Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Swallowed pride...and tattoo dresser progress...

Sometimes through grace and circumstance, we get exactly what we need when we need it...

...and it's such a wonderful thing that it makes us almost speechless.

Almost. Speechless.

Something that comes pretty hard to me, personally.

Oh sure, I can fill up a room with chatter, until it comes to something that is really hurting my heart. Then I grow quiet. And I find it very difficult to share my pain.

Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in my life in a long, long time. No, you don't have to say, "Ohhh...I'm sorry," because I know we all have them. But I was having a hard time getting my fingernails dug in a little deeper to hang on.

I swallowed my pride.

Picked up the phone.


And spilled my guts to a friend. All of my guts. Not the 'acceptable for company' guts. Not the 'sanitized' version of what was going on in my life. Complete, total and unedited gut spilling.

Without guards.

Without filters.

I dumped my entire life at the moment on this wonderful person.

I cried, I hyper-ventilated. I cried some more. I sobbed.

And finally, finally, finally when my eyes were swollen shut and I could hardly breathe...

I stopped crying long enough to listen.

And she gave me great advice.

And she listened with her heart and her mind. And she blessed me with no judgement.

And I am grateful I was able to swallow my pride long enough, to let someone help me.

Sure, it's easy to help everyone else. It's easy to be the givER. But sometimes it's really hard to accept help gracefully...to be the givEE.

Sometimes I think it takes a stronger person to accept help than to give it.

And yesterday I had a very hard hitting reminder that I am only alone with my sorrows and fears if I am too proud to swallow my pride and reach out.

...

...

Wow.

Pretty deep, right?

And I can't find any natural way to segue into a dresser update so I'm not going to even try. Here's my ongoing progress.

I am about an hour away from being totally done...and the grand reveal will be on Friday.

I'm having a lot of fun with this project. Thanks for keeping me honest in getting finished!

Because I am working on a 5 dollar budget and I am out of glazing compound, I just mixed some acrylic paint with a lot of water and applied it with a brush. I quickly went over the damp brown paint and pulled most of it back off.

Then I used a high-gloss varnish over the tattoo area. Tomorrow I will put a second coat on and then coat all the pink areas with satin varnish. I want to see what playing with sheen will do on this piece.

And I spray painted my mis-matched drawer pulls black so they'll all match.






Thanks for stopping by today.

And if you have a spare prayer, maybe you can send it my way. I'd really appreciate that.

post signature

54 comments:

mub said...

I think you have an uncanny ability to post things like this when I really need to read them.

*hugs*

P.S.

Your dresser is looking fab, but I wouldn't expect anything less from you ;)

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Yes, we do all have days like these, I have many. I usually spill my guts out online and drive people away! But it's always wonderful if we have a close enough friend that we can talk to like this. People are very quick to judge each other these days, but those that don't are usually the ones we can class as "friends for life".

Hope you're feeling better now.

CJ xx

Susannah said...

I share your inability to tell people when I am in pain, so I really identified with this post.

Whatever is happening with you, know that people care, I am sending lots of love and good vibes your way. x

PS. That dresser is brilliant! :-)

Amanda said...

I'm glad you spoke with somebody. This can get really hard to do as we become older yet we need it more than ever.

That drawer is coming along beautifully!

Jocelyn said...

I am so proud of you.....I agree it is so much easier to be the giver...than it is to ask for something!!! I think I have that givee mastered...because that helps me to mask what I really need!!!! I am so glad that you were able to open up and I send your prayers today and hold you close to me heart!!!

I adore what I see with that dresser...it is a piece of art and I am so proud of you!!!

Love sweet friend....take a deep breath and allow yourself to move at your pace...allow yourself to be you!!!!

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

So glad you had a good friend to confide in Jenny! Hope all is well and wishing you all the best:@)

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

Sorry you had the build up to one of "those" days. We all need a friend like that to listen. It is humbling to accept help when we need it....but I believe that's why God put us here.

LOVE what I'm seeing with that dresser! Looking forward to your big reveal.

Jeanie said...

Our pride can be the biggest hindrance to asking for what we need from others. You gave your friend a gift by setting your pride aside and letting her help you.

La said...

Good for you for reaching out!

I hope life's "normalcy" returns quickly and all your troubles melt away.

I am loving this dresser, Miss Jenny.

Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way...La

JDaniel4's Mom said...

Sharing with a friend and not keeping struggles secret has been freeing for me. The struggles don't go away, but I know someone else knows.

I will be praying.

Ames said...

Oh Jenny I am so sorry to hear you had such a gut wrenching day. You need a big hug and I am sending it to you now!Huuuuggggg!
And your tattoo dresser is the most stunning piece of art I have seen in a long time. You deserve and A+ on this one!
Love ya, mean it!~Ames

Pondside said...

