Friday, May 3, 2013

Recipe for a battered wife...

Oh.

Man.

This is dark.

Dark and ugly.

And it was soooo fun to write.

However.  I cut and cut and cut (pun intended) and I am still officially over the word count.  Please consider this my IOU for 35 words.  I promise I will deduct them from next weeks SC!

Prompt is in bold.

To read other, less macabre, offerings using the same prompt, just click here.

PS.   Sorry in advance if you have a squeamish stomach today.  Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!  And sorry for the weird spacing on this.   I can't seem to fix it in blogger today.

Anyway.

Ahem...



"Melt butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat,” I sing-songed.

 
“Your food tastes like swill!  Why isn’t the laundry done?  What the hell is wrong with you? Crack-Crunch-Smack!”

 
“Wait until the butter is sizzling hot,” I cautioned myself.

 
“You are so fat and ugly! WTF is wrong with you? No-one else will ever love you!  Crack-Crunch-Smack!”

“Make sure the knife is sharp,” I reminded myself.

“You are just a stupidstupidstupiduglyfatbitch! Why aren’t my shirts ironed?  This house is disgusting!   Crack-Crunch-Smack!”

I turned from the lovely, bubbly fragrance on the stove.

 
My kitchen was spotless.

My apron was freshly laundered and ironed.

 
I heard my knife crack-crunch-smack through the bones of his femur.

 
“Yeah.  I told you if you ever laid a hand on me again you were going to pay!”

 
I chuckled to myself and turned his corpse to begin the butchering.
 
post signature


16 comments:

Pam Beers. said...

This is marvelous. I have a bit of the macabre in me. At first, I thought you were cutting up a chicken, then realized it was the real deal xy abuser.

Jen, I feel awful, I just fat-fingered the wonderful comment you left on my "Butter or Oil" post and deleted it. It was so special, and I erased it by mistake. Argh!

Thanks for the great comment. Too bad no one else will see it.

Green Speck said...

Ooops ... pleasure hunting???? :-O

ImagiMeri said...

I always knew it!!!! You're my dark twin........LOL

Love ya'
Meri

Sarah~Magnolia Surprise said...

Serves him right! I am immune to dark and ugly. I watch CSI, SVU and Criminal Minds!

Wanda Bates said...

I feel like such a weirdo because I write dark stuff all the time. I was born on the day that Psycho was released in 1960. Perhaps that has something to do with it. I've had so much trouble finding other writers of the macabre. I found this piece good, gruesome fun.

Pondside said...

Ah Miss Jenny, when you exercise your dark side you do it very well!

Viki said...

Ay yi yi, creepy at its best, lol.

Gattina said...

and I hope you dug a deep whole in your yard to bury the pieces ! Or maybe not so deep, would be a waste for dog food !

Rita said...

OMG! Mrs. Hannibal--LOL!

letscutthecrap said...

Aw shucks. Sometimes it feels GOOD to be BAD.

This is fabulous!

Sue said...

Ah, sweet (though messy) revenge...

;)

Pat Tillett said...

HA! Yep, that is very dark! It sounds like he earned it. Good one Jenny...

starvingactivist said...

Excellent (she says, wringing her hands in delight). Fabulous posting!

Splendid Little Stars said...

Yikes!
Don't mess with her!
bone-crack-crunch-smackingly scary!

Anita said...

You Go Girl! LOL

Amy said...

Barbecue always reminds me of Fried Green Tomatoes... and now your story. *shudder*. You have an evil streak, my friend.