Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Please don't tell my Mom I told you this...

...but even though she's never come right out and told me, I'm pretty sure she kinda/sorta had a fling with Kirk Douglas.

I'm not sure how the geography and age difference thing came into play, but somehow those two overcame a lot of obstacles to ... ummm.... conceive sweet little me.

The reason I'm fairly certain of this fact is this:


Do you see that massive dimple in his chin.

I have one, too. And no-one else in my family does.

See? I told you. Disturbing isn't it?

I've tried very hard not to think of this for years, but earlier this week at our Granddaughter's Thanksgiving feast I was painfully reminded of the question of my paternity.

Prepare yourself.

This is not one of those happy, little feel good Thanksgiving stories that will make you go 'awwwwwwww' and get teary eyed.

This is a tawdry tale of genetics gone wild. Do not be fooled by the cute little pictures of four year old Pilgrims.

Ahemmmm....

So...

There I was at our Granddaughters Thanksgiving Feast. Little kids were dressed up in construction paper costumes of Pilgrims and Indians. It was really, really sweet. The cutest one, the blonde in the brown polka-dotted dress is mine, of course.




Part way through the Feast part of the little program...



...one of the young mothers there started struggling a bit with one of her children. She was trying to hold her baby and help the other child and seemed to be getting frustrated. Then she looked at me and said, "Could you hold the baby for a second?" Could I? Could I? Babies? Heck, yea.

When I took the baby from her I almost gasped...the little kid had a huge dimple in his chin. Seriously huge.

Before I could start making funny noises and squishing the baby, though, our Grand pulled herself away from her oreo turkey and stomped over to me. She climbed up on my lap and started glaring at the baby.

And then she stopped...

And really, really looked at the baby.

She looked at me.

She looked at the baby.

She did this several times and then her eyes filled up with tears and she said in a hurt little voice, "Gwamma? Is this your baby?"

I told her no, but she persisted.

"Gwamma? Is this your Grandbaby?"

I told her no again.

She continued to look back and forth between the baby and me and finally blurted out, "Then why does the baby have a dimple?"

Right about then the Mom came back to retrieve the baby. I saw that she didn't have a dimple, so I asked her if her husband did. She smiled and said, "Yes! And I see your parents must have had one, too!"

...

...

See?

A few seconds after our Grand had finished staking her claim on her Gwamma with sticky, red-frosted oreo fingers, she started to climb down, but before she did she asked me, "Gwamma? Does your Mom and Dad have a dimple, too?"

My eyes grew moist.

The years of shame and sorrow welled up inside me threatening to burst forth in a torrent of fear and abandonment.

I almost spilled my guts. Right there. Right then. Surrounded by paper clad Pilgrims and Indians.

But it was almost Thanksgiving.

And she was only four years old. And I didn't want to alarm her at how ugly the world could really be.

So instead I told her I wasn't sure. That I would have to look next time I saw them.

...

It's lonely not being able to share this family secret, you know?

Perhaps I can talk to my Grand about this upsetting subject next year when she is five. Maybe I can get her to ask my Mom to tell her the truth. And then she can tell me.

In the meantime, though, I'm just going to soldier on and try to have Happy Thanksgiving regardless of my Mother's indiscretions.

Sigh...

And listen, if you feel cheated by this depressing pre-Thanksgiving post you can always visit this one from last year. It is more in keeping with the joyous spirit of this day of gratitude.

post signature

27 comments:

Paula said...

Aw Jenny, look on the bright side-if you were like me, with this great big widows peak on your forehead that no one can explain, you might think your dad was Eddie Munster!!

Theresa said...

Spewed coffee (again)! You are too funny Jenny...

Bonnie@Creative Decorating said...

I'm sure that there dimple just skipped a generation!!!! How cute that your little grand-daughter noticed the dimple and oh how jealous they can be of someone else getting their "gamma time"!!

Theresa said...

Oh my goodness, Jenny... you are nuts! The Granddaughter is precious in her little Thanksgiving dress! Hope you can get to the truth about the dimple, you just might be inheriting a bunch of money from your REAL Father:) Have a blessed day! HUGS!

