“Holy Shirley Temple!
You’re NOT going to card me?
Lookie here, you little dork.
I’ve lost fifty … ummm… I mean… a lot of pounds…
I dumped my husband.
I got this new two-toned choppy hair style…
I would show you my new tat…
But then, I’d have to kill you.
You don’t want to card me?
I’ve been lipoed, botoxed, lifted and tucked…
And you don’t want to frickin’ card me?
So listen up you brat. Here’s what I want to drink…
You put the lime in the coconut.
Don’t look at me like that! Of course it’s a drink!!!”