Tuesday, June 18, 2013

A handy dandy tip about growing older...

I was raised to be a helpful person.
 
You know?
 
So although this tip might, at first, seem a bit odd I'm only telling you to make your life easier.
 
Have you ever gone on an escalator with little kids?
 
Rememer how they are fearful of the moving stairs at first but before you know it they're trying to run back UP the DOWN escalator?
 
And you're worried that their little toes are somehow going to get stuck in the metal plates things that squish together?
 
But their little toes never get squished so you just worry about nothing after all?
 
Okay.
 
So.
 
A few days ago I went to a giant sports store.
 
With an escalator.
 
All my myself.
 
I was looking for some swim goggles for a birthday present.
 
And I had to go upstairs on the escalator to the second floor.
 
After I finally located the goggles I wanted, I got on the down escalator.
 
And something came over me.
 
Seriously.
 
Call it a moment of temporary insanity...
 
...because about five steps down I decided to turn around and run back up.
 
Now this probably doesn't seem like such a big deal, right?
 
But I am old.
 
And...ummm...quite gravity dense.
 
But I didn't stop to think of those things.
 
I turned around, quick like a bunny, and tried to head back up...
 
And let me tell you.
 
It's not as easy as an eight year old makes it look.
 
In fact, it's downright hard.
 
And...ummm...dangerous.
 
And I about totally killed myself trying to go up the down escalator.
 
Just a little bit.
 
Because.

Because I was distracted...

...and...

Because, well, I was thinking about this...
 
Our oldest Grandlittle turned 11 today.
 
I am sooo emotional about it.
 
It's silly really.
 
We've had wonderful times togther and we will have so many more.
 
It's just that.
 
Gulp.
 
She turned 11.
...and she is beautiful and sweet and loving and kind and compassionate and athletic and smart and wonderful.
 
But.
 
ELEVEN.
 
And maybe I'm distracted trying to figure out a way to slow down the hands of time...
 
Because.
 
Well.
 
Because, of this, too.
Oldest Grandlittle.   132 months.   Youngest Grandlittle.   3 1/2 months.
 
Geez.
 
Geez.
 
That's why it's so much easier to have tried running up the down elevator two days before her birthday.
 
Instead of feeling all blue today about how quickly time flies...
 
I can focus, instead, on the looks of horror AND amusement on the faces of all the people on the UP elevator.
 
YessireeBob.   When I finally looked around after my near demise, there were at least 16 eyes staring at me.
 
Gosh.
 
Yeah.
 
Blush.
 
I didn't realize there was a whole bunch of people on the other escalator when I did my extremely ungraceful and ridiculous attempt to go back UP!
 
They looked surprised all right.
 
And one of the men actually came down after me and asked me if I needed any help.
 
The worst part was he used that, "I think you're probably crazy but I was raised to be helpful fear-filled voice" reserved for talking to lunatics and other not-quite-there people.
 
The wonderful news is, this whole fiasco was quite distracting.
 
Remembering the expression on those other peoples faces and recalling how close I came to sticking not only my toes but other body parts into the metal plates things that squish together?
 
Very, very distracting.
 
I highly recommend you try this technique if you have a child or a grandchild growing up too fast.
 
Pain and shame are quite helpful in de-fusing the little grenade of memories that can be so brilliantly bitter-sweet on momentous days like this.
 
Oh.
 
...
 
...
 
And.
 
You're welcome.
 
PS.   No aging gravity-dense Grandmas were actually hurt in this process so the whole thing ended as well as can be expected!
 
PPS.   Do you know you can order swimming goggles on-line if necessary, thus avoiding the temptation to try running UP the DOWN elevator.
 
PPPS.   Sigh.
post signature

19 comments:

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny I freaked out when Tiger turned two, I can't imagine Eleven!!! Oh and I would never make it up the down elevator!

hugs,
Linda

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my. Thank you for the belly laugh at the end there, I burned a few calories. Of course, not as many as you burned trying to run UP a DOWN escalator.
Time does fly. It makes me well up and it makes my heart flutter. I do know that deep in there you are thankful to witness the oldest turning 11; that is a gift.
And you've given me ONE more reason to enjoy online shopping.
Thanks for that.
XO

Jo said...

i suddenly feel like joining you on that excalator!!! maybe i will stick to the elevator ... it's a much easier ride down .... or up .... as you please ....

bluegrassnotes said...

I have life long memories of a day in our local department store when I was a child. The escalator was stopped as a sobbing little boy with his foot stuck in the escalator waited to be released... So you can worry a little bit, at least about little feet. But your adventure sounds fun.

Wanda..... said...

Time does fly! Our two youngest of 6 grandsons are now old enough for summer jobs, Jenny. You may remember 'little' Andrew and Dylan from my blog. Well, Dylan recently turned 15 and today is brother Andrew's 17th birthday. So our youngest granddaughter Alivia, who turned 10 back on the 6th, still seems 'very' young to us.☺

Anita said...

I loved reading this post. It tugged at a few of my emotions; it made me smile, laugh, a little sad, and it made me wonder - like the man on the elevator - if you've lost a marble. :)

I can't imagine grandchildren because my kids are still teens and because I'm 55 (old enough to be the grandma of my youngest) sometimes I wonder if I will enjoy the experience as you and all my other friends do. If I calculate correctly, I'll be lucky to have one by the time I'm 65! Oh well...

And no, I don't "really" think you've lost a marble. You're refreshingly honest, real and a loving person. Keep up your expressions of love for your darling grandkids, but don't hurt yourself! :)

Debra @ Homespun said...

Eleven....and that cute little baby. And well no wonder you were distracted :)

Jeanie said...

My oldest granddaughter turned 11 last month and I am still a bit distracted by it. Be careful!

pasqueflower said...

As a fellow aging gravity-dense Grandma, I truly appreciated this post. The littles grow up SO fast!

Glad you weren't seriously injured in your up the down escalator escapade.

Rita said...

Ah! Just count your blessings that you actually have those grandkids!! ;)

Karen S. said...

I always thought, but now I know for sure, it would be so much fun to have you as my BFF in the same town, sharing life's ups and downs Ha! Ha! I'd also be sure we'd remember to not think about the years in numbers- (so easy to say right!!!!) Enjoy the birthday party! As a side note, I've been known to use the stairs or elevator for sometimes myself!!!

Ms. A said...

They DO grow up awfully fast and that just makes me feel even older and more depressed. I've got one turning 14 in a couple of weeks. Seems like it was only yesterday that I watched her come into this world, right in my own home. *sigh

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

My grandkids are just 5 and 6, and I spend a lot of time noticing how tall they've become. Running up the down escalator ... I love the impulse but I'll probably resist. Thanks for a wonderful story, though!

Janie Junebug said...

The grandlittles are sooooo adorable.

Love,
Janie

Sarah~Magnolia Surprise said...

Hysterical! You can sure keep us laughing! Ordering online might be the best bet in our, ahem, old age, assuming of course that we can remember what buttons to punch on the computer!

Pat Tillett said...

I am VERY lucky because, the older I get the slower time seems to pass.

If you have to run on the elevator Jenny, I'm glad you opted to run UP the DOWN escalator, instead of the other way around....

Sue said...

Thanks for the tip. My eldest grandchild is 11 too.

;)

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Melinda Cornish said...

Olivia turns twelve on the 30th and she still is momless....that makes me sad.