Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Does anyone have an Emily Post book laying around?

I woke my husband up slightly before 5 am to ask him a pressing "etiquette" question and he was absolutely, totally no help whatsoever.

Obviously he has nas not been brushing up on his Emily Post or Miss Manners reading.

He seemed, in fact, slightly annoyed that I interrupted his beauty sleep yet again.

But it was important.

And I couldn't wait.

I had this dream last night that my husband died.

It wasn't a bad dream.

It was just kind of one of those technicolor dreams where you are watching yourself go through the event.

But anyway.

There he was.

Dead.

And I was planning his funeral. And I couldn't find Emily Post to ask this important question.

Do you invite ex-spouses to a funeral?

Seriously.

Don't laugh at me.

I need to know this.

I was a Girl Scout once and I know all about the importance of planning ahead.

So, like, if your spouse and his ex had kids together but they are not on good terms do you invite the ex for the sake of the children?

Or if they were married for a super brief period when they were young and dumb but they didn't have children do you invite that spouse?

Or if you don't like the ex even though there aren't hard feelings between the dead spouse and the ex-spouse do you have to invite them?

So I asked my husband all these questions.

It was kind of dark in the bedroom...being slightly before 5 am and all.

But I'm pretty sure he rolled his eyes at me.

Right after he sighed.

And glared.

"I won't care," he said, "I will be dead. Now go back to sleep."

"Well, I'll care," I said, "and if you can't discuss this it really shows me what I suspected all along to be true." And I turned over huffily.

So he woke up then and said in a defeated tone of voice, "Shows you what?"

But I didn't answer because I was snubbing him.

"Jenny? Shows you what?" He said again.

"Never mind," I sniffed, "it doesn't matter...I'll just carry on when you're dead EVEN though you are obviously still in love with your exes!"

I can't even type the sound of disgust he made when I stated what is obviously a true fact.

You see the logic here, right? I know you do. How can husbands be so dense sometimes?

So he made that "grswhfupft" sound and I just said "never mind, I am just going to get up...I can't talk about this, it is too painful!"

And I got up into the chilly dark house and left the cozy, warm bed in a huff of temper. That'll teach him to be so difficult.

As I was leaving the bedroom, though, I thought I heard him mutter "just kill me now!"

Which is obviously the whole problem.

If I were to actually "kill him now" then would I be expected to invite the exes?

Seriously.

My life is so complicated.

And really...where is Emily Post and Miss Manners when you need them, by the way?

Sigh.

Hmmm.... I think everyone is taking this seriously. This is just a little black humor post. Don't worry about me, sweet readers! Just laugh! And have a happy day! Besides, my husband only needs 2.2 hours of sleep per night...so he is just fine and dandy.

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74 comments:

VictoriaS said...

Jenny! I've had some pretty strange dreams myself lately but none like that!
If it makes you feel any better, I've wondered before if I should go to my ex's funeral if he should pass first. I would want to be there for my girls but it would be a hard situation.
Go type this in Google! I just did and it brought up ALOT of links!
"should ex spouses go to the ex's funeral"
Let me know what you find out!
And no more dreams like that! K?

Pondside said...

Well that was a pretty strange one, Jenny. I'd go with whatever the children want, and if there aren't children, please yourself!

MommaKiss said...

Oh lord, the huffing and puffing and grumbling. I know it well.
So. When you find the answer, tell him the opposite! Keep him on his toes ;0

Nezzy said...

Heck, round these parts nobody is invited to a funeral, they just show up! If there is a dinner or any food involved....honey they're crawlin' out of the woodwork.

Your a hoot, sister!

God bless and have a glorious day and a night of boring sweet dreams!

Terry said...

ROFL...That's one thing I don't have to worry about as there aren't any exes...at least not yet! ;0)

Theresa said...

Well, My husbands EX WILL NOT come to his funeral. They do not like each other AT ALL and they don't even speak at the Grandkids birthday parties. Can't we all just get along? Come to think of it, she doesn't like me either:) but we DO speak and have conversations. My Ex died and I went to his funeral, hmmmm and come to think of it my current husband went to the funeral home, so see... I am helping here!

Let's just do this, don't invite them and if they show up... look cute like you always do:)

Hug to you, "you crazy lady"! Tell your husband, Ganky said "Bless your little heart" :)

MaryB. said...

