Tuesday, April 6, 2010

So...this morning I finally brought up something to Mr. Jenny...

...that I've been thinking about since Saturday.

Now perhaps that doesn't sound momentous to you.

But it is.

For me to wait so long to share a "BIG IDEA" is pretty unheard of around this house. Most "BIG IDEAS" are shared at 3:19 in the morning, or as soon as the "BIG IDEA" occurs, whichever occurs first.

It's what I do.

But somehow Easter got in the way and I was going to talk about it last night but I got tricked into watching the Butler-Duke NCAA National basketball game and after I yelled like crazy I was too hoarse to talk about it at 3:19 a.m.

So I waited until 5:27 am.

Another perfect time to share a "BIG IDEA"!

So...on Saturday I was sick the whole day. Awwww....poor me.

What? Couldn't you follow that perfect segue between "BIG IDEA" and being sick on Saturday. Geez. It made perfect sense to me.

So anyway, on Saturday I was sick, but it was that dumb kind of sick where you're not able to conk out for hours at a time until you feel better.

It was that kind of sick where your skin is too tight and you don't want anyone to talk to you and you are angry at the universe because you aren't sicker so you can conk out for hours at a time.

You know that sick, I'm sure.

But since I couldn't conk out I laid on the couch the whole day in my nightgown covered up with a flannel blanket watching TV.

And watching TV.

And watching TV.

And somewhere during my sluglike marathon of watching TV all day, I came up with a brilliant "BIG IDEA"!

Have you ever seen the show "Bulging Brides"? OK, so the show is about these two people...Nadeen somebody and Tommy somebody who are the Bulging Brides Dream Team.

They burst into dressing rooms and homes as tearful brides are lamenting the fact that they can't get into their wedding dresses.

The Dream Team analyzes the brides ... ummm.... bulges ...and put her on this Equivalent-to-Navy-Seal training program along with the official, sanctioned Bulging Brides two-carrot-sticks-eight-glasses-of-water a day diet.

And in six weeks! Voila!

The bride is sleek and trim and able to easily zip her dress and there are no unsightly bulges remaining on the bride.

So...

My simple plan is to get my husband to marry me again and to buy a wedding dress three sizes too small (which would still be mighty hefty) and then to somehow get this Dream Team to break into my home and fix me up...in six weeks without dying in the process!

See!

I told you!

Brilliant!

"BIG IDEA!"

Yea, I rock.

Only my husband didn't like this plan at all.

Sigh.

He thinks there are more sensible solutions to loosing weight...ridiculous ideas like Weight Watchers or walking around the block once every week!

What?

What kind of stupid "BIG IDEAS" are those anyway?

Seriously.

But now I'm really wondering how quickly I can get a wedding dress off E-bay because it's almost Bulging Swim-Suit season!

I'm thinking that if Nadeen somebody and Tommy somebody had a little longer...oh say, like 9 weeks they could probably get me toned and ready for a thong bikini!

And listen, you can sign up for the show, too, but the first step is to make yourself really bulging for the show.

Which can be accomplished pretty easily by raiding the leftover jellybeans and chocolate bunnies in your house!

And...

You're welcome!

Sigh...

post signature



54 comments:

Mari said...

I like your idea! I've never heard of the show, and now have to see if it plays around here...

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Oh my Dear One! Haven't I told you?!? When have/to/watch/tv/all/ day/sick, never watch anything which has to do with *EASY* weight loss!!!

Never!!!

Never!!!

Never!!!

Got that? Stick to 'Meteor Men' or 'Holmes On Homes' or 'American Pickers.' S-A-F-E stuff like that!

Btw, we've now turned one son onto 'American Pickers.' He thinks they are the cooooooooolest! ,-) And he found 'Holmes On Homes' himself.

Does this mean he is getting old, I wonder?!? Hope not, 'cause he's our "baby"! :-)

Jemm said...

That's great Jenny! Yes, won't take long here ;)

Andrea said...

