Monday, March 8, 2010

We're all friends here, right...

...and with the eyebrow waxing story I think you learned something important about me.

No...not that I'm a chicken.

You learned that I don't always know the best time to say no.

And mean it.

And stand by it.

The reason I even found out about the estheticians school is because my neighbor, Holly, went there. She is one of those permanent make up artists that tattoo on eyebrows, eyeliner and other things onto your face which are too painful to contemplate.

For a long time whenever I would see Holly she would always end up squinching up her eyes at me and saying stuff like "come over...I'll give you a discount on permanent eyeliner" or some such silly idea.

And I would also say no.

But finally she caught me on a particularly vulnerable day after a boyscout tried to help me cross the street AND I got my first letter in the mailbox from AARP.

So when I saw cute little Holly the next time and she perkily said "now is the time to work on anti-aging, you should come over" I started kissing her hands and saying "please, please, please...save me!"

The first visit to her in-home studio was for a facial. Nothing too dramatic. But it made my skin feel good and my husband actually kept remarking on how he could see a big difference.

The second visit, ditto.

The third visit, Holly enquired whether I wanted to treat the deep lines on my face more aggressively.

"No botox!" I yelled!

And she agreed.

And then she started telling me about a method of breaking down the collagen in the deep wrinkles with something called "needling."

"Will it hurt?" I asked warily.

"Nope, not a bit, because I will numb your skin."

"And can you tell with one treatment?" I asked warily.

"Definitely. You will be shocked at the improvement when your face heals."

"Heals?"

She says, "your face will have a few red marks in the deep lines that will disappear quickly leaving those wrinkles substantially diminished."

She reassured me again that it wouldn't hurt...so I said, "sure, let's do it."

I should have known something was up when she started practically running around the room getting things ready and humming and babbling.

The next thing I know she has some kind of topical lotion on my face and after a few minutes everything is totally numb.

Come to think of it that would really be the time to get your eyebrows waxed because...

Oh...sorry.

Focus, Jenny, focus.

OK...ummm.... needling, numb face...ummm.... oh, yea...

So she tells me she is going to take these teeny weeny needles and put teeny weeny little pokes on both sides of the entire length of the wrinkle.

Hmmm.... this isn't sounding good.

She starts but I can't really feel anything. She still seems oddly excited. I ask her why?

"Oh," she says, "it's so weird but no-one will ever let me do this to them!"

Warning....warning...warning...

At one point she mutters, "hmmm.... there is quite a bit of blood there..." but she reassures me when I look at her all worried.

Warning...warning...warning...

And then I ask, "ummm...what is this gonna look like until it heals." Nothing like leaving the question a bit late, right?

She says, "oh not bad...it will look like a cat lightly scratched you in a few places on your face."

So, she finished up and is all pleased with herself.

I get up off the table and see myself in the big mirror on the wall. Acccckkkk! Light cat scratches? WHAT????

Why didn't I stop this? Why didn't I head those warning bells in my head!

I start stuttering "h-h-how long is this g-going to take to h-heal? This is going to sc-scare my Granddaughters! This is going to scare my h-h-h-usband!"

She calmly says, "it will just take a few days to heal but you know you can't put make-up on it or anything?" Then she hands me some salve and a little half-sheet of instructions.

I am getting freaked out. I want to cry but I'm afraid to get any salt water in my light cat scratches.

I walk across our adjoining front yards. I try to hide from a car that is passing by.

I walk into my husbands office and he is on the phone. He looks up, does a double take and smiles at me.

Smiles?

I sit in the chair and I wait and when he finally hangs up he says "You got me there for a second...is that red sharpie going to come off?"

I start crying and say, "no, I got needled to make the wrinkles less deep and, and, and...sob...."

And he says, "why did you do that?"

And I wail, "I don't knowwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!"

So I hand him the little sheet of instructions because I am crying and he reads it and says, "OK, no make-up for a week, no sun for a week, no washing with soap for a week, if any sign of infection..."

I interrupt him to run dramatically out of his office and into the bathroom.

I turn the bright lights on in there and just gasp. This is awful.

What have I done.

And the numbing stuff is wearing off and it really hurts. I call Holly. She says it will sting and hurt but only for 24 hours. OK, good to know.

I no longer like Holly. I no longer like me because I am a moron.

And now I no longer just look old...I now look like an old woman that has been attacked by a deranged mountain lion.

