Monday, August 11, 2014

Cleaning out my desk...

over the weekend helped remind me to clean out my brain.
 
Sometimes I get stuck in stinkin' thinkin'.
 
I hate when I do that.
 
Intellectually I know it's incorrect.
 
But my brain gets going in that narrow groove and I spiral back to feeling like I'm not good enough.
 
And I can pretty much make myself go from being mostly in emotional control to beating myself down in about 1.4 seconds.
 
I used to be able to do it much faster...
 
You know?
 
Calm to stressed out in 1.1 seconds.
 
I think age has slowed the process down.
 
Thank heavens for getting old.
 
Anyway.
 
I found this little scribbled piece of paper under the box of pens that mostly don't work.
 
Because.
 
Yes.
 
I try to use one.
 
See it doesn't work.
 
And throw it back into the same place again.
 
It is oddly empowering, though, to throw the whole box of pens out.
 
Although now I find myself writing with several semi-dried-out magic markers.
 
Sigh.
 
(baby steps, Jenny.   Baby steps)
 
Hmmm.
 
What the heck was I telling you about?
 
Hmmm.
 
Dried out pens?
 
Oh.
 
Yeah.
 
The little poem I wrote and stashed under the dried out pen box in my desk drawer.
 
It made me feel better.
 
It reminded me how far I've come.
 
 
I.
Am.
Enough.
Yes,
I let you bully me,
demoralize me,
demonize me,
belittle and badger me,
and to try your very best to destroy me.
 
But I didn’t let you.
 
 
Because.
I.
was trying to help you.
 
By making you
feel like you WERE enough.
Because.
I.
Am.
Enough.
 
Really.
And how sad for you to never realize that.
 
Deep?   Right?
 
Not about Mr. Jenny. 
 
About many previous people in my life who have mistaken kindness for weakness.
 
...
 
Cleaning out the dried pen box turned out to be a good thing for my weekend.
 
I ended up feeling empowered.
 
So I went on to clean out the baking pan cupboard as well.
 
Sadly there was nothing inspirational there, though.
 
Although I was tempted to tell the freakishly hoarded pile of cupcake liners, "Seriously, you ARE enough"...
 
I didn't want them to get overconfident and start reproducing when I wasn't  watching!
 
Seriously, though.
 
Who has a whole drawer stuffed full of cupcake liners?
 
I packed them all up to donate to the school art department.  Hopefully they'll be more excited than I was with the wide variety of colors and sizes!
 
And hopefully you'll be excited to remember that YOU are enough, too!
 
Just the way you are!
 
Hugs and Happy Monday!
 
post signature 

14 comments:

Janie Junebug said...

Yes, you are enough. That's an excellent poem. I love a clean desk. I knew Willy Dunne Wooters was a keeper when he went shopping and bought a set of shelves with a variety of spaces so I could organize my office supplies. He understood my need to organize right from the beginning.

Love,
Janie

Linda @ A La Carte said...

I use to think I wasn't enough but now I know I am...enough of a person to realize I'm not perfect but I'm a pretty good me! Hugs to you sweet friend.

Linda

Linda @ A La Carte said...

I use to think I wasn't enough but now I know I am...enough of a person to realize I'm not perfect but I'm a pretty good me! Hugs to you sweet friend.

Linda

Leovi said...

Yes, a lovely Fine words

Sandy McClay said...

Jenny,
What a great affirmation! I need to post it like.. everywhere in my home! And as far as a whole drawer of cupcake papers....do you see my hand in the air....me! I do that! lol Big Hug!

Betty said...

It sounds like you've come a long way!

Karen S. said...

Oh yes you are enough...although I have to toss in my big bad but here, yes but, not butt! Hehehe. What isn't enough, is that I've been slacking with my A-Thurs posts, and often remember those fun days of Saturday Centus! I miss those days. Oh yeah, I'm missing our Miss Jenny- In my blogging world! Until right this minute! Enjoy your day sweet lady! It was great to read your funny post today.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Love this. You are more than enough; more than!!!
I too have a drawer full of cupcake liners….and I rarely make cupcakes! I hope you are doing well.
XOXO

Willoughby said...

Excellent poem. Anyone who makes you feel like you aren't enough isn't worth a second of your time. What's with people who make you feel that way? I don't understand spending your life bringing others down.

I buy cupcake wrappers in different colors and patterns every now and again, but I always go back to the foil wrappers because you don't need a muffin/cupcake pan to use them. I can bake nearly two dozen cupcakes at a time if I use them on a half sheet sized baking pan. Also, if you put them close together before you bake them, the cupcakes sort of squish as they bake and come out square. It's cool. I know, I'm a dork!!

Susan Anderson said...

Great poem, Jenny!

I think all your online friends (and others) would agree that you are more than enough.

And we are grateful for that.

=)

Splendid Little Stars said...

mistake kindness for weakness--Some people know how to zero in and use to their advantage kind, caring people. Why? because they themselves feel less? or are they greedy for more self worth?
I am sorry you have suffered.
But yes, your ARE enough! you. as you are. an abundance of enough!

Annesphamily said...

You are amazing!

Pam Beers. said...

There are some people out there who just don't get it. Kindness for weakness? Those are the type of people I just walk away from. For me kindness equals strength...with boundaries for some.

Your poem really hit home. It was very powerful and very true.

Pat Tillett said...

You are most definitely enough. You are also amazing...