Thursday, February 28, 2013

To Duane T.

...wherever you might be.

I got your 'Courage to Change' book in the mail today.

I ordered it from E-bay and it came via a California Goodwill.

I see your name pencilled inside the front cover and your writing seems strong and determined.

I don't know you, Duane T., but I'm sorry you gave up this book.

Perhaps you didn't like the daily reading format.

I have been trying to think of another good reason why you might have donated your copy of it, and my mind just cannot imagine any scenarios that are good.

While I'm happy to have this sturdy little book back in my hands, I'm truly sorry it's no longer in yours.

For me, personally, this publication is one of the best I've ever used.

It's talked me down from a lot of emotional ledges.

The copy that arrived in the mail today is probably my 20th one.

I have a propensity to give them away...that's how valuable I think they are.

The19th copy of the book left my hands when an old neighbor of ours stopped by and rang the doorbell.


She was pushing her new Grandson in a stroller.

Her obvious joy at this new delight in her life dimmed slightly when she told me, "My daughter is gone again."

Our eyes met and the pain between us was so intense it physically hurt my heart.

She talked candidly of her fears and worries for a few minutes, and then her Grandson started to fuss noisily in the stroller.

Her eyes were sad as she informed me, "I need to go. Pray for us."

"Wait! Wait!" I said, "I have something that might help!"

I ran into the house and got my copy of 'Courage to Change' off my nightstand.

Over the loud cries of her Grandson, I quickly told her, "Sometimes the daily reading doesn't help...but sometimes it feels like it saves my life!"

I shoved the book into her hands and we hugged.

She waved at the end of the street and I waved back.

It's been a few months since this encounter and I hadn't yet replaced the book on my nightstand.

But...

My daughter's struggles have increased of late and I've been missing the wisdom of the little book.

I've been finding myself stuck in the perpetual loop of a mother wanting to save her child.

This book reminded me, daily, that I can't rescue her.

She can only save herself.

My daughter is almost thirty years old and I still want to find her and lock her away somewhere safe...

I want to find a way to make her happy and content...

...to find her a job where she will discover purpose...

...to make her recognize the power and wonder of the bright side of the stars...


I can do none of these things.

I have no control over my daughter.

All I can do is read my little book...

And pray for Duane T., my daughter, and all the other people suffering from the devastation of addiction.
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35 comments:

Dawn Paoletta said...

Hi Jenny,

Love this post and now I want to go and see if I can find a copy of that little book on Amazon...or a used bookstore. Or maybe you can just send Duane's copy over! ;) Hugs, and thank you for an encouraging post and perspective.

Naperville Now said...

your post is so very sad and heartbreaking and honest. prayers for strength and healing, my friend.
Sue

EG CameraGirl said...

I have never heard of this book but you make it sound wonderful! I need to find a copy.

Melinda said...

I'm so so it sorry that you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers
are with you and your family.
These struggles are hard and there is a lot of why without answers but we seem to push through, good luck my friend.

M :)

Theresa said...

I am going to buy this book! I know so many that I would love to give it to:) I will pray for your Daughter! BIG HUGS from one Mother to Another:)

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Jenny I have not heard of this book before this post. I will have to look into this.

I am sorry you are having this pain right now. I will add your family to my prayers.

Hugs

Pride In Photos said...

I am a true believer what comes around goes around. Your generousity of giving your favorite book away...blessings will come back...keep the faith.

Mrs. Adventure said...

Keeping you and yours in my prayers Mrs. Jenny.

Jeanie said...

I am so glad you have the wisdom of the book to help you through this very painful struggle. The way you have shared the book with others shows what it has meant to you. Please know that there are many thinking of you and praying for you and your daughter.

Flat Creek Farm said...

I had sensed something a few weeks ago and said a silent prayer ♥ Bless you, friend.. sounds like a wonderful book that keeps blessing you and many others. Hugs from MO!!! -Tammy

Viki said...

