Monday, November 15, 2010

So...ummm....how do you feel about being blog friends with ...ummm....

OK, this is awkward...

Ummm....

OK. I'm just gonna spit it out.

And get it over with.

I just hope you consider all the facts before you make a snap judgement and un-follow and un-friend me.

OK.

Deep breath, Jenny.

I think I might be a felon.

I spent quite a bit of time googling possible felony charges and even though I can't find this particular violation I'm not really sure things are going to be OK.

I may have to throw myself on the mercy of the court...

... and when I do, I'm not sure what is going to happen so I thought I better give you fair warning.

It's like this.

Here in Arizona we do something called 'putting in a winter lawn'. That means when all of our turf grass dies back, we over-plant with rye grass. It's a horrible process. There is manure involved...and flocks of birds eating grass seed ...and muddy messes everywhere while the tender young grass comes up.

and...

My clothesline is right in the middle of a little patch of winter lawn...

and...

On Friday our youngest Grand was here (the little blonde one you see in a lot of pictures here on my blog)

and...

She was playing on the sidewalk and I walked over to hang out the clothes on the clothesline ...

and...

She gave a terrified gasp.

I looked at her. Her eyes were big and round. She had a look of complete and utter horror on her face.

"Mo, what's wrong!" I cried.

"Grandma! Grandma! What are you doing?" she shouted at me, "Look! LOOK! You are a baby grass killer!!!!!!"

"What? Huh? What?" I shouted back.

With teary eyes she pointed very clearly at the evidence of foul play. "See, Grandma," she reiterated, "Look! You are a baby grass killer!!!!!"




I told you. This is ugly, right? Does this make me a felon? Am I at risk of all the surviving baby grasses filing a class action against me for the wanton destruction of some of their family members?

I just don't know.

I do know that I haven't slept a wink since Friday worrying about what this is going to mean. Every time I hear a police siren anywhere near our house I have been jumping out of my skin!

And on top of that of all that, I'm wondering how the other prisoners treat "baby grass killers". It's probably ugly right? I've seen stuff about this on TV. YIKES!

You know how they say confession is good for the soul?

It's not true.

I am just sick over this.

Even though I've spilled my guts here.

I hope this doesn't make you an accessory to a baby grass killer or something now that you looked at the pictures.

I'm sorry.

I told you this was going to be awkward.

Sigh...

post signature

56 comments:

Julienne said...

I don't know Jenny this is very serious. I'm really not sure that I can be associated with anyone who could even contemplate being a 'baby grass killer' let alone someone who actually did IT! Of course in the image it looked more like abuse only so perhaps I will stay a wee bit longer...as long as you promise not to do anything like this again...Now you have to promise!

paige said...

Regular grass might have had it coming. But baby grass? Jenny...(shakes a finger)

Meri Wiley said...

Good Morning Goofy Lady,

You tell Mo that whatever happens, I'll come bail you out of jail. However, while you're in jail and they let you out for your hour of exercise, please.............PLEASE, stay off the grass. Stay out of trouble missy.

Love ya'
Meri

Kat said...

Do they let you blog in the Big House? I don't know about this Jenny, beg for leniency and I promise to be a character witness. "Yes your Honor, Jenny is QUITE a character". Thanks for the big giggle this morning, I can always count on you to get my week off with a smile :) Kat

Deborah said...

You are a delight to read :o)

Sue said...

Hang your head.

Terra said...

Jenny, Jenny - I think you are safe, in fact I am fairly certain you have committed worse crimes against your lawn from time to time and well, you are still with us!

Kim @ Savvy Southern Style said...

Yes, I am sure there is a delay at the grass police headquarters. You better just have your bag packed. I am sure they will show up soon. They are probably backed up with so many violaters!

Laura~DancesWithTeddyBears said...

I'm telling!

Deb said...

wow...I'm gonna have to think about this one....I mean really....the poor baby grass....poor Mo...witnessing this...well atleast you have confessed to your crime...that is a good start...now you will need to do some community service...maybe take Mo for icecream and cookies....

Jocelyn said...

OHHHHH Jenny....I am so ashamed of you....how could you!!!! I hope this will go unnoticed......being a Baby Grass Killer can get you in a TON of trouble!!!

Wishing you a great one!!! :-) Now behave yourself...can you please!!

ain't for city gals said...

