Wednesday, August 4, 2010

When I got married almost 11 years ago...

I remember receiving a card that said something like "Two people, two hearts, two lives, become one heart, one mind, one new life together."

Don't be amazed at my memory. I only remember it because I thought it was a good quote and I've used it on a gazillion wedding cards I've made since then. Such a lovely and realistic sentiment to share with a couple facing impending "one-ness"...don't you agree?

But here's my question to you.

When does this become true?

Yea, yea, I get the whole two hearts, two lives, become one heart, blah, blah, blah...

But my question is really about the "one mind" part.

When does that happen?

Because it hasn't happened at my house yet.

I thought it had.

I really did.

I thought Mr. Jenny and I were all bonded and "one".

Sadly...

I was wrong.

It became apparent to me that we still had two "un-oned" minds on Monday night.

Son #2 and his girlfriend had flown out of town to Alabama (I know you're surprised that anyone would choose to go to Alabama in the SUMMER, but it was entirely voluntary) and since they had to leave super early, they left their truck at our house and Mr. Jenny took them to the airport on Friday.

They were scheduled to come back on Monday evening.

And being the sweet, caring, loving parents we are, we decided to meet them at the airport with their truck so they could save some time by leaving for home directly from the terminal.

So...

I had to follow Mr. Jenny in our car.

Still with me?

I'm getting to the "two minds" part in just a little bit, so don't give up now.

So...

Mr. Jenny went flying out of the driveaway in Son #2's truck and I followed behind him.

About a mile down the road toward the airport I realized I didn't know what terminal we were meeting them at AND I was concerned I wouldn't be able to keep up with Mr. Leadfoot.

So...

I tried calling Mr. Leadfoot/Jenny's cellphone but it was turned off.

I started flashing my lights at the truck.

He ignored me.

I tried calling him again. Phone still off.

I pulled up behind him at a red light and flashed my lights AND honked my horn.

He smiled and waved at me. And drove off when the light turned green.

I tried calling him again. Phone still off.

So finally I floored it and tried to pass him on the right.

But he speeded up and pretended like he was drag-racing me.

Now, I was starting to get annoyed and worried that once we got on the freeway I would lose him. We live in Phoenix, you know, and there are a bazillion lanes of traffic here.

I saw the road was going to narrow down to two lanes so I pulled up besides him on the right, rolled my window down and started yelling at him...

AND he finally rolled his window down.

I screamed at him "TURN ON YOUR CELL PHONE!" just before he pulled away.

He didn't call me.

I tried calling him again.

As he headed onto the freeway ramp, I was thinking to myself "$#@!*#%&#" and "golly gee whiz".

Finally my cell rang and it was him.

"Aren't you cute?!?" he said, all happy and flirty.

"NO! I'M NOT CUTE! I'M TICKED! WHY IS YOUR CELL PHONE OFF? WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP? I WAS FLASHING MY LIGHTS AND HONKING AT YOU!"

He said, "Yea, that was cute! You were flirting with me!"

"I AM NOT CUTE!" I said, with gritted teeth. "I need to know what terminal we are going to because I'm sure I'll lose you on the freeway."

And he told me.

And said, "I gotta go. Son #2 is calling in!" and he hung up on me.

...

...

First of all, I did not feel cute.

I did not feel flirty.

I felt stressed out and annoyed.

And, to be quite honest here...

I felt cheated.

Ripped off in the whole "one mind" department.

One mind would have realized that only one person knew were we were going.

One mind would have known to stop so I could ask.

One mind would have know to turn the cellphone on.

Grrrr...

So if you get married and I make you a card I'm not using that stupid quote on it.

I am going to send you a card that says something like "Two minds, two hearts can potentially become one heart and/or mind if one mind remembers to turn their cell phone on!"

It will be all romantic and lovely.

And you will sigh and feel all lovey dovey.

But I can no longer promote unrealistic expectations of marriage on wedding cards.

That would just be wrong.

And unrealistic.

And I wouldn't want anyone else to go through the pain of finding out they were not "one-minded" after being married almost 11 years.

...

...

