Friday, April 16, 2010

Stick a fork in me...

I am just done.

OK.

I've been going along with the whole Venus/Mars thing for awhile now.

I'm even signed off on the whole right brain/left brain thing.

But now.

Now I am done tolerating the differences between men and women.

And no, it's not about the toilet seat.

It's about a travesty of equality.

A gross miscarriage of moral dignity.

I can barely speak in my rage.

I understand now why suffragettes ... ummm..... suffragetted.

So...

I am asking you to rise up with me in my battle to correct this horrible indignity.

Are you with me?!

ARE YOU WITH ME?????!!!!!

OK. All you skinny people that read my blog...you can leave now.

Just go.

Seriously.

I like you and all.

But you just don't want to waste time reading this.

Goodbye.

Goodbye now.

...

...

OK, I think they're gone.

And now I can share this indignity with you.

It is....now brace yourself... this! Don't see the problem? Look closer...
... OK, yea.

Having accepted that Bulging Brides is probably not going to be visiting me anytime soon...I made Mr. Jenny take the plunge and join Weight Watchers with me.

And since Mr. Jenny weighs more then me (Thank all that is holy for that) AND he gets an extra six points a day...I hate him.

I do.

No, that is not just my envy talking.

No, I just really hate him. There he is with his 938 points a day and there I am with my measly 11!

It is wrong!

Wrong I tell you!

Not only do we have to have the babies (which is often a good excuse for needing WW's in the first place) but we have all that monthly stuff and then menopause and then everyone knows that women are just genetically engineered TO NEED CHOCOLATE MORE THEN MEN!

And not only do I only get 11 points there is no possibility of even getting THESE extra points......because I had all the necessary female junk removed a long time ago...

...so now, even though I can't use that monthly stuff for an excuse I have to worry about the whole menopause stuff...

...which increases the whole genetically engineered factor of chocolate need.

I just hate this.

It's dumb.

And I'm not going to take it anymore!

I am going to rise up and eat chocolate!

I am going to rebel and eat 12 points today.

I am going to just call it a day and order a burqa.

In black.

With vertical stripes.

Because that's how I am.

Me...and all those other suffragetting kind of women.

Yea.

...

Oh sorry.

What was I eating?

Umm...nothing...

Nothing at all.

I was just swallowing another glass of water if you must know.

Skinny people?

You can come back now.

What were we talking about?

Oh nothing.

Nothing really.

Just wondering where to buy a burqa. But I suspect you don't know the answer to that.

Sigh.

post signature



47 comments:

Lucy said...

Why does that just not surprise me?? Too funny!

Natasha said...

I totally agree with you Jenny. I had no idea that such inequality existed in this day and age!!

Best wishes,
Natasha.

Wanda said...

Jenny...
I'm not kidding...You are 'soooo' funny...You put Joan Rivers to shame.
I have to confess, I'm a little skinny, but I read all of your post anyway!
♥...Wanda

Jojo said...

Terrible isn't it? And I get made every time I go to the cleaners. Our dry cleaners charge double for women's clothing. It doesn't make sense. I understand charging differently for the sexes is against the law. Perhaps they can do something about the points too!!

Flat Creek Farm said...

Jenny, you crack me up! I feel exactly the same way. I was headed back to WW - really I was. Soon. But wow, you are scaring me with this whole 11 point thing. Life just isn't fair. Dang those guys anyway! :) Have a great day. I'm just gonna sit here and jam to Summer Breeze, one of my all-time favorites... Tammy

Karen said...

oh, stop your whining and pass the M&M's...

Paula said...

we need to petition congress on this...equality my (big) butt!!

Carol said...

The sad thing is....he'll lose more weight than you will and he won't even have to try! Girls rule...boys drool! LOL

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

I have to say ...I feel so dirty..I read this entire post eating chocolate.

Sorry...I'll go eat some broccoli now as atonement. How many points in broccoli?

Theresa said...

I know Jenny, it just isn't fair that the men and breastfeeder get extra points! You just have to put extra fattening stuff in his food so that he doesn't lose weight, hehe just kidding! Hugs dear friend, you have made your POINT, get it? POINT? Sometimes I make myself giggle:) Have a blessed day my friend!

MrsJenB said...

Yep, I went through the same outrage when Rob and I were doing WW together. He had a million more points than I did and I was justifiably murderous over it.

kim said...