After 24 hours it started looking a little better... but, OH, did it itch.

The next two days showed even more improvement... ...and after one week the red was almost all gone AND the wrinkles were substantially less deep... A few weeks go by and I run into Holly and she immediately turns my face into the sunlight and says "oh, that worked so good...let's schedule the second treatment."

And I tell her I'll call her.

But I don't.

And I'm not going to.

Because at some point I think I am just going to let my face get old.

And I will accept the aging thing gracefully.

And I will accept all the aging as the story of where I've been...

...

...

OK, honestly, I lied.

I'm sorry but I am shallow. And weak. And I don't know how say no to people that promise they can make me look 50 again!

So although I won't do the needle thing again (light cat scratches my hind end!) I made an appointment at the school tomorrow for something called RF!

And apparently it doesn't mess up your face with scratches, hot wax or other mutilations.

And apparently it can help with turkey neck. Not that you probably have that. But you might have seen it and turkey neck ain't pretty. Not even on a turkey.

So apparently they just use this nice little wand thing that heats your skin up to 103 degrees which stimulates the collagen which tightens up the skin and makes the turkey neck less turkey neck-like.

We'll see.

I may chicken out unless eliminating turkey-neck trumps fear!

It would be nice to forget about being related several generations back to the Butterball turkey...so yea. I think I'm gonna do it.

But if I see any needles or hot wax I am soooo out of there!

I'll let you know how it goes!

Gobble gobble.

Sigh.

PS Did you remember to enter the Lisa Leonard giveaway from my Friday post?

PPS Did me writing "gobble, gobble" remind you of Thanksgiving? If so, you might want to read my Gobble, Gobble post! It's a strange little post. And, my, aren't you surprised by that?

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65 comments:

Yaya' s Changing World said...

Oh, my, Jenny. I laughed so hard at this post. You just really know how to bring the sympathy to a boiling point, you know? I'm so glad you are all healed and making better decisions, now. 103 degrees, huh? Oh, Jenny.

Please let your readers know that I have a visitor on my blog, today, who will be sharing her grampa's true-life adventures as a Rider on one of the Orphan Trains! There's room for everyone to gather in close and get to know Donna, while enjoying her wonderful story-telling talents. Thank you. I look forward to seeing you there.

Yaya
Yaya's Changing World

Mami said...

Oh,Jenny! what a adventurously!!
Glad you heal and make over now.

Theresa said...

Oh Jenny Matlock, you scared me this morning:) It turned out good but again I would NEVER do that, I NEED it, but would NEVER do it! You are one brave soul and the end result did seem to be an improvement... not that you needed an improvement:) OK... moving on here. I have thought about perhaps professional wrinkle fixing but that is all I a have done is THOUGHT about it. Enjoy your smooth skin and your waxed eyebrows and whatever else you get fixed today! Hugs!

Fresh Local and Best said...

Oh my goodness! You were brave not to stop Holly mid-session!

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Oh My Jenny you are a riot. Sweetie what on earth were you thinking? I am growing old with my wrinkles, no injections for me. My (5) insulin shots a day are enough injections for me.

After the chicken scratches you are going to torture yourself with 103 degree massage for your turkey gobbler? I will keep mine. I don't think I can take any burns.

All I can say is you my dear are one brave soul. I don't know how you do it. Maybe I'll let them practice on you and then see if I want to participate? Naw, I don't think so. Can't wait to see the pics of this experiment. You are going when?

Love ya sweetie. Have fun. I am off to work for the day.

Country hugs and much love, Sherry

Paula said...

Oh Jenny you brave little girl! I hope you look twenty after all that, ouch! Your making me think, wrinkles are beautiful! Hope the RF thing goes well..will be waiting:)

Jojo said...

I was laughing through the whole post but I kept trying to muffle the laughter because I felt so bad for you!!

In the end it was an amazing difference but you do have to wonder if the process is worth it. Please let me know if the turkey neck fix works. I have one of the worst and I'm just 53!!!

Small Burst said...

wow. I wish I had a Holly next door! Doesn't make you a bad person for wanting to look younger. Who doesn't want to, right?

Small Burst said...

Oops, almost forgot-Welcome to SITS. Great to find you here.

Kathie @ Just a Happy Housewife said...

I would be terrified of Holly! :-)

Julie Schuler said...

Oh Jenny! You are lucky you didn't get scarred! Be careful with your beautiful face!

Debbie said...

Omygoodness that would have scared me. But I have to say your skin looks great now! Are you doing it again Jenny? No botox and that stuff for me. I am 44, friends of mine have had so much done already, and I think to myself, what will they do when they get to be 50? I think what you did is non-evasive and of course scary at first. Regardless you should do it, just to entertain us, I mean we are your captive audience LOL!~

Kerri said...

Yeah, I agree with Kathie...this Holly person kind of scares me.

but we do love looking younger don't we?

I plucked and plucked and plucked my eyebrows this past weekend...and thankfully my husband said I looked 28...which means I lost 4 years plucking away..but I was also now red and swollen and itchy...OYE!

Chatty Crone said...

Oh my gosh I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants. That was a great story.

And you even shared pictures.

And you are going back for more.

How great is that?

Let us know how the 'heat' on the neck feels - I need that too.
sandie

Wanda said...

Jenny...have you heard of Oil of Olay, it doesn't hurt and it works enough magic for me! :)

The swelling from that many punctures to the skin would help wrinkles, I guess and that heat treatment you speak of, won't an opened oven door do the same, while you baste your neck in olive oil?
You would be sooooo much fun to live next door to!

Wanda♥

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

Oh dear Jenny, I am SO HAPPY you are ok.
I was so AFRAID for you.

Have you a great week!

hugs
shakira

YOU WERE THAT EXCITED?

WE'RE GONNA HOLO-HOLO

CIRCLE OF LIFE

Maggey and Jim said...

Wow, Jenny,, you are so brave..I can really see,even over the web the difference.. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder ,,don't ya know>??
Maggey

Parsley said...

First, thank you for being so bold and sharing your photos. I'm turning 40 next month and I've decided growing 'old' gracefully is how I will do this thing! Eek! I will not let anyone poke me with needles..even if they paid ME!

Colleen said...

OK, so, um THANKS A LOT...now MY laugh lines are deeper and my sides hurt..

Hope you're feeling better and I look forward to the turkey-neck treatement.

not that I {gobble} know anygobblething about my, uh, TNS..Turkey Neck Syndrome...

Patty said...

I don't know what to say ~ but I sure laughed a lot!

Diana said...

Well Jenny I think that you are very brave indeed! I think I'll just stick with what I've got!
Love Di ♥

Patti said...

Jenny: I can't believe after the waxing that you did this too! You are cracking me up. I feel bad for you though and HOPE that you really don't do this 103 degree collagen thing...never heard of it before. just use the sunscreen when going out in that arizona sun!!

MrsJenB said...

Oh, Jenny! I guess there is nothing wrong with trying to feel the best you can about yourself, right? Still, be kind to yourself. You're lovely!!

For the record, I pluck my eyebrows because I can't IMAGINE getting them waxed!

Busy Bee Suz said...

YOu silly silly woman.
I am so proud of your for sharing this...and posting photos.
What do we do for beauty? Most anything it seems.
I am very interested in this RF. I am getting the turkey neck and I hate it!!!!
Share Share Share!!!!

Linda said...

Jenny girl you are crazy! I guess I'm lucky because at almost 60 I have very few wrinkles (don't hate me its genetics). Still needles and 'light' scratches on my face? Don't think so...good luck with the turkey neck treatment..sigh what we do for beauty.

Pondside said...

My one regret after my very successful laser eye surgery was that I could clearly see every wrinkle on my face. I inheirited my Scottish father's paper-thin skin and it's not pretty after 50.
I know you're not asking for advice, but I'll give it anyway. Don't do the wand, 103 degree treatment. Get in the car, go to the bank, get a pile of money and go out and treat yourself to something beautiful. Or do as another of your commenters suggested and baste your face in olive oil and sit in front of the oven for a minute!

Deb said...

oh dear Jenny...you need to learn to just say NO!!! of course...you wouldn't have this funny blog post for us to comment on....

Freely Living Life said...

Oh my dear Jenny! Do not let anyone near your face with anything sharp or scalding!! And if they try don't just say "no".....run away screaming "hell noooo"! :)

Kim said...

I understand the need to look and feel young- I already am lamenting my boobs that slide into my armpits when I lay down and halfway to my belly when I stand up! However, having said that, I think you are a beautiful woman and truly do not need any more cat scratching treatments! I'm glad this story turned out well--your poor hubby when he found out it wasn't sharpie marks!

