I found this amazing diet.
Or so I thought.
It's called Lee's "Instantly Slims" you clothing.
I bought a lot of it.
I mean jeans and long sleeved shirts and short sleeved shirts.
And over the weekend I put on one of the outfits.
And I walked out to where Mr. Jenny was reading the newspaper and said, "Hey, do you notice something different about me" and he said, "Ummm.... no."
So I told him to look closer and he said, "Ummm.... new shirt?"
I replied, "Kinda, look again."
And he did.
But he didn't say anything.
So I said, "Don't I look thinner?"
And his eyes got really big and he looked afraid, so I asked the simple little question again, and he looked even more frightened.
"Ummm... yes?" he said.
"Ummm...yes? you think I look thinner OR Ummm... yes? you're afraid to tell me the truth?"
He tried distracting me by pointing at something in the newspaper. "Did you see that Joanne Fabrics is having a 90 percent off sale today only? You should hurry over there."
I was not distracted.
I asked him to look closer.
I noticed a sheen of sweat on his forehead as he complied with my bossy instructions.
Finally, I let the poor guy off the hook. "Look, these are new jeans and a new shirt from Lee that advertise they will instantly 'Slim You'."
He quickly tried to rally and answered, "Oh, that? I could totally tell you looked slimmer. I thought you meant...like slimmer. Like, you know? Like, you've been dieting... like ...ummm..." and then he paused. It took him a moment to continue...
"Look! Look at this! Hobby Lobby AND Michaels are having a 90 percent off sale today only! Hurry! You better hurry over there right now!"
So I let him off the hook.
And took my non-instantly slimmed body to Joanne Fabrics AND Hobby Lobby AND Michaels.
That'll teaching him for not noticing how instantly "slimmed" I was.