J. Kwiatkowski said...

Just because your mother is a tart, that doesn't mean you can't have a great Thanksgiving.
Hope you have the best one!

La said...

Try to have a happy holiday, Jenny...if that is really your name... La

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

Your shameful secret is safe with me, but could you ask your real Dad for an autograph for me?

Loved the little Pilgrims!

Jocelyn said...

Love this one....your little one is just adorable!!!

Hey....now you got me thinking....how the heck did I end up with this stick straight, fine hair and everyone else has thick, curly beautiful hair.....Damn....now you went and stirred up a bee's nest...Just sayin!!!

Have a Blessed Thanksgiving sweet friend!!! :-)

Terra said...

Yeah well, I am forever explaining that we have lots of grandparents and aunts and uncles with blue eyes, because you see when both parents have brown eyes and you pop out a blonde haired blue eyed diva....questions are often asked...

Now, your grandaughter in her polkadots is ADORABLE!

cj Schlottman said...

Jenny,

This is so great! It must be so hard for you to realize that your Mom had a one night stand with ole Kirk. (But try to find it in your heart to forgive her).

The kids in this post are so adorable, I keep trying to reach into the photos and squeeze them. Your Grand, of course, is the most squeezable looking!

Happy Thanksgiving..........cj

Busy Bee Suz said...

On the upside, doesn't this make you an heir in the Douglas family?

Wombat Central said...

But can you blame her? He was a pretty dashing dude in that picture.

sarah said...

jenny your so funny! i love it! thanks for sharing! honestly, i question my parentage every year about this time....! blessings and happy t day! sarah

Stef said...

You are a strong woman. I can only imagine how keeping a secret like that could weigh on you all these years.

At least your dad is handsome and famous! Take comfort there.

Carol said...

Oh Jenny...you make me laugh. Your Mother keeps silent about it....and yet I tell my children all kind of things...Sara's story is, "Keanu Reeve's" is her real father and "Harry Connick Jr." is Adam's...been telling them that for years...my kids are gonna need a good therapist!Bwahaha!

Judie said...

O.k., here's another one--I can curl my tongue. Yes, that ability is genetic, and no, no one else in my family can do that. Scary, isn't it!!

razzamadazzle said...

From the mouths of babes...seem so innocent don't they until they ask those hard questions!

Teresa

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny I needed this reminder of just enjoy the moment and have a good laugh! Out of the mouths of grandbabes! Happy Thanksgiving!

Sue said...

Sheesh. That Kirk really got around, didn't he? And with so little regard for the pain he would perpetrate on his progeny.

"/

Jo said...

oh the shame of it!!! you must have one amazing dimple! and for your grand to notice yours and the babies is very cool... and it is amazing what comes out of the mouths of kids ... they truly see more that what we think they do ... heartwarming post Jenny!!!

Unprocessed1 said...

Too cute! Amanda's chin dimple was first commented on by the delivery room nurse. I was safe - her father has one, too!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tina said...

I'm loving me some construction paper pilgrims!!! They are adorable! And you are so very brave to share such a personal closet skeleton...>

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Cute. Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanks for all the fun and teaching, Jenny.
xoRobyn

Carol Ann said...

Your post is so cute. I love that famous dimple! I enjoyed reading your theory about it. Blessings to you...

Cheryl said...

All's well, Jenny honey. The dimple gene is recessive. It only comes around every few generations. Sometimes it's been known to skip centuries.

Honest.

Amy said...

Well, I guess technically if Kurt Douglas is your dad, then one of your parents really Did have a dimple. Just not the dad that raised you, right? Therefore you would not be lying.

If you want you can join my support group. I swear I was adopted. I am the only kid with dimples, curly hair, and no artistic ability. Out of 7 kids? That has adoption written all over it. Yours isn't exactly adoption per se, but it is close enough.

Ames said...

Gwamma you need to get gweat gwamma and Kirk to fess up! Gee...that would make Michael your half brother huh? Out of the mouth of babes!:D ~Ames