What to do when you have no internet...

Call your internet provider constantly to really make them feel appreciated.

Jump up and down when after their 3rd visit they say, "Look, we'll just come on Friday morning and take all the old connections and wires out and re-install everything."

Whine, when you realize that you will be without internet AGAIN for much of Friday.

AND...

Paint like a fiend.

Here's three projects I just painted...I love them all...but maybe the tattoo bird end table is my favorite.

This is the cutest little kid's rocking chair. It was just faded ugly brown paint when I bought it. You can't tell but the the blue paint is a metallic. It looks really neat against the dark purple.




This was just a beat up beer crate. On both sides is written "He loves me...He loves me not..." The inside is metallic gold and the flower design is also on the back.




This was an old brown retro looking end table. I've never painted birds before so I was a bit hesitant but I like how funky the whole thing turned out in the end. The pink drawer makes me laugh.






We have two Cox crews coming at 8 this morning so the internet will be going down again. I just want to remind you that I will be by to visit your Alphabe-Thursday links (both the rest of L and M) and your Saturday Centus links! I haven't forgotten you! I promise!

Today, however, I might be painting again.

The world is divided into two kinds of people...

...those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos.


I don't want you to be afraid, though.

Because, I'm not a people who has tattoos. Anywhere.

I'm just a people who now has a tattooed style dresser.

And I have one for 6 bucks.

Yikes.

I went over my budget by a dollar...but in my defense...I now have over 1/2 of a bottle of high-gloss varnish...(Thanks Dad for the free knobs!)

...sooo...

I think I did pretty good.

Are you ready to see my finished FREE ugly white dresser with no knobs that Mr. Jenny and I got into an argument over?

Okay.

Close your eyes and count to three.

No peaking.

ONE...

TWO...

THREE!!!!!!!!






Yeah.

Mr. Jenny is pretty much eating his words now. I have a new project in mind to get started on next...unless I find some free furniture at a garage sale this weekend!

Thanks for letting me share my little tattoed beauty with you!

And, no, that first picture is NOT Mr. Jenny!

Sigh...

I kind of stink as an Audio-Visual guy...

Yikes. Continuing with my tattoo dresser proved to be harder than I thought it was going to be. (If you missed the first part of the tattoo dresser project and you kinda/sorta care, just click here!)

For a short while anyway.

I made Mr. Jenny haul my over-head projector down out of the closet and set it up for me. I dragged the dresser out to the over-head projector. I tried over-head projecting. And tried again. I just couldn't get the darned machine to work right.

Finally, Mr. Jenny came out to see what I was doing. "What are you doing?" he said, quizzically.

"Trying to use this stupid over-head projector," I replied.

"Ummm..." he looked a little nervous, "Don't you have to use a transparency or something?"

Transparency?!?

Geez! Who knew!

So I trotted over to Kinko's and spend another 93 cents of my $5.00 project budget and had them make the tattoo design into a transparency.

I'm gonna be honest. It worked a whole lot better.

Here's my tattoo dresser project as it continues. It's looking kind of scary at this point, but don't worry. I'll worry enough for us both, okay?









...and in a totally non-tattoo-dresser related segue...when I picked up Morgan for preschool on Monday she told me that a mosquito had landed on her over the weekend. "Oh Gwamma," she said with her big blue eyes shining, "That mosquito just landed on me and made me all sting-ly."

More dresser project on Friday!

Thanks for stopping by!

Sincerely,
Your slightly challenged Audio-Visual blogging friend

Sigh...

I was going to be all kinds of crafty on Thursday afternoon...

One of my friends shared pictures of the sweetest spring wreath ever earlier in the week with me. I was going to spend Thursday finishing up my St. Patrick's day cards AND make one of these adorable decorations for my front door.


But...

Instead I copped out, slugged-out, lazied out and went and bought the last cards I needed AND spent the afternoon on the couch with Millionare Matchmaker. Talk about inane TV.

And...

I didn't actually make a wreath either...

And now it's like 7:30 on Thursday night and I'm too tired to think up anything else to blog about...

And I figure it's actually kind of a favor to you...

Because now, since I so thoughtfully spent Thursday being slug-like, you can follow a real tutorial instead of the strange ones I generally write.

You're welcome.

Just click here to be whisked to instructions on how to make your own adorable wreath.

You may have to become un-slug-like to actually accomplish it...

...but I know you can do it!

As for my wreath? I figure I have a while before it's technically spring so I'm technically not really procrastinating...

I'm just being slug-like...which is totally not the same thing.

Sigh...

PS. Did you remember to enter the CSN giveaway? You can't buy one of these wreaths if you win, but you can still get something cool with $65 bucks! Click here if you missed entering or want to enter again.

If you need to take nitroglycerin, please do so before reading this post...

Because...

It is a (GASP!) craft tutorial.

And I don't want to be responsible for a heart attack...

Because...

Did I mention...????

It is a CRAFT TUTORIAL!

I'm not kidding.