Sigh...

post signature

60 comments:

summersundays-jw said...

Personally, I know couples who appear to be sharing one mind & to tell you the truth, they're kind of boring. You're never boring & you never fail to give me a good laugh. Jan

Pixie said...

OMG LOL I can just picture the whole thing....too funny!

Unfortunaltey I've been with the Hubster for almost 10 years now, married 6....and we're telepathic *nodsnodsnods* we can look at our youngest daughter, share a look, and WHAM instant transfer of thoughts....

Also....we share the same sense of humour...so we can both giggle together at the weirest, seemingly none funny things together....so that we in turn get weird looks and everybody takes exactly 2 steps away from us *cackles*

Hope you have a great day hun!

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

OMG that was hysterical! Not a funny thing to happen to you but I could so see my hubby doing the exact same damn thing.

Thank you for the morning giggles.

Lucy said...

Hey... sounds like a perfect marriage to me.

Jeanie said...

Been there, done that.....well, almost that. If Doc and I are one-minded about anything, the use of cell phone's is at the bottom of the list. I can almost count on his cell phone being off. If I had tried to get his attention while following him the way you did, he wouldn't think I was flirting, he would just attribute it to my normal crazy driving.

Mumsy said...

Oh Jenny, I'm sorry but I had to laugh at this..I can feel your frustrations and all..but I agree with Mr. Jenny, you're cute!

The "one-ness" has never happened to me. We were more in the "two-ness" the whole time we were married!

myorii said...

Oh, that is too funny :) I couldn't help but laugh while reading this. Of course, if I was in your shoes at that moment, I would have been pretty ticked off and not finding the humor in the entire situation :)

My husband and I think alike but we're soooo not of one mind. Sure, we can be thinking of the same food that we want to eat at that moment but when it comes to things like who's going to take out the trash when it's full, we are on different wavelengths and it's just irritating!

Jocelyn said...

Thank you for this post this morning....it only validates that I am not the only one that this happens to!!!

You make me smile!!! Love you girlie!!!

Theresa said...

I can relate to this post SOOOOOOO much! My husband NEVER answers his cellphone, NEVER! He will let it ring, go to voicemail and call me back and say "did you call me"? Holy cow, did my number show up? It is so frustrating! So, I can tell you that this post was for me:)

Have a blessed day and perhaps we should send our husbands to "answering the phone for dummies" class:) hehe!

Julie Schuler said...

I'm sure that Mr Jenny thought you were SOOO one-minded that you already knew what HE was thinking. Not that I've had any experience with that frustration. :/

CoffeeJitters.Net (Judy Haley) said...

or maybe you were one minded in that only one mind was in use...

i dont buy into the one mind thing though - one of the benefits of marriage is the fact that there are two separate minds with separate perspectives. that's a good thing. going from two minds to one is just dumbing down

Terry said...

Hubby and I are two minds on two different planets...in two different universes...who by chance speak two totally different languages!! LOL

Busy Bee Suz said...

I am with you on this...and if we ever get to be "one mind", lord I hope it is MY mind and not his. :)

Beverly said...

Oh my gosh that was so funny and typical of MEN!!!LOL I had a similar experience. Was following hubs, lost him on Freeway. Caught up to him, was honking horn and flashing lights also. Unfortunately it was a truck that looked just like my hubs, but was not his. Man in truck thought I was flirting with him also, and followed me 15 miles down the freeway and off the ramp to the restaurant that I was meeting hubs at. Can you say embarrasing??? When I explained to my "pseudo husband", that it was all a mistake, he gave me his business card and said "give me a call if you change your mind"!! Hubs looked at his card and said to keep it. They guy owned an auto repair business and hubs thought it might come in handy some time???

Yarni Gras! said...

hee hee...that same sort of thing happened to me. Our hubby's must be from the same "Leave her a** in the dust" tribe!

Deb said...

Jenny you hit the nail on the head there...sounds like something my hubby would do....and I understand how you felt...great post...

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

I know your posts go for the 'funny bone.' But..... Since I'm very literal... I tend to go for the facts-Jack.

