“You did WHAT? What kind of a freakin’ idiot are you anyway?”

Shirley reddened in embarrassment.

“What freakin’ moron would put a winning freakin’ lottery ticket down on the freakin’ tissue table?”

Shirley’s lip quivered under my wrath-filled intensity as she tried to explain, “Calm down…we’ll find it. It won’t be that hard. I put it under the yellow tissue stack so that means it must have been packaged in a box of yellow flowers!”

“Great news,” I said sarcastically as the UPS truck pulled away from the loading dock. “There’s a yellow rose in Texas…and Pennsylvania…and Arizona. That’ll make it so much easier to find!”

This far-fetched little story is linked to week 104 of Saturday Centus.  The six word prompt is in bold.   To read other offerings, just click here.

Saturday Centus - There's a yellow rose in Texas...

Welcome to week ONE HUNDRED and four of Saturday Centus.

I actually pre-posted a prompt for today about the Wichita lineman...do you remember that song?

Mr. Jenny and I are leaving mid-week for a little Texas road trip (thus the prompt for today) and I told him all about my brilliant idea for a prompt this week. He paused for a moment and then said, "You know that Wichita is in Kansas and not Texas, right?"

I blushed.

Of course I knew that.

Geez. As if I didn't know Glen Campbell was singing about Kansas. Geez.

Technically, there could be a Wichita, Texas, though...

Right?

But just in case there isn't...

...ummm... here's a new, improved Texas prompt...

The prompt this week is: "There's a yellow rose in Texas..."
Number of words: 100 PLUS the six words of the prompt for a maximum word count of 106
Style of writing: Any
Pictures: As many as you like

The regular restrictions apply: PG, no splitting of the prompt, play nicely and visit the other entries, any style or genre of writing you prefer. Please display my link button or just a hyper-link back to Saturday Centus. Be careful to link your SC URL to the Linky and not just link to your main blog.

E-mail me directly with ???'s or ask your question in a comment and I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.

Feel free to link up anytime between now and next Saturday.

Childhood logic

“You know, Grandma, I usually wash your car for money, right?”


“I know, sweetie, but we’re not washing the car today, okay?”


“You know, Grandma, we need to buy some new soccer shoes. Mine are too small, they squish my feet.”


“ I know, sweetie, but today we’re not going to get any money.”


“Grandma! Not even a dollar?”


“No, sweet pea, not even a dollar.”


“You said we were going to get some new soccer shoes, Grandma.”


“Yes, sweet pea…later…”


“Okay, I get it Grandma. Visiting the nursing home is not for profit. For comfortable soccer shoes, I need to wash someone’s car.”



This little 105 word story is linked to Saturday Centus.   The five word prompt is in bright blue and bolded.   To read other stories using this prompt, just click here.

Memory of a Farmstead

The first spring at the farm was a season filled with wonder.

I had purchased the old property in the early fall when the leaves were donning their rich, lovely party clothes of ruby, russet, amber and saffron.  Much of the ground around the old trees was already covered with the crunchy brown disarray of their discards. 

Little time was spent raking or tidying around the trunks of the trees...after all...three children needed to be settled into school, drafty windows and doors needed repaired before serious winter set in, and the chaos and clutter of boxes and furniture that didn't quite fit needed to be managed.

Shivering our way through the first winter with a furnace that didn't quite work and doors and windows that hadn't been quite sealed, we all rejoiced in the mud and magic as a sunny spring began.

After the children had scattered to school, I found myself wandering through the yard in the morning with a steaming cup of tea.

The warmth of the stoneware mug offered cozy comfort from the sharp morning chill of the air.

Seeing a tender green shoot emerging from a leaf covered patch of ground, I would carefully take a muddy boot or chilly fingers and scrape away some of the protective covering of leaves.  The tender green shoots would shiver along with me and I would carefully cover them back up.

I waited.

And wondered.

When would I finally discover the treasures those fragile harbingers of spring taunted me with?

