Tuesday, March 6, 2012

How did I get here from there?

Ahhhh...my friends.

I sit here in my new little office in my new little house listening to Josh Radin sing 'Brand New Day' over and over again.

This cycle never ends...you have to fall in order to mend...

I am sitting here with just a small light glowing on one of my tattoo painted tables and wondering...

...really, really wondering...

How I got here from there.

Six months ago I was sitting in a house I loved...secure and safe in my world of Grandlittles and crafting words for hours each day.

Six months ago I felt like my heart and my soul had a safe place to exist.

I am so fortunate to have found a wonderful company to work for that is patient and kind and helps with all my silly questions...

I am so fortunate that my husband is resourceful and was able to find new pathways to to create income after his business crashed...

I am so fortunate to have found a lovely home to rent that will require little work and even littler imagination...

But still...

I grieve.

My stories are untold.

I yearn to sit here in this quiet space and write and paint and dream and hope and then write some more.

I am not the only woman in the world who has lost her home...

I am not the only woman in the world who has given up her art in pursuit of insurance and income.

But still.

I grieve.

I know how I got here from there...

I just don't know where I'm going now.

I keep reminding myself...

"Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark..."

I'm waiting.

I'm waiting.

I really, really hope the dawn comes soon.



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40 comments:

vivian said...

OH Jenny. I'm sure this is a rough time for you. Youre right, you have much to be grateful for, but that doesnt change the discomfort of the situation. YOu will do well in what ever situation you find yourself in. YOu can turn this story into a funny story.. I know you can.
How long will you be staying there before you start looking for another house? HOw far away from your old home are you and from your grandlittles? I hope today brings you sunshine, smiles and hope.
hang in there!
xoxo
vivian

Theresa said...

Good Morning Dear Jenny, I pray that the light will shine in your new place and that new memories will be built! It takes lots of toughness and tears to get thru some things we go thru in life! No doubt in my mind you'll be trudging straight thru the mud to get to the sunshine and bright skies! Love to you and BIG HUGS!

Polly Janos said...

They say it's always darkest before the dawn. I am certain God is going to take you on a wonderful journey with unexpected results...keep your heart open to his will, not yours, and I bet you'll see dreams (that you never knew you had) fulfilled! Love and prayers continue for you always!

Terra said...

So beautifully said. You hold such a tender spot in my heart and I know you are so strong but I also know how it is too face so much and feel strong in the middle of it. Hang in there Miss Jenny - reach out when you need to.

H said...

Take a good grip Jenny. Hold on tight. Things will get better, one step at a time. It might take a while, but I hope not too long. Meanwhile, start building those new memories and finding new opportunities (and make that place your home).

Gail said...

I see the light just topping the horizon...

ain't for city gals said...

Like a bridge over troubled waters...we will be there for you. It's happening to everyone in one way or the other...we can only be grateful for what we have (which is a lot still) and take things one day at a time.

ImagiMeri said...

Hey Sweetie,

We need to get together, when are you available?????

I think about you all the time, and I hate when my peeps are hurting, too. I can handle the stress (yeah sure) but I can't handle my friends hurting. Let's see if we can remedy this.

Love ya'
Meri

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Oh Jenny I am sending you a big warm hug. It's all I have right now....I too am living this same damn story!! I so understand. It's crushing and exhausting and scary and yet I have a lot to be thankful for. Are we twins? We seem to always be in the same boat Jen.
A good soul to be in with though.
:-)

Nonna Beach said...

With all that has gone on lately in your life, you are truly amazing, rising above all the nonsense and discomfort to glow, grow and find new ways to have a lovely time every day ! God bless you my friend !!!

anitamombanita said...

I'm feeling your pain. Change is hard, especially when it's not change that you necessarily would have chosen for yourself. I admire your strength, courage, stick-to-it-ive-ness (or however you spell that) and pray for you to see more sunshine, more joy and more peace soon. Hang in there. It'll get better.

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

Life can change so quickly. Hang in there...things will get better.

Can you send me your new address?

Sandy said...

Jenny,
Everyone who has written here, speaks my comfort to you also......what a whirlwind your life has been sucked into, the last 6 months....and now you have landed in your "Kansas"...just like Dorothy you are a bit shell shocked.....take it one day at a time, I know this mantra works...I use it every single day....most of the things that brought you joy at your other home are still with you....I think of you often my friend! Love and Hugs, Sandy

Wanda..... said...

Change of any kind can be stressful,even good ones. Things will shape up to a new normal soon and you have so many friends sending love and positive thoughts your way, Jenny. Your husband must cherish you so much for your support, attitude and faith. Dawn is my favorite time of day, hope yours will be as bright as possible as soon as can be. I'd send you a card, if I had your new address! : )

edenhills said...

I'm so sorry things have been difficult for you lately. It's easy to come up with platitudes about things getting better and happening for a reason. Wish I had a magic wand to make it all better.

Sue said...

And I hope it does, too.

(I think I'll put some prayers behind that...)

Hugs.
=)

Busy Bee Suz said...

It is another one of those 'life transitions'.....and you are getting through it with grace and love.
hugs to you and Mr. Jenny...I wish only the best for you both.
xo

Judie said...

