Is it the back-to-schools and the memories of all the other back-to-schools that make the Down in the Dumps want to live at my house?
Is it that lowering slant of the sun as it turns the afternoon light all buttery and golden that evokes ...
You know what?
I don't know what it is.
But I'm tired of it.
It can leave now.
Because, frankly, I'm getting sick of the Oh Poor Me's which seem to follow closely on the heels of the Down in the Dumps!
And I think Mr. Jenny is sick of them, too.
But that might just be the Oh Poor Me's talking.
I'm not totally sure, but let me give you an example.
"Do you want a latte from the coffee shop on the corner?" Mr. Jenny asked me.
"No, that's OK," I sniffed.
"What's wrong?" he queried patiently.
"I dunno. I just don't want coffee. Life is so meaningless, you know?"
"Hmmm?" he replied quizzically. "Do you want coffee or not?"
"No, that's OK," I say in a weak and pathetic voice, "I don't really deserve coffee...my life is kind of worthless, you know?"
"Hmmm?" he asks again, "Is that a yes or a no? I'm ready to leave now. Coffee or no coffee?"
"Did you ever realize how quickly time is passing and how quickly the Grands are growing up and weren't our kids just little yesterday and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and..."
"Jenny," he says, much less patiently now, "Do you want a latte or not? I really need to go right now so I can get back in time for a phone call."
"That's OK. Never mind," I say in a pathetic, sad, little whining voice.
And I watch his car pull out of the garage. And come back about 10 minutes later.
And he walks by my office with a single cup of coffee in his hand and I say, "That was fast...where's MY coffee?"
And he kind of smirks at me. "What about your life being meaningless and all that stuff? I thought you said you didn't want coffee? You know you could totally make me crazy here!" he says, very clearly and slowly like he is talking to logic-impaired person.
"WHAT?" I shout. "THAT WAS JUST A TEST TO SEE IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME, which obviously you do not, or you would have gotten me a coffee, too. Just never mind!"
And then he walked back down the hall to the kitchen and came back with a second cup of coffee. For me.
"Just wondering if you really wanted this or not," he stated in a calm and rational voice.
And he then proceeded back to his own office which was a good thing because he barely escaped the death rays my glare was shooting his way.
You know what?
I found a cure for suffering the Down in the Dumps and the Oh Poor Me's.
It is annoyance.
Annoyance and irritation over-rides Down in the Dumps and Oh Poor Me's anyday of the week.
And death rays.
Death rays must somehow release the whole Down in the Dumps and the Oh Poor Me virus from your system.
Because I feel slightly better now.
AND at least he got my coffee order right!
I have to warn you, though. Any "poor guy", or "how does he stand you?" comments are certain to cause the virus to spread your way.
And I wouldn't want you to catch it, because frankly it stinks!