One definition of the word treasure is 'a concentration of riches, often one which is considered lost or forgotten until being rediscovered'. As the snow melted away, the forgotten riches of texture, color and scent awaited my daily discovery. 

Gardeners before me had planted a concentration of riches that I didn't even know existed when I purchased the farmstead.

Some the flowers I already knew...snowdrops, crocus, hyacinth, daffodils...

Some flowers required research to discover their identity.   In the days before google, I found myself making small bouquets to take to the local garden center.  The patient clerks easily solved my small mysteries.  "Oh, this one is a scilla!   This color of blue is so distinctive!" or "Fritillaria.  One of my favorites!" 

Forsythia and phlox.  Pussy willow and lenten rose.  Vinca and magnolia.  Violets and lilacs.

The farmhouse was always filled with flowers...from tiny, fragile bouquets in teacups to primitive crocks bursting with jewel-flowered branches.  

 

And my memories of those years is still filled with the wonder of discovery.

The first spring in the farmhouse is something I hold clearly in my memories.  Discovering the bounty the previous owners had left was and remains to this day one of my favorite treasures. 

I can easily imagine people living in the house finding the treasures I left for them...

...my personal concentration of riches that will never, ever be forgotten.

'Who plants a seed beneath the sod and waits to see...believes in God.'

This post is written for Alphabe-Thursday's letter 'W'.   W is for wonder.

To read other W posts, just click here.   

Alphabe-Thursday Letter W

Good morning class.

Welcome to round four of Alphabe-Thursday! Today we will be studying the wonderful letter:



Please link directly to your Alphabe-Thursday URL (if you don't know how to do this let me know!) and please continue to visit the five links before and after your link and leave a comment. Minimum of 10 links visited please. You can visit more if you like, of course, and please try very hard to visit the blogs that visit you for this meme.

I also want to let you know that each week I visit every blog. If it appears I haven't visited your blog by the following Wednesday evening, please let me know!

If you have any difficulties with your link, please make sure to include the number of the link when you e-mail me. It is really difficult for me to find you easily otherwise.

If you have any questions about Alphabe-Thursday or problems doing your link just post it in a comment or send me an e-mail. I'll do my best to help you as quickly as I can.

The McLinkey will be live from 1:00 pm MST time Wednesday afternoon in an effort to assist our lovely "friends across the pond" and continue through 10:00 am MST time Friday morning!

And remember.... link back to this post, you need to be registered as a follower of my blog, PG posts only, and you must visit at least 10 other posts...perhaps consider starting from the last posts and work backwards. The links will stay live after the final post deadline has passed so you can even wait and visit over the weekend or whenever you have more time.

Please link your witty letter W post now!

Electrify me, baby...quid pro quo

So... I'm back on an acupuncture schedule.

The good thing is, it kinda/sorta self schedules for me.

The bad thing is, I kinda/sorta need to keep getting poked with needles.

I've been fooling around with some of those pesky hormonal/auto-immune things for awhile now.

Acupuncture helps...

But I'm not a big fan of it.

Mainly, because I have some weird kind of electric chi going on inside of my body.

Hey. Don't roll your eyes at me, Missy.

That's what various acupuncture people have told me over the years.

I don't know why it happens, but whenever I start getting all 'charged up' I know it's time to head to the needle person.

That sounds weird, doesn't it?

But it's true.

If I touch anything metal (or often just another person) it gives me a painful electric jolt.It's the kind of electric shock that makes you fearful to open the dairy case to get out a container of fat-free half-n-half. The kind that makes people glare at you if they touch your hand on accident. The kind that makes you fear the self check-out stand...and the grocery carts.



It's irritating.

And shocking.

So I'm heading out to get de-electrified in a little while...and dreading it.

Because although most of the needles don't hurt at all, when they put them in my hands and feet it feels like a lightening bolt shooting out...and it makes me yell.

Which is kinda/sorta embarrassing when you're in the calm, quiet of the acupuncture room.