GardenofDaisies said...

Oh Jenny!!! I will run if I think there are any deranged mountain lions anywhere near the salon where I get my hair cut.
I have never done anything (except highlight my hair and wear make-up) to change the way I look. And I don't plan to. Ever. I will just deal with turkey neck and wrinkles and gray hair, and consider it a blessing that I am alive. Some people don't get to live long enough to have wrinkles and gray hair.
And you should to visit my latest post and see the picture of my Dad. He has some eyebrows!

As Told By Molly said...

Jenny, you crack me up.
Thanks for wandering into my neck of the woods, I'm glad you did.
I'll be back for more laughs with you for sure.

Dee said...

I agree with Wanda..Oil Of olay...and smiles. I am still chuckling after reading this post and probably will all day.:-D

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Oh my Dear, Dear, Dear Friend. I know this is an hysterical piece of writing. But............

I want you to go *write-in-blood* that you will STOP with this stuff. Really! Nothing is worth the chance of infection. And this sweet Holly is hardly running a totally sterile environment.

Please...

Pleassssssssse...

Pllllllleassssse...

You wanna' give old Aunt Amelia a heart spasm or something?!? :-(

Let's make a deal. You agree to sit in on more of cute little [demented] Holly's practice. Write about stuff, as in the first person. But! Don't be the guinea pig... Errrr... Patient this time, for real.

Deal? Deal? Deal?

You don't want to be responsible for me holding my breath until you agree, do you? Do you? Do you?

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!

Now, where did I stash that barf bag?????????????

GardenofDaisies said...

Thanks for coming by to leave a comment! Caterpillar eyebrows is a good description!

A book cover? No, you must have me mixed up with someone else. I am not an illustrator... but I can sure doodle! ;-)

Julie Harward said...

Jenny, Jenny, Jenny....What am I going to do with you?! You must be a lot braver than me because I wouldn't let someone touch my face like that ever! I just turned 60 so I understand all of that but honestly, I look at the older women (70-90) around me and I DO NOT EVEN SEE their wrinkles! I don't know why but I don't even notice them. All I see is a very beautiful woman that I want to know about and I admire them so! I want to be like that..so I am laughing about my wrinkles and it's fun. :D

Deborah Ann said...

Oh the things we'll do for vanity! I gotta say, you sure make a lot of pain and turmoil sound like fun!

Not judging. I had my own 'stuff' done. But my lips are sealed....especially since I don't know how to make my own adventure turn into the comical escapade like you did!

mrs. c said...

You are much braver than I ..of course I would never do botox like my friends do but I might think about doing something a little more natural. I am 55 and that is what I am, I don't want to look fake or like my face is frozen and I don't have tons of money for all kinds of treatments.

ain't for city gals said...

Oh my ...I always think I want to try Botox but I would never try this...thanks for the warning. Did you ever read the book It's All About the Neck by Nora Ephron (sp?)...it is so funny...the things we do to ourselves!!

Megan said...

Oh my heavens...that looked terrible! Farm Boy would SO laugh at me if I did something like that and I would probably want to die a thousand deaths if it had happened to me. SO...kudos to you for being brave, taking pictures, and sharing your experience with us!

I've never heard of needling so I could have easily been suckered in to it. If anyone even mentions it around me...I'm likely going to knock their lights out and run like mad in the other direction!

Thanks so much!

Too Many Hats said...

LMBO - that is the funniest story, well mostly because it didn't happen to me. I'm sure I would be plotting little Holly's demise if it had happened to me. Anyways, I am going to go the aging without intervention route for my beauty regime because honestly I don't think I would survive the interventions.

lissa said...

you look pretty good, I definitely wouldn't try it, I fear all things needle and blood but I suppose we all want to look younger so I'm not surprise that you try this method

plus it make a pretty good story to tell people

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

ACK!!! Double ACK!! Jenny, you are one brave lady to put photos like this up on the web! I wouldn't want to see them used in someone's "Before" ad!

I am a firm believer in sunblock keeping wrinkles away. I have been using it since my early thirties and my skin hardly has any wrinkles. I do ahve sunposts on my hands and a few won my face from a childhood spent on the Coney Island beaches that is the reason I began using the block.

Please be careful and visit a liscenced dermatologist for all skin care intervention!

christy rose said...

Oh my goodness! I was laughing and laughing the whole way through this. what we will do to look a few years younger! I am never going to give in to this age thing. I promise you that! LOL

Mental P Mama said...