Jenny, so true, so true. When my husband and I were walking every night at the park a few years ago his weight just fell off. Not me. No way, Jose. I have had to struggle with my weight as far back as I can remember. I am not obese, but could lose a good twenty pounds. I keep struggling on. I am glad you vented and got it off your chest!!

Anita said...

Oh my unholy points tracker!! I've done WW myself a few times, and I've never looked at what men get, the rotten non lactating non baby carrying thugs!
My husband was dx with diabetes last fall, he now weighs less than me the dirtbag (healthy dirtbag). I need to lose weight, as my cholesterol is out of whack!
Wishing you luck with those 11 or 12 points.........chocolate doesn't count, IMO!

LemonyRenee' said...

I completely understand, Jenny. Haven't you been to a weigh in yet? Where the man/men will lose oh . . . about 12 pounds in one week and look surprised and say, "Wow, that wasn't that hard."

I have always thought that men at WW should be restricted to their own meetings, behind locked doors, under cover of darkness, in secret locations . . . for their own safety.

Busy Bee Suz said...

This is a travesty.
Jenny, you could have lied and said you were breastfeeding. :0

Pam @ Design Fanatic said...

Jenny, what a funny, but oh so true post! I hate that I can't ever lose weight when I try. I did lose 10 pounds last year without even trying. You want to know how? I'm still not sure. I do know that at the time I was getting 8+ hours of sleep a night & eating a Dove bar everyday for my 3 pm snack. Of course the weight has almost all come back (Christmas & winter). Time to sleep in & go buy some more Dove bars!!!

Kim said...

LOL!! I feel your pain. I am also on the road to being more healthy and spent the last week being cranky I could not eat what I ate when I was 20 without consequences. I wish you lots of luck with WW Jenny. Remember that--while you can spend all your points for the day on chocolate, it probably is not the healthiest thing to do :) Have a great weekend!!!

Tina said...

Watch out, this is a serious comment, though you had me laughing as always, you wonderful, funny friend. Thanks for making the skinny people leave! I'm a recovering eating disorder girl, and let me tell you, you don't ever recover, EVER. It's like being an alcoholic. Only they're able to quit cold turkey. You can't do that with food. You're supposed to control that which you've proven you have no control with (or as in my case...too much control...) I wish you well. Though I've found that what I've needed to do is focus instead on fixing my inside and embracing with love my outside. {Hugs}

Andrea said...

Jenny you are so funny. For future reference though, the last diet my hubby and I did, I just made him eat the same stuff as me without telling him he could have more. If I was going to starve, he would surely be starving with me. My way of getting back at him for morning sickness and natural childbirth. ha ha!

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

You SERIOUSLY want a Burqa?
Let me know?

Julia Christie said...

OMG Jenny you are so darn funny! Love my morning laugh with you! Shades of Erma Bombeck here - ever thought of writing a book?

Smiles

criticalcrass said...

i was craving chocolate so badly last night, i bought not one, but TWO hershey's milk chocolate candy bars (without the almonds, because they take up valuable space that could be filled with more important things, like chocolate). they were going to be snacks to be eaten while i was at my beth moore so long insecurity book club meeting, but i was so starved for chocolate i ate them both on the way and had them finished long before i got there.

Ms Sparrow said...

Such is woman's lot in life! We must do the birthing, cooking and cleaning up, and on less food!

Brenda said...

Sorry Jenny, I wish I could throw you a lifeline but all I can suggest is you eat an extra can or two of zero points progresso soup. You might not want to make any plans when you do seeing how they are mostly water but you can make him watch and wonder why you're not gaining any weight...LOL!

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Oh sweetie, I gave up trying to be skinny a few years ago. I was always a size 6 or 8 and I'm pretty tall, but menopause did me in...I try and exercise and I spend time horseback which helps, but I absolutely refuse to give up butter and steak and chocolate and my beloved red wine! I won't I won't I won't and nobody can make me.

SO THERE!

angeltastic said...

Thanks for the laughs! But on a more serious note, I am overwieght, out of shape...aka "FLUFFY"! Hhhmmm...inspiring me for a blog....

Kathleen said...

DH eats what he wants, and never gains weight AND always says how fat people got..as he eats his ice cream and cookies...
Like telling your kids to be kind when you are far from it!

My Grama's Soul said...

Funny, funny post!!! I am one of those women who is a little on the fluffy side, not too fluffy mind you, but fluffy none the less.

However, My husband is much fluffier than me. He says I have the metabolism of a humming bird, and I believe I must.