So, here's the quid pro quo part of the post.

I always get a lot of e-mails with questions about acupuncture... I'll answer as many as I can on a blog post on Wednesday and Friday (based on my experience)...

And if you're one of those 'electrifying' people... ...would you mind sharing with me what you do about it?

I hope this isn't too shocking of a request.

PS.  Just sayin'...the new blogger post thing is really obnoxious!

The wounds have finally healed...

I was that kid in kindergarten.

Do you remember me?

I was the only one in the class with glasses. And they were thick. Thick, thick glasses. I mean verging on coke bottle bottoms.

Coke bottle bottoms in cat eye glass frames.

Sure. I laughed when you called me four eyes because, after all, I was still astonishingly adorable...


But my heart wept from the cruelty of childish torment.

My nose wept (well, it would have it could have) from the deep craters left from the weight of the glasses.

Sniff.
Sniff.

But I endured.

I got contact lenses shortly after those traumatic years and rarely had to endure the taunts and ridicule of other children whose eyes worked more efficiently than mine.

Sniff.
Sniff.

As the years passed, I made it a point to wear my contacts as much as possible.

Even as lense material become less bulky and painful in weight, my glasses remained kinda/sorta obnoxiously thick.

But I endured in the dark little corner of the universe where people with bad vision exist.

Sniff.
Sniff.

Until a few weeks ago!

I went to order new glasses!

And after the eye exam doctor/person guy tormented me a bit by saying glasses of my strength usually came with a free seeing eye dog, (seriously? Is this politically correct? Geez!) he tormented me a bit more telling me there were new materials on the market and I would be really surprised how much thinner the new lenses would be.

I thought he was toying with me.

I tried not to get my hopes up.

I picked out some cute purple frames. With rhinestones.

And waited for the call that my glasses were in.

On the way to pick them up, I kept telling Mr. Jenny, "I'm excited but I don't want to be excited. They are still going to look stupid and freaky. Stupid and freaky purple glasses with rhinestones. What was I thinking?"

Mr. Jenny kept trying to reassure me that I never looked stupid and freaky, with our without purple glasses with rhinestones, but I know he was just saying that...

...because...

...he knows I know where he lives and stuff...

But when the girl who works for the eye exam doctor/person guy brought out my glasses, I involuntarily let out one of those shocked and surprised/semi-screams you do in public sometimes when you are shocked and surprised!

I give you proof...that there are still miracles in the world. Please try not to let out one of those shocked and surprised/semi-screams unless you are alone. People seem to stare when you do that around them...






Ta Da!

See?

My old lenses that were 7/16" at the thickest point are now a slim, svelte 4/16" (Yes, I know that is not a proper fraction but I am using it to illustrate my point...sigh...)

And someone wearing 4/16" thick glasses in purple rhinestone frames can hardly qualify as a freak, right?

I just need to fire up my old Facebook account so I can find all those mean little kids that tormented me years and years ago.

Once they see my new glasses, they are going to feel all kinds of guilt and remorse for tormenting me so much.

Purple.

Rhinestones.

4/16"!

Geez. I am officially now one of the cool kids from my kindergarden class!

Saturday Centus - Not for profit...

Welcome to week ONE HUNDRED and three of Saturday Centus.

I'm anxious to read last weeks links, but I'm still one week behind beyond that! But, hey, I'm getting caught up! Go me!

The prompt this week is: "Not for profit. For comfort..."
Number of words: 100 PLUS the five words of the prompt for a maximum word count of 105
Style of writing: Any
Pictures: As many as you like

The regular restrictions apply: PG, no splitting of the prompt, play nicely and visit the other entries, any style or genre of writing you prefer.

Please display my link button or just a hyper-link back to Saturday Centus. Be careful to link your SC URL to the Linky and not just link to your main blog.

E-mail me directly with ???'s or ask your question in a comment and I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.

Feel free to link up anytime between now and next Saturday!

