Sunday, September 4, 2011

Indigestion

My God, he was earnest.

As he leaned forward all I could look at was the piece of “crust” adhered to his lower lip. It moved up and down with his words, “…food allergies, vegan, sorghum flour…”

I tried to stop the flow of words…

“… xantham gum, nutritional yeast flakes, coconut oil for cookie sheet…blah, blah, blah…”

Inside my head I thought, “Oh please, please, please shut up!” Outside my head I heard myself say, “Geez, I’m sorry to have upset you. All I asked was what kind of a pizza is this anyway?”

Food allergies or not, there would definitely NOT be a second date.


This little story is linked to week 70 of Saturday Centus. The prompt is in bold. To read other offerings written around this prompt, just click here.

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27 comments:

Judie said...

Can I ever relate to this!! I have a post-it note that I stick on the dashboard of my golf cart when I am paired with a certain member. It states "I am here to play golf. I am not interested in your health problems, including food allergies. I do not discuss religion or politics. If you have issues with my stance, please ride with someone else."

Barbara F. said...

Hilarious, Jenny! xo

Donnie said...

That was too funny...lol...That pizza looks very inedible to me too.

Ms. A said...

Most excellent!!! (and I'm laughing my butt off at Judie's comment)

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

Gee -- enough to make a person swear off pizza! Actually, it's sort of like planning a meal for my family....Dad - allergy to beef and beans, Brother -- has to eat low fat, Brother in Law -- diabetic and gluten free, Son-in-Law -- lactose free, onion free and no tomatos. No way to prepare one meal for everyone.

Dazee Dreamer said...

Boy, I should say so. Yikes.

Pat Tillett said...

Ha! That was so funny! You sure packed it in there! Good job...

Trey said...

Sounds like he might be a little on the Aspergersian side.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Jenny, you dated him too? So sorry.
Very fun piece. I especially like that a piece of crust was stuck to his lower lip. That dufus!
xoRobyn

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

He sounds like a real charmer:@)

Busy Bee Suz said...

That is SO darn funny. Yep, not a second date indeed. :)

JDaniel4's Mom said...

He really sounds like a winner!

June Freaