Monday, December 27, 2010

I'm not sure how this happened...

...but I swear on all that is holy that just a month ago I had several pair of jeans that still fit.

Now I am down to one pair, and if eat even one more bite of a neighbor's gift of food I will soon have to resort to wearing sweatpants, or perhaps even waddle into Omar the Tentmaker's Dress Shoppe for Ye Queen Sized Women.


I started the season with good resolve. I did. I swear it's true.

But then somehow some tiny, eensy, weensy little bites of the savory crackers and baked caramel corn I made for neighbors made their way delicately into my body. When the neighbors began their Christmas deliveries of 12 pound platters of cookies, fudge and peanut brittle, things went downhill fast. Christmas wreaths made of cornflakes, green tinted marshmallow fluff and decorated with red M&M's seemed kinda/sorta healthy...corn is a vegetable, right?


And from that slippery slope of logic, things got even worse.

I realized Christmas night that I might have gone just a little berserk in the over-indulgence scenario when Mr. Jenny and I had a conversation that went something like this:

Me: Oh gosh. I am out of butter. I need some butter so I can make the breakfast casserole to take on Sunday.
Mr. Jenny: Butter? Are you kidding? You're kidding right?
Me: No. I'm not kidding. And while you're out, can you pick up some milk?
Mr. Jenny: I'm still stuck on the butter thing. How did you go through that entire semi-load delivery of butter that you got at the start of the holiday season?


Me: I don't know. I just did. Go get the butter please. Now. Two pounds should do it.
Mr. Jenny: Seriously? Do you seriously want me to go and buy butter? Tonight? When you had something like 412 1 pound boxes of it in the refrigerator just a few days ago?
Me: Listen. Don't push me here. Go. Get. The. Butter. I'm not screwing around here.

This little, loving conversation did end happily because Mr. Jenny did go out and hunt heroicly to find a store open on Christmas day, and he came back with the butter.

But now that the euphoric rush of Christmas joy and goodwill is dimmed somewhat I am now possibly aware that the 414 1 pound boxes of butter combined with the 32 pounds of sugar and flour and the 23 pounds of chocolate might have somehow, someway not been the very best of ideas.

Sigh.

Sigh.

I'm just tired even thinking about the whole debacle of gaining weight over the holidays.

Next year I swear I am not getting chaffing thighs and a jellied belly for Christmas.

I mean it.

But since Santa already left them for me this year, I should really just finish off this left-over caramel corn. And maybe the last two pieces of fudge.

My neighbors might think I'm ungrateful otherwise.

And this is a time of peace, harmony and goodwill among men, right?

Tomorrow I will do better. I just know it.

But just in case, do any of you have any coupons for Omar the Tentmaker's Dress Shoppe?

Sigh.

post signature

49 comments:

vivian said...

OH my goodness.. I know the feeling. I gained.. I'm afraid to see how much.. but I had stupidly given my self permission to totally indulge over the holidays.. and indulge I did... yesterday I dont thing more then a 1/2 an hour went by with out my stuffing something in my mouth.. I am ill today.. and now ready to get back on my weight watchers plan... oink oink!!
have a great day!
vivian

Deborah said...

LOL ... luckily my scales are broken, but there are definite tell tale signs, like we're are all unbelted and have open trousers! :o)

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Yep, that's a lot of butter! But what the heck, it's Christmas, if we can't indulge a little at this time of year, then when can we?!!

CJ xx

Deb said...

oh Jenny you are so funny....I think a lot of people are saying
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing" right about now...

Ames said...

This was my dilemma too. After only losing 4 lbs on the nationally recognized delivery at home diet program, which equates to $150 a lb, I gained it all back. This bites! Or sucks or... oh what ever. I've resorted to wearing my fat pants. You know the kind that has a tensile strength of a 1000 psi. Chin up woman. Go to the mall in the morning and power walk. Just be careful that you don't get inner thigh blisters :O Hugs. ~Ames

Theresa said...

Oh my gosh, how funny! WE ALL have that zipper problem right now! WHY do we do it, because it is all so tasty:) Just in time for all of the weight loss commercials!!! Have a lovely day with all of your butter and left-over treats:) HUGS!

Shay said...

You know what a calorie is dont you Jenny?

They're the things that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter. I'd laugh but those suckers have been in my wardrobe too!

Paula said...

Take heart dear Jenny! We cannot possibly be responsible for centuries of Christmas traditions that invovle butter, sugar and candies of every color- it's just not our fault! No coupons for you tho, sorry:)

Kat said...