It's how you look at things...

...that makes a difference in your life.

You know.

The glass half-full philosophy kind of thing.

I'm working to apply that to all aspects of my life.

Yesterday was my birthday...and even though I didn't get a new Grandson (darn those kids anyway!), I came to an important realization.

My important self discover was about age spots.

You know?

Those brown patches that seem to pop up in new places every day...


What?

You don't have any?

You don't? Really?

Okay...well then... ummm...neither do I.

I am totally and complete age spot-less but I have this ... ummm... FRIEND... yeah, that's it... I have this FRIEND with lots and lots of age spots...

...because I think my ... ummm... FRIEND... used to lay out in the sun for hours and hours with her sister and cover herself in Johnson's Baby oil and Hawaiian Tropics deep tanning oil with no sunscreen...

Hey...don't judge ME...it was my ummm... FRIEND ... that did this.

Anyway...

Since, oddly, it was my FRIEND'S birthday yesterday, too, I told her she was thinking about the whole age spot thing WRONG.

I told her the trick to age spots was to buy some Johnson's Baby oil and Hawaiian Tropics deep tanning oil with no sunscreen...

...and to find a secluded, non-viewable-by-living-eyes area of her backyard and to lay out in the sun for hours and hours each day.

Then she would get new age spots AND they would all blend together and it would just look like she had a great tan and...

...

...

Darn.

I can't do this.

I can't lie like this.

It's me. Me with the darned age spots.

None of my friends have age spots. Really.

None.

Nada.

Zip.

But I do.

So I'm thinking the laying out in the sun thing might work.

If I get new age spots AND if they fill in around the old age spots, I will just look radiant and tan.

Radiant and tan and age spot-less.

Cool, right?

It's really applying the glass half-full philosophy kind of thing to age spots.


And about seeing the positive side of things.

I may not be blogging much for awhile. I'll be laying out for 4 or 5 hours a day trying to even out my skin.

I just hope it's not too uncomfortable out there when I have a hot flash.

Sigh...

Farmstead Memories - Letter V

The years at the old farmstead were confusing. I was living in the house of my dreams, but my personal life was a nightmare. I have such mixed feelings when I look back at that time.

I started to write about the views from the old windows, but my heart insisted it wanted to say something else.

This does fit into my little farmstead series, but leans toward the dark side of those years.

Outside the window
every hue
of blue and green and brown,
the view!

Reflections of the time of year,
the time of day, my state of mind.
The view is poignant, bittersweet
comprised of colored mosaics sublime.

I watched the years rush by the panes.
Beyond my cold imprint on glass
I watched the view in sun and rain,
praying that the pain would pass.

Outside the windows
I once knew,
the years spun past so fast.
The view!

This little memory is written for Alphabe-Thursday's letter "V".

To read other "V" posts, just click here.

Alphabe-Thursday's Letter V

Good morning class.

Welcome to round four of Alphabe-Thursday! Today we will be studying the very vivacious letter:


Please link directly to your Alphabe-Thursday URL (if you don't know how to do this let me know!) and please continue to visit the five links before and after your link and leave a comment. Minimum of 10 links visited please. You can visit more if you like, of course, and please try very hard to visit the blogs that visit you for this meme.

I also want to let you know that each week I visit every blog. If it appears I haven't visited your blog by the following Wednesday evening, please let me know!

If you have any difficulties with your link, please make sure to include the number of the link when you e-mail me. It is really difficult for me to find you easily otherwise.

If you have any questions about Alphabe-Thursday or problems doing your link just post it in a comment or send me an e-mail. I'll do my best to help you as quickly as I can.

The McLinkey will be live from 1:00 pm MST time Wednesday afternoon in an effort to assist our lovely "friends across the pond" and continue through 10:00 am MST time Friday morning!

And remember.... link back to this post, you need to be registered as a follower of my blog, PG posts only, and you must visit at least 10 other posts...perhaps consider starting from the last posts and work backwards. The links will stay live after the final post deadline has passed so you can even wait and visit over the weekend or whenever you have more time.

