Oh, he acted all innocent when I opened my Christmas gift.
He smiled cheerfully as I admired the shiny, bright red case of the sweet little laptop.
He was a sly one.
I didn't catch on until Sunday afternoon what he was up to.
There I was, sitting outside in the breezy afternoon, reading Saturday Centus links when...
I got bombed.
I jumped up and screamed. Loudly. Because I'm pretty sure my neighbors always enjoy when I do that.
I couldn't figure out what was making that whzzzzzz noise for a second and then I saw them...
Two, gigantic hummingbirds...
Seriously. I mean they were totally huge! And those little beaks are mighty long and pointy when you see them up close and personal.
At first I figured they were just passing by the covered patio, but after I sat back down again, it happened again almost immediately.
They were attracted to the bright red of the laptop case.
I finally had to go inside. It was frightening I tell ya.
Now, before you go defending Mr. Jenny, I need to tell you something else.
A few years ago I had a hot pink shirt. One day I spilled something on it...no, I don't remember what I spilled...I'm sure it was something tasty though.
Where am I going with this?
Geez. Hold on. This is an important part of my attempted homicide explanation, so hold your horses.
Anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah, hot pink shirt...ummm.... ummm...
Okay. Yeah. Now I remember. So, I couldn't wear the hot pink shirt in public in anymore because of the giant stain on my left ummm... cha cha, so I converted it to a gardening shirt. Once.
The first time I wore it outside, I was almost knocked over by an entire, vicious flock of hummingbirds. Okay. Maybe there were only five but those suckers are fast so it was hard to count them.
For the sake of illustration you will need to pretend that this hand is my head...
See how scary this is?
I rest my case.
Yeah, okay. It might help if I tell you the rest of the story.
Mr. Jenny was well aware of what happened because from that point on, I refused to wear pink or red anywhere near the garden.
I had to throw the almost perfectly good pink shirt away.
At Christmas Mr. Jenny specifically said...AND I QUOTE...'I thought you would like taking this laptop outside to write."
He's trying to kill me, I tell ya.
I'm not sure, but I think he increased the amount of my life insurance the first of this year, too!
So...If if you hear on 20/20 or 60 minutes or something that in an odd case of bird assault that an Arizona woman encountered 'death by hummingbird', please turn this blog post into the police IMMEDIATELY so they can arrest him.
And now I have to stay inside to write because homicide by hummingbird attack is NEVER a laughing matter.
PS. I think the humming birds really come to visit because our garden is wonderful this time of year!