Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hey, do you remember these fat jiggling machines?

My Grandmother had one. I think she's the reason I am predisposed to ... ummm... fluffiness. Yea. Fluffiness. That's it.

She was an awesome lady.

She could bake like nobodies business. Perhaps part of the reason for the fluffiness.

But...

The machine resided in her basement and I guess when she was feeling particularly ... ummm.... fluffy ... she would go down there, strap it around her hind end and then her stomach ... and jiggle the fat away.

Except it didn't work.

The fluffiness never looked sleeker.

And I am similarly cursed.

SO...

I'm thinking the whole fat jiggling concept could possibly have been just a hoax.

Unlike Egyptian body wraps! I'm sure those things work. Apparently they put some kind of magic gel on you and then wrap you up like a mummy and put you in a steam room and you magically lose like 43 inches per visit.

I've never done it.

Really.

It is ridiculously expensive.

And I'm not Egyptian so I doubt it would be appropriate.

And I, Jenny Matlock, am nothing if not always in tune with being appropriate.

But...it says in the ad that it works and they couldn't print that if it wasn't true, right?

Now I have to tell you that Weight Watchers is going along really well and I'm happy with the ongoing weight loss...

...and I can see the weight loss almost everywhere.

Except in my stomach.

Where it is still extremely ... ummm... fluffy.

So this morning I tried to make my own Egyptian body wrap.

I took saran wrap and wrapped it all around my fluffy stomach.

It was difficult.

Often I can barely get saran wrap on a baking dish of leftovers.

But I persisted and finally got it wrapped around about five times. Fairly tightly. I noticed my arms jiggling when I was doing it, and I attempted to wrap them up, too, but it was impossible and I certainly was NOT going to ask Mr. Jenny to assist me with this task.

So, duly semi-Egyptian wrapped up, I went for my walk.

I walk 2.6 miles now and I must say that thank heavens I wear earbuds, because between songs I could sort of hear this weird squeaking noise from my improvised Egyptian wrap.

I got a few odd looks from people passing by.

And I got extremely, extremely hot.

And when I came home I removed the saran wrap.

And guess what?

It didn't work!

Seriously!

My stomach was still as fluffy as when I left.

And I am very annoyed.

Not only is the whole Egyptian wrap thing a pile of poo (sorry, I've been babysitting...I am reverting to insults I learned from the six year old!)...

...but now I am out of saran wrap.

I'm telling ya.

This whole getting a flat stomach thing is just not working out for me.

But I'm thinking maybe if I can find a fat jiggling machine on e-bay and I use it WHILE I am wrapped up in saran wrap I might have better success.

Let me know if you see one of these machines.

OK?

Sigh...

post signature

52 comments:

Bonnie said...

I can't believe that didn't work! :-)

I went on the "belly fat diet" by Jorge Cruz (mainly cutting out sugar). I did lose weight other places my my tummy is still "fluffy". So I feel your pain.....haha

Terry said...

Unfortunately the only way to tighten a tummy is plain old exercise. It's much easier to resign yourself to being "fluffy"! LOL

Terri Steffes said...

Did you know that there is such a thing as the Flat Belly Diet? And, that you get to eat CHOCOLATE???

Nancy's Notes said...

Oh Jenny, you crack me up! Yes, I have to admit I have used one of those machines years and years and years ago! Did not work.

I think WW is the best way to go too and I love pilates. Have you ever tried it? I like the 20 minute work out, it's great!

Have a great day!

Nancy

Theresa said...

I want ome of those machines. You are so smart to make your own wrap:). Love it! Hugs

Vicki said...

Suck it up (ya, the pun intended thing) and learn to love your fluffiness!

I call mine my Baby Fat..as in left overs from havin the babies.

Now go buy more saran wrap and use it for the right meat!

You're just too funny(o:

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Embrace the fluffy and Only use saran wrap for left overs.

Sami said...

Haha, love it!!

After three months of an exercise regimen on my end, I'm happy with everything except... my fluffy stomach. I do ab exercises too, but I think I know the culprit... not following the 'diet plan', which consists of turkey jerky as a snack (BLAR) and grilled fish dinners every other night which, hello, unemployed here!! So we do the best we can. And suck it in a lot. Hee!!

Carol said...