I can't believe you have your winter grass up and running already!

Theresa said...

Don't try to drag me into this, I am not going to jail with your for killing the grass! You are on your own her, Missy! Enjoy your day my friend! HUGS from a distance:)

your friends the keyes said...

We just moved to arizona and bought a house. We are new to this whole seeding process but your story was very cute. Ill have to keep that in mind when we do our yard. I enjoyed your blog and I'm going to follow you now. ;-)

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I bet you will look great in horizontal stripes.

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

I'm a mandated baby grass killer notifier and I have to dob on you...

However I could be bought off with chocolate. I'm cheap and bribe-able that way.

La said...

This is very disturbing indeed. I will have to give the future of our friendship some serious consideration. I'll get back to you...maybe.

RH (aka Lucy) said...

To heck with the grass. I'm just thrilled you still hang out clothes. It's one of my absolute favorite things to do...which should tell you a little about my social life.

Aging Mommy said...

That is one very beautiful looking lawn, I can see why your granddaughter was so horrified at your stepping all over that beautiful grass.

BUT you redeem yourself by hanging your washing on a CLOTHES LINE - because most of us just burn a ton of energy drying ours in the dryer :-)

Jeanie said...

Those footprints are pretty damning evidence. I think you will have to throw yourself on the mercy of the court.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I think the baby grass was asking for it.


ps. Since you are an earth friendly person {{using a clothesline}} your prison time should be shortened.

Cheryl said...

It's November. You have lush green grass.

I'm sure there's a point in there somewhere.

Lush green grass. November.

November. Green grass.

OH! I get it now. You live in the desert! Felonious assault on the natural environment will get you 5-10 in the slam. You're doomed, Jenny.

If I baked, I'd send a pie with a key card to swipe your way out. Files in pies are so 1990s.

nimaruichi said...

How could you Jenny, how could you! I am totally with the Baby Grasses :)

Thanks for visitng and the gift of 100 more words. Maybe, just maybe, I will use them to uncover the old man's dirty deeds, tee hee.

Pondside said...

Things will not be pretty in the women's prison when the others get wind of your offence.
Being a loyal follower who works within the system I urge you to apply for an international transfer (is there a Canadian ancestor somewhere in your past?) and get yourself up here where I'll arrange a program for you and see that you're sufficiently rehabilitated!

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

It sounds to me as if your little grand spends way too much time with grandma...she's turning out to have your sometimes "odd" view of things:) Maybe she can do stand-up, be famous and rich...take you wonderful places to thank you and maybe you can meet George Clooney!

Oh no...you are rubbing off on me.

BTW-my husband would be what I would be afraid of if I walked on the new grass.

Coralie Cederna Johnson said...

Nutty confession...love it!
I'm not going anywhere...too much fun at your place!
Have a great week!
Coralie

NatureGirl said...

Sounds like there was no malice aforethought...in which case I believe it is only a misdemeanor charge.

"Alone again.... naturally!" said...

Jenny, Jenny, Jenny...you naughty girl...but you are so contrite and after worrying all weekend, I think you have "done your time"! Please, take care of the "baby grass" and YOU of course and thanks for coming by my blog!

BEAR's Mom said...

eeeeekkkkkk ~ baby grass killer!!!
but i like visiting here...
i like alphabe-thursdays...
i like sundays with steve...
don't take that away from me...
the question is...will you lOOk good in an orange jumpsuit????

HUGS
~victoria~

Willoughby said...

Years ago I did a stint in the joint for killing a budding crop of zucchini and yellow squash. I joined a gang of other prisoners doing time for vegetable related crimes and we ran that place. Baby grass killers? We ate them for breakfast! Take my advice, if you have to do time, lie and say you killed something tough like an onion or some garlic. It's the only way to gain the respect of the other prisoners in "Green Block". Trust me.

Sandy said...

Jenny,
You had better head for the hills, my dog Maya needed to use the yard and a grass cop saw her and I have to bail her out now!!!!! Humans being baby grass killers....I'm telling you head for the hills!!!!! :):):)

Thanks for all of your support, life is moving forward....:)

Lorrie said...

...and in front of a child! I'm shocked. And horrified. I'm going have to seriously reconsider our loose association.
But if you are successful in getting into Canada, I'll check with Pondside about visiting you while in rehab.

