Monday, December 5, 2011

You know how...

...sometimes when you're waiting in the express lane at the grocery store with your fifteen items...

...and a lady with very red lipstick comes up behind you with one item...

...and she's all tapping her foot and clearing her throat impatiently?





...and so you say to her, "Look, obviously you're in more of a hurry than I am, why don't you just go in front of me?"

...and she looks at you all suspicious and narrows her eyes and asks, "Why?"

...and you say, "Wellllll...you just looked like you were in a hurry and I have fifteen things so I just offered...you know...to be nice. So you could get through the line faster."

...and she says, "Ummmm... well...."

...and then a lady wearing a sweat suit with a big, nasty looking spaghetti-sauce-like stain on the front of it...

...who has something like 43 items (43 I tell ya AND SHE'S IN THE EXPRESS LANE!!!!) in her cart kind of shoves in front of both of you while saying, "If neither of idiots are in a hurry, I'll go first!"

...and you and the lady with the very red lipstick look at each other and have a bonding moment over the rude, pushy, sloppy lady going through the express lane with 43 items?

And you know how when that happens you want to make a life analogy out of it...

...so when you tell the story, people will think you're all deep and zen-like, when really all you wanted to do was shove your grocery cart into the back of the rude, pushy ladies heels?

But you pretend for the sake of appearing to be in control (and because you're also a little afraid of the spaghetti-stain lady who looks really mean) that instead of being an annoyance, it was a moment of great self-discovery when you realized that life is too short to get annoyed at pushy people with spaghetti-sauce-like stains on their sweat shirts...

...and how all humanity is really joined together in a great desire to tattle on people who have waaayyyy more than 15 items going through the express lane...

...and that life as a whole is...

Huh?

What?

What was I saying here?

Oh geez.

Am I turning red!!!!!


I totally lost my train of thought here and it obviously derailed and continued willy-nilly down the wrong track with nobody in the engineers car...



I hate when that happens.

Gosh...

I'm sorry.

I was trying to impress you with my philosophical approach to such major life events.

And, sadly, I think I failed...



Totally and miserably.

...

...



I'm sorry you had to find out that I'm really not all deep and zen-like...



...



Especially when I'm in the express lane at the grocery store.



...




Sigh...
post signature

33 comments:

Debbie said...

Great giggle for me this morning! And I think you totally hit the zen button after all.

Wanderer said...

The total zen experience in this situation was when I wanted to tattle on a lady with WAY more than the express lane allows but I did't and when she got to the check out, the cashier told her that she'd have to get in line at the regular check out because she had too many things! Then she looked at me with that knowing look and I was next!!!! I think she must have been a mom or a retired school teacher! LOL! It was great!

Wanda..... said...

You totally had me in a Zen mode of compassion and acceptance and then you did a quick switch, turned on a dime in reverse...I knew you would have me laughing, but didn't see it coming. You are like a run away train with your clever posts, Jenny!

Francisca said...

Hehehehe.... I know whatcha mean!

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I had people moving in front of me at the store due to a certain three year old not wanting get in line.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Oh good morning giggle!
Thx. I needed that. :-)

lissa said...

so did the lady with the 43 items went ahead of you both? I wouldn't go against her, frankly, it's not worth the effort to explain and fight over who goes first

happy holidays!

Slamdunk said...

Haha, no good deed goes unpunished.

Theresa said...

You are tooooo funny:) I always let those with just ONE item go ahead too! Have a sweet day dear Jenny! HUGS!

Bossy Betty said...

43? Well, you know 4 plus 3 equals 7, so it was OK. Anyway, that's the way I figure it when I'm in that express line with 54 items.

anitamombanita said...

xenophobia...alternate spelling: zenophobia...otherwise known as fear or strong dislike of strange people in express lanes, whether they be at the grocery store or on the highway! happy Monday, Mrs. Jenny!

Neabear said...

I hate it when people with more than their limit go in the express lane. I sometimes wonder if they know how to count! Thanks for a great post!

