Monday, November 29, 2010

Anger management for the geographically challenged...

So...

I've been a little challenged with stress lately. And sometimes when I'm stressed out I get hot-headed and my language gets ... ummm... a little bit ... ummm... salty. I think it's a throwback to my sailor days. Or something.


I hate when I do that, though.

I hate when my frustration and anger takes over my tongue and I blurt four letter words. Not around the Grands or anything. But definitely around Mr. Jenny. And sometimes just around me!

However...

I developed a new technique to deal with this problem.

I decided to come up with an obscure word and make myself mutter it 10 times or so before I allow a swear word to pass my lips.

After great deliberation I came up with the word "Mozambique".

Obscure enough that I have to make myself concentrate on remembering it, and a cool word to say over and over again, too! AND IT'S TOTALLY WORKING!

For over a week now, my swearing has been reduced to only one single, itty bitty time...but that involved... well...never mind. It doesn't really matter what it involved, but I only slipped once...and then immediately gathered my self-restraint by chanting Mozambique about 39 times in a row.

It was pretty zen.

However...

...last night, Mr. Jenny really put my little word to the ultimate test with this conversation:

Mr. Jenny: The Mozambique thing really seems to be working.
Me: Yup. It's silly but it's definitely helping...and I feel a lot less stressed out, too.
Mr. Jenny: That's great. You do know what Mozambique is, don't you?
Me: Of course.
Mr. Jenny: Well? What?
Me: Well, what what?
Mr. Jenny: Well, what is it?
Me: Sigh, it's an ummm.... city?
Mr. Jenny: Ummm.... no. Close.
Me: It's a country? Right? I meant to say country.
Mr. Jenny: Yup. It's a country. Do you know where it is?
Me: Yea. Of course. It's on the earth, d'oh.
Mr. Jenny: Ummm.... how about being just a little bit more specific?
Me: Why?
Mr. Jenny: Why what?
Me: Why do you want me to tell you? Don't you know where it is?
Mr. Jenny: I know where it is, but do you?
Me: Sigh. Of course, I do. It's ummm.... ummm.... really close to India right?
Mr. Jenny: Ummm.... no...guess again.
Me: No. Leave me alone. You are a geography bully.
Mr. Jenny: No, I'm not. It's just important to know these things.
Me: (starting to lose my temper) Mozambique, Mozambique, Mozambique, Mozamb...
Mr. Jenny: Maybe you should know where it is, if you're going to say it.
Me: Mozambique, Mozambique, Mozam...
Mr. Jenny: It's in Southeastern Africa. Right between the Indian Ocean and Zimbabwe.


Me: Mozambique, Mozam...
Mr. Jenny: And, of course, it is South of Tanzania and right by...
Me: Shut up. I don't care.
Mr. Jenny: Of course you care...Zambia is...
Me: Shut up. I really, really don't care. Go away.
Mr. Jenny: Of course you care...Malawi is...
Me: Mr. Jenny? Seriously. Stop. You are ticking me off.
Mr. Jenny: And Swaziland is...
Me: Mr. Jenny? Mozambique off!
Mr. Jenny: What? What did you say to me?
Me: You heard me. Mozambique off! Leave me and my anger management technique alone. Yea! You heard me! Mozambique off!

See?

See how it works out really well?

My only suggestion is if you pick a word that is a place, you should know where it is.

Especially if you live with a geography bully.

And you know what else?

Even though I have a very Mozambiqued-up life sometimes...

...at least I have my anger issues kinda/sorta under control now.

Sigh...

post signature

42 comments:

5thsister said...

Oh dear...I hate it when husbands pull "Shanks" like that on us. With my husband it's "Who sings that?" Of course he knows and I don't and it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things so why make a big deal out of it? It's a bunch of "Shanks" I tell you!

"Shanks" is a town in WV, btw

myorii said...

Sorry, but that is just too cute :) I love how you turned the name of a country into a verb.

Mozambique off....HA!! Too funny!

Terra said...

Man, I have never heard of that place...I would have thought it to be a made up word for sure....

Cheryl said...

Nyah nyah nyah nyah! I knew where it was and was yelling at the glowy box hoping you'd hear me so you could end the madness (and anger too).

I'll shut the Mozambique up now.

