Sunday, March 7, 2010

For the love of all that is holy...

...how do you people get your eyebrows waxed?

Seriously.

I did it for the first time on Tuesday.

And I didn't like it.

I go to this estheticians school where you can get tortured, poked and prodded for just a few bucks. Normally I just get facials trying to enhance my normal youthful glow.

Cough.

OK, let me rephrase that. Normally I just get facials trying to FIND ANY KIND OF GLOW WHATSOEVER!

There! Are you happy now? I told the truth.

So...

My student finished up my facial and then told me that she needed to do one more eyebrow wax for graduation and could she do it on me?

She looked really intently at my eyebrows making me wonder if somehow I had missed seeing this......in the mirror every morning.

But, she was a cute, little thing. And she had big, serious blue eyes, and she looked so sweet (now I can see how guys fall for that crap!)

So I said yes.

She scampered off immediately in a graceful, bambi-like way to return with a few things hidden behind her back. Actually I don't know if they were hidden. I was just keeping my eyes tightly closed in meditation...trying to prepare for the procedure.

So I said, "will this hurt?" and she pushed my eyebrows around a bit and said "weee-ellll, your eyebrows aren't very hairy ... so, no, it probably won't hurt as much."

Have you had this done?

First they put this scalding wax on your eyebrow and then they push some kind of a strip down on top of it. Hard. And then.

Then.

Then...they tell you take a breath and rip the strip thing off along with the wax and your hair.

For a moment I was so stunned that I didn't even make a sound.

All the air in the Universe was gone.

And then I squawked! Very loudly!

And the little thing jumped and said, "did that hurt?"

I was speechless.

I exhaled.

Then she said, "OK, now we'll wax the top of the brow," and before I knew it she threw more of that scalding wax on and ripped more hair from my body.

Holy stinging pain.

Holy wanting to slug her.

I told her, "let's just stop, seriously...I can just shave them off and draw some on...it'll be fine..." She disagreed. Not only did she disagree she leaned over to whisper, "I need to finish this eyebrow wax so I can get my final grade."

Well, seriously. Did I look like someone that cared? The area around my eyebrow was throbbing and burning.

But she looked at me with those big blue eyes again so dang it...I said, "fine but be gentler this time."

After she finished the second eyebrow I realized it really didn't matter if she finished school or not because I think she could get a job immediately as an interogator of bad people. Easily. I would have told her anything to make her stop the torture...including my weight.

She rubbed some "soothing" gel on afterwards which sure didn't soothe me much.

And she did say that I would forget about it by the time I got home.

Liar.

Sure, my eyebrows look all tidy and neat but, really, who ever even looks at eyebrows.

And do you think it is normal for my eyes to twitch violently when they see a roll of tape of any kind.

When I got the can of floor wax out they started twitching so badly I had to put the can away. Does that seem right to you?

Or will it be like childbirth?

You know...how you forget the pain the minute you hold your sweet baby in your arms.

And now, come to think of it, I clearly remember all three childbirths...and they hurt...

So next time I don't care what reason Taniqua-Shawn-Barbie gives me.

Nobody is torturing my delicate eyebrows again.

She did tell me bikini waxing was less painful.

But somehow, I don't think I believe her.

Sigh.

post signature

71 comments:

Chatty Crone said...

Oh my gosh - that was funny! Sorry it hurt so bad.

Personally I love getting my eyebrows waxed and I get my entire face waxed too. Once you get used to it - you'll never want to stop!

Maybe you should try a more experienced person - because it doesn't really hurt that much - they kind of know some secrets I guess.

Now I've told you my secrets, but my face is as smoooth as a baby's butt - no kidding. Good luck!

Sandie

B-Dub said...

Oh man, I remember my first time! I will say that each time you have it done it hurts less, thank goodness! It also becomes somewhat of an obsession and each time my eyebrows get thinner and thinner. Soon, I am almost sure, I will have not eyebrows left at all. Then people will point and laugh- but only till they grow out again, of course.
I don't know about the bikini wax. Haven't ever been brave enough to try.