I think I went through a truckload of butter myself this year. My husband says that I channel Paula Deen between Thanksgiving and Christmas. FYI, Old Navy has jeans on sale for $15.00 until this evening. Sigh...
Kat

JDaniel4's Mom said...

We need a coupon too.

Jeanie said...

I think I just went up a size looking at your picture of those cookies (well, and the fact that I had to go grab a cookie to go with my coffee after I saw those).

La said...

Ugh! I have to weigh-in at Weight Watchers tomorrow and I am SO dreading it. I have ZERO willpower when it comes to the Christmas holiday goodies. Who can say no to cookies and candies, and cheeses, and dips? Not me! If you hear a loud noise coming from the vicinity of Central Ohio tomorrow around noon...you'll know I gained a ton.

Terra said...

oh I hear you! The yummies of the season are just too yummy!

razzamadazzle said...

Mine started as stress eating when I went back to work in August. Christmas has just made it easier to hide the dysfunction. I'll probable see you at Omar the Tentmaker's Dress Shoppe!

Teresa

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny there is candy and goodies everywhere in my home and what's a girl to do? Eat it of course. Never mind that my jeans too have reached their load limit and groan when I come near them. So I would send you my Omar the tent maker coupon but fear I need it myself. Sigh....now where is that fudge?

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

Jenny -- you're not alone! Now I know how good it was for my waistline to have teenagers in the house -- they ate everything before I got even a sniff. Now, the temptations are left for me!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

-chuckle- At times like the whole
Holiday Season, not being able to eat allllll the ding-dang-stuff, I can't eat... Pays off. :-)

Gentle Snow-covered hugs...

Tina said...

I haven't even tried ON my real jeans. I just keep washing and wearing the pair that has the most lycra...lalalalalala (fingers in ears and not listening to her body)

Cheryl said...

The sugar highs and lows around here have been wikkid. I've either been buzzing around maniacally or sitting in my comfy chair with a glazed look in my eyes.

But guess what? A Christmas miracle happened on the eve. I found 2 more complete wardrobes of pants that were bigger than the skinny and less skinny. Whee!

Bossy Betty said...

AH! But that's what the whole new year thing is all about! I continue to eat cookies without restraint around here.

J. Kwiatkowski said...

All this rich food and wine is giving me an upset tummy. After holidays, back to oatmeal and fresh fruit.

barbara@hodge:podge said...

Jenny,

Thanks for your very flattering comments on my blog. Glad you appreciated my Christmas gift! I was thrilled that the nativity was free!

Your blog is too funny, I can see why you would read Dana's blog as well, you both have such a refreshing sense of humour and wit as well:)

Hope you enjoy your butter:)

Busy Bee Suz said...

Yep, butter will do that to us...and sugar, and flour and with me it is also washed down with wine.
Oy vey.
If I find a coupon, I will share it with you...after I use it.
xoxox

Country Dreaming said...

What a funny post.
Like that butter do ya? Me too.
Thankfully we haven't had a lot of sweets here.

Good Luck!!!

Melinda

Shannon said...

That was totally me in the first picture this morning after cinnamon rolls this weekend.

Theresa said...

ACK Jenny! I feel your pain! Another New Years resolution for weight loss...ugh.

Allie said...

DERN IT!! I thought it was just me. One pair of jeans and THANK GOD for sweat pants!!
And that is exactly why I did NOT send you food.
Although the goblets would look so pretty with sherbert in them!

Karen S. said...

still laughing, so funny!..plus it helps take away pain and sufferage right! All we can say is well tomorrows is another day! ;)

Kristi Lou said...

I am giggling at the photo of the "butter" sculpture! I live in Wisconsin, where even the hamburgers are fried in butter. I, too, have had my share of peanut brittle, dark chocolate cake, candied sweet potatoes, and so on. For now, I'm enjoying my vacation and will start anew once it's all gone. It'd be a shame to waste all that hard work!

Kristi Lou said...

I am giggling at the photo of the "butter" sculpture! I live in Wisconsin, where even the hamburgers are fried in butter. I, too, have had my share of peanut brittle, dark chocolate cake, candied sweet potatoes, and so on. For now, I'm enjoying my vacation and will start anew once it's all gone. It'd be a shame to waste all that hard work!

Pat Tillett said...

Making all those cookies and treats may not have been the best idea, but it sure sounds like a tasty idea! I'm trying to lose some weight myself and it is so darn hard this time of year! I need to be placed in a coma for about a month...

