Friday, April 6, 2012

My demise was possibly imminent...

...or so it seemed according to Google earlier in the week.

Mr. Jenny was reading the paper and drinking his morning coffee and I figured that might kinda/sorta be a good time to break the news to him.

"We need to talk," I told him in a serious voice. "If something happens to me, I hope you know I don't care if you bury me or cremate me."

"Huh?" he replied from behind the safety of the newspaper.

"Seriously, I don't want you to be all stressed out. Do whatever is easier for you. AND make sure you help all the kids with the whole 'death of Mom' thing."

He put down the newspaper and his coffee cup. He started looking worried. "Did you have a doctor's appointment or something?"


"No, no, I didn't, but let's just finish this conversation, okay? So, listen, I'm totally cool with you getting married again. You're a sweet guy and a great husband. I don't want you to be alone AND I promise I won't haunt whoever you find, okay?"

By now Mr. Jenny had totally forgotten the newspaper and his coffee. He started asking all kinds of questions, but I just held up my hand. "Really, that's all I want to say right now. I'm not ready to talk about the rest of this yet."

I had to pretend I had to go the bathroom to escape all the questions he began hammering me with.

I stayed in there a long time (thank heavens the new Family Circle was in there) and when I finally came out he had gone into his office.

All day he kept bringing it up, but I just wasn't ready to tell him what I had found on google so I kept avoiding him. I finished the entire Family Circle magazine in my efforts to have no further discussion on the subject.

Sigh...

Later that night I was getting ready for bed. In light of my recent success in getting the callouses on my feet under control, I had just started a new moisturizer, anti-aging regimen.

I began to apply the night cream when it suddenly dawned on me.

The tingling in my face and lips wasn't a serious warning sign of impending death.

It was an allergic reaction to the new creams I had started a few days before.

Acccckkk!

I was aghast.

All that time spent googling "tingling and numbness in face and lips" for nothing.


I wasn't even suffering from all terrible things I found on google.

It was just the new cream.

When we got into bed, Mr. Jenny said, "Look, we really need to talk about this, I'm worried."

"Abouttttt?????" I queried sweetly.

"ABOUT???!!!!" he blustered, "About funeral plans and kids and me finding someone else and..."
I waved my hand dismissively. "Oh that? Geez. Never mind. Google was wrong. I'm probably NOT suffering from a fatal disease. In fact, it's that new face cream I just started using."

Oddly, he still looked confused.

Geez. The explanation was perfectly clear to me. And kind of funny.

But even after I explained further, he didn't even find it amusing...

... and actually got kind of ticked off over my giggles...

However...

I have my learned my lesson about googling and there's no way I'm going to find out what causes intermittent giggling in menopausal women.

And even if I do google it and find out that demise could be possibly imminent, I doubt I will share the news with Mr. Jenny.

He seems to have no sense of humor about things like this.

I know.

I know.

Poor Mr. Jenny.

But think how un-entertained he would be married to a 'normal' person.

I don't think he should be annoyed. I think he should be grateful that I devote my life to keep him from being bored.

Sigh...

post signature

38 comments:

Cheryl said...

He's lucky to have you. Mr. Cheryl is finally coming around to my perspective and, on good days, he agrees.

Ms. A said...

Oh good grief, you had him all wound up for nothing. Poor Mr. Jenny. Okay, I giggled just a little bit, but far be it from me to admit it.

Gail said...

Pure entertainment!

Theresa said...

I have gotten some bad information on Google too:) I just don't know how to entertain quite like YOU! I know Mr. Jenny would not be happy with a normal person... you are the ONE! Have blessed day my friend, HUGS!

Terra said...

Not only would he be bored but it is highly likely nobody would love and appreciate him the way you do...So glad your face isn't falling off or a fatal disease hasn't spread into your loving self...we still need you here

JDaniel4's Mom said...

You sure keep him on his toes!

Jeanie said...

Well, the good news is that you got all that important information out there with Mr. Jenny just in case....I mean someday, uh, you know, far away in the very distant future....oh, never mind!

Bonnie said...

That darn internet! It will get you every time. I would love to see Mr. Jenny's face and expressions at times like these! You really keep him on his toes Ms. Jenny, heehee

Willoughby said...

First of all, I'm glad you're not dying! Second, I think Mr. Jenny should feel lucky that you've given him the red light to remarry after you're gone. I'm sort of hoping that if I die first, Mr. W will be unable to find a woman who lives up to my memory. He can then spend his days working on an ever growing shrine to my life and accomplishments. Is that too much to ask??? (I can't believe I typed that with a straight face!)