The lady up the street had one of those machines when I was a kid. She had twins that I hung out with. Whenever she left the house to run an errand...it was the first thing we did once she was out the driveway! {Simply because it was forbidden} The three of us, all strapped in a jiggling away! I thought of it more as an amusement ride than anything else! LOL

Mighty M said...

My stomach is pretty fluffy too. I prefer Spanx to Saran Wrap. :)

kim said...

You are just so funny. I remember those fat jiggling machines. Yes, they never work. I am so proud of you walking that far. That is super. Just keep it up and eventually, what will seem like a life time, it will get to the stomach, too. The part we want to get rid of is always the last to go. I always lose in my hands, feet, and face first and they don't need to lose any.

Bossy Betty said...

OH! That's because you didn't use the right brand! Try Glad Wrap!!

The Quintessential Magpie said...

LOL! Jenny, my mother had a pink one, and it definitely doesn't work! I tried it. We no longer have it, or I would be gifting you with it if you want to try it with the saran wrap. However, if I see one, I will give you a holler. ;-)

XO,

Sheila

H said...

Hilarious!!!!! :D

Amy said...

Oh my gosh Jenny! I so remember those! My mom had a friend who owned a "fitness" place and it was filled with these, and others that were like rollers. OH MY GOSH - I used to go with my Mom when she "worked out!" LOL hahahaha

Linda said...

Me and the Saran Wrap do not have a great relationship! I prefer fluffy! Good job on the WW.

Cheryl said...

I applaud your effort. I do think you went with the wrong type of wrap. Glad Press N Seal is so much easier to work with. The extra money is well worth it. Especially on leftovers.

Oh, since no one else saw fit to point this out, it's called flesh, not fluff. As long as your abs are in good shape, it doesn't matter how much flesh is on top of them. It's about health right?

Maggie S said...

Okay. It wasn't a total loss, because you gave me a really good idea for how to finally use up this generic plastic wrap.

There is no substitute for time and hard work.

I am tracking WW points again. Not loving it.

Lindsay said...

I am in tears.. this is hilarious!

Pixie said...

Thanks for the giggles hun!

Oh and as a side note....they had jiggle machines at one of the sales halls at the Fort Worth Stock show this year...you got up on this platform thingy and then it just jiggled you...it was bad...no way could you pay me enough to get my fluffiness up on one of those!

maggie said...

Oh my- what you get up to. Does Mr Jenny roll his eyes or does he crack up? Too funny!

laterg8r said...

awesome home spa trick, sorry it didn't work :D

Cassie said...

How incredibly ironic that I too have recently been thinking of those jiggly machines...my grandmother had one as well. I marveled at the magic it could do. I've checked ebay...can't find one. I'm really sorry your "saran wrap" didn't work! Have you tried sit-ups? Me either.

Diane said...

LOL, yes I think I remember seeing those machines ;o)

Thanks for visiting me blog.

Lourie said...

Yeah I have a fluffy middle too. Isn't fluffy better anyway? If I come up with the magic solution I promise to share it.

Bookie said...

What a hoot this is this morning, Jenny. And yes, I am fluffy too! But if I am so fluffy why do I not float like a cloud instead of roll like a pancake?

Marlene said...

Heeheehee!!!!!!

Ok, I DO remember those fat jigglers.....I was a kid when I used to see them! No really, I was!

What ever happened to them? Even if they didn't work the way they claimed they did - I still think they'd be good for a butt massage!

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

Lol Jenny. You are so funny. I remember as a kid asking my mom how that wiggle machine would help get rid of fat? It didn't make sense to me even then. My mom was thin and didn't have one, so she had no idea either.
Blessings,
Marcia

ain't for city gals said...

Too funny, Jenny...remember those tables that you laid on and they hook you up and they do the exercises for you?,...or something like that....all the rage...we should train for the 1/2 marathon in Tuscon first part of Dec...I did the whole marathon 10 years ago..I think I have another half left in me somewhere!!

Becca's Dirt said...

Oh yes I remember those things. I jiggled for years and really thought I would lose weight but NOT. They lied to us. I think it made my fat jiggle more than before I used the darn thing. Yuk on that. Over the years though I have lost a great deal of weight. My highest was 230 a size 22 and now I am 150-155 and a size 12. I have had to change my diet due to so many problems with multiple digestive problems. Now I really don't even have an appetite. Anyhow you didn't want to hear my stuff. Hope you have a great day Jenny. Becca

Wanda said...

