Wednesday, July 8, 2015

I think we think there's a slim line between...

... fine and whine.

Do you ever just want to get things off your chest, but you can't?

You hesitate because you know that so many people have it bad.  So much worse than you.

So you don't talk about things.

You don't want to be whiner.

You want to be brave...

...and strong...

...and minimize things.


You don't want to be a whiner.

So you say, "Oh, I'm fine.   Yeah.  I'm fine."

But what you really want to say is, "Darn!   My life feels so complicated right  now and I feel like I'm on a ferris wheel that won't shut off and I'm sitting in the little dangly chair thing, screaming inside my head, but nobody hears and I feel like I want to throw up and if this STUPID ferris wheel doesn't let me off soon I'm gonna..."

We  hesitate in telling because I think we think that the other person is going to think, "Geez, who does she think she is whining about that petty stuff when so many people have it bad...when so many people have it wayyy worse than she does."

(Yes, I know I used 'think' a lot of times in that sentence.  I'm rebellious like that in my writing.   Think, think, think.   So there.)

But I wonder if the other person is actually thinking, "Wow, things are pretty tough for her right now and I hope I can help her because that's what people are supposed to other people through rough times."

I'm not sure, but I think the second thing is actually the thing that might be closer to the truth even though we have brainwashed ourselves to believe the first thing.

Getting dizzy yet trying to follow this circular logic?

Get it?

Dizzy?   Circular?


Never mind.


What was I writing about here?






I'm not sure, but I think if we  keep being 'fine' when we're really not that eventually we're going to explode with our emotions.

And that won't be pretty.

Not pretty at all.

Maybe trust is the way we find a bridge over the slim line between fine and whine.

And quite possibly we should realize that whine is our own assessment and not the way other people would see the situation in our lives at all.



Only three letters are different.

But there's a world of loneliness and pain between the two self-perceptions.

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Linda @ A La Carte said...

Oh Jenny I think this is so true! I have finally decided that to friends (close friends) and family I'm going to admit to feeling down or not my best and stop being FINE all the time, well because I'm not and I need to stop beating myself up for being human and old(er) and tired sometimes and not perky or dare I even say it grumpy at times! Yes, I do say it now and I must admit my family and friends still love me and they even understand. is such a journey.

Gail said...

There are many things I do not share publicly for that reason. X her, she's a whiner.

I have discovered true friends during my adventure in blogdom and we share things privately. We prop each up and yes, we whine, sometimes, but other times we laugh...just like "normal" folks.

Just give us a chance to listen and we will pay back with some whining of our own...teasing. Seriously, the right person to talk to is out there and you already know them. Just for the record, I have never heard you whine.


Gattina said...

Nobody can pretend to be fine when he is feeling horrible that takes a lot of energy. Real friends know your situation and with them you have the right to whine when you feel like it. And the once who love you know how you are and you are not a person to whine the whole day long ! You are rather a very brave person !

Anonymous said...

So you still haven't said what you need to say - who cares if it's whining ... you rather explode??

Rita said...

Can totally relate to this. I can whine to a couple people when I'm having it worse than usual, but when you've been in pain for endless years and years...nobody wants to hear about it all the time...not even me. In my case, there really isn't anything anyone can do to help ease my pain--but I have learned to ask for help more often. I do journal. That helps me. It's my private place to complain or feel sorry for myself without bothering anybody. But to really let off steam so I don't boil over--I have those select few people I trust who will listen to me bitch and whine--LOL! We all have to find ways to cope. *hugs*

lissa said...

I think it too, so I don't allow myself to whine much as I don't want people to think I'm a whiner, but it's wrong. we're human, we're allowed to feel emtions and we should whine when we want to.

I hope your day is going well.

Theresa said...

Well, Ms. Jenny... not whining as far as I can tell! Others DO have it bad, that is true but ALL problems or illnesses are important to me:) Prayers for you and your family coming your way! Sharing makes me feel better! BIG HUGS

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Hang in there sweetie and if you feel like whining to someone who would never judge such things, I'm your girl!!!!

Susan Anderson said...

Boy, isn't that the truth?!

You will be proud to hear that I have perfected the art of whining to a science…


PS. Hope you are doing okay, Jenny. I have missed you!

Viki said...

I like to think everyone's problems are important to them and therefore, to me. It's not whining, no matter how many times they tell me about it. Although when it comes to myself, I know exactly how you feel. I don't get why it's so hard to be the one doing the telling. Sometimes I think it's just if I don't say it out loud, it's not happening and I can hide from it. Sometimes I think it's just hard even if someone is being supportive: the look in their eyes, the tone of their voice,the written word, ugh. I think I'm not as evolved as I like to think I am, ha! Hang in there Jenny!

Judie said...

I'm still a horrible friend, but you can certainly whine to me. I'm trying very hard to get back into blogging regularly, hoping I can get my head back on straight. xoxoxox

Anonymous said...

You've certainly hit it. Others might have it worse, but that doesn't mean our life is a bowl of cherries. I certainly do feel for you and want you to feel better and know that we think of you often and wish things would improve. Hugs.

vivian said...

I think we probably all feel that way sometimes. Sometimes I'll start writing about being miserable about something and then by the time Im done I delete it and start over about something totally unrelated and forcing myself to write in a more positive way. When you are someone who is generally a happy, cheerful even tempered, reasonable person and people are used to that, it becomes hard to let others know when something is wrong.. and if you do... people don't know how to respond. LOL! I do most of my whining to God in my car on my way to work! lol! Usually Im over it by the time I get there. But sometimes we just need others to know that we need a little extra care and love on a certain day.. and that should be shared with people who care about us.
I somehow lost your blog.. so I'm glad I found it again!
have a nice day Jenny

Betty said...

I really like genuine. Lately things have been a little difficult and when that happens I don't blog at all. I take a break. I can't act as if everything is wonderful when it isn't. I sometimes read blogs and everything sounds "too good" if you know what I mean. I think these people are in some kind of denial and their posts aren't genuine. I always prefer genuine.