You go girl with WW, if it is your thing!!!

Jo

Megan said...

I'm with you Jenny!! I'm WITH YOU!!

Farm Boy and I are getting ready to have a little life change...he doesn't know it yet but it's gonna happen. And when I does...I know the sucker is gonna lose faster than me. I just know it! And it sucks! It sucks I tell you!!

Why? Why does it have to be this way?


WHHHYYYYY?

Great...now you've got me curled up and bawling in the corner.

Ta Ta

Megan

:-)

http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/

GardenofDaisies said...

It is soooo unfair! Men don't know how easy they have it! I am watching portions sizes and am happy to be losing some weight.

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

I hear you Jenny! My husband and I went on the South Beach diet before my son's wedding and the weight just dropped off of him while I struggled. I read that women also have to exercise twice as hard as we don't have the muscle mass to burn calories that men do. Not fair!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

When you started in with speaking of Venus/Mars and being P.O.'ed, I thought you were going to do a riff on B.O. and his now wanting to send us to Mars or something.

I tell ya', he/B.O. has a new idea every day! And I'm getting scared to wake up in the morning... 'Cause I'll have to be faced with it, sometime during the day. No matter how hard I try to avoid him. He-Is-Everywhere!!!

Bleahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Oh.. OK... You have a different complaint. That's cool.

^_^
.

Dee said...

My husband eats twice as much as me and never gains. When I choose to diet every once in awhile HE loses and not me! I understand your feelings and I think men need to stay in their own weight control programs. .:)

Mighty M said...

Men and their lousy dang metabolisms!!

But I like everything else about being a girl.

I'm just hungrier. :(

Molly said...

My favorite sign that I don't have the nerve to buy:

"There's a skinny girl inside me trying to get out, but I can usually shut her up with cookies." I am trying (sort of) to lose 30 pounds semi following WW. Do you seriously only get 11 points???? I did WW about 10 years ago and go to 25 points a day. I figure I lost weight 10 years ago on 25 points a day, I can do it again. (Seriously, what about the cosmos has changed that I should have fewer points??)

mrs. c said...

Good luck....things just are not fair! Why is it that men can so easily lose weight without giving up everything and we just try and try and nothing happens! Oh well! thank you so much for my lovely card, am working on a special treat for all those kind folks that have sent me cards, and that is a bunch....thanks to wonderful you!

Michele {The Scrap Shoppe} said...

It'll get worse! He'll get all those points and still lose more weight! I hate boys. :P

Willoughby said...

I love this post! I fully agree that we are genetically engineered to need chocolate and that makes it so much harder to keep the weight off.

Oh, I wish I hadn't said chocolate! There are cookies in the kitc....

Ames said...

Tell him he has to make his own food and see how fast he loses it! :-)

Good luck with WW Jenny.

I got burned out on eating card board. And the artificial sweeteners made me sick. Here is the secret.....exercise! Walk,Walk,Walk, Walk,Walk...and Water! Drink Lot's of it! You'll become one with the twalet! :-)...Ames

mbkatc230 said...

This is definitely a gross miscarriage of justice. And they lose weight faster too! Of course, as I type this I have a cherry dump cake in the oven. And a box of snow caps stashed in the fridge getting all nice and cold.... Kathy

Nadeen said...

and WW has the nerve to tell you to 'make sure you eat ALL 11 points every day'. Hummmm, ya think that'll be a problem? Oh yeah, maybe so, because chocolate has NO points. BwahahaahahA!

In Pullman now looking for ex's. :)

My name is PJ. said...

It all boils down to that testosterone stuff. Everything seems to boil down to that. Arghhh! (I'm a pirate).

You can save up a few points here and there, add them to your weekly bonus points and have a GF delight....

...Is there such a thing????

Mr Jenny agreed to go on WW? Hold onto him. He sounds better by the second!!!!

kim said...

Jenny, lucky you, I have chosen you to play along in a blog game if you want to. Come over to my blog for the rules.

Cheryl said...

Sorry. I stayed. Did you really expect us to leave after all that feminist talk? Very funny stuff!

Lourie said...

I got below two hundred and they took AWAY a point! What the heck!? I do have some fabulous recipes I would be happy to share. Plus...a regular size Hershey Dark candy bar is 4 points for the WHOLE THING! Skinny Cows are awesome. Best of luck to ya.

Just Breathe said...

I understand your rage!

KK said...

Lol, that is totally unfair! And I would never even consider dating someone smaller than me :)