Friday, January 1, 2010

The best New Years resolutions are always...

...the hardest ones to make.

All week I've been trying to come up with the perfect New Years Resolution. One that will change my life! And make me realize the full karma of my potential (or something like that!)

And finally yesterday afternoon something happened that made me shout "EUREKA!" I love that word so much. So I actually shouted it several more times "EUREKA! EUREKA!"

But before I tell you my resolution I need to pinkie swear you into secrecy that you will not tell my Mother about this. It would probably kill her. The shock and all.

OK, well, yea.

I've been thinking since yesterday afternoon that I might be an alcoholic.

Actually I should probably do that officially.

Hi. I'm Jenny. I'm 53 and I think I might be an alcoholic.

The reason I think that is this.

I had a margarita yesterday when my husband took me out for a New Years Eve linner.

Now this might...

What?

Oh. Linner? It's that meal you have when you are getting old and have to combine your lunch and dinner so you can eat by 4 to be in bed by 7.

What was I talking about here?

Oh, yea.

Margarita.

So I had a margarita which pretty much knocked me on my butt.

But I also had a margarita back in April.

Which means I had two for the year.

Which means my alcohol consumption DOUBLED in 2009.

Scary, isn't it?

That fact, coupled with two mistaken alcoholic binges earlier in my life make me... What?

What do you mean how can you have a mistaken alcoholic binge?

OK, if you want the sordid details the first occured when I was barely 19 and went on a honeymoon with my first husband to Florida. First of all at the age of 19 I had never had an alcoholic drink of any kind. Hey, I lived in the country. Don't roll your eyes at me. Who knew that sangria had alcohol in it? Certainly not me.

I just thought it was refreshing and wonderful on a hot, humid Florida evening. Two pitchers of sangria later I found out that throwing up a refreshing beverage was not nearly as fun as consuming it.

Second mistaken alcoholic binge thing was with my second husband. When I was dating him.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

It is disturbing, right?

OK, so we had been dating awhile and I went to Mexico City to visit him. (he was an ex-pat with a Telecom business there)

And he took me to a fancy restaurant that served supposedly the best tequila in Mexico. And the coolest thing was it came with these little tiny glasses of this spicy stuff called sangrita. Which I loved. And the tequila was mighty smooth AND every single time you had a shot of it they brought you this little shot of sangrita.

So after downing about three of these I said "this is so weird because I don't usually drink! Yum, yum!"

And he stopped my hand from downing a fourth shot and said "ummm....if you don't drink I think you should stop and I think we should leave."

Oh boy. Trying to walk out of that restaurant was challenging.

But on the plus side I never got sick and the next morning when I was singing in the apartment he kept asking me "you don't have a headache? You don't have a hangover?"


I hope all this explaining didn't give you a headache this morning. Not that you might have a teensy bit of a headache anyway from possibly consuming a margarita yourself.

But...

Now you can clearly see why my New Years resolution for 2010 MUST BE CONTROLLING THIS TENDENCY.

At first I thought of some easier resolutions such as loosing weight, exercising, or finding the solution for world peace.

But really, what kind of a challenge would that be?

And I'm all about the challenge.

So it's official.

In 2010 I will control my drinking.

There I said it.

It's official.

And now I need to go find a leftover Christmas cookie or a piece of fudge or something.

Finding a resolution is hard work.

And I am exhausted.

Sigh.

28 comments:

Jana said...

Jenny I had no idea you could lose control so easily, just goes to show....ya think ya know a lady, well cheers to your New Years resolution...ooops did I say cheers? my delete button isnt working this morning either....

Terri and Bob said...

Well, here's a toast to your new resolution. I would find it hard to keep it myself... actually probably not, so many of my meds say I can't drink alcoholic beverages. I want to know how you are supposed to survive cancer mentally WITHOUT alcohol. Just kidding. I am fine without it. Just better with it! Just kidding again.

Diana said...

I so related with the Sangria Jenny.
In high school, on a trip to Spain, it was all the Sangria you could drink. I was crying for my mama the whole next day! Never touched it again! Love Di

All My Yesterdays said...

OH, the memories of the headaches...
Ya, no drinking anymore here either. And I don't think the past slips makes us alcoholics...does it? Oh well, if so, I'm in good company!
Hope you had a good night and now it's on to the first of the new.
Guess I better go blog...
Have a great day Jenny (O:

Jeanette said...

Jenny, oh my stars...my ex husband and I on our honeymoon to FL got drunk on Vodka. I better re evaluate my situation as well. Happy New Year.

Melissa Miller said...

Please keep control of your alcoholic tendancies Jenny. I HAVE to read your blog daily. I am now officially addicted. LOL!

Happy New Year! ~Enjoy! :)

Jana said...

WHAT?!! you feel bad? your hilarious! I hi-jacked your sillyness and sent it back because I am sooo unoriginal! You couldnt hurt my feelings if you tried im surrounded by men haha youll do no wrong in my eyes, cross my heart.