No way would I ever want to be of one mind with any other human being! Hell no! I am totally unique. And I change my mind so many times. And I'm always evolving. How could I expect any other person, to keep up with me? Really.

As to Mr. J, I'd have turned around and gone home and fumed! And when I next heard from him..................................................................................... And I'll not say any more than that, because we do not have to do self-incrimination.

My name is PJ. said...

One mind???!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
False advertising, Matlock! It's impossible for a man and a woman to be of one mind....we're wired differently.

Shoot, The Source and I could be headed to the same place and take two different routes! :)

Pondside said...

Loved this! The Great Dane has a unique mind - one of the great attractions to me way back when. Would I want to share that mind? No thanks! I just want the use of it now and again.

Amy said...

oh jenny!

Country Dreaming said...

Jenny darling---
Way too funny.
Sorry you had to find out about this this way. It is not possible to be one minded with another person no matter what. Mr Ken and I do great together BUT...
we have moments when ther are two different minds in the picture!
Oh well...


Have super day!

Melinda

Catherine Holman said...

I always like to start my day with a good laugh! Thanks!

Chatty Crone said...

Okay Jenny, send my hubby home! lol

Sandie

(married 36 years)

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny I could so see this in my mind, you with steam coming out your ears and Mr Jenny being all cute and smiling and flirty. One mind, hog wash!! Heck, I've known that for a long time!

LemonyRenee' said...

ROOTFLOL! I can SO see this whole scene. My husband would do much the same things . . . but it's much funnier watching your husband do it. LOL!

Perhaps the card should read, "Two minds become one . . . Bride, it will all be up to you now."

Thanks for the belly laugh.

Tina said...

I'm laughing. Because the one mind stuff is a load of hooey. I wouldn't want The Engineers mind full of ADD and engineering solutions, but it works great for him. He's his company's best troubleshooter. He wouldn't want my mind either, all sentimental and gooshy. But we make a great team! And despite his cell phone being off, I think you and Mr. Jenny also are a great team.

Christy said...

you slay me!

June Freaking Cleaver said...

I enjoy the verbal banter that takes place because we are NOT of one mind...and whose mind would we pick?

I think it was sweet that he thinks that, after all this time, that you are cute and flirty.

I say give him another 11 years to perfect the mind meld thing.

Wombat Central said...

You're cracking me the heck up, lady. Subtlety is lost on men. At least most of them. Mine's the kind that will ask me why I'm kicking him under the table when I'm trying to get him to stop talking about a specific subject in the company of other people. Sigh. Good thing they're cute.

Marlene said...

You DO make me laugh!!!!

But....this begs the question....

YOU MAKE CARDS?????!!!! Why haven't I seen any?!

Rural Revival said...

Oh dear, does the future ever look bleak for me.
After less than a year, 'someone' can't or doesn't think it prudent to take the cordless phone outside, just in case, for some strange reason, someone just might, while waiting for the children who are with their tutor, may by chance, fall asleep in the car with the a/c fan running. I mean doesn't that happen every day?? No two minds happening here either. Oh boy....

Sue said...

It is always a painful thing in marriage to realize that un-onedness is part of the package.

How well I remember my own day of disillusionment. It involved ants and a linen closet, but I'm afraid I can't share the details.

I simply can't go there. Not even for you, Jenny.

"/

CharlotteP said...

Seems that men and women have very different minds... Your tale of woe made me laugh - and sounded very familiar! And at least he's still pleased that you're 'flirting'(!) with him!

Cheryl D. said...

I think it's sweet that after almost 11 years of marriage, you and your husband do get all flirty! Very sweet!

Beth said...

My husband and I have full-on face-to-face conversations. Where we make decisions. We decided things. Together.

Then just as I walk away he says, "So what are we going to do about ------?"

Seriously??? We just spoke about ------ for a full-on, face-to-face conversation!!

It's only been three years. I see no end in sight to our two mindedness.

Aging Mommy said...

Well I think romance wins over one mindedness any say and if your husband things you are cute after almost 11 years and is delighted when he thinks you are flirting with him I'd say you are doing very well, even as two minds and not one :-)

jfb57 said...