SweetMelissa said...

Grade, schmade! I think she just wanted to torture you! Those girls have running bets to see who can make the customer screech the loudest. At least your girl won!

Missy-JunkFest

Annesphamily said...

I don't like people lying to me! That girl is lucky you didn't get a twitch in your arm and punch her once or twice! LOL! I guess I will have to try it one day though. My eyebrows are so thin in my golden years! HA!
I hope you feel better soon!
You certainly made me smile. :)

Jen said...

like the above posters, it does hurt less and less each time...but the first time I SWORE I would never do it again, brought tears to my eyes. but, hten the hair grew back and I had to get rid of it again. So began a vicious cycle...wax...pain...hair...wax., well you know. :)

Pondside said...

Don't believe her, Jenny! Bikini waxing hurts like the Dickens! I had it done once, or I had it partially done once. I wouldn't let the esthetician finish and waddled home to pull the final bits of wax off in a hot bath.
Bad idea. Worse than the fast rip.
Just don't do it!

A human kind of human said...

Oh Jenny, how I laughed. You should try having your upper lip waxed! I did that once, but only once. It did serve one pupose very well though. I immediately bonded forever with my own moustache

Lisa said...

LOL it must have been bad because torture is the only way I would tell my weight too!!

Eyes twitching violently...I'm sorry to laugh but I did!!

I agree with the 1st two commenters, once you do it a few times, it doesn't hurt much:) I usually do my own with the little wax strips you can get at Walmart or where ever.

The Muse said...

LOL LOL
HA HA HA HA!

I had to clean up my noon coffee when I read this....LOL LOL!

Tina ~ Blessings Friends. said...

Oh, there is no way and NEVER a bikini wax.
Oh Miss Jenny, there are very few people who can put me into tears from laughing so hard but you surely did it. I'm sorry you had to be tortured to get this response but dag nab it, that was just the funniest thing ever.
Thank you for sharing that story!

Tina ~ Blessings Friends. said...

Oh, there is no way and NEVER a bikini wax.
Oh Miss Jenny, there are very few people who can put me into tears from laughing so hard but you surely did it. I'm sorry you had to be tortured to get this response but dag nab it, that was just the funniest thing ever.
Thank you for sharing that story!

Kathie @ Just a Happy Housewife said...

oh my, too funny! I've never had mine waxed...I screwed them up long ago and I'm worried they would end up even thinner. A friend of mine says the sugar one doesn't hurt as much...no idea what it is though.

Cassie said...

Saw the eyebrows on someone else's sidebar and had to come visit you. This was such a funny post I was laughing hysterically. The hubby had to come see what was the matter with me. I do the eyebrow wax about twice a year...other than that it's pretty much bushy caterpillar. It doesn't really hurt anymore,but then I'm old and my skin is all dried up and hard.

LuLu Kellogg said...

Oh Jenny....I am so sorry! I have been getting my brows waxed for years and if I didn't, I would look like Andy Rooney!!

LuLu♥

Audra said...

I had a similar experience the first time I had my eyebrows waxed. She put too hot wax on my brow and burned it so it left a red mark, (it was suppose to go away) then turned brown.

I had to use creative make up to make it BLEND....for over a week.

Maybe a more experienced person would not be as painful.

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

Imagine those Brazilian wax things! I'm just a tweezer girl myself, every other day. I've never done the wax thing and thankfully, my upper lip doesn't need it!

You are so funny:)

Linda said...

Jenny you are so funny! I am laughing and my Mister said what's so funny and I said it is such a girl thing! I get my eyebrows waxed every time I get my hair cut (6 WKS) so it doesn't hurt very much to me. Like many others said maybe someone more experienced would do it better. I have to have it done since I can't see the hairs without my glasses and well I usually end up pinching my skin with the tweezers...so heck a couple of minutes of warm wax and a rip and i'm good to go. I would NEVER, let me repeat that NEVER have a bikini wax....enough said.

