"I'm tired of being positive! I'm tired of trying to make lemonade! Screw lemons anyway! Friday is gloom and doom day!"
"Huh?" he answered in his usual deeply intellectual way.
"I mean it!" I replied, "I am looking at the dark side all day Friday so just be warned in advance..."
He turned off the news. He actually faced me. He said, "Huh?"
And I explained my brilliant idea to him again.
I told him I was going to look for the bad in everything...all day long...without respite and that I was going to LIKE it! Then I gave an evil MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA laugh and started to walk away.
"Wait! Just hold on here a second!" he shouted, waking even further from his bad news induced coma, "I'm scared. What are you going to do?"
Darkly I told him, "You'll see," and then I went to bed.
Friday morning arrived. The stupid sign was shining. The stupid rooster was crowing. The stupid bed was cozy.
Mr. Jenny did his usual cuddle up thing and said, "Good morning!" and I told him, "Shut up! There is nothing good about this morning. This is gloom and doom day!"
He sighed. And got out of bed.
I told him the coffee was terrible and that was probably OK because we were both going to develop a rare allergy that made us unable to ever drink coffee again.
I told him our bank account was overdrawn $4,000,000 dollars.
He said, "That's a lot!" and sighed.
He asked me if I wanted him to make me a bowl of cereal.
I told him I was allergic to cereal and that cereal had dried bugs in it.
I got ready to do some morning errands. Mr. Jenny told me, "You look nice today! I like your new haircut!"
I said, "Yea, yea, whatever. I'm sure my hair will be falling out soon anyway and these shorts aren't going to fit much longer because I just keep getting fatter."
He volunteered to take our Granddaughter to preschool. I told him not to bother, I would do it since it was probably the last time.
"Why is that?" he asked in a frustrated voice.
"I dunno. Maybe I'll be in a freak accident later today and lose both my legs. But that's OK. I won't need them because I'm sure they will be repossessing my car anyway so I'll have nothing to drive around in."
"Ummm... your car is 11 years old...I don't think anybody actually wants it...besides, we haven't had a car loan on it in 8 years!"
"That is beside the point," I had replied snottily, "It's a gloom and doom day and everything is going to go wrong."
Our Granddaughter looked really cute. Her smile is so sweet. I know she is going to need braces.
The ladies at the preschool smiled and said "Happy Friday" and I mumbled, "Yea, yea, whatever" under my breath.
My garden looked green and lush with all kinds of stupid vegetables growing out there which meant, sigh, more work for me to pick them so we could eat them.
I couldn't write very well because I kept having a twitch in my finger which probably meant the onset of some rare, incurable neurological disease which will be pretty terrible considering I would have lost my legs by then in the freak accident.
There was no chocolate in the house which was probably OK because when I'm certain that coffee allergy would mean I would become allergic to chocolate, too.
Life is hard.
Everything is terrible.
I told Mr. Jenny his ex was probably going to marry my ex and buy the house next to us and move in, and he jumped right into the spirit of the gloom and doom day.
"That won't matter," he told me smugly, "Because the house is going to get repossessed at the same time they take your 11 year old car."
"Fine," I said back snottily, "Maybe a swat team will come before we have to move out AND seize that stupid, ugly elephant of yours because it could be stolen property!"
"Fine," he snarked back, "Maybe your computer will get a virus which will wipe out your hard drive!"
And I snarled right back, "Well, that won't matter will it, because I won't have a house or a car or legs or coffee..."
And then I started to laugh.
And Mr. Jenny laughed.
And he said, "You're crazy! You know that right?"
And I said, "Yea, yea, whatever."
And the rest of the day we ended up counting our blessings and looking on the bright side because things rarely ever get as bad as we imagine.
Even though some days feel like the bad stuff is endless.
So now, I ask you, "Is that crazy?"
I think not!
And, hey. Look on the gloomy side today, OK?