I'm glad that the right person was there when you were able to reach out, Jenny. I can surely spare some prayer for you.
Looking forward to the reveal!

Mumsy and Company said...

Prayers are always going up from here for you sweet Jenny...glad you have a friend! Your dresser is looking so beautiful. What talent you have. I wouldn't know where to begin to do a project like that and especially on a $5.00 budget...now days that takes some doing. Hugs

Theresa said...

O Jenny - hurts my heart that you were so sad, but am relieved you were brave enough to share with a friend and even blog about it. I hope today is better...and that you hurry up and post that final dresser photo...it's looking amazing.

Judie said...

Jenny, there are some things over which you have no control. You can only hope and pray. I think you're doing both. You have a lot of people thinking about you and praying too.

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Awwwwww Hon, I am sorry that one of those rotttttttttttttttttten patches have shown up in your life. Glad you had a place to "unload." And glad she was a wise person.

Good wishes and gentle hugs...

~♥~

Bossy Betty said...

Those days are incredibly draining, but also needed from time to time. Glad you were able to receive advice yesterday and accept help.

GardenofDaisies said...

Jenny, I think we sometimes forget the "real" people behind the blog. Sorry you had such a rough day. I know you have told us in the past about some things that have caused heartache, and I'm guessing yesterday might have been related to that same thing. Sending you hugs.

Ⓙ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

Somehow it seems as though the more desperately people need help from others, the quicker they are to isolate themselves and/or push others away. Humans are one screwy bunch, aren't they?

Your experience yesterday is how I define friendship. The gold kind.

(The dresser is awesome!)

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

Well I am sorry. Just because we all have hard times doesn't mean that yours aren't just as important. You are such a giving person...I know that as a fact because you have given to me when I needed support or just a bright spot in a bad day, month or year. I am so glad that you had a friend that you trusted enough to let it out. You must remember how good it feels to be able to help someone or even just be there for them. I'm sure your friend wanted so much to support you. You are in my prayers and I truly hope that whatever is happening in your life is fixed, resolved, accepted or whatever it needs to be for you to have peace. Hugs to you my friend...S.

Ms. A said...

If it's any consolation, I'm the same way, always willing to help others, but rarely seeking it for myself.

The dresser is looking fantastic!

Lorrie said...

How wonderful to have someone with whom you can share deeply. I'm praying for you.

NatureGirl said...

That is so BRAVE Jenny. I have yet to feel that kind of bravery..."bottle it up" I always say. *insert clever segue here* Love the dresser...looking good!

Sue said...

I will send more than a spare prayer your way. (You're going to get the custom treatment!)

Glad you were able to let a friend help you, and I agree that it's braver to receive than to give (for many of us).

With hugs and extreme admiration for your tattooing abilities...

=)

Amy said...

Wow. You have said exactly what I have been feeling lately. I very very recently was having your bad day yesterday. And I had been praying for a few years for someone I could talk to. Someone I could just let it all out to who would not judge, who would just listen. And I finally met her. I finally have that friend, and it is so cleansing to be able to get it out. I am so glad you have that friend as well. And that yucky pride thing sure mucks up life, doesn't it?

Your dresser looks darling. I can't wait to see the completed project!

5thsister said...

You know I understand, right? You know that I, too, am but a phone call away. I love you to pieces, Ms. Jenny and am sending you the biggest cyber hug.

Allie said...

jenny, i love you dear sweet cousin ....

Wanda..... said...

Glad someone was there for you, when you most needed them, Jenny. Seems many blogging friends would have gladly been there for you, including me. Sincere wishes that the hurt is resolved and stays away.

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

{{{{Jenny!}}} I am so sorry you are in distress but I'm glad that you were able o unburden your heart and that a good friend was there to help you! There are some things in life we will never understand. The nuns used to tell us that "they were our crosses to bear." We all need a Simon to help us carry those crosses from time to time.{{ hugs}}}

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny I appreciate this post so very much. A friend who NEVER breaks down called me last week in distress and I was there as fast as I could be. She kept apologizing and I said, that is what true friends are for! She has been there for me and I am glad I was able to be there for her. True friends are those that know all about you and love you just the same! Sometimes its hard to really let it ALL hang out there, but that is when we open ourselves and receive the blessings. Sending prayers for you and know that you are loved and appreciated. hugs, Linda

Rek said...

i love what you did to the drawer....What's a friend who would lend not a shoulder to cry on?....pray that life teats you kind...have a better day today.

Busy Bee Suz said...

My thought has always been, "why sit alone in my misery, when I can share it with others"...that is what friends are for Jenny. Including us.
xoxoxo
The dresser is amazing...can't believe you did it under five buckaroos. :)

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Oh sweetie....


hugs....prayers...good thoughts...

upinthecosmos said...