Oh gosh, I must be sick or something but have had a good laugh at your 'Post' post! Like someone said, most funerals I have attended... people weren't invited (exes or not).

I would, in all seriousness inform them with a phone call or, dare I admit this, an email... hey our exes are on the other side of the Atlantic with a 5-6 hour time difference! Bear in mind, mine and hubs have been married for nearly 30 years so there isn't a dreadfully close relationship with the exes. I would attend my exes if I was in Britain, we shared 10 (not too happy years) together and had 3 children so I would be there to support the kids and pay my last respects. I did stay on good terms with the ex MIL and much of the extended family and only a serious illness kept me from her funeral. So I guess I would say let the personal relationships dictate... now please allow poor chuckberry get a good night's sleep you nut!

Icy BC said...

I recently had this thought too..but I don't think I would go to the ex's funeral..His family wouldn't like to see my face whether for the children or not..So, that would solve my problem!

ritad said...

Well, Jenny you have done it again. Girl you do come up with some of the most amusing post. Along the lines of Exs coming to funerals....One day my husband and I were driving down a street and on a church sign it ask "Will I see my husband/wife in heaven?" I remarked "Which one!" He said I was just thinking the same thing.
I guess we'll see. However, my exs will not be at the funeral..

Chatty Crone said...

Hey - I thought it was so funny! Maybe because it relates so much to my life!

I can just picture the whole thing.

Good way to start the day.

sandie

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

I'm putting a big fat Bumpkin kiss on your cheek today. I so needed this laugh this morning, I can count on you for that right?

Drama Queen said...

How coincidental - my blog post this morning is about a discussion hubby and I were having in bed at 2:00 a.m. when he awoke me from a sound sleep - in this case, it would have been ME killing HIM! :)

So - the way I'm feeling this morning, if Hubby were to die, I most certainly would invite his Ex and I would raise a toast to her in tribute for putting up with him for 25 years...geesh. :)

Kim said...

Depends- would the ex go around introducing him/herself like they were the current spouse? Would they steal the show and make the funeral all about them....and then...would that be a good thing or a bad thing. So many things to consider with this problem!! I am also amazed at the things men think are unimportant at 5 am :)

Pam D said...

I can honestly say that I have never received a funeral invitation. I just don't think anyone has the time or the presence of mind to "invite" anyone! So as the others said, if they "show up", then you deal with it. Now go get some sleep... aren't you trying to ELIMINATE some wrinkles, girl?

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Ha! Dreams are funny- the fact that you dreamed about Emily Post books though just makes me giggle. That's something I would do! :)

w said...

well. inviting the exes would depend on how well your hubby looked when he passed. and moreso on how hot you look in mourning.

GardenofDaisies said...

I don't know if people are actually "invited" to funerals, but they do hear about it through obituaries or common friends, and they come.
I don't know what Emily Post would have to say about it, but here is what I think...
The ex , if they are mother to his children, should be there, and take on a supporting role. Don't sit in the front pew at the Mass... sit behind your children. Don't stand by the body at the visitation, but be at the back of the room or in the hall. It is a sign of respect for the person who used to be spouse, and a show of support while your children are grieving.
Now let your husband go back to sleep!

Pam D said...

hahahaha W! That's true... so Jenny, pick out that little black dress NOW... (lawd, this is getting morbid, isn't it?)

Katy and Ross said...

My Emily Post book stays on the table by my bed. My hubby rolls his eyes a LOT when I ask questions like that...I've just gotten used to it :)

Jenny said...

OK. I think this might be what is classified as a "failed humor" post. I read it again and still laughed and my husband, who always reads my posts to make sure I haven't strayed to far from normalcy, even laughed.

You are all so lovely and sweet.

And maybe death isn't a funny subject.

I think I am going to have to seriously rethink the post series I was going to start on Saturday about my sister dying.

It's not that I think death is funny...and we've sure had enough of it around us lately...I think I am all about laughing through the bad stuff.

But for some reason, this dream was actually a funny dream.

But that's just my weird-off-on-my-tangent brain!

And I may have to post about my aversion to using the delete key...but since I have it I'm going to let this post stand!

You are all really nice!

And I am a trouble maker.

Sorry.

Margaret said...

That is actually a great question lol.