An actual real craft.

From me. Jenny Matlock. Coming back from my tangents for a moment to bring you a (GASP!) craft tutorial that isn't all smart aleck-y or anything.

Okay.

Now that we've got the warning part of this post out of the way, I'm excited to share this with you.

If you've already seen these 1,000 times please don't burst my bubble, K?

It's for making (TADA!) these little beauties...



Button flowers! Woo hoo! I love these. I made them a long time ago but couldn't find my supplies and then when my friend was visiting from Ohio this past weekend, I dragged out all the stuff and we made them. You can click on the pictures to see them better.

There's some cool things about making these.

The first thing is, you hardly need any supplies. Just a wire cutter, some buttons (d'oh), some 22 gage green cloth stem wire (by the florist stuff at the craft store) and a pencil.



First, I'll show you how to make the curlicue wire things...





And now I'll show you how to make one type of flower. You can do anything you like with the buttons, though. You can make a wire twist between each button and make a pseudo-delphinium type flower, put a big plain button on just the end of the wire, layer the buttons...whatever you like. The only limit to the type of flowers you can make for this project is... well... Okay, there is no limit to the type of flowers you can make.

You make them all pretty much the same, though. Thread the wire up through one side of the buttons and then pull it back down...




Put a twist of wire underneath each button that you don't want to shift on the stem...


Twist the stem after you have all the buttons you want on the wire...


And stick the flower in with all the other flowers you made.


You can make them monochromatic or all bright and happy. Please do not drool over my little jadeite mug that I got from a dear, dear friend. It is mine and you can't have it. Sorry. I'm selfish like that.


The other cool thing about these flowers is that the method doesn't mess up the buttons. You could make them with buttons from your Grandma's old button box and not hurt them a bit!

I hope you liked them.

And I hope that you feel that it was worth the risk of a heart attack to read this post.

And now I shall stray back into tangent land until the next time I choose to subject you to the shock and awe of a (GASP!) craft tutorial.

In closing, I'd like to share this little button quote with you.

A button in a flower is worth two in a button box.

...

That is so a quote.

Is so!

Who said it?

Ummm...

...

Me, of course!

Sigh...

A Halloween Craft Tutorial

Hey, wipe that surprised look off your face.

I do craft tutorials all the time here on Jenny Matlock.

It's a tangent thing, really. I am forever going off on a craft tangents. Don't you remember?

OK. Well maybe, technically, I don't always share my craft tangents with you because once in a great while they don't translate quite as well as I think they will from brain to execution.

BUT...

This one turned out perfectly.

It's about how to make neat spider webs on your windows using an advanced craft technique I have perfected at great personal risk.

Ready?

OK. Close your eyes and open them when I count to three...

ONE...

TWO...

Hey, no peaking!

...

THREE!!!!!

Look! Look! Isn't this cute, cute, cute!



See that spider down in the right hand corner? Isn't that sweet?

I'm going to do all the windows in the french door and put different colors of spiders in each one.

Won't that be adorable?!?

Now, I know you're ready to get the directions.

OK. Got a pencil?

No, don't be intimidated. I double-durn-guarantee you can do this craft, too.

OK. Ready? Cool.

Here's what you need.

A rock.

It's important that you get just the right size.


If it's too big it may make the whole window shatter.

If it's too small it may not crack the window.

Sigh.

OK, don't hate me for using any photo-op at my disposal.

I'm a blogger, you know?

And every opportunity, including windows broken by the lawn mower, count as fair game.

But it is kind of neat, right?

Right?

I know you'll agree with me. Mr. Jenny didn't think it was quite as cute.

Double sigh...

S is for Simple, Sweet wreath

Good morning! This post is linked to the letter "S" on Alphabe-Thursday! You can click here to read all the other Stupendous S posts for the week, too!

I wanted to show you how to make a simple, sweet, inexpensive wreath using a wreath form, a tiny bit of ribbon and your glue gun!

First, grab a little bucket and go out to your garden.
Gather up a bunch of the dried hollyhock blossoms from the stalks of hollyhocks. You can just pluck the dried ones off the stalk.

I also cut a few of the blossom tips off where the green seed pods are showing for a little extra ornamentation on my wreath.

Haul your little bucket to your work area (if you can do this outside I'd recommend it) and grab your wreath form, scissors, ribbon and glue gun. Attach your ribbon loop by going around the wreath form and then tie the ribbon into a knot. Secure the loop to the wreath with hot glue. Start securing blossoms around the wreath. I found it more effective to put glue on the form and then a bit extra on the blossom to make it more secure. I also put an extra blossoms randomly on top to hide any bits of the wreath form showing through.

If you want to use the dried blooom tips gather several together into an attractive little bunch and either wire or tie the bunch together with ribbon. Using copious amounts of glue attach the bloom spray to the wreath form and continue to build around it with dried blossoms.
Continue until the wreath form is completely covered!

And....ta da.... simple, sweet, inexpensive...