Country Dreaming said...

If I had EVER considered getting this done now I KNOW I won't!
A funny story though--sorry it hurt soooooooooo much!!

Melinda

Just Breathe said...

I spent my entire life not getting them done until a few years ago when I had my first. It didn't hurt that much so I did it a few more times. What I found is that they get hairs you never ever see and then your brows need more clean up then ever before!

Parsley said...

Had it done once and it wasn't too bad BUT I had an experienced person doing it.

Tracey said...

Too funny! The things we go through to stay beautiful!

Cindy (Letters From Midlife) said...

I tried waxing facial hair once and it left my skin red and chaffed for days so never again. I try to look my best but in a low-maintenance sort of way. That's my motto: low-maintenance. I also pretend my white streaks are blond.

Patti said...

OMGosh...I didn't mean to laugh Jenny but I can just see you there! You probably scared her too! I'm all for academia but I think I'd let her fail!!
Don't do the bikini thing!! :)

Debbie said...

I hate it too Jenny! I let them go for a long time in between....You do not want penciled eye brows!~ Grin and bear it gets easier next time:)

K said...

Waxing scares me.

I don't want any hot wax near any hair on my body.

Welcome to SITS!

Julie Schuler said...

Ouch! I'll just keep tweezing, thank you very much. I don't even like using the tweezers, I wait until I really have to.

Theresa said...

No waxing for me! Nope, none, nada, zero... I pluck but that is it and never, never, ever, ever, ever would I do the bikini hickie! Ouchy-wow-ohmygoodness! That must be so very painful! Not gonna do it! Hope you have recovered and look wonderful, not for me... just call me plucked and perfect! :)

Just One Week said...

Bikini waxing is MORE painful. I started getting my eyebrows waxed when I was 14 (unibrow!) and groomed eyebrows definitely transforms my face. However, there are people that are good at it, and people that are bad at it. Bad people take off too much hair (you don't want sperm-brows) and sometimes hurt you (I actually had a burn once). But good people are amazing, and I actually enjoy getting them done because it feels amazing now! Like cleansing.

Anyways, I started at age 14 - and by the time I was in my mid-20's, I don't need to be waxed anymore. They stop growing back in! Now every few months I pluck a stray, but I have easy, perfect eyebrows.

Stopping by from SITS!

misslynda said...

My girls are dark-haired and have their brows waxed - - but not me. I am just happy to have what hair is on my head - - - - - my chin whiskers aren't as welcome though.

My thought about a bikini wax - - - are you planning on wearing a bikini this summer? If not, let's not do a comparison to see which hurts worse!

The Lone Dollier said...

Never had an eyebrow wax but have had bikini waxes a lot. Yes, you do levitate. Yes, it hurts. But no, you don't get razor burn! LOL

Smiles`

Jules said...

I was laughing while reading this whole thing. I've done that a few times and OUCH is all I can say.

One thing....a bikini wax....no way!

Melinda Cornish said...

I do get my eyebrows waxed and you kinda get used to it....I was gonna say try a bikini or lip wax and you will know some real pain...oh, the price of beauty.....did you see my little green sewing machine...I did some american picking...heehee..
also I am making a wreath but I ran out of glue sticks...will finish it today....

Amy said...

I have it done all the time! OUCH! But, I'd have a unibrow if I didn't sooo....

LOL

Deb said...

It does hurt and yet we go back for more...crazy isn't it...

Keetha Broyles said...

Very, very funny Jenny!

I USED to use a little gadget that PULLED the hair out of my legs - - - instead of shaving. I did this because I have legs with FUR on them, and shaving makes them so stubbly and rough. When I used that little depilitator thing - - - they were smooth. BUT IT HURT LIKE ANYTHING - - - so you have my undying sympathy.

I've never had my eyebrows done, and after reading this I doubt I ever do!

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Oh, you're funny! Yeah, I do the eyebrow waxing, too. It's just terrible, isn't it? Why do we put ourselves through this?

