Monday, February 28, 2011

I'm not sure how to say this in a politically correct fashion...

...so I'm just gonna bust right out with it...

...

...

I need a wife.

Another month has almost come and gone and I just can't help but think how much more I could have accomplished in February if I had a wife.

A wife could cook dinner for me. And do the laundry. And iron my shirts. And pick up Grandkids. And organize the perpetually messy cupboards around the house.


A wife could put fresh sheets on the bed that have been dried out in the afternoon sunshine, and buy flowers for the bay window in the kitchen, and bring me glasses of ice water when I'm working away in my office.

A wife could brave Walmart for me. And pick up my prescriptions. And bake me pies. Sour cherry, please. With extra flaky crust.


It's not that I want a wife...like...ummmm...that...you know...

Because I'm very happy being the girl in... ummm... the more intimate parts of a traditional marriage.

blush

It's just that sometimes I think a wife would be handy.

...

Do you know what I mean?

...

I think this is really how I feel or it could be just the pain meds from my mouth running away with this post...but either way...I'm totally open to having a wife.

The only downside of this whole idea is that the documentation could get confusing...for insurance and stuff like that you know?

Mr. Jenny would be the husband, the wife would be the wife...and I would be ... ummm.... FREE TO DO WHAT I WANT, WHENEVER I WANT!

Wow.

When I put it like that it makes me realize that I really do NEED a wife.

It sounds like a good plan! Right?

Right!

And, hey, I heard that...

sigh...

post signature

50 comments:

Wanderer said...

Haha, Jenny! I'm feeling the same way. Remember The Jetsen's? You need a Rosie robot. All the help, no complicated paper work and no confusion when it comes to the "interactive" issues!

*sigh*...I want a Rosie!

Willoughby said...

I understand where you're coming from on this idea, but I'm wondering if a clone might be a better option. Not only could she do all the housework, but since she would look just like you, she could attend meetings and other things (jury duty, etc.) that you don't want to do. Just a thought....

vivian said...

I always say I need a fairy god mother.. she could just come in and wave her wand and everything would be done! I guess though, that a fairy god mother is impractical. so I would settle for a maid, a cook, a laundress, a gardener, and a personal shopper. well I really like to shop, so maybe a personal grocery shopper, cause I dont like to buy groceries!
on second thought, your right, a good wife would do all those things!
lol
have a great week
viv

Jocelyn said...

I think you should have that wife!!! I can so relate....I need one too!!!

How much easier can life get with just a little help from a wife!!!!

Wishing you a great day and thanks for the love and prayers you are sending the family!!!!

Love ya sweet friend!!!

Wanda..... said...

Men Are So Lucky!!!

Paula ~ castleandcottagesigns said...

Oh it's a definate plan! It's just not fair that men get a wife and we don't~ a wife is the answer to everyone's problems, that's a proven fact!!

ain't for city gals said...

lol...I kind of did a post like this today except I was just whining...sometimes you just get tired of doing housework...

Deb said...

you need Hazel...remember that show from way back...she was a great maid...or maybe Alice from the Brady Bunch....

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

I've always thought that women should have wives of their own. I have to say that after reading your list, I was a bit horrified at how qualified I might be for the role, I just don't dress the part. Oh, and I don't bring anyone ice water (tea, coffee) while they work! I have been recently longing for a chef.

Leslie Morgan said...

Ah, Jenny,I've secretly yearned for a wife for decades! Husband and child became finally well-evolved enough that they didn't even need ME any more, at least not in the 24'7 mode. So why do I still need a wife> If you get yours, please let me know if she has a comely sister!?

JDaniel4's Mom said...

My grandmother had one. She was called a housekeeper, but she was like a wife.

Theresa said...

You make me giggle... ALWAYS! Hey, here we go with another business venture, here we go... presenting the new business,

"RENT A WIFE" Who couldn't use a little help, right?

Have a blessed day my friend! HUGS!

Pondside said...

I want one too!
I think a housekeeper is what I really want, but I believe that all the people qualified to the job are now running large corporations.

J. Kwiatkowski said...

I always say I need a lackey.

Judie said...

You need a live-in housekeeper! I need a live-in housekeeper! Keil stayed with me for a couple of days while Rod went to New Orleans to get Beth and our granddogs, and Keil waited on me and did housework, and did meals. It was great!!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny I have thought that for years...a wife who would do the housework and cook would be my dream! Sigh...not happening!

Diane said...

Oh, this would be so nice! If you find out where to get one, let me know. ;)

BEAR's Mom said...

i'm feeling really guilty here
since my hubby already does all that =)

Donnie said...

I'd rather have a live in maid and cook then when they annoyed me I could let them go. I definitely see your point.

Susannah said...

Loved it. :-)

I'm with Willoughby, a clone would be good!

Thanks for the giggles.

Su-sieee! Mac said...

Yeah, I think about that every so often, like today with 4 loads of laundry waiting to be washed, a kitchen floor that should be mopped, and bills that need to be paid before the mailperson comes by. I am thankful though that the husband puts the breakfast on the table and washes the dishes.

Jessica B said...