~Linnea

Busy Bee Suz said...

You are so funny. I feel the same way...and I think the same things while in line at the grocery store.
Even worse? I judge people who have carts full of processed food. yeah, I am all judgy and not zen like at all. ;)
xo

beckyp said...

I am usually the shopper with the one item impatiently tapping her foot. I hate lines! and to be honest I hate when the person ahead of me with 500 items does not offer to let me go ahead of them

Sue said...

Your sense of humor never fails to amuse, Jenny. Well, it's more than your sense of humor, actually.

It's the indefinable essence that is you. And I love it.

=)

Dazee Dreamer said...

oh my. that is hilarious. the only thing worse is when there is no one in the express line, so the cashier comes over to you with your more than 15 items and takes you to their little area, and then people with one or two items get behind you and start giving you looks of disgust. yeah, been there.

Jo said...

you do keep me laughing ... and guessing, and wondering ... Oh how i enjoy your posts!

Ms. A said...

Yeah... no. I guess I'm not at all zen-like, because I would have totally run over her with my basket!

Judie said...

I don't do Zen in the grocery store. If someone did that to me, I would instantly recall my motto, "take no prisoners" and inform her she is in the wrong line in a very loud voice.

Country Dreaming said...

Great story---made me laugh.
Makes you wonder about people--how they can be that way.

melinda

Ames said...

Feel glad that you didn't stoop to her level. Once I was the one with more than the required items allowed, only because I simply didn't see the sign. After the guy behind me blessed me out in front of everyone. I apologized and took great satisfaction by heaping coals upon his head when I told him to have a nice day after I paid for my things. Hee hee!Goodness shall prevail!~Ames

Kerri @OhMann! said...

I would have rammed her. Can't help it as I was born in LA (lower Alabama). It's kind of a rule.

Amy said...

Ah Jenny, you are amazing. You make me giggle all the time.

Gattina said...

I am afraid I live in a country where nobody is zen when it comes to the express lane ! She would have been kicked out immediately by ALL people standing in the line, in short nobody would dare to do that ! lol !
I am sure that somebody would also say to her to wash her stained cloths. Anyway you seem to be very zen because you had time to count the 43 items or did you miss one ?

H said...

I would have fuming and biting my tongue and would probably have said something to her!

Leovi said...

A scene that is repeated in every supermarket in the world, have managed to reflect well in your words. Greetings.

LuLu Kellogg said...

I would have kicked her. Twice.

I am SO bad!

Love,
LuLu~*xoxo

Karen S. said...

Sometimes especially in lines, it's all for one and one for all! Did I say that right?!!! Funny on Sunday while I was waiting to make a right hand turn, (my car wasn't riding the snow bank) a woman (could be related to your express-line-lady) actually squeezed to the right of me (half in the snowbank) to make a right hand turn too...Really Lady???? so of course the un-zen like part of me kind of made a slight comment (she couldn't hear)...which hubby then calls me by my dad's name (cuz he was a crazy man on wheels ha ha) but yeah...some people just don't know how to take their turn...but we can share our stories right!!!!

Julienne said...

that express lane is just full of zen like stories!!!!!!

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

That's OK. Next time just run her over with the cart. :)

Andy said...

Jenny, you're a hoot!
This has happened to me more than once and I can tell you I wasn't calm & zen-like. I can be pretty intimidating when I want to be. I've been known to make a big song & dance while my wife looks the other way like she doesn't know me. No spaghetti-stained or red-lipped hussy is going to get between me & my 15 items...nuh uh! (lol)
I love this post!
Thank for sharing.

Pat Tillett said...

Very funny and deep (I think)!
I don't think about those things at all. I'd have some not so nice remarks for the second lady as I moved her cart out of line for her. The first lady, I'd just ignore. The last person I let go ahead of me with one item, took SO LONG to check out. Her store card wouldn't work, she had no cash and finally found a credit card in her purse...

Rachel said...

Totally cracking up. And it somehow sounds like something that would happen to me.

That had to be surreal...