Judyo said...

You totally made me laugh! I've already had a Mimosa this morning, so I guess that one's out for me...I think I'll stick to the one about not skateboarding this year......

Busy Bee Suz said...

You are so funny. I also love Linner. :)
Good luck on this, I have a feeling you can do it. Plus, maybe next year, as you are sober, you can work on world peace.

Bits-n-Pieces said...

oh you wild woman you!! but best that you know the problem. They say the first step is in admitting it!! :)
Wishing you a wonderful new year, and hoping to get to know you better!!

Julie Schuler said...

Funny, I resolved to drink more. My brother-in-law convinced me over the holidays that it keeps infections down. I don't know if you want to risk getting the flesh eating MRSA or something... I might pick another resolution.

The Quintessential Magpie said...

LOL! You sound like me, only I don't think I had a drop of anything last year... well, maybe a glass of champagne, but I can't remember! LOL!

Cute post, Jenny! Sounds like a good resolution to me.

Wishing you all the best in 2010! Happy, Happy New Year, my friend...

XO,

Sheila :-)

Cynthia said...

Please Jenny - drink more and work on world peace. I have faith in you. I know you can do it.

Or, how about working on a diet pill that actually works, with a side benefit of decreasing wrinkles.

My money is on you!

My resolution? I have decided that I can live with the body I have, my husband is perfect, my children are O.K., my grandchildren are perfect (of course). Hmmm...must make some $$ in the new year! Maybe you could visualize some winning lottery numbers for me?

Lauren said...

ok -- so this was my first visit to your blog, and I'm reading this and initially thinking -- oh no, this poor woman. No wonder she is so happy and smiling in her profile picture....

great post!

I'm very sorry for the delay in coming to say hello, but wanted to thank you for swinging by my blog on Monday for my SITS day. Hope you have a very happy new year!

Lauren

laterg8r said...

the part that killed me was the fact that the refreshing drink was not so refresing coming back up :D

v. funny :D

Yaya said...

Well now I want a margarita.....

Brenda said...

Tequila I know, the chaser I am not familiar with. Maybe if those many 20 years or so ago I had what you had with yours instead of beer, and I would have stopped at 3.....I would have be less familiar with the public bathroom I had to visit. Bad night. I do not think I have had Tequila since. That would be an easy resolution for me, no more Tequila. lol. Glass of wine with hubby at Sunday dinner. And only once or twice a month if that. Remember my youth...learned my lesson. I am so glad to have read about the good news of your daughters return to her family. I have had a couple of hard things to live through with 2 of my 3 daughters. Right now all seem to be on the right track. Praying for them and for you and yours.

Carrie @ Cottage Cozy said...

What a hilarious Resolution Story...love it. My resolution will be to visit your blog and crack up more! Thanks so much for stopping by! Glad to meet you!

Stay Cozy, Carrie

Eclectic Pink Rose said...

You have me in stitches!!! What a perfect ending to my day!! I am so glad you stopped by my blog, it is wonderful to meet you!!
♥ Teresa

Melinda Cornish said...

You crack me up........it is scary when those drinks dont taste like alcohol......not that I would know or anything.....

Noelle said...

you are my kind of drinking partner, girl! just my speed!

Christine said...

LMAO! Your consumption doubled...too funny! I think I doubled your double and it happened at this years' work Christmas party. Maybe I should address this as well.
I so love any resolution that doesn't take too much work;) Heck with the extra 20 lbs. I'm carrying around...I'll just lay off the spirits. Brilliant!

A Happy & Blissful New Year to you!!

Cassie said...

I must be a slow learner. I keep repeating those same stupid mistakes...about once a year. Wait, maybe it's memory lapse...I keep forgetting that I can't "hold my liquor!"
Have a fabulous dry new year!

Chow and Chatter said...

Hi Jenny what a fun post, love it thanks for following and visiting my blog

Happy New Year Rebecca

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Oh Jenny... you crack me up.

I don't believe in resolutions! Nope. Not one ever kept. Er made. Well either really.

Good luck with that. :)

jmac said...

OMG...how funny you are! Saw that you visited my blob...YAY! New friends!!

Can't wait to read thru your tales...looks like you might be one funny lady!!

(and don't dare take my alkyhol away from me!! :))

Feather said...

oh, crap. based on your calculations...i'm an alcoholic! i guess i'm making a resolution after all!

thank you for stopping by simply feather. i'm glad you came, and now i'm glad i came to your place. thanks for having me...i'm sure i'll be back.

My name is PJ. said...

My meds don't blend well with alcohol, so I rarely have a glass of wine or a beer and I never have the hard stuff. Wine gives me hot flashes... which I rarely get unless I have a glass of it.

Face it, most people drink to get the way we are naturally. God is good.