Come on over Jenny. I am on week 3 of Slim in 6. I should be further ahead with it than I am, but, I am lazy. I've been eating Easter candy too.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

BRILLIANT idea! I'm TOTALLY stealing it! Besides, who doesn't want to buy another wedding dress?!!

Also, you make me laugh!! Thanks!

kim said...

You always make me laugh. Thank you for your hysterical writing. You just go ahead and bust your butt if you think it will work. It would take longer than nine weeks for me. I will never be in a bikini. Not in this lifetime. Well, maybe if I go to a plastic surgeon and find a time machine to go back in time in!

Life is good! said...

sounds like you were sicker than you think! but hey if these are great ideas to you then who am i do squash them. have fun losing weight!

Nadeen said...

DISCLAIMER: Tis NOT this 'Nadeen" who bursts into bride's homes and makes them lose weight. Instead, I'd probably get them a toddy and share in their lament.

BTW, I'm not sure I can think of very many brides who would want to do a wedding dress hunt again, anyway. Let's just go straight to the party!

Theresa said...

Well, no problem here... my wedding dress from 25 years ago WILL NOT fit. So, I am ready for the bulge patrol! Girl, wouldn't we look cute in a thong. I would have to do some celulite control first, wonder if they can handle that too! Enjoy your day my funny friend! Hugs!

lissa said...

fun post! I've always enjoy your ideas however silly, does these ideas comes from spending too much time in front of the tube?

I wonder how people who gets on television to lose weight or gain a husband or some silly reality shows that just sounds unreal to me

Julia Christie said...

What a fun zany post! And why not?!? If this is the way it will work for you I say go for it with gusto:-)
Love the idea of getting your man to marry you all over again (but perhaps that wasn't the point?)

Have a great Tuesday!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Jenny,
I understand that kind of sick.
I love this show too.
I have thought of gaining 100lbs to get on the biggest loser. But with my luck, I won't get picked and I would never lose the weight!!!

Wanda said...

While sick, did you possibly have a VERY HIGH FEVER, Jenny???

Julie Harward said...

Yup...too much time on the couch with the boob tube will do thing s like that to you! LOL You have such..too much..of a great imagination girl! Come say hi :D

Tina said...

You brighten my day with your unclassifiable, ridiculously delicious humor. And boy do I understand that kind of sick...Only I haven't been allowed the stairs so I haven't had the cable. What I have had is the streaming Netflix membership. May I suggest a helping of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" next time?

Jennifer said...

I understand that sick. I usually feel that way during allergy season, actually...

Kinda hitting me right now, except, I can sleep... So maybe I'm happier than you were?

Anyway.

I will say I am happy that you wrote the word "segue" in your entry, because I have been battling with myself with how to spell that word for the longest time! I use the word a lot, but I could never spell it! It is a tougher word, I guess, but daggom! I'm 19 and an English major! Words are my thing! (At least, I like to imagine they are.) So thank you for using that word.
I will never forget it's spelling.

I think I may owe you my life, too...
My "segue" spelling battles get a little intense...

While I have faith in you, I am not sure that you will survive their training... I don't even think I could...

And you are not a determined, whiny bride, either, so you won't be as stubborn about it.

Weight Watchers, nonono.
You should get a trainer at a local gym! :D A foreign, handsome one...

Actually... Now that I think about it: that might be the way for Mr. Jenny to realize that those Navy trainees are better for you than a man with blush-worthy bulges of his own helping you tighten those buns...

I probably shouldn't enable this... I'm going to stop helping you with ideas now...

Holly said...

What happened to the good old days when curvy, voluptuious womem were soght after, revered even?? Doesn't everything old become new again??? I'm waiting. Bring on the Easter candy!! (Oh wait, it's already gone!)

Hope you're feeling better!

Sage said...

You have no idea how I need some kind of magical way to get back on track.I really need to lose 10 pounds. I have to get on the ball and do it.
Rita

Paula said...