Returning the follow. Stopping by from SITS.

Keetha Broyles said...

You don't invite anyone to a funeral! You just put the announcement in the paper, alert your relatives, and let the chips fall as they may - - - -

Takes a lot of heat off of you, doesn't it? If "Mrs. X" wants to come - - - she will - - - if not - - - no problem.

Emmy said...

Lol! Hmmm that is a good question... I guess it depends how annoyed you are with the ex's at the time. Yes, always make rash decisions based on your current mode, that is the best way to approach life right??

Lisa @ Another Day Today said...

That's so funny!

I think I actually have a copy of Emily Post at home - I found it at a thrift store and thought it might come in handy.

I'll check it out for you and let you know :)

Colleen said...

OH I know this was dark humor, but we are actually going through this right now for my brother's memorial service - his ex and his current (they were once best friends..until..well, you get the picture)but the ex and my brother have 3 children - so my sisters and I, who still have a good relationship with the ex, and not quite so much with the current (however, they have been married for 25 years)feel like we're in for some fire-cracker service in April..Eek!

Julie Schuler said...

I don't have any wise or humorous words to add. I think the comments have thoroughly explored the situation! I often wish I had gone to mortuary school and been a funeral director. I think funerals have gotten too impersonal, ones around here hardly ever have food anymore. I want my funeral to be more of a celebrations that a sad time, where people sit around hungry, waiting for the damn thing to be over.

Holly said...

this is hilarious!!!!
I'm with the others! Unless you have a bouncer at the door, a funeral is prety much open to all!!!

laterg8r said...

i say invite everyone to the funeral but only the people YOU like back to your house or the reception/wake afterwards :D

Anita said...

Well, I'm just speechless. LOL

Beth said...

Oh my goodness! Crazy dream. I do have ex's. I have children with said ex's. I do NOT want them invited nor would I invited them to any funerals. I've had enough drama from them and their famiies while alive!

Busy Bee Suz said...

I totally get your humor.

I would only invite the exe's if they were bringing money to help with the funeral cost. really.

Who does not have a sense of humor here? They should not read your blog then...it will all be wasted on them. :0

Busy Bee Suz said...

I totally get your humor.

I would only invite the exe's if they were bringing money to help with the funeral cost. really.

Who does not have a sense of humor here? They should not read your blog then...it will all be wasted on them. :0

Julie Harward said...

I tried to leave a message here a bit ago and it said it didn't work so if you get a second one from me, sorry! I just wanted to say..I would not invite the X and mine is dead so there you go! Maybe you need a sleeping pill or your hubbie does LOl Hope you dream about something better tonight! Come say hi :D

The Pink Birdhouse said...

Well Jenny, you really had me going on this one. :-) But in all seriousness, I am not sure what etique dictates on this question. I don't have an ex nor does hubby so I guess I never thought about it! I am going to back-track to your facial post though, and that awful needle torture you went thru. you have my vote gal, for being the bravest I have ever met yet!!! Give me another knee operation any day. :-) take care, Debby

LemonyRenee' said...

Sometimes my husband just begs to be irritated when he sleeps, too. They just need it sometimes. Like the other night, he oh-so-obnoxiously drifted off before I . . . so what was I to do but reach over and scruff up his eyebrow and, maybe, just maybe, but I'm not actually admitting anything, pluck the long one that bugs me.

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

You're always good for a giggle! Thanks goodness no ex's for us -- So I guess I can at least have one less thing to keep me awake at night!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Well I'm glad you said it was just a black humor post, Misssssssy. 'Cause if you had not, your readers might have gotten together and come down your way.... To rescue your poor husband!

Poor, poor, poor, poor, poor husband! You just can't really be giving him so much grief, in the night. Yeah, it always seems to be that you ask him these awful questions, in the night.

Poor, poor, poor, poor man!
.
.
.
.
.
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.
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There! Did I catch ya'? Did I make you think I was really hollering at you? Hu? Hu? Hu? Did I?
.
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.
-ducking, running and hiding-
>,-)))))))))))))))))))))

Jackie said...

Cracking Up! Seriously though...is anyone ever invited to a funeral? I think anyone might just show up...handwritten invites aren't ever sent out are they? LOL!

Wanda said...

Thank goodness, we have no EXes!!!

Frog Hollow Farm Girl said...

