She was an awesome lady.
She could bake like nobodies business. Perhaps part of the reason for the fluffiness.
The machine resided in her basement and I guess when she was feeling particularly ... ummm.... fluffy ... she would go down there, strap it around her hind end and then her stomach ... and jiggle the fat away.
Except it didn't work.
The fluffiness never looked sleeker.
And I am similarly cursed.
I'm thinking the whole fat jiggling concept could possibly have been just a hoax.
Unlike Egyptian body wraps! I'm sure those things work. Apparently they put some kind of magic gel on you and then wrap you up like a mummy and put you in a steam room and you magically lose like 43 inches per visit.
I've never done it.
It is ridiculously expensive.
And I'm not Egyptian so I doubt it would be appropriate.
And I, Jenny Matlock, am nothing if not always in tune with being appropriate.
But...it says in the ad that it works and they couldn't print that if it wasn't true, right?
Now I have to tell you that Weight Watchers is going along really well and I'm happy with the ongoing weight loss...
...and I can see the weight loss almost everywhere.
Except in my stomach.
Where it is still extremely ... ummm... fluffy.
So this morning I tried to make my own Egyptian body wrap.
I took saran wrap and wrapped it all around my fluffy stomach.
It was difficult.
Often I can barely get saran wrap on a baking dish of leftovers.
But I persisted and finally got it wrapped around about five times. Fairly tightly. I noticed my arms jiggling when I was doing it, and I attempted to wrap them up, too, but it was impossible and I certainly was NOT going to ask Mr. Jenny to assist me with this task.
So, duly semi-Egyptian wrapped up, I went for my walk.
I walk 2.6 miles now and I must say that thank heavens I wear earbuds, because between songs I could sort of hear this weird squeaking noise from my improvised Egyptian wrap.
I got a few odd looks from people passing by.
And I got extremely, extremely hot.
And when I came home I removed the saran wrap.
And guess what?
It didn't work!
My stomach was still as fluffy as when I left.
And I am very annoyed.
Not only is the whole Egyptian wrap thing a pile of poo (sorry, I've been babysitting...I am reverting to insults I learned from the six year old!)...
...but now I am out of saran wrap.
I'm telling ya.
This whole getting a flat stomach thing is just not working out for me.
But I'm thinking maybe if I can find a fat jiggling machine on e-bay and I use it WHILE I am wrapped up in saran wrap I might have better success.
Let me know if you see one of these machines.