Mr. Jenny was reading the paper and drinking his morning coffee and I figured that might kinda/sorta be a good time to break the news to him.
"We need to talk," I told him in a serious voice. "If something happens to me, I hope you know I don't care if you bury me or cremate me."
"Huh?" he replied from behind the safety of the newspaper.
"Seriously, I don't want you to be all stressed out. Do whatever is easier for you. AND make sure you help all the kids with the whole 'death of Mom' thing."
He put down the newspaper and his coffee cup. He started looking worried. "Did you have a doctor's appointment or something?"
"No, no, I didn't, but let's just finish this conversation, okay? So, listen, I'm totally cool with you getting married again. You're a sweet guy and a great husband. I don't want you to be alone AND I promise I won't haunt whoever you find, okay?"
By now Mr. Jenny had totally forgotten the newspaper and his coffee. He started asking all kinds of questions, but I just held up my hand. "Really, that's all I want to say right now. I'm not ready to talk about the rest of this yet."
I had to pretend I had to go the bathroom to escape all the questions he began hammering me with.
I stayed in there a long time (thank heavens the new Family Circle was in there) and when I finally came out he had gone into his office.
All day he kept bringing it up, but I just wasn't ready to tell him what I had found on google so I kept avoiding him. I finished the entire Family Circle magazine in my efforts to have no further discussion on the subject.
Later that night I was getting ready for bed. In light of my recent success in getting the callouses on my feet under control, I had just started a new moisturizer, anti-aging regimen.
I began to apply the night cream when it suddenly dawned on me.
The tingling in my face and lips wasn't a serious warning sign of impending death.
It was an allergic reaction to the new creams I had started a few days before.
I was aghast.
All that time spent googling "tingling and numbness in face and lips" for nothing.
I wasn't even suffering from all terrible things I found on google.
It was just the new cream.
When we got into bed, Mr. Jenny said, "Look, we really need to talk about this, I'm worried."
"Abouttttt?????" I queried sweetly.
"ABOUT???!!!!" he blustered, "About funeral plans and kids and me finding someone else and..."
I waved my hand dismissively. "Oh that? Geez. Never mind. Google was wrong. I'm probably NOT suffering from a fatal disease. In fact, it's that new face cream I just started using."
Oddly, he still looked confused.
Geez. The explanation was perfectly clear to me. And kind of funny.
But even after I explained further, he didn't even find it amusing...
... and actually got kind of ticked off over my giggles...
I have my learned my lesson about googling and there's no way I'm going to find out what causes intermittent giggling in menopausal women.
And even if I do google it and find out that demise could be possibly imminent, I doubt I will share the news with Mr. Jenny.
He seems to have no sense of humor about things like this.
Poor Mr. Jenny.
But think how un-entertained he would be married to a 'normal' person.
I don't think he should be annoyed. I think he should be grateful that I devote my life to keep him from being bored.