Yowza! I think I'll just get old...

RNSANE said...

My word, Jenny, your tale is so amusing but these adventures can really be horror stories, even when procedures are done by board certified plastic surgeons. I'm afraid I truly am going to stay wrinkled and representative of all that aging can do to the human body - and I doubt that I will be graceful or pleasant about it all!

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

Well, at least your pain makes for good blogging stories! I am a chicken, I wouldn't do any of this stuff even though my neck makes me insane. Oh well, maybe...let me know if it works!

Sue

Jennifer said...

All I can say is: that was frightening.

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Okay, you have successfully convinced me that I NEVER want to do that. How scary! Did you think those red lines would ever go away? Oh, Jenny! I would have been terrified. It looks good now, but wow! Yikes! LOL!

Let us know about the other. It would scare me, too, though, but my crepey neck might just like it. LOL!

XO,

Sheila :-)

Country Dreaming said...

Honey ya gotta learn to say NO!!!!!
Geting older is part of life and we all have to find a way to deal with it--which I don't believes being de-skinded (waxed) or needled.
Your stories are funny though and you are very brave to show what happened.
Take it easy on yourself!

Melinda

Justine said...

Holy moley, and I thought I was the only one brave enough to post pictures of myself after self mutilation (well, in your case, Holly mutilation) of the face. I cannot believe how BAD those "scratches" looked the first couple of days. To be honest, if you hadn't posted the progression pictures I would have thought that you'd used a Sharpie! Can't wait to hear what you next experience is like!

Justine :o )

laterg8r said...

i totally LMAO when she said, "nobody ever lets me do this to them!" :D

thanks for the good laugh :D

Cottage Cozy said...

OMG for sure!

Our really empty nest said...

I have just spent the last 20 minutes reading your past posts, you are one great writer! I so enjoy your blog and so appreciate your stopping by, I love the script chair too! Have a great week, Sue

SweetMelissa said...

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Sounds like you're working yourself up to something huge....like maybe...a tattoo!!!

Missy-JunkFest

Green Eyed Girl said...

Oh my hanna... I have not laughed that hard reading a blog in I don't know how long! I can see I'm going to have to have my daily dose of "Jenny" - thanks for making me smile! Vicki

Melinda Cornish said...

holy crap, that doesnt look like little scratches...just dont let her do permanent eyeliner....promise you will say no...promise!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

OMG, too funny! I am dying to know if the turkey wattle thingy helps...I may or may not have that issue going on and would LOVE to make it go away!

Jacque said...

Good Morning Jenny,

Actually, I think I can see an improvement from the before and after--I say "go for it". I am so looking into one of those Daylifts, myself! It's the jowl thing for me! Whew...gravity can do all sorts of things to the human body--that's for sure!

Thanks for sharing the face procedure with us. It is hard to say NO sometimes.

Have a good week!

Susie said...

Oh my goodness!

My name is PJ. said...

Sharp, audible intake of breath! I guess you would call it a GASP!

I'm thinking the reason you do something like this BY YOURSELF, without a girlfriend present, is because a girlfriend would shake you silly!!!

You kill me, Matlock! You're so pretty and you look great. You don't need all this crazy stuff.

Oy.

MommaKiss said...

Oh. My. GAWD.
That's some serious 'work' going on there. I'm laughing. With you. Not at you.
Totally.

Symply Me said...

Okay, seriously, laughed so hard at this I may have peed myself. Dang 4 kids and my weakened bladder! I wouldn't want to come across the cat she was referring to in a dark alley! Some kind of mutant creature with claws the size of macheties! TOO FUNNY!

Terri and Bob said...

Jenny, jenny! The scrapes you get yourself into! I am so impressed that you actually posted pictures of this adventure. And, I have to say, I think it really worked!

I am really interested in how the turkey neck thing went.

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

Oh goodness! I know I just said I would not comment on every past post in my catching up time. but just have to say...hope you are totally, totally "red-free". um...I would also agree that there would not be a second treatment :o) (I am such a wimp to pain!)

Blessings & Aloha!

byLGD Glass Jewelry said...

jenny, my day hasn't been the greatest and you just picked me right up and made me laugh. thank you so much. :)

and ya know, i could totally relate to this. i had fraxel lasering done to my face and it took me three weeks to get over it. i'll never do that again. :)

laurie eller