Wanda..... said...

You should delete this blog post, Jenny...it's INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE!

One can never be too careful or "crazy"!

Holly said...

I hope they'll let you post from prison...

Chatty Crone said...

How cute and sweet is that grandaughter of yours! sandie

Janiece said...

thanks so much for a good laugh this morning!
So, is the sweet grand daughter now in therapy?

Cheryl D. said...

How could you?

Sue said...

Just go read my "Redemption" Centus again...

Yes, Jenny, it even applies to you. After all, God is no respecter of persons, right?

;)

Terri said...

I'd be your friend. Cute post!

Christy said...

I will always be your friend, but if you wouldn't mind I will start calling you Carla instead of Jenny so no one knows of our friendship, k?

H said...

Oh no! What am I to do? What a dilemma! I totally know that I should 'unfriend' you after such a heinous crime. But then I wouldn't be able to participate in your wonderful meme. What am I to do?

Pixie said...

LOL Well I guess that makes me a serial killer, because anything I try to plant/grow dies a horrible death

Thanks for the giggle hun!

Judie said...

"Well, you've done it now!" (That is a quote from my BIL many years ago. I will tell you about it sometime!}

Don't be surprised if Sheriff Joe sends his goons to your house! So let me understand this--you actually have a lawn? and you put in winter rye? My dogs have to pee on rocks!! I am so jealous!!
xoxo

JJ said...

Do the right thing and turn yourself in. I hope they put you away for a lawn time!

Lynnie said...

Dear Grass Hater,
My husband has told me I am not allowed to follow you anymore. There are some people in the world who cannot grow grass. Your insensitive attitude is appauling.
Watching moss grow in Japan, B&L

Country Dreaming said...

I guess you can't do the laundry until the grass becomes a toddler or a youngster. Oh no!!!!!!!

Melinda

June Freaking Cleaver said...

Plead out to a misdemeanor. That way you won't do hard time, and you can still vote in elections.

Never, ever cop to a felony.

And I'll never reveal how I know this, so don't ask.

Kelly said...

You law breaker you! Living on the edge!

:)

Kelly

Jennifer said...

You could always go on the road and assume a false identity!

...And if that doesn't work or you just don't feel like traveling--gas being as unfairly priced as it is these days--you could just sit at home or go about your busy day as you usually would and just hope no one notices this mild indiscretion...

Jo said...

this is awkward ... like "awkward turtle" awkward ...

and from lawn care for dummies ... you kill the weeds and spare the grass ... especially the cute, itiy bitty little baby gwass, that's like all sweet and innocent and just wants a chance to grow up to be a normal grass ...

Bonnie said...

I'm pretty sure you are okay. That sure is pretty green grass though!!!

You are TOO funny!

Did you notice my blog change...from the Campbell family to Boys-n-Berries?

I feel like I should pay you rights!

Bonnie

Debbie said...

Oh Jenny Jenny I know where to turn to for a laugh or two. Well I was so excited to come over and see what you are up to. I read this with pure disgust Jenny. I would love to be a kind friend and support you and all, but I just can't..you should lose sleep from now and forever. Not to mention the scars you have left on your grand daughter!!~ Oh Jenny thanks for the laughs. Think of you often and found my lil balance I need. It feels good too, and I thank you for your support.

Stef said...

"Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you, bad boy bad boy." See I thought you were going to tell us that you had decided to paint your rocks green and call it grass.
Too funny!!

Holly said...

It has been nice knowing you. Watch you back in the pokey!

I am jealous of the winter lawn...I don't even get a summer lawn like that...oh how I need sunshine again!

Donna B said...

You LOST ME at making little Mo cry...let alone being a baby grass killer!!!

Amy said...

Just give the remaining grass a bribe of extra water and fertilizer, and hopefully they can cover up the evidence by growing in extra strong and thick and long. I am not going to unfollow you per say, but I am going to start following you in private from now on. Can't have this association overshadowing my run for Mayor. I have "my people" fixing the votes, so we can't risk any extra dirt. But as a token of my friendship, I will send out some protection. If you see someone following you out of the corner of your eye, don't be alarmed, they are there for your protection against the anti baby grass killer mob (ABGK). Good luck my friend.