You and Steve could have moved into my guest room. I would have been happy to have you take over the kitchen.

I know it's tough, what you've had to do. I hated having to leave my idyllic Westchester home and move to Chicago. It took a while, but I did adjust. We just have to look ahead and have hope, sweet friend.

xoxo

jen said...

I don't know what your new little house is like, but make it your own and enjoy every moment of it.
Cherish the old memories but bury the grief as soon as you can, but not before it's burned out.

Hugs.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's not surprising that you are grieving for all that you've lost, but I believe that with time, you'll come to love what you have. I do hope you'll be able to keep pursuing your artistic urges.

Brenda said...

Ok,I am fighting back tears for you. Please tell me you did not have to move more that a couple of hours away from the grands....I know the house will work out. We can always make a house a home that is what we as women do isn't it?

Andy said...

My dear Jenny,
Life throws us these curveballs when we least expect them. You are a resourceful woman & I'm sure you will put your stsmp on this home while making the best of tough situation. Just think of it as a new adventure that you can document for all of us to read (smile).
Thinking of you & wishing you well. <3

Country Dreaming said...

So sorry to hear that you are going through this. I feel your pain and anxiety. We have been there. It WILL take time and things will look different
but you will get through this.
We love you and are here for you when needed!

Melinda

Ames said...

Yo Jenny...it's me Ames. Do you remember that sign that we both have? Or maybe I have it and you like it? You know the one that says "Coffee...You can sleep when you're dead! Well there's plenty of life left in you gal. While I am sad that you feel life has handed you an unfair deal, you strike me as a strong woman that can pull herself right back up again. Don't ever stop dreaming Jenny, or planning. We all need something to look forward too even if we have to go back and start all over again.

You are such a wonderful person and I am so glad to know you. And no matter where you live or what you do for a living you are still our Jenny. And I believe in you and as much as I hate this old saying it has rang true in my life numerous times....God never gives us more that we can handle. Sometimes I feel like 'Enough all ready!! Let somebody else have a turn!" But he is all knowing and he knows what is best for us and what makes us strong women. And I think you are already seeing the positive in all of this anyway.

Chin up super gwammaw! Love ya, mean!~Ames

Amy said...

Jenny, I was thinking about you just today. I was wondering how you are doing. I have to tell you, your post today brought me so much comfort. Not that you are having a hard time finding a way to feel comfortable and grateful in your circumstances, but that someone I know and love can actually understand what I am going through-ish, and how I feel. I love you. It is so hard, but we will make it through, right?

Holly Lefevre said...

The trouble that I have seen come to so many sweet wonderful people over the last 6 months to a year is heartbreaking. I know it is hard but, I know you have a great spirit and will find a way to create something new and wonderful.

Vicki/Jake said...

If the mountain was smooth, we couldn't climb it...
Everything happens for a reason Jenny....sometimes we just don't see it for awhile. You're in my heart..

Dana @ Bungalow'56 said...

Jenny,
I knew you were moving, but I had no idea why. I just finished watching a video about children who are abducted in Africa. The girls wanted us to watch so badly. It just puts everything into perspective when you see how our lives could be so much worse. In fact I think I will post it on my blog tonight. I hope the new, becomes even better than the old. With your spirit I know this will be the case.
Dana

bluegrassnotes said...

Very poignant. The art sure isn't lost; it's on display here.

Jo said...

from a girl who has also lost everything ... this is survivable ... it's a challenge, but it is totally doable, and you will be richer for the experience ... it may not seem that way now, but ... in time ...
I wish you the best of everything Jenny ...

J. Kwiatkowski-Schuler said...

By this time, if I'm going to bed indoors, I consider it a win. You're still an artist and a writer, wherever you are.

pasqueflower said...

Stay strong. Give yourself permission to grieve. And try to carve out a little time and space to create. Sending you a cyber hug.

jabblog said...

I hope in six months you will be feeling happier. You've had a rough time and it will take a while to recover but you're strong and resourceful. Chin up and keep smiling:-)

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

This is the next day (Wednesday) and I 'heard' the beginnings of a new dawn in your voice yesterday afternoon. It's a start...and our prayers will carry you when you need them. XO

writetuit said...

Well... you do have a kitchen now. So make a nice cup of coffee or tea, and relax, the sun will rise before you realize it and you'll be smack in the middle of a brand new day.

It's All Connected said...

Sometimes one gets tired of loss. Yet again? Railing against never does any good so it's best to grieve and get over it. Or so I tell myself again and again. ~ Maureen

Teri M said...

Thinking happy thoughts for you - glad you can see some light even through your sadness.

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

Jenny I am so sad for all you and Steve have been through! At least you have each other and your health--the two most important things right now. The rest will come back, and I know you will find joy again. I know you will make wherever you are a happy home while you are in it an your art and writing will still be there. I hope you are still near your grands and that their darling faces will continue to bring you joy. Hang in there dear friend! {{[Hugs}}}

Nezzy said...

Sweet Miss Jenny, the sun will shine in your corner of the world again. My heart goes out to you.

God bless and have a beautiful day in reflection sweetie!!! :o)

Splendid Little Stars said...

"Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark..."
--lovely!
May your dawn be very bright and filled with joy.