Hi, well, this is interesting.... one thing I've learned is to try not to have any regrets, and opening up your husband's funeral to anyone who wishes to be there is the truest expression of graciousness and love...right? Did that sound corny?

Eden House Updates said...

Ok Jenny now I am worried as you know I am the ex wife well nearly if the dumb ass ever gets to a solicitor that is. When he dies I wonder if I will be invited to his funeral? Oh my gosh what would I wear not Black but there again my kids would be upset well the girls might not be oh heck cos they will be. Jenny now look what chain of thought you have started Kids if your reading this sorry I promise I will behave with decorum ( bet thats spealt wrong) at the funeral.

Dee said...

Glsd it was only a dream...my sister-n-law had all three of her exe's at her funeral. :-/

Mimi said...

Hmm, I would plan on going to my ex-husbands funeral.

I'm just stopping by from SITS to say hello & welcome!

Mighty M said...

I loved this amusing post! I think it's totally okay to save the whole front row for all of them!

Or at least a seat. :)

Maggey and Jim said...

Whew!!! Did you eat chips before bed.. They always give me nightmares..
Maggey

My name is PJ. said...

That's a helluva dream!

I wouldn't invite The Source's ex to anything, ever.

I may, however, be found dancing in the streets on the day she finally goes to hell.

No black humor here. ;)

Short and Sweet said...

I've never been "invited" to a funeral nor have I "invited" anyone to a funeral. I think that if the ex wants to show up to pay his/her respects, then so be it. If children are involved, I think that they should discuss the situation with the living parent and let him/her decide if he/she wants to make an appearance. Coincidentally, my mother-in-law passed away on Feb. 18, and my brother-in-law's first wife showed up and she was very welcomed by everyone. The two have a tolerant relationship and I'm sure that each would attend the others funeral without any issues whatsoever. It really boils down to the comfort level of the family of the deceased person, and I think reasonable people wouldn't want to cause further drama in such a delicate situation.

Debbie said...

You made my day! What a hoot:)

Anna said...

Dear Jenny,
Don't invite the exes to the coffee after the funeral. Make it easy on yourself. But let them go to the church services if they like. That is open to anyone, is it not?
Does that help?
My brother went to the funeral of his ex-wife, but that was a little special. She was only 48 and took her own life. We were her second cousins, so everyone at the funeral who was related to her, was also related to him.
Yes life can be strange!
Best wishes,
Anna
Take a peek at Barbie:
http://annasadornments.blogspot.com/2010/03/happy-birthday-barbie.html#links

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

There aren't any ex's in my life so I am very happy not to have to worry about making those decisions, Jenny! I'd say to do whatever your heart would tell you to do at the time. On an occasion as sober as a funeral everyone should be at their best behavior....at least I'd hope so!

Have sweet dreams tonight!

♥ Pat

mrs. c said...

i have an ex and I am worried! I don't want him coming to my funeral.....it makes me very nervous because I am afraid that he and my current husband might compare notes,do you get my drift???? Oh well I won't be there so I guess they can talk....why oh why did you have that dream!

Ann On and On... said...

Fun writing! So, invite or not to invite remains the question.

Welcome to SITS! Come on over to my blog...I'm giving away a $25.00 g.c. for new sunglasses. Who doesn't need new sunglasses? :D

Mama Bird said...

ok, I do own Emily Post and I do use it quit often.
I hate you had a morbid dream.
When my step-dad (who I lived with a good pt of my life) passed my Dad and step-mom came to the funeral which was a HUGE amount of support for my sister and I as noone seems to think losing a step parent is as big of deal. Not sure why.
Just my thoughts.... random as they are...

JoeyRes said...

My mother always told me that dreaming someone died means your pregnant.

That sounded a lot like Forrest Gump, "momma always told me..."

Anyway, thought I'd chime in with my old wives tale dream interpretation.

Kim said...

You invite them all and then give them each (if there is more than one) a portion of the funeral bill!

Thanks for the laugh...no exes here thank God.

Annesphamily said...

My mom always said if you dream that someone you care about dies they will live a long life!

I do know that death usually brings out the absolute worst in people!

Ha! Great post!

Linda said...