So dang funny! I'm gonna try this too and when he says no and I'm getting fatter and fatter, well, he'll have no one to blame but himself! ha!

Eden House Updates said...

Fab I dea Sign me up Oh can you find me a committed Christian 6ft+ tall own teeth mid to late 40's hair in the right places, non smoking abke ti kook after and love a slightly damaged women in mid 40's non smoking overweight bubbly fun loving Christian. With own teeth who can't remember what color her own hair is so not a bad catch really

Eden House Updates said...

Ps I am not a natural born typist either

MommaKiss said...

I'm already ready for the show.
dammit.

Holly said...

Hi again Jenny!

I really should read my comments before I post comments on others. Hopefully you don't think I'm ignoring your questions!!!!

The Farm Chicks isn't the show put on by Mary Jane, but they are related!!!
Mary Jane used to be a vendor at their show and her son is married to former farmchick Terri.

Anyway...very,very fun show! You should come! People come from all over the U.S. and Canada and we all have such a great time!!!

I must admit, that photo was of my friends porch, not mine:(

Ms. Anthropy said...

You go for it girl! I'll watch.

My Passionate Pink Life said...

Hi Jenny! thank you for stopping by for a visit! I always have room for more friends!!....I read your post and I LOVE IT!!! I think it's a great idea and I also have room for chocolate bunnies and jelly beans....your post made me giggle! Have a sweet day! Hugs, Jennifer

Ms Sparrow said...

Wow, you held an idea in your head for DAYS! I may have a super idea that I'm sure I couldn't possibly forget...and an hour later it's gone. Totally gone!

Flat Creek Farm said...

Not a bad idea! I've seen that show, and those brides-to-be always have incredible success! Much quicker than weight watchers, I say :)-Tammy

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Why the heck would you WALK around the block?? That's what God made cars for!
Your husband is nuts.

grammy said...

You funny gal you (o:
Sorry
I am on your hubby's side...WW girlfriend...it works(o:
I can not stay in jammies no matter how sick I am
isn't that funny how people have different 'sick' habits
any way...sorry you were sick

Prairiemaid said...

Well, I've got the bulges....now on with the show!

Jenny, thinks for the inward exercise workout. I am still laughing!

Lourie said...

I will do it the slow way. Their way scares me. haha.

Dee said...

I would qualify but would rather not! Your humor is a reall day brightner. It must be fun to see the world through your eyes.

Drama Queen said...

I love your idea! I think it would work!!! :)

And why is it we have to share at 3:27 in the morning? I do, too - and hubby just doesn't understand.

Geesh....men.

Ames said...

I am personally up for some type of boot camp myself. Motivation. That's what I need. And a personal chef. One easy way to get rid of that left over Easter candy is to package it up real pretty and drop in on a skinny friend. As you are handing it over to them, let them know you have been thinking of them....Happy Belated Easter! :-D ...Sorry, I couldn't help my self.

Brenda said...

The battle of the bulge. I'm with you Jenny except my hubs would never go through another wedding. His sister sings songs that last too long and he has to stand to patiently waiting. He does not stand still well. At all.

CherylK said...

Well, I'm very sorry you were sick. Bummer. I have never heard of Bulging Brides...what a unique concept. I have a terrible time losing weight so I can sympathize but, quite frankly, I would not want my pathetic efforts to be televised! But "whatever works" is my motto :-) Now if I could just figure out what that is...

Diana said...

Mmmm I have not heard of this show. However I could use those two to help me shed some chocolate! Hope you're feeling better Jenny! Love Di ♥

Carol said...

Hope you're feeling better. I was kind of off on Thursday, yuk day.
You are so funny! I haven't watched that show, I'll have to catch it!

Theta Mom said...

Thanks so much for visiting me on my SITS Day! I am finally getting the chance to meet and greet the fabulous ladies who showed some love for me. Hope to see you at Theta Mom again! :)

Kathleen said...