As a child, my friend's mom owned one...I remember her as always being very fluffy, so save your money! I think there's a link between belly fluff and bread! :)

Janet Johnson said...

Fluffy tummies are a curse in my family, too. Too bad the saran wrap thing didn't work . . . I would have totally been on board! ;)

summersundays-jw said...

There seems to be 2 choices as we get older -- do between 1500 to 2000 set-ups a day or go get a tummy tuck. My fluff's looking better & better. Jan

Ms. Anthropy said...

I have NO advice on this one. I usually only eat one meal a day and while I have no face, arms, or legs... I still have plenty of belly fat!

Melinda Cornish said...

I do remember these......they give jello jigglers a whole new meaning......you make me laugh, I wonder if you had some saran wrap hanging out when you were walking?

Unprocessed1 said...

2.6 miles a day? Congrats! You go girl!

Embrace the fluff - it's our "reward" for old age, having kids and misc. surgeries!

Good health is more important (as I tell myself five times a day. One day I may even believe it!).

5thsister said...

Buff that fluff girlfriend!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Maybe next time you should try Aluminum foil. But please, stay out of the sun...you will catch on fire.
I remember my Mom and Aunt working out at Elaine Powers...using those jiggly things, and they never lost their fluffy tummies either.

Embrace the fluff, I am sure Mr. Jenny does.

Cheryl D. said...

I so remember those weight-loss machines! That's so funny that we thought it was a work-out in the 70's! Now you actually have to work-out! Bummer!

Jocelyn said...

Oh you make me laugh!!!! I can remember these things in the gym 20 years ago and how my best friend and I would wiggle our tails in them and I was 20 pounds lighter back then!!!

HA HA....about the saran wrap.....yep no worky!!!!!! You know what works.....sit ups.....planks...and they suck....Pilates...I like Pilates..but still have a tummy....soooooo

Keep walking....Yay that is awesome...I am jealous...you are doing more than me...now I have a secret....I have had nothing but liquids for 7 days and the weight is coming off....haha....heck of a way to lose weight....

Love ya girlie and I am so proud of you!!!!

Beth said...

You are so cute! :) I remember a ladies gym that I went to years ago had one of those. And as for the saran wrap? There were a couple of large ladies at another gym who came similarly wrapped. It didn't seem to work for them either!

My name is PJ. said...

When I was a teenager, I went with a friend to a woman's workout place. This was in the early 70's. Not only did they have multiple fat jiggling machines, they had these other machines that held a roller, made of wood, with large nob like texture. The roller rotated and you were supposed to hold you thigh up against it to get rid of cellulite.


MWAHAHAHA!

jeff campbell said...

I would suggest aluminum foil. If it does not work then perhaps you could be useful as a mobile solar reflector, or sending messages like the ancient Anasazi...

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

I think there was a funny "I Love Lucy" show with her using one of those machines, Jenny!

Good to hear WW is working for you! I need to do the same --walking is not doing it for me.

♥ Pat

Jeanie said...

The sad thing is that when people write about things from a looong time ago I always remember them, so yes I remember these machines. I also remember banging my bum against a wall, 100 times each side, once a day to achieve some sort of shrinkage. That didn't work either. Way to go on the 2.6 miles.

Dee said...

I went from puffy to fluffy and I am in the process of getting puffy again. Nice try with the saran wrap.:)

"Alone again.... naturally!" said...

I think I saw one of those contraptions on an episode of "I Love Lucy" lol. Looks painful!

Diana said...

Sad to say that I have a fluffy stomach too. I do believe it is a woman's curse for having children! Good luck with your fluff Jenny!
Love Di ♥

Terra said...

OMG I totally have a vision of walking next to you and listening to your wrap wiggle while you walk...I can't believe you tried it and blogged about it! YOU ROCK. I am so sorry it didn't work, not that you expected it too...but have to say I am glad your WW is going well and you are feeling good about it because that is half the battle. I don't have a flat tummy either, and never again will - why? I won't do crunches ...NOPE - I certainly will not.

Pondside said...

Wonderful, Jenny - you have me in stitches!

Serline said...

I think the only way that is "guaranteed" is liposuction and tying a knot in your gut to reduce the volume... at least that's why my hubby insists ;-)

Christy said...

oh my gosh, this post had me snickering out loud ... loved it!

They do sell this sort of belly wrap thing to wear when you work out and it does work, but you have to drink like twice the amount of water. I think I got mine from Avon ... a couple of years ago...