Joy said...

I do get my eyebrows waxed about once a month. It does sting a little bit for a second but it's so worth it.

Joy said...

p.s. Welcome to the SITS community!

Diana said...

Very funny Jenny. Actually I tweeze my own brows but I do wax my husbands for him in between hair cuts. I use the little wax strips. I think it does hurt him a bit but not too much. Maybe because we don't use HOT wax. Oh you poor thing!
Love Di ♥

Julie Harward said...

I just love you...I'm so glad you visited my blog so we could connect! This is so funny...I burst right out laughing when you said that your eye brows started to twitch when you look at a roll of tape! How did you get to be so funny! Come say hi :D

w said...

haahahaha! oh man. um. when i get my eyebrows waxed... it actually doesn't hurt.

but it could be that all my nerves are dead there. so.

i'm kinda terrified of doing a brazilian wax...

Pam D said...

I can't even stand to have a facial, where they pinch and stretch and poke and prod; I would seriously have a leg reflex problem if I had an eyebrow wax, and the girl would end up in the next county. I am not lying. And if it hurt to rip hair off of your forehead, can you even IMAGINE how it feels to rip it off of that delicate skin that never sees the sun? nuh uh. no way no how. I would be in jail for murder. I would. And then you would have to come and talk to me through the glass.

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

"..how do you people get your eyebrows waxed?"

I DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eeeek! Eeeeeeek! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! It even hurts to pluck some stray eye brow hairs out, one at a time. Let alone hot wax and rippppppping 'em off.

Did I say Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!?!

Your writing is super. And so I can hardly wait, till you go for a bikini wax!!! Betcha' all your readers will be waiting with bated breath, for your bikini wax!

-ducking, running and hiding-

>,-O

Drama Queen said...

Personally, the Groucho Marx look works for me...

I'd love to get some wax on my dad - now THERE'S some scary eyebrows...

Brenda said...

I have never had that done and guess what after reading this I never will! I still have tears in my eyes. I would like to say I was crying over your pain but the truth is I was crying from the chuckles you just provided. Sorry it had to be you.

Freely Living Life said...

LoL!

The first time I ever got my eyebrows waxed it was horrible! Very similar to your above story. But once I went regularly (about twice a month) then it was less painful. Notice I said LESS as it still hurts a bit - I mean they are ripping hair out of your face of course it hurts! I just tweeze mine now. Less pain and I save the money of a wax. <3

Brenda said...

OMG! That post needed a warning...good thing my badder was empty or I would have had to sue you for a new office chair; LOL! My screen however might require professional cleaning. Diet cokke is not the cleaner of choice for this particular model.
Next time you go to have your eyebrows waxed, can I come? Pretty please???? hahahaha...

Kristi at Spend Less and Save More said...

You make me laugh, so I am going to follow you! If you don't like getting your brows waxed, you don't want to do your bikini either. OUCH!

Wanda said...

Jenny...I can hardly read this for laughing...I'm only a third of the way through, I had to take a break, muster up enough calmness to finish, believe me my husband thought something was wrong with me. If I go back up to finish reading, I may not survive another laughing fit, but I will try
...here I go...

OHHH please get the bikini wax...I want to die laughing again!
Lo♥e...Wanda

Wendy said...

I am laughing so hard, I even have tears...tears for you...I promise!
It does hurt, but I don't think it should hurt that bad. Did she pass? I would think she should be graded on the clients discomfort, too!
Wendy

Audrey said...

Ouch! I can't imagine. Don't pluck my eyebrows anymore - married - don't have too LOL
Tried to wax my legs once - don't do that either, will stick to shaving.
I figure I gave birth to two children, that's enough pain for one life time :)

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

I have never had my brows waxed - can you believe it? I'm a plucker. I do my best thinking whilst plucking brows and pulling weeds. :)

zookeeperjess said...