Never saw the show, never will!
You will kill someone while on that diet, end up in jail, and you won't need a wedding dress!

Annesphamily said...

I was thinking of going to my class reunion in July. At least 20 lbs. slimmer! Maye we could join the Bulging Brides together and I could convince the hubby to renew our vows!Hmmm. You always get me to thinking Mrs. Matlock!

Cassie said...

I've been working on those bulges for, let's see....40 something minus 19, carry the one...ummm....awhile now, but no one ever said when to stop...? And, I too have a class reunion this summer!!! If I could possibly get into my FIRST wedding dress by then I'd consider wearing it! HA.

Mimi said...

Hi Jenny!!!!
I NEED those people too!!!!!!
Oh gosh the dreaded bathing suit!!! I always wear a tankini, so mostof the flab on my upper body is somewhat covered, but my lEGS!!!! oh geezzzzz, thsoe flabby legs need toned so bad!!!!I say everyday, self, get on that Tread mill!!!!
loved your Easter family gathering!!! Looked like so much fun and those darling words would melt my heart!!!it did!!!!!
fun times!!!!
hugs,
jamie

mrs. c said...

You are a hoot! Mr. Jenny is so lucky to have you and I am sure that he loves you just the way you are. If you feel like you need to lose weight, then try exercising like going on a walk. I think it is more of a lifestyle change not a diet! It's got to be something that is you can live with.

Diane {createdbydiane.blogspot.com} said...

Hi Jenny,
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog :) I love Trader Joe's!
I love your post!
Too bad you don't live closer to me, I'd drag you to the bootcamp I work out at, kinds like the show :) REAL fun stuff! I look forward to hearing more of your stories!

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

No dieting for me until I eat all my Easter candy PEEPS!

PS" Hope you are feeling better!

Martha's Favorites said...

Jenny: When you get them to come to your home, call me I would love to see that series on TV. You are the best. Blessings, Martha

Ally said...

I think your idea is awesome to be honest. I loved that show when I was planning my wedding!

FourthGradeNothing.com

Home's Where My Heart Is said...

This is too funny! I love your line of thinking. I'm always in favor of quick weight loss, myself.

Thanks for visiting my blog today.

Hope you have a great day :)

Erin
http://homeswheremyheartis.blogspot.com

My name is PJ. said...

How do you FIND these shows? I've never even heard of this one!

I'm waiting for the show called "Bulging Butts' to come to TV. I'm a shoe in.

And "Bulging Boobs"? I've got that one all wrapped up.

What? What do you mean the shows would be about reducing those body parts?!

I hate TV.

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

I personally think that's being hijacked would be a great way to lose weight. Maybe the ONLY way. The bulking up in the first place sounds like the funnest part. I'm about to eat lunch so I think I'll eat something yummy with some bulk in it, {just in case}. Funny post you wrote there. I'm following!

RNSANE said...

There are some good things about NOT having the Easter bunny stop at your house! There are no candy leftovers, Peeps, etc, for me to devour. Jeremy got home Sunday night from his brother's bacherlor party in Vegas, took my hand and looked at me seriously. "Mom, you still have one month to try to lose some weight so, maybe, you won't have to buy a 3x 'mother of the groom' dress." That kid really knows how to drive stake into the heart.

I have got to get on the damn treadmill...but it's been idle so long, I'm afraid my weight will set it on fire and I'll be a charred remain at the wedding, wearing gauze and neosporin.

Linda said...

Ok, I could buy a dress too small...I already have more bulges then a sane person wants but who can I marry? Yep big problem..Mr A La Carte and I live in sin(shh don't tell anyone) and have no plans to change that...so I'm stuck with some old normal weight loss plan involving exercise...ugh. Let's see more bulges or more exercise...now where did I leave those jelly beans?

Melinda Cornish said...

you better go sign me up, I am getting married....I will include you two for one...we will tell them you are my bridesmaid.....