stop, look and listen. And you found the perfect way to do it.
May the force be with you.....
:)

Betty said...

You have me humming that song..."I am woman hear me roar..."

You would think by now they'd be running out of tests to run, but hang in there my friend. Keep roaring.

Sometimes doctors are geeks with no interpersonal skills. I'm sorry you've been treated that way.

Viki's suggestion is very good...if you haven't been tested for it yet.

I'm sure you've probably googled your symptoms and done some online research, but keep trying to get answers. We want you back in blogland with us!

Praying for answers and a treatment plan...

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Someone will have the answer. Until then, just know you are in my prayers...

Lola said...

May the force be with you!

btw we're all keeping up our assignments - we had a good teacher!

Melinda said...

GOOD FOR YOU!
No matter how busy they are, THEY
chose this profession of helping people! So they should be called on the carpet when their patient side manners sucks!

You are your best advocate and continue to let them hear your
roar!

Good Luck.

M : )

Cara H said...

Glad you rattled his cage. I think there's always something of a doctor-patient disconnect due to doctors thinking they are so much smarter than the people they are treating. However, certain groups tend to be shut out more than others. Women are assumed to be hysterical, and older people tend to be treated like they are senile. Larger people tend to be treated like everything is related to their weight, and pretty well blamed for any problem they may have. It's lazy medicine.
Specialists do seem to have "House Syndrome," where they are more interested in the disease/disorder than the patient.

Sue said...

Smartest thing you could have done, Jenny. And I'm impressed with how you can feel so ill and still manage to advocate for yourself. I know from personal experience how very difficult that is.

You are in my prayers, and I hope they figure this out sooner than later.

"/

Slamdunk said...

I am sorry to hear about your situation, Jenny. I hope the Dr. tells all about your message. Unfortunately, it is easy to lose sight of a patient's humanity among all the charts.

jeannettestgermain said...

Never give up being yourself, Jenny!
It's hard not to feel like a number, when you go from one doc to the next, and from one appointment to the other:(
From the doc's side, remember that they got into their job because they did initially care for people ...and you're right, it's because of the sheer magnitude of patients that they sometimes forget that each case is a person worthy to be treated as a person, and not as a case number!

Jenny said...

Jenny, You go girl!!! xo Jenny

Cristina Pop said...

Loud is great! I really hope everything will turn out to be ok! Good luck!

Gattina said...

To some doctors you are just a faceless body ! You are right to claim that you are a woman and not a thing which has to be repaired ! I too roar and loud when I meet a so said "doctor" who has forgotten that we are human beings and no lab rats ! Keep on fighting !!

JDaniel4's Mom said...

You so deserve to be shown respect. When my mom was being diagnosed with cancer, the doctors would only talk to me. It drove me crazy. She was in the room and she was the one who was sick.

Cathy Kennedy said...

You are in charge of your life, your health. It's okay to roar to be heard, if that's what it takes. Doctors can be so sterile in their approach to healing that it's mind blowing. They are not God. They are humans, just like us and I dare say they would expect to be heard not as one professional to another, but as a patient with concerns. My prayers are with you Miss Jenny. I know this is frustrating for you both, but I know in time God will reveal what ails you. {{hugs}}

Busy Bee Suz said...

It certainly is hard to become a 'person' to the busy Doctors. I love how you've done it here and I know you'll continue to do it. YOU need the attention and I just know that one of these 'ologists is going to figure it out. Praying for good healthy for you my friend. Keep us updated.
XOXO

lissa said...

absolutely. we need human interaction or else we might as well be make of stone, so, you are right and deserve respect for being a person and not just another name on a paper. I hope you'll find your answer and get well very soon.

Rita said...

Absolutely brilliant move, Jenny! You really do need to be your own advocate with the medical community--so I'm glad the hubby comes with, too! I hope they find out what the problem is...soon! :)Love and hugs!!

Rita said...

Absolutely brilliant move, Jenny! You really do need to be your own advocate with the medical community--so I'm glad the hubby comes with, too! I hope they find out what the problem is...soon! :)Love and hugs!!

Pat Tillett said...

First off, I am sorry you are going through all this. Especially without being able to find some answers.

Second, YOU GO GIRL!
I think doctors (especially specialists) forget that WE are paying THEM for a service. Sometimes, they have to snapped back to reality. So be nice if you can and ROAR when you must!

Healing thoughts zooming your way Jenny...

Janie Junebug said...

Well done, Jenny. That photo of you is beautiful, and you will look even more beautiful. The last time I went to the psychiatrist, she typed on her laptop the whole time I was there so I just stopped talking. After not having a proper appointment, I ended up so depressed I was in bed about 20 hours/day. I feel better now. I'm down to 18 hours/day.

Love,
Janie, who hopes she made you smile

Susan said...

Jenny, I have not been on your blog page for many months and I am sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well.
I was just diagnosed on April 6th with breast cancer, had surgery on the 28th and will start chemo on May 29th. My past few months have been awful, but I will get through it.
I pray that the doctors will find out what is going on with your body.
Much love and best wishes, Susan Wells

Annesphamily said...

Jenny, make them listen! It is the only way to find out what the heck is going on! I miss seeing your swete smile here. Love you! Happy Mother's Day to you!

Maureen Wyatt said...

Brilliant plan! That's what I call proactive.

BLissed-Out Grandma said...

Using your photo like that was right in so many ways! I hope you are able to find someone who can diagnose and treat you. When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia years ago, it was a holistic chiropractor who identified it first. The body can be so confusing....

Jennifer said...

hey there, missy. i read this the other day, and then again today, and both proud of you and hurting for you. proud because i've an idea how frustrated you are. it's an inkling of an idea, sure, but... i've seen enough doctors in my day that i can comprehend, at least, that you ARE frustrated and scare and maybe a little pissed off. i get that. and i'm proud of how you handled yourself here. you did that perfectly. and with much more grace than i probably would've. and i hurt for you, too, because you're having to do any of this at all. i hope and pray that the good lord will shine a light in the right places so these people who call themselves caregivers can give you care.

jenn said...

crap. i forgot. i was logged in to my other email. so... that last comment. that's from me. :]

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Splendid Little Stars said...

ROAR on!
You are brilliant and funny, and a PERSON!
praying for solutions.

edenhills said...

I'm so glad you asserted yourself. Sometimes we do need to roar. I hope they get things figured out.

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RockiBottom said...

I haven't blogged in... well, a very very long time. I clicked my old SC link on my blog to see what was up in the world of SC and I found a message stating you are ill. I am so very sorry that whatever is plaguing your body has come upon you. I pray that you receive answers, and more than that... healing.

I just want you to know that your SC meme meant a great deal to me and helped me get through an extremely rough time in my life. I thank you for that small escape I got to have once a week.

Please know that I will be praying for you.

Pam Beers. said...

Dearest Jenny, I love this alphabet community of caring people. Thank you. My prayers are with you and I think the only "ologist" left is a zoologist, which is perfect for our current "Z" word. There are times when I'd rather go to my local veterinarian or zoologist than to deal with people doctors.

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