I am shocked you've never had your brows done before LOL! It must have been a shock to you. I am due for a waxing like crazy...and it does hurt! But I can't do it plucking so I gottsa get them waxed!

Bikini waxes, I do believe women who get those are completely NUTS! :)

GardenofDaisies said...

I have a friend who said that "threading" does not hurt. No hot wax is used for that.

Vicki said...

Ok, grand kids are tucked safely back home so I can catch up....
Tears are still streaming, and not because I let someone talk me into such a thing! You're so funny Jenny. I started plucking mine in the teen years and haven't had to now for quite a few years. But they've thinned out and gone lighter...So I use a little pencil out in public (o:
So, ya gonna go back for more? I dare you to tell about the bikini thing you'll be talked into..hehe

I'll be drawing for the giveaway later and post it tomorrow....

Keep smiling, even when it hurts!

Holly said...

Hilarious!!!! Oh.my.gosh....Too, too funny!!! Waxing sucks. I'll say it right now. but...I do it anyway! About every three months. I'm always so unprepared for the shock of it actually happening. And then I hold my breath for the rest of it! I've had scabs and bleeding, although minimal. I now ask them to wait a few seconds before putting the wax on my eyebrows as the wax has burned me before. The things we do for beauty...or to let someone pass a class!!!!
thanks for the laugh!!!

Martha's Favorites said...

Hi Jenny: I so sorry it felt so bad. Don't let them fool you it hurts everytime and just as bad. Long live hairy faces that what I am saying! Blessings, Marth

Justine said...

OMG, Jenny! I laughed hysterically through this whole post! I'm still laughing as a matter of fact!

I've had my brows down and it ain't THAT bad. In fact, Mikayla, who is only 12-1/2 gets hers done and doesn't whine like a baby like you did. Heeheeheeeeeeeeeeeee

Is your eye still twitching?

And btw... I'd love to get a Brazilian, but I'm so damn big they might not be able to find my... Brazil. LOL

Justine :o )

Vivianne's Vista said...

Finally! Someone who had the guts to say it out loud! Good for you Jenny.I can't stand waxing either and I have done it quite a few times! Hurts.Every.Time. I get my eyebrows threaded now. It's almost like tweezing, just much faster.

mrs. c said...

I was reading this aloud to hubby about to wet my pants, tears on my eyes and even he was laughing out loud!! I don't mind waxing but I have had it done many times...what I cant do is use those tweezers!!! Thanks for the laughs, you are truly a HOOT!

Sares said...

It sounds painful. I have never had it done, I go to town with the tweezers when need be, it sounds like she was lucky you didn't "accidentally" kick her! Loved the romantic tale of the hormone pump! Your husband sounds like a sweet man and a real keeper!

Holly said...

I LOVE getting my eyebrows waxed..I have a high pain tolerance too...but I think the key is someone who really knows what they are doing when it comes to waxing...that is why I have not had mine waxed regularly since I moved...when in L.A...I go to my lady...but no one seems t be able to wholeheartedly recommend anyone here.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I think it is something you get used to...like the dentist or the gyno.
go to the Asian girls at the nail salon next time. And have a cocktail first!!!

Deborah Ann said...

Stop! Yer killin' me!!! ROFLOL...

laterg8r said...

serious liar that girl - she just wanted to graduate!!!

Breezy said...

I just found your blog and love it. I can totally identify with whole waxing thing.. hurts like crazy.. but worth it.

I am glad I stopped by.

gayle said...

I want to try it but I am afraid to and now I am even more afraid to!

Kim said...

How could you have gone so long and not had your brows waxed? Wow...and it does get less painful and a more experienced person also can make it hurt less.

Now that cat scratch thing...yowza!

Charmingdesigns said...

Ummm, I'm with you. Hurt like the dickens. So red and shiny my daughter took me next door to Target to get me a pair of REALLY big sunglasses.

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

hahaha!!!!

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

I laughed so hard at this post it took my 10 minutes to read it because I had tears in my eyes. You are hysterical!