OK I am cracking up at this very funny post and then the comments. Sigh...I have X's and my X has X's and kids and now I'm so confused so I guess I just won't die! Love you Jenny.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

LOL! I have crazy dreams too. I always tell John I should write them out and make a movie!
I'd only invite John's ex if I could shove her into the hole.
Did I say that out loud?

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

OK, I've just spent a riotous hour or so reading back on your posts and practically wetting myself with laughter.

Damn you for commenting on my blog. I'm going to be constantly over here at your place now that I know you exist.

Glad I could inspire you ! Scary that I inspire anyone really. I'm looking forward to reading your future posts.

PS. Just kidding about the damn you part ...thanks for your lovely comments.

Stefanie said...

I really enjoyed reading this post

Stopping by from SITS to say welcome

jaydubblah said...

Well Jenny, being just as serious as you have been , the solution is simple, die before him

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Oh Jenny Sweetie...
I am with Jay, you die first and then you won't have to worry about it at all. You are just so stinkin cute sweetie.

I want you to pop over to my blog and read my post. AZ Bloggers are having a luncheon. Jamie and I are hosting. I hope you can come. Check it out please. I would so love to meet you.

Talk to you soon sweetie. Country hugs and much love, Sherry

Bits-n-Pieces said...

I didn't think you "invited" anyone to a funeral. You post the obit and if they want to show up, they do, right?

I would hope my exhub would come to mine. (and would wish all my exes would come...cuz I'm just so dang loveable and unforgettable!)

well..we'll see.
or at least others will.
i'll be dead and won't know.
which might be better anyway...if nooone shows!

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

My dearest Jenny,

I can totally relate to your reaction and concern.

I have remarried to a wonderful man.
Ex is a hole in the wrong end
who has an ex wife who does not comprehend,
she is PAST TENSED.

Hubby now is , THANK GOD, never married
before marrying me.
If he dies, WHY SHOULD I INVITE HIS EXES?
Exes are PAST TENSE, so, I will leave it as that.

Now, if I die, I really do not need EX smiling at my funeral or worst, HOWLING like an idiot ,right?

Will I attend ex's funeral? I will not want to SPIT into his grave ,right? Was what my friend did to his ex, who abused her. lol

Happy WEDNESDAY and THURSDAY!

hugs
shakira

HOPE FOR GREAT LAKES NOW!

ROSE GARDEN

Susie said...

This is too funny! Recently we had two funerals to attend and at both of them ex's were there.

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

haha...can't say as I have ever had that question pop up...but I have gotten my hubby out of a deep sleep with other "thought-provoking" (and of course, important questions!)

Blessings & Aloha!
(I finally realized that I cannot leave a comment on every single post, cuz I spend way too much time! haha
...so from now on when I am doing some catch up blog reading...I will read what I have missed, but try to comment only on the most recent one. :o)

Martha's Favorites said...

Jenny dear, this is a little over the top. Start over dear friend. Blessings, Martha

Brenda said...

My husband was never married to his ex so I think I am off the hook. I am older so I expect to go first I just hope no one lets my ex know I do not want him looking at me after death and saying something like it was a good thing I left her when I did. Just kidding. We get along now as long was we do not have to talk to each other. So I guess it would be ok. Don't know Emily Post personally myself. lol.

Patti said...

Oh my gosh..I would be so sad if my ex died...we are good friends with a wonderful daughter (and I would be devastated for her as she is such a daddy's girl)...as for my current husband's ex...well Jenny, you know how I feel about that subject!...you do know that when someone dreams of dying that means someone will be born....hmmmm who will it be?? Grandma again?? They also say not to eat a big meal before bed as that will bring on strange dreams!!What has everyone else heard about dreams??

gayle said...

I haven't read the other comments but around here we don't invite anyone to a funeral. People come if they want to. So if the ex's want to come they can!! :)

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

gayle above took my answer...who sends invitations to a funeral? I did read enough to know you were being funny here, but it is something to think about it there are ex-spouses.

Tortuga said...

You could always throw a half page add in the paper, letting people know he croaked. Haha! Let them make up their own minds and then ask for money in lieu of gifts to pay for the add!

Karen said...

This post cracked me up!

But it IS a good question...

Yankee Girl said...

Never invite the ex's. And I have learned to never wake my husband in the middle of the night to ask him a quesion. He doesn't get mad, but it isn't fully awake so his answers are all nonsense.