Willoughby said...

I hear you! It's so hard not to gain weight over the holidays. My downfall was the giant bag of Hershey's miniatures that I bought to fill the candy dishes and put in the Christmas stockings. They're so little, it couldn't hurt to eat 1 or 2 or 8 of them per day, could it?

Sue said...

Sadly, I spend so much time at Omar's that they now give me the employee discount.

I will definitely hook you up.

;)

Brenda said...

I did not receive one of those coupons, but I should have, I should have. I think you are in the majority not the minority here Jenny. I have almost given away or eaten all the goodies just a couple more days and I'll be on a DIET. bummer.

Stef said...

I think they named butter just right. Butt-er meaning it gives you more butt. I too am debating finishing off the goodies...by myself. Decisions decisions!

Judie said...

Here's the solution: Put every tray of cookies on the table. Take two out of each tray, one for you and one for Steve, no, make that 2 for you and 2 for Steve. No, wait! I'm confusing myself! Just put on a pot of coffee, and Rod and I will drive up to help you eat the cookies. If you are out of coffee, take all those cookies to the Gospel Rescue Mission. Be sure to take out one for you and one for Steve, and, oh, never mind!!

Nicolle said...

Hi Jenny! Thank you so much for visiting my blog and for your sweet words. I would love to hear some of your stories as well, that you mentioned. I hope you have a wonderful New Year! :)

Beth said...

Yea, what is it with butter and holiday cooking? Seems like it just disappears. I went through 8 lbs and i only made shortbread cookies. Good luck with the jean issue. Happy New Year!

gayle said...

I started going down hill when I went to visit family over Thanksgiving. I haven't been on the scale since. Sure hope I didn't gain back everything I lost. The holidays are so hard. I just have to eat!

Pixie said...

My Granmother is of the school of thought that butter makes everything better....I tend to agree LOL

Tracy said...

Jenny,
I happened upon your blog from Bossy Betty's and I'm really not laughing at you because I have had the same exact feelings. Isn't it a women's necessity to have a wide variety of clothing sizes for just this reason? UGH!!! I do feel your pain...honest I do and I'd give you my coupon for the Tent Maker's Dress Shoppe but I'm afraid I'll need it for myself!

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Oh Jenny Sweetie...
You are SO stinkin cute. I love, love to see what you write. Love the photo too. You tiny little thing you.

Aren't neighbors the best at the holidays? They love to share.

I hear your grands are going to be doing some creating with Meri maybe this week? I can't wait to see what they create.

I too, am going to try and get over for a visit. With the bad weather coming we shall see. I want to play with the clay and create a snowman or two. Can't wait. I loved the beautiful shadowboxes she created for you as well. I got to see a couple of them while I was there that day.

I just wanted to pop over and tell you Happy New Years sweetie. I hope we get to meet in 2011. That would be a highlight for me.

Many hugs and SO much love, Sherry

Holly said...

I am laughing and crying at the same time...we did not even have all the goodies in the house this year and I still feel like this and I am supposed to review a new eating plan book next week...UGH!

Pondside said...

I don't know how you did it with such a small amount of butter - I needed 500 blocks to get through the week. After all, at Christmas time EVERYTHING needs lashings of butter. The downside is that we are going out on New Year's Eve and I will have to wear one of my aunt's old caftans (remember those) instead of the beaded mermaid-style gown that I had chosen (okay, looked at, drooled over but not actually bought). On the bright side, though, I'll be able to fully enjoy the New Year's surf and turf without worries about popping a sequin!

Bonnie said...

Oh Jenny.. I can relate. My clothes are so uncomfortable. I'm getting back on track, no more sweets, especially chocolate........

starting Monday :)

Gattina said...

You are wrong ! it's not the butter, sugger, cakes, biscuits or the neighbor's delicious food, there is something with the jeans fabric, I don't know why but the fabric is not as good as it used to be, it shrinks without any reason, even if you don't wash it !
Maybe they are all made in China ? People are so slim there and don't realize when a fabric shrinks !
I tell you don't blame the food !

Cheryl D. said...

Ugh! I've resorted to wearing sweats!

Heidi said...

Funny! I have overdosed on gifted baklava and fruitcake in the last week. I hear ya!

Amy said...

Ha! Always so eloquently put. I gained 5 lbs while being so proud of myself for not gorging on the sweets. Evidently I didn't do as well as I had thought. :)