Oh wait. I can't. Y'know the M word wasn't your best choice. My first thought was that it's way too close to the other M word. I'da gone with Zimbabwe. It's a kinder gentler word. Never Zambia. That can be used in so many degrading ways. It's horrible, I tell ya, just awful.

Kat said...

My go to words are fudgesicle or son of a biscuit eater. Hmmm, I just noticed that mine both involve food...
Kat

noexcuses said...

It's a real pain living with a Mozambiquen "know-it-all" isn't it?

Mr. Noexcuses loves to make me do Math in my head. I just ignore him and go read some blog posts!

Funny post!

J. Kwiatkowski said...

My kids learned a couple of new words from their father this weekend when he slipped with pliers and gouged his wrist. Neither of them are Mozambique, though.

Meri Wiley said...

I do the same thing missy. I say "craparoni and cheese," or something like that, but I try really hard not to curse.....it doesn't always work. Hey can you please call me and let me know what's going on with the gift situation.

LOve yA,
Meri

Wanda..... said...

Jenny...you're a genius! It just rolls off the tongue!

Deb said...

I wish more people would take your idea...I'm so tired of hearing the "F" word come out of everyones mouths....couldn't they just say...fittaldy deee...or fudgecicles...or how about Fantastic...Falalalalala.....fruit fly...you get the idea...

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

I definitely need to come up with my own special word, but I'll stay away from countries.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I know someone who used to say Christopher Columbus.

Jeanie said...

I would have never figured Mr. Jenny for a geography bully, but you just never know about people, do you?

MrsJenB said...

Oh, Jenny, you're brilliant - but how I wish I had heard of this last week prior to cooking Thursday's dinner. Let's just say that a few salty words came out of my mouth - the 3 burns on my hands and numerous scratches can attest to that!! ;-) (I'm a clumsy cook, what can I say?)

H said...

My son's friend was born in Mozambique :)

I know exactly where it is, but then, I'm a bit of a map freak. (Plus we are rather closer to Africa than you. ...Yes, we are!!! :p)

Judie said...

I have an acquaintence in my bridge group who says, "Oh, sugar!" insxtead of the other s word. It sounds pretty silly to me, but an exotic word, well, that's a lot better. I occasionally swear in Yiddish, even though I'm not Jewish. I don't think my Jewish friends mind. There is one word, though, that is so overused in movies that after the first dozen, I completely lose interest in the movie and am ready to leave. We all know what that word is, and it isn't Mozambique. After a while, that word loses its impact. Plus, at the most, it can only have two syllables when stretched out fo impact. Give me a good "Mozambique yourself, you Mozambiquer!" any day!

My Grama's Soul said...

Oh what a funny post....so today I'm going to tell sweet hubby to "Mozambique off" if he give me any lip!! (O:(O:

Xo

Jo

Theresa said...

Mr. Jenny is a pain in the Mozambique:) He is trying to show how smart he is and WE don't even care because he is picking on you and is itching for a switching! He just doesn't get it like we do:) Have a blessed day you goofball! HUGS!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

salty words have been escaping from my lips lately. Especially in the car. Why oh Why can't people just drive! Pay attention to the road and not your MOZAMBIQUE PHONE~! Ah I feel better now!

Sue said...

This one is so funny it should be in the newspaper, Jenny. I am laughing out loud over here!

=D

anecdotes said...

Hopped on my broom and flew to your place via Lisa's Place by way of Mozambique... Love your new Mantra. I, too, have bad word issues, at times. Hadn't thought of making this problem a geography lesson. Sounds better than biting my tongue and a lot less painful.
Mozambique. Not to mention...I've learned to spell a new word today.
~sWaMpY~

Cheryl D. said...

What an awesome technique! Not only are you learning to curb cursing, but you're learning some geography too!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Those live-in-information-bullies deal with all sorts of issues. -sigh- I know, I ask some simple little question, to be sure I blog something correctly. And.......

He goes on and on and on and on and on.... Hey, it's not like I'm gonna' post a dissertation on this thing! -sigh-

But he knows and he just wants to tell me, all the details.

I hear you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But Hon, it takes so much less out of your hide, if you just let the first word out. You know. Those neat 4 letter words, that really do the trick, when we're upset. -evil grin-

I know. I'm a bad influence. I'll go and play elsewhere now. Before "Mr. Jenny" finds you talking to me.