Great job on the dresser & prayers are being sent your way. I'm currently going through stuff so I know a little of what it's like. I know there will be an end, hopefully this week, so I just keep pushing through:-) Not sure what you issues amount to but we all make it through.

Stef said...

Of course I will pray for you, my friend. Why is that we are too strong for our own good? Help is never far, except that we make it one of the last options. Shame on us!
Your dresser is amazing. I would like to order 2. What? You don't do that??

Willoughby said...

Oh my friend, I'm sorry you're having some difficulties. Thank goodness you have such a wonderful friend to pour your heart out to. The best advice I can give you is to remember that things always get better, no matter how bad they seem. The sun will shine for you again. I'm sending prayers and hugs your way.

The dresser looks fantastic! You are quite the artist!

Dazee Dreamer said...

I won't say I'm sorry, but I will tell you that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I just hope it isn't some life changing thing that will have you down for a long time.

Pixie said...

My thoughts are with you hun *HUGS* and if it means anything...I think you should go into business with how beautiful your dresser is turning out!

Splendid Little Stars said...

Oh, Jenny, I AM sorry. And yes we do all have stuff. And because we all do, we can empathize with those struggling/in pain. I send you lots of prayers, and not just spare ones! May you find some comfort in the words left in the comments here. May you have peace in your heart and mind.
The dresser is looking great! (I hope working on it is a good distraction.)

Paula ~ castleandcottagesigns said...

A friend that you can spill your guts to is worth their weight in gold..and then some:)
I had to go back and catch up to see the dresser story..wow Jenny!! It's sooo cool, I'm impressed and can't wait to see it finished!
(ps...definately saving a prayer for you!)

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

Those previously have already expressed in the comments and expressed so well....so here are some more hugs, thoughts and prayers. It is such a blessing to have someone that you can talk to, without any hesitancy, and is able to give wise counsel and an understanding heart... and also, I know when I have gone through a challenging time (like when our son was diagnosed and going through cancer tx), I was blessed, comforted and strengthened through my faith in the promises and encouragement in the Lord's scriptures.

Blessings & Aloha!
(And your dresser is a work of art! Beautiful...like you are, my friend!)

Nezzy said...

There is just nothin' that hurts quite as bad as a heart ache...know my prayers are liftin' ya up girl.

I knew the dresser was gonna be amazin!

Take care and know I'm here anytime ya want to just blow off steam! :o)

God bless ya sweetie!

La Petite Gallery said...

I have a post in my drafts on just this subjecr with the touching hands and all, We ate 2 peas in a pod.. It does feel great to talk to an old friend.. Love ya jenny..
I have been nuts tor 2 days, Thor had a stroke I called the vet and changed my mind. Today he is much better and alive..

Sandy said...

Jenny,
I have been AWOL for awhile....just read this post....and I am pleased to hear you called a friend and took care of yourself! Wanna do lunch????? Love you! Sandy

Catherine Love said...

Praying for you, Jenny.
You are right, it is much more difficult to ask for help than to give it.

blessings,
catherine :)

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

My first thought was that you're very fortunate to have that kind of friend. I'm so sorry you're going through a difficult time and I hope this will pass quickly. Meanwhile, I'm sending up a quick prayer before I go onto some of those "E" posts. You're such a special person and I hate that you're in pain.

The dresser is coming along very well and you're inspiring me to get my project done.

Hang in there Jenny!

Jennifer said...

so, i'm officially caught up on your blog and you have left me cracking up for the night.

i love your wackiness. :)

PERMANENT POSIES said...

Well, first of all, I am praying for you to find peace about whatever has your heart so hurt.
And second, you are a pretty darn talented little painter yourself.

Jo said...

we all have our moments ... you are so lucky to have had a wonderful friend who will listen without judgement ...many people don't even have that ... so you are blessed ... despite what is going on and what is troubling you, you are blessed ... hugs!

Tina said...

awww dont feel bad about crying and that. sometimes you just gotta let things out and its good you have such a nice friend thats willing to listen.

im not sure what your sadness is but i hope it gets better for you soon x

love the dresser by the way :-)

H said...

OK. I missed this on Wednesday (plus I haven't read Storytime Tuesday yet this week! Crappy lappy cable - GRRRRR). HUGS to you!

Esther Joy said...

I'm glad you got the courage to "spill your guts" to a good and wise listener. And Yes, I did say more than one prayer for you when I picked up on a heaviness in your heart.

I think you're right about it being easier to help someone else instead of being the one to need help.

Melinda Cornish said...

you say the best things...sometimes I feel like you are talking right to my heart...Thanks for being you....

Theresa said...

Oh My FRIEND, I came in search of the finished dresser and I am happy that I did! I am the givER and seldom ever the givEE! I like it that way BUT we all need some encouragin words occasionally and a little help!

I will be praying for you dear Jenny that whatever is bothering you moves over to the NOT bothering you list:)

HUGS!