I need a wife too!! I say that as I sit here (blogging)procrastinating about the dishes in the sink, the second load of laundry to be done, the dinner to be planned, the grocerystorepostofficepharmacy stops to be made...
I sure do know what you mean Jenny!

Busy Bee Suz said...

I've been asking for a wife for 10 years. If YOU figure out how to make it work....let me know!!!
Hope you feel better!!

MaƱana Mama said...

Totally, totally with you here - if you ever do find a good wife shop, do let me know - I might purchase about five wives - think that should just about cover the chaos of my life.

Write Chick said...

My friends and I have been saying this same thing for years! I work full time, so it would be great to come home to a clean house and have dinner already baking in the oven. She could help the kids with homework (something I hate!), and stay up with them when they are puking all night.

So...I'm not judging you at all.
:-D

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Great idea!

Until she jumps in the bed with you and the Mr. After all, she is a WIFE! You said so, yourself.

-giggggggles-

Jackie said...

Honestly Jenny ,having a wife would mean more responsibility and I take it you have enough already .

It's great to be me , I do what I want basically, and I have no responsibilities ....lol .

Sue said...

I could use a wife, myself!

=)

Mumsy, Chancy and Company said...

Well, I think one wife around here is quite enough, but I could sure use a housekeeper and chef...now that would be nice. Thanks, for the giggles...hope you are feeling better. Hugs

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Before my hubby and I left our corporate jobs we traveled at least 3 days a week. We both were on the road. I hated coming home to laundry,bills that needed paid, Rx need picked up, groceries needed bought, dry cleaning needed dropped off/pick up and the list goes on. One day I said to my husband, "I really need a good old fashion wife." He said, "me too."

That made us both laugh!

Kerri said...

perfect plan!!

Amy said...

OMG, Jenny-girl, you and me BOTH! LOL

MrsJenB said...

Oh, Jenny, I need a wife so badly. A wife to take care of my house while I go to work and come home and work some more. My husband? Not such a good wife. But that's just between you and me and everyone else reading this comment.

cj Schlottman said...

Jenny, I've wanted a wife for years. If I had a wife, I could do whatever I want, for as long as I want and whenever I wanted. You know, act like a man.

Namaste..........cj

JackSamMum said...

Hi Jenny,
I'm loving this blog, especially the Saturday Centus.
I have just received a Stylish Blogger award and am passing it on to you!
So here are the rules for acceptance of the award:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 5 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

There is a button that goes with the award.
Just go to my website www.supermansammyz.blogspot.com and copy the address for the image on my award post. I have no idea how to add it to your blog...sorry!
Enjoy!
Katy

Kat said...

Now this sounds like a plan Jenny! I've been getting a lot of e-mails lately for Russian wives - do you want me to forward them to you? Kat

Amy said...

My dream is to be that kind of a wife. Right now I am failing miserably. I blame technology. I spend far too much time on the computer and far too little time doing the cleaning and organizing. Sigh. One day I will figure it all out.

Country Dreaming said...

You are sooooo funny!!!
Maybe you need a housekeeper--like Alice on the Brady Bunch.

:) :) :) :)


Melinda

kisatrtle said...

ahhh...now this sounds fantastic. Should we come up with an ad?

Barbara Rosenzweig said...

Thanks Jenny for your kind words about my paintings. If you do see one that you like that's an original, I can make a small, inexpensive print for you. I know how tight budgets are now.

Thanks for providing this neat forum!

Take care,
Barb

PERMANENT POSIES said...

She could be your sister wife! Come to think of it, I need one too.

Stef said...

Okay. You figure out the logistics of the extra wife, and send them to me. I am totally game. Not to be your wife...not that there is anything wrong with it...I'm just not the wife you are looking for. But I am game for a wife of my own.
Keep us posted!

H said...

Nah, nah... A wife would clutter up the place. You just need a magic wand. Far fewer complications for so little effort.

(Alternatively, you could just go and live in BEAR'S Mom's house ^ )

JeanHasBeenShopping said...

Now I want a wife! Your points are so valid!

Bz said...

Just visited your blog for the first time - so there's a nice bear-hug from meee *squeeeeez*
I like your blog, can't wait to come back and learn more about you.

Heidi Smith Luedtke said...

Perhaps you should be a "real housewife" kind of diva and hire an assistant to do these things! (Seriously, how can they call themselves real housewives and do NO housework?!!) If I were you, I'd hire a MALE assistant. Just because it would do my heart good to have a man do the laundry and bake sour cherry pie with extra flaky crust. Leading Man doesn't do that at my house. If I made him cook, we'd have tacos and velveeta cheese dip every night. (ugh) But he *is* good at grocery shopping and picking up the dry cleaning on Saturdays. For now, I'll take what I can get!

cleemckenzie said...

If you find that wife, will you ask her if she has any friends looking for work? I could use one myself. I already have a husband . . . Need I say more?

Mrs. Adventure said...

Sign me up I need one too!

Jayne Martin said...

Couldn't agree with you more and I have a theory about that. I think if God had made us all bi-sexual you'd see a whole lot more lesbian couples than straight ones.

Just doubling the dating pool would be great. ;)

Dapoppins said...

totally agree!