Life just sucks so much at times especially when we can't do anything to change it. Hang in there.

Judie said...

Well, naturally we have this cosmic connection. When you read my "O" post, you will understand.

xoxo

Janie Junebug said...

Maybe Duane T. developed courage and changed and was able to pass along his book.

Love,
Janie

Lorrie said...

Ah, Jenny. Such heartache. Praying for you and for your sweet daughter. May change come.

Gail said...

We all have our secret "demons" to deal with...I may just get me one of those books.

"Alone again.... naturally!" said...

I am so sorry Jenny that your daughter is going through this. I am glad you got your book back if it can give you just a little bit of peace. Cathy

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny my heart is breaking for you. I am still going through so much of this with my brother! I need to find this book for myself! Big Hugs, Linda



mub said...

I think maybe Duane T knew that Jenny M needed it right now and decided it was time to pass it along as you have passed so many of yours onto others who needed it more than you did at the moment.

Sue (Someones Mom) said...

What a profound post. While addiction hasn't been an issue in our family, trying to save my adult child has been as you know. I think by now we know that in order for them to change whatever it is that worries us...it has to be what they want, not what we want. With that said, it still keeps us awake, makes us angry, makes us sad. I'm glad you found a book that helps you. I am certainly going to look up that title.

Sandy said...

Wow....I think that this post is so true!!! Why did God give us such a strong instinct to protect and save our children??? At least let it leave us when they are adults so we don't have to suffer so...

Take care my friend...too many of us are here...in this spot...

Love, Sandy

Pat Tillett said...

Great post Jenny! Sometimes the only thing we have control over, is ourselves. This sounds like a great book. It sounds familiar, but I'm not sure...

Tracy Cook said...

I looked on amazon could. Not see which one to buy.
There are lots of prayers flying like a butterfly round you.
God bless x

Chatty Crone said...

Jenny I am so behind here - what is happening - if you care to tell me - I hope and pray all is alright!

Anita said...

I wish the beauty of your writing did not have to contain the reality of pain.

Prayers and blessings for you, your daughter, and all who love her.

Holly said...

You leave heartfelt comments on my blog and hear you are going through some of the same issues...so sorry, friend.
How naive I was when I thought I'd be done parenting when my kids moved out...maybe that's my problem...I should be, yet I still do it!
Have you read the devotional "Jesus Calling" ? I swear that pages change around so that when I open them each day, they are written just for me!
I will have to check out your book.

Praying for you~

Annesphamily said...

Thanks Jenny! Seems like every one of us could use this book for a friend or loved one.

Life is hard, my mother would tell me, pray harder!

:-)

McGuffy Ann said...

Powerful. I know that parental heartbreak.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I want to give you a big hug.

Keeping you in my thoughts and heart.
This piece is very touching, and you are wonderful, Jenny.

xoRobyn

pasqueflower said...

My heart goes out to you, Jenny, and I will add Duane T. and your daughter and your neighbor's daughter to my prayer list. I have seen first-hand the devastating effects of addiction.
Thank you for this inspiring post--Now off to find a copy of that book.

Peg said...

God bless you. I will pray for your daughter.

letscutthecrap said...

Heartwrenching read, Jenny. Glad you found another copy of this book.

Wish you all well. Maybe I'll be lucky to find a copy of this book too.

Amy said...

My heart goes out to you and your worry. I can only imagine. I had two sisters who struggled, but one was just rebellious, and the other got into bad stuff, and I saw the chaos and heart break it caused my parents. I am so glad you have that book to help you. You are so good and kind to share with your friend. sending lots of hope and prayers your way and your daughter's way.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Prayers to you all Jenny....I can't imagine the heartache.
Read your book, find solace in what you can control. Meanwhile, I'm sending big hugs and prayers.
XOXO

Susan said...

Ah yes, the companion/aid on my ever-evolving path to serenity! Peace and hope, always ...

Sue said...

I need to read this book!

And boy, can I relate to your post.

=)