There I was walking like a mad woman two mornings ago listening to Haddaway when I was stopped by the bike cops.
I pulled out my earbuds and turned off my Ipod right in the middle of Haddaway wailing, "What is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me...no more..."
Although I started feeling a little law anxiety from the police uniforms, the officers looked to be about twelve years old.
One pulled in front of me blocking the bike line and the other pulled his bike right beside me.
Obviously they thought I was a flight risk.
Middle aged fat woman flees police on foot (or something).
They both actually said, "Huh?" in unison.
I looked down and said, "Never mind. What's up?"
"Well...we need to give you a warning for walking in the bike line."
It was my turn to say, "Huh?"
Twelve year old number one explained. "Technically you aren't allowed to walk in the bike lane when there is a sidewalk available."
I said, "Are you kidding me? I can't walk on the sidewalk. The sidewalk is concrete! It hurts my knees. No. I don't want to walk on the sidewalk."
Twelve year old number two took out a notepad and a pen and a half sheet of paper. He handed me the paper and then said, "Ma'am, I need to take down your name."
I put on my reading glasses and looked at the paper which had a bunch of blah, blah, blah about 'revised safety statutes' and more blah, blah, blah.
"I don't care what this says," I said, "I don't want to walk on the sidewalk."
They glanced at each other. "Well, ma'am. It's the law. We're giving warnings for two weeks and then we will start issuing tickets and fines. Can we have your name please?"
"Seriously? Seriously, you are going to make ALL of us who walk every morning in the bike lanes WALK ON THE STUPID SIDEWALK WHEN IT HURTS OUR KNEES???? Seriously?!?"
Twelve year old number two tapped on his pad with his pen. "Your name, please, ma'am. We need to record that you've been given a warning."
"I don't want to walk on the sidewalk. Why are you guys doing this? Why are you changing this. It's stupid."
Twelve year old number one explained, "We had an incident where there were two bikes going in opposite directions in the bike lane. Words were exchanged. Tempers flared. They had a severe fist fight and both men had to be transported by ambulance over the altercation."
"I don't care," I said. "It's not my fault if they had too much testosterone. The sidewalk hurts my knees."
"Ma'am. We've gone over this. If you walk in the bike lane we will have to give you a citation. You can consider this your official warning. We need your name, please."
So, in the spirit of total rebellion and anarchy...I...ummm...gave them my name.
And then I told them, "This is totally stupid," and huffed off. Yeah. That'll teach 'em to make ME walk on the sidewalk.
I guess I didn't look suitably hostile, though, because one of them yelled after me. "Ma'am, what were you saying about a turtle?"
I just waved dismissively and kept walking.
Because I am a law abiding (albeit irate citizen) I walked home on the stupid sidewalk ...GRRRRR...which DID hurt my knees...GRRRRRR... and this morning had to drive to the stupid dirt walking track...GRRRRR... which is totally stupid...GRRRRRR.
On the way home I saw them. They had another bike lane walker cornered.
I thought I might get in trouble if I ran them over, so I resisted the urge.
I fought the law...
...and the law won.