Saturday, October 3, 2009

Pillsbury Not-Bake-Off Part 2

...ok, ...where were we? Oh dream. my very vivid dream I had taken a Pillsbury pie crust, laid it on top of a Pillsbury recipe ready crescent roll sheet, sprinkled it with sugar and cinnamon and baked it. It was flaky and wonderful and totally, totally delicious.

I tell my husband about this and he says "hmmm.... are you going to sample this?" I am gluten and sugar sensitive and I rarely eat either since it causes my joints to swell and become painful.

But no guts, no glory, right? So I say to my husband, "no guts, no glory and no million dollars unless I can get this recipe right!"

So he escorts me to the door so I can head to the grocery store. I think the guts and glory part moved him. Well, that and he wanted me to be happy, of course. It really had nothing to do with the potential of a million dollars I'm sure!

At the store I am so certain that this is going to be perfect I buy one box of piecrust, one can of the recipe ready crescents and the smallest box of sugar I can find.

I bring them home!

According to my ex-cel spread-sheet this fits the criteria perfectly. Accessible to any cook in America, no special equipment needed, almost all Pillsbury ingredients, blah, blah, blah. Oh boy, oh boy!

I make my husband come out to the kitchen and we pop, layer, sprinkle, roll, and slice and into the oven my million dollar babies go.

We stand by the oven window and watch and although they look a little weird coming out of the oven I figure it is nothing that a heavy dusting of powdered sugar will fix. I don't have any powdered sugar, and I'm thinking they really need it to look a bit more appetizing. But we will rough it.

PLUS I am totally stoked to have given myself free-license to eat sugar and flour! I mean, seriously, anything for the million dollar grand prize, right? No sacrifice is too great!

Now you have to recognize just how bad this concoction was if it didn't even taste good to an ex-carbohydrate addict. To be painfully honest they were disgustingly gaggy. And ugly, too.

OK, obviously I just did the temperature wrong or something.

Back to the store I go and this time I buy one more package of pie crust and since I have one crust already leftover from my first attempt I buy three cans of crescent rolls AND a big bag of powdered sugar.

After I perfect the recipe with this next batch I plan to bake up a double batch of scrumptious Pillsbury goodies and take them to friends, family and neighbors to wow their socks off!

I'm feeling very positive.

My husband and I do it all again. Pop, layer, sprinkle, roll, and slice. Different temperature on the oven.

Hmmm....even with a seriously heavy avalanche of powder sugar these are still pretty gaggy although the powdered sugar all by itself was awfully tasty.

I realize that perhaps my dream might just have been the "suggestion" of the recipe and not the actual recipe itself.

So I go study my little spread-sheet some more.

Butter seems to be a popular ingedient.

Maybe that's what it is wrong. No butter in my recipe.

I repeat the whole pop, layer, sprinkle, roll, and slice thing but this time I spread the piecrust with 1/4 cup of softened butter in between the layer and sprinkle steps.

Butter makes everything better, right? Wrong! Perhaps it is not MORE disgusting but it is darned close.

I had watched my husband carefully while he gagged down my third attempt and it appeared that he wasn't wanting to throw up quite as badly. This renewed my confidence that I was on the right track.

But I was down to one piecrust and one can of crescent rolls.

I really, really didn't want to drive back to the store again.

My knees and hip had started aching a little bit from eating all this sugar and flour. I felt slightly ill. And, on top of that, my husband had given me "the look". You know the one? Where they want to say "what is wrong with you...are you crazy?" but they are afraid to actually voice the sentiment.

But you know...the Pillsbury bake-off battle is not won by the weak or the gluten-sensitive.

I decide to tackle the recipe one more time.

After all, if Pillsbury gave the person who invented little pies using canned biscuit dough and cherry pie filling a million dollars they are certainly going to want to give me TWO MILLION for my wonderful recipe. be continued...


Christina said...

I hope your joints can take it!! And that you finally make it!! I am not one to come up with a recipe-I can bake like nobody's business when I'm following someone else's brilliant plan for cake or whatever. Ha.

Judy o. said...

I think you need to add some of your "Meyer" lemons as filling or something....fruit something.....You are such a nut!

Jean Tuthill said...

You'll get there yet! Don't give up! You can do it! Keep going! I'm cheering you on and I hope you do it! Won't it be fun trying to spend a million dollars?

Jenny said...

This is just hilarious! I can't wait to read what's next!

linda_behling said... are a hoot !! I can just see Steve's eyes rolling !!

Joan said...

Hmmmm....Remember when I said that you were photogenic!?!?!??! Well...this just might be your worst picture ever :(

Artsy Fartsy Junkin Finds said...

OK.... I am officially about to pee my pants, I was invisioning this as I read it!!! Too funny! Hugs, Janna