BEFORE I BEGIN THIS TOTALLY IMPORTANT POST (gack!) I WANT TO TELL YOU I AM DOING TWO GIVEAWAYS NEXT WEEK...ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY BOTH! Yes, one involves flavored coffee but the other is a fun announcement for our family. I've just been waiting for the prize to come in the mail!)
Ahem. So here's the regularly scheduled programming.
Some months back, my little food processor died a ghastly death.
It involved grinding noises, a blade spinning awry...
I buried it.
Ceremonially, in my trash, where all broken small appliances are interred.
And I remained chopper-less.
Life became more difficult.
Onions and I became enemies.
I can barely bear to discuss the chopping of hot peppers.
Until last week.
I saw my salvation!
A lime-green mini food processor sitting sweetly on the clearance end cap at Target.
The moment our eyes met, it began murmuring enticements like, "I am a fine chopper, baby!" and "Hey, I'm willing to grind for you."
So I had to buy it.
I took it home, unpacked it, and put it happily on my kitchen counter.
Yesterday I decided to use the little beauty.
I had a big pile of onions and peppers to mince up and I figured it was time to make that little appliance earn it's keep.
I plugged it in.
And tried to take the top off.
I tugged and pulled.
The top stayed firmly on.
I got the directions out and read them. No luck.
Fortunately, I was going to Target for another errand, so I packed up the little chopper and took it to the service counter.
"I would like to replace this," I explained, "The top is wedged on."
The cashier was nice and fortunately there was another lime green one left in the clearance section.
I brought it home.
I plugged it in.
The darned top would not come off again.
"What are the odds of this?" I grumbled. The pile of peppers and onions taunted me. "You have to cut us with a knife. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!", they sneered.
I read the directions again.
I pulled again, with a slight twisting motion.
"For crying out loud," I said, "It is ridiculous that two Kitchen-aid food processors aren't working. Grrrr!"
I called the Kitchen-Aid assistance number.
And got a live person.
I told her my problem. I told her I thought it must be pretty poor design if I had just experienced two defective products.
She told me she was sorry.
She continued, 'After you remove the packing tape, the lid won't turn at all?"
I put my reading glasses on and looked really, really closely.
Darned clear tape.
Three pieces holding the top securely to the bottom.
"Ummmm..." I said.
"Ummmmmm...well, hold on just a second."
I peeled the tape off.
The top of the processor lifted off easily.
"Ummmm....got it," I mumbled, "Thanks so much."
She finished our call cheerily, "Anything else I can help you with today?"
"Ummm...no....I think I've got it, thanks so much."
And after that.
After that the peppers and onions didn't stand a chance.
God Bless my powerful little lime green food processor.
I'm think I'm going to head to Target again today.
To buy stronger reading glasses.
I'll let you know if there's any more choppers on clearance.
You're on your own for tape removal, though.
E is for Exsanguination
14 hours ago