>,-))))))))))

Amy said...

Ah-ha! I now know how to get my geography bully to leave it alone. Awesome. Another lesson taught by the marvelous Jenny!

And Mozambique is a cool word to say over and over. I think I need to come up with my own word when my kidlets and husband are just too much for any more. Gosh I love them, and wow that means they can really push me over the edge. Family, right? No one knows how to push you over the edge like them.

Write Chick said...

Great Idea! I hate that my mouth runs away with four letter words when I get mad too. I'm currently curtailing it by using odd words, like shishkabob, flummox, funnelcakes, etc. But I see now that I should have one go-to word. That would make it easier. I loved yours. Mozambique is just fun to say! :-)

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

I remember once my husband told me he didn't know how I found my way out of the birth canal. Bully? I have one too...and with history as well. Of course I'm way ahead of him in current music and reality shows! So there!

Brenda said...

Oh Jenny I found this story quite entertaining. You made me smile and chuckle and think that this would be a good technique for a couple of my daughters to use. Love it.

Aging Mommy said...

Working for 22 long years in a male oriented cabling world my language was more than a bit saucy, so becoming a Mom meant learning to curb that. My go to words are shoot and bummer. It definitely works. When my husband had an issue with a contractor at work and I told our three year old about it she said "Daddy needs to tell the man shoot!" :-)

Ames said...

I had a co worker once who always said the word "shoes" for the "S" word. Before to long I started saying it too. "Well shoes!" or "Shoes and Shine-ola!" or "Don't have a shoe fit!"

People look at you as though you are crazy, but I think I'd rather be looked at as though I'm crazy rather than be deemed a vulgar person.

Use what ever technique works for you girl and tell Mr. Jenny to lay off the geography shoes! :)~Ames

RockiBottom said...

I knew it was in Africa, but never would have bullied you about it. ;)

It is an interesting technique you have come up with. I have my own, but it does not always work. Sometimes, ok often, I slip up. My technique is to use a word or phrase in place of the offensive word. My favorites are "fudgecicles and icecream bars!" and "son of a motherless goat!"

Debbie said...

Had no clue where that was....I say stick with the swear words, no harm to you or the Mr...so why be hard on yourself:)

Busy Bee Suz said...

YOU are totally under control...as for Mr. Jenny, that is up in the air. :)
xoxo

Country Dreaming said...

I'm not laughing at you but with you. Oh dear.

Melinda

Slamdunk said...

I think you showed great control and I like your coping strategy. I think about 1/2 through your conversation, the Mrs. would have locked me out of the house.

jackiesown said...

That's mozambiqued up :p

Pat Tillett said...

Oh my! My wife says I'm like that also. The last time I did it is when she was listening to the sports report on TV and said "yay" to one team or another when they announced that they won. I asked her why she liked that team, if she even knew who the quarterback was, etc...needless to say, she responded in a manner not to my liking....LOL..

great post! WE ARE SORRY!!!

Stef said...

Haha. That is hilarious. I think I may choose something easier like Albuquerque or something. Haha

Gattina said...

and I have a serious problem with bad words in English ! I never learned it at school and I didn't speak English before I was an adult. Now I am glad to learn some bad words for my cat blog because cat Arhur likes to swear, so I do it the elegant way %&é@# ... but this is a problem life ! Maybe I should make a poster and show it to the person ?? Mozambique is too long ! try Paris !

Melinda Cornish said...

it kind of takes the joy out of saying it, when it turns into geography....
I have missed you....been to my blog lately? life has been shocking on this end......

Willoughby said...

I've been known to use pretty salty language, myself. I've always been careful not to swear in front of my kids or anyone who might be offended by such language, but other than that, I do let the four letter words fly from time to time.

I have a theory that, when you injure yourself (hitting your thumb with a hammer, stubbing your toe, etc.) it doesn't hurt as much if you utter a certain four letter word. Next time I'll try saying "Mozambique" and report back to you.

Pondside said...

I've always found a good shout of Tuktoyuktuk works very well!

Veronica Lee said...

LOL!! Your posts are alway so AWESOME, Jenny!

Have a nice day!