This was such fun! Poor Jenny! you forgot the main obstacle to this one mind stuff - the other mind is male!! Enough said!!

Sandy said...

Jenny....I feel your pain....really.......:):):) Things are MUCH better by the way! :) How about lunch????? I will keep my cell phone on! :):)

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

Oh my gosh...funny as you tell it, but I'm sure not at the time. What kills me is that he thought you were flirting...only a man thinks like that. If he'd been waving his arms around at you...you would have either assumed he wanted something, or that there was a bee in the car. It is sort how men don't seem to see that their stomachs are sticking out further than they used to...and women notice a 2 pound weight gain. Duh.

Oh...when I read the quote (before reading the rest) I thought, one mind...not at my house. We've been married 35 years...not gonna happen here.

Ace said...

I can not only picture this incident, I am sure I have lived it. More than once.

And unbelievable as it sounds, my daughter also went to Alabama for two weeks in July. She thinks she wants to MOVE there. Unbearable heat, humidity, fire ants, high unemployment....yeah, sounds just like heaven to me, too. :P

Ace said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

Maybe you'll be of one mind, one day..?

Haha I don't know anyone who is of one mind with their partner, though...

Serline said...

This is uncanny, deja vu stuff, only in my case, the one who has the cell phone off is me, and the screamer is my hubby ;-P

Amy said...

Aren't you cute and flirty? So funny. I love that he thought you were flirting with him. So annoying that he didn't exactly read your mind, or share his with you. I suppose after 15 years is when the one-ness comes. Keep hoping. :)

Pat Tillett said...

First off, one of the funniest and best posts I've read in a while.

Second, I've been with my wife for a long time and we don't don't always think alike. What we do though, we know what the other one is thinking. We have a blast with that...I wouldn't want us to think exactly alike...

edenhills said...

Men...that's probably why I'm single. They can't read my mind and I just get annoyed at their mind.

Teresa

Wanda..... said...

Jenny do me a favor...investigate and try to find out WHY men carry cellphones and NOT turn them on.

Lisa said...

lol SO sorry, I know you were ticked I so would have been! I cannot STAND to need to talk NOW and the phone is off! YUCK! I think it will be best if you have your separate minds though. It just is!
Hugs, Lisa

Anita said...

I was getting stressed out just reading that; imaging I was the one doing all the honking, blinking, waving, etc.

Funny...my husband is capable of that. I have to try to think of every possible mistake that can happen when we're trying to coordinate to reduce these kinds of incidents.

You're right...NOT one mind!

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

Here's what I think happened. Mr. Jenny watches Oprah and took her pledge not to talk on the cell phone while driving. You must forgive him.

Sares said...

I can understand your frustration, but it made for a great story. I had a big grin on my face ALL the way through! Maybe ONE day you will become ONE. But then again, that could get boring!

Thanks for visiting the new blog, I really really appreciate it. I keep the card you sent me when we first started tacked to my cork-board and it continues to inspire me every day!

Annesphamily said...

Men...we can't live with them or without them! Great post! I think most all women can relate to this one! Anne

KK said...

You crack me up and I don't want to be one-minded with a man anyway :)

Lourie said...

In a lot of ways, hubby and are alike. We've known each other for...18 years and been married for 17 this Sept. I don't know if he would catch on to the whole lights flashing thing either. On our move out here we used walkie talkies to communicate. It was great.

Theresa said...

Hilarious! Another spewed coffee morning:)

Terra said...

Truly hilarious! My dad never has his phone on at the important times. why do they even turn them off???

Sueberry said...

That was too funny!

La said...

So funny! I could just see this playing out in front of me. Have a great day! La

Bits-n-Pieces said...

I've seen snippets of what goes through my hubby's mind...and I'm not sure I want to claim any of it!! 2 minds are better than 1 in some cases! LOL

The Words Crafter said...

I'm still laughing out loud!!!! I think it's a genetic/male thing. My husband does the same thing to me. You know, it occurs to me that the reason we don't become one mind is-women think on a much higher level and men just can't keep up! Really funny post!