Please link your vibrant letter now!

Not the Easter Bunnies Dentist

So...

Over the past few years, I've had six molars shatter.

Ouch.

Hmmm...

That didn't properly express the pain and angst I experienced over this fact, so let me try again.

OUCH!

Okay. Yeah. That's better.

The sixth one was the final straw...

...really...

(Yes, I know I'm mixing metaphors or something but we're talking about... shudder, shudder... getting teeth pulled so give me a break, please.)

The last one rendered me molar-less top and bottom on both sides. So much for chewing carrots on the 'good side' of my mouth.

With no remaining 'good sides' to chew on, I scheduled a 'consultation' with a dental reconstruction specialist. Ummm...Yeah. It should have been called a 'consultation' with a pillager/raper.

Gosh. That sounded harsh.

But 24K for some implants, sinus surgery, moving some nerves around and new teeth is a wee bit steep for our budget.

I've tried to make light of it, but Mr. Jenny is not amused when I tuck my lower lip into the holes where some of my top molars have been. I call it my 'Easter Bunny' impression. He calls it 'looking like a moron', although he doesn't, technically,say that out loud.

On top of being unappreciated when I impersonate the Easter Bunny...

I've been using no molars as an excuse to eat white stuff.

You know...

Gooshy stuff.

No raw veggies for me, it's too painful...give me pudding or mashed potatoes or wonder white bread.

After a few months of this soft, yet decidedly unhealthy diet, I realized that a) I was gaining weight like a sumo wrestler and b) I could not exist forever without something crunchy in my diet.

So, I sucked it up, asked my Mom where she gets her partials made (aren't those just for old people? Seriously?) and made an appointment.

I went to the dentist with much trepidation.

Okay, I was shaking like a leaf.

When asked on the new patient information sheet about the reason for my visit today, I simply wrote 'new teeth' as an explanation.

The dental cleaner lady person thought I was funny.

After a moment of laughing at my humor, I opened my mouth and she realized I wasn't joking.

And I wasn't feeling particularly humorous when she began cleaning my teeth.

"Gosh! Relax," she said with her super white teeth gleaming in the glare of the overhead lights. "You are so tense!"

"I'm fine," I replied in a shaky voice, "I've just had a few bad experiences with tooth extractions!"

"Gosh! Your eyes are so big! You look terrified!" she said.

I closed my eyes.

And tried not to dig my fingers clear through the cushioned arm rests.

When she was finally done, the dentist came in.

"Hmmm..." he said as he looked at my x-rays.


"Hmmm...well, it looks like you're here to talk about dental reconstruction."

I couldn't help myself. I did my 'Easter Bunny' impression.

I want to interject here that I asked Mr. Jenny to take my picture to share with you, but he refused. Apparently he thinks that some people might actually look like the Easter Bunny and be offended. And it is impossible to take a picture in the mirror while focusing the camera and tucking your lower lip into the hole from the removal of your top molars. I tried. For you. I really, really tried.


The dentist laughed. "Well," he said, "I've never worked on the Easter Bunnies teeth before, but I think I can help you. Are you rich?"

"Ummm...no...why do you ask?"

"You have two options for dental reconstruction...you can spend between 20 and 25 THOUSAND dollars and get bone grafts, implants, sinus lifts and eventually get some new teeth OR you can spend between 8 and 9 HUNDRED for partials."

I multiplied in my head. Gosh. 4 times 8 or 9 HUNDRED was still out of reach for the moment.

He clarified, "We would do one partial for both sides of the top and one partial for both sides of the bottom BUT I recommend we just start with the top, wait a few months and then do the bottom!"

Yeehaw! Hippity Hoppity Easter's on it's way!

Teeth!

That I can afford!

Who cares if he's not the Easter Bunnies dentist!

He's the guy that's gonna give me some teeth back!