Rekha Seshadri said...

Don't google it, I was scared when I saw the title on my blog roll.
besides for every scientific report, there comes along a report that says the opposite.
Take care, enjoy your weekend.

ImagiMeri said...

Thank God I can say this and know you won't be offended...you're such a dork! I love my dorky friends, but you most especially dear Jenny. Tell hubby I fully understand him now. My hubby is off in the Philippines right now until May 12, so if you find some extra time, come spend it with me. Don't forget to come see me at the show.

Love ya,
Meri

Ashleys Dandelion Wishes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashleys Dandelion Wishes said...

Hi Jenny,
I have to tell you that I found your post hilarious! I am always so impressed with people that can laugh at themselves. I also wanted to thank you for the thoughtful comment that you left on my blog. Thanks for making my day!
p.s. I'm also your newest follower.

NatureGirl said...

He would be so bored...

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Not only would Mr Jenny be bored without you....so would I! Love you! :) Linda

Pondside said...

Just trying to keep up with the peripatetic wanderings of your thoughts is surly keeping Mr Jenny young - better than a crossword puzzle or taking up Bridge or Suduko.
He should thank you.

Nezzy said...

I'd sure bet the farm life is never dull by your side!!!

God bless ya and have a magnificent Easter weekend sweetie!!! :o)

noexcuses said...

Oh, Jenny! Poor Mr. Jenny! Hey, I talk about it all the time and there's nothing wrong with me that losing some weight won't solve. I believe it's a good idea to have a plan in place if it's my time to go.

Thanks for the morning giggles!

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Google is fickle, it giveth and it taketh....

Sue said...

I suspect Mr. Jenny is in a constant state of delight.

=)

Dazee Dreamer said...

Why is it that every time we tell people about our plans upon our leaving this worldly adventure (I know, I just did a little baby throwup), they get all bent out of shape and stuff.

I saw an obit in the paper today (yeah, I read them, got to make sure I'm not in them), and sent it to Mr. Dazee and said this is what I want my obit to be like. Apparently, I'm going to have to write it myself and leave it on my computer under obit. With the rest of my funeral plans.

Wanda..... said...

Ten years ago a certain brand of face cream, that promised dramatic results, gave me a rash, not the dramatic results I had in mind. Only use Olay products now, will never change again! ☺

Hope you are "taking time to enjoy all the beauty of spring" too, Jenny!

Jennifer said...

oh lord, jenny... that poor man is patient...

Jayne Martin said...

That's hysterical, Jenny. Now I'd love to read Mr. Jenny's side of that story.

Ames said...

Ya know....Mr. Jenny should probably write a book. He could title it..."Life with Jenny" because apparently there's never a dull moment in the Matlock household! Tell him Ames said so....and I want a signed first edition copy too.

Got your card, Thanks! Wish I had your new address sooner I could have recipricated ! Love Ya Mean it! Happy Easter!~Ames

Jo said...

omg ... you are hilarious ... mr. Jenny is terribly lucky that he married you! You must be hella fun irl!!!

Along These Lines ..... said...

And they wonder why men die before women.

Dreaming said...

TMI!!!

bluegrassnotes said...

Good one!

Simone said...

I have learned that webmd.com can be a curse or a friend. Most of the time, it's a curse because I end up diagnosing myself and deciding my fate. So glad it was just the cream!

H said...

Oh dear. Poor Mr Jenny. By now, he should know not to panic too soon :)

Vicki/Jake said...

Mwahaha!

letscutthecrap said...

Poor Mr. Jenny indeed. You gave him quite a shock.

Judie said...

Which is better? Checking out everything on Google, or ignoring everything and chalking it up to age? Hmmmmm.....

Google can be a useful tool, and I have used it against my former doctor. I just love being right!!!

Murr Brewster said...

Just a heads-up. Absolutely every crackers thing that can happen to you will happen during menopause. Do not even try to waste your time figuring out how close you are to Death's door. Your loved ones will be a lot closer. Just hang on and wait for sweet serenity, which, unfortunately, comes packaged with a form of dementia.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Omygosh....you are a nut, you know that? :)
I am going to stay away from google and web MD too!!!
xoxo

Actually Mummy said...

Oh I'm a terrible googler hypochondriac - I've had everything! So far I've survived a lot of stuff!

Melinda Cornish said...

i think you were being thoughtful...kind of, in a weird way....