Hooray again!

Hoor...

Oh.

Geez.

Then I won't have any excuse not to eat my veggies.

It will be goodbye forever to mashed potatoes from KFC!

Hmmm...

New Grandson!

Okay.

Don't be mad at me for crying "WOLF!"

Or creeped out for the reason I did.

I don't, officially, have any new Grandlittle pictures to share...

I do, though, have mixed emotions about the picture you will see below.

Our daughter and son-in-law in Oregon are doing a natural child birth...

I wish I would have thought of that idea about 30 years ago...

Okay, I don't really...

Because then there would have been no pain meds available...

...and I am all kinds of a big chicken about stuff like that.



And while this image of my face super-imposed on a little guy standing by some giant chickens is kinda/sorta creepy...this isn't the picture I was talking about.

This is the picture!


I've never seen anything like this before. See his head at the bottom and his hand there on the left underneath...ummm... ummm... the placenta?

I am oddly fascinated by the image but it does make me want to cross my legs.

Tightly.

Shiver.

This was taken on Friday when the parents to be visited the midwife. She painted a picture of the babies position on our daughter's abdomen.

Yes, our Grandson is on the way and if he's patient he might actually hold off coming into this world until my birthday on the 19th! That would be ridiculously cool.

I hope you're not mad at my tricky little title of this post!

I just wanted to share this picture with you, though.

Just the baby one.

The giant chicken one was just me heading off on a tangent for a brief moment.

Bawwwwk, bawwwwk. (that was a chicken noise in case you didn't know!)

Sigh...

PS. If you have a positive thought or a prayer for a safe birth, that would be much appreciated!

I wonder and ponder...

This proved to be a much harder challenge than I thought! BUT! Here is my strange little offering for week 102 of Saturday Centus. To read other offerings, just click here. The prompt (used five times!) is in bold and I have no idea why I felt compelled to attempt a rhyme here.

Why oh why oh why...
Can’t we fold distance like a map?
We could be many places in the blink of an eye...
...and be home on our couch for an afternoon nap.
Why oh why oh why...
Can’t we rewind our lives like a DVD?
Pausing those moments that need clarity...
...and fast forward through parts that we don’t want to see.
Why oh why oh why...
Can’t we know in advance what we have or have not?
Then maybe we’d see what we really should see,
and we’d recognize surely the things we’ve been taught.
Why oh why oh why...
I wonder
and ponder
the squander
of things
that were dear.
Can you help?
Please make clear...
Why oh why oh why...

Saturday Centus - why...

Welcome to week ONE HUNDRED and two of Saturday Centus.

I had some thoughts to change the direction of this challenge but I haven't formulated exactly how to do it yet!

In the meantime...

Let's go a little deep this week.

In movie speak let me give you some motivation for this weeks prompt.

You finally, finally have a chance to ask one of the questions that has nagged you all your life.

And you can ask the question of anyone...living or dead.

Your question can be truth or fiction and you don't have to divulge which you are writing about.

The prompt this week is: "Why oh why oh why..."
Number of words: 100 PLUS the five words of the prompt for a maximum word count of 105
Style of writing: Query
Pictures: As many extra pictures as you like

The regular restrictions apply: PG, no splitting of the prompt, play nicely and visit the other entries, any style or genre of writing you prefer.

Please display my link button or just a hyper-link back to Saturday Centus. Be careful to link your SC URL to the Linky and not just link to your main blog.

E-mail me directly with ???'s or ask your question in a comment and I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.

Feel free to link up anytime between now and next Saturday!

Hallmark? Are you paying attention?

You say, “Funny Chihuahua!”
I say, “I’m as cute as a bug!”
I say, “How are ya?”
And send you a hug.

This very late link to Saturday Centus is based on a picture prompt with instructions to channel our inner Hallmark Greeting card verse. I'm listening to Sara Evans while I'm writing this so I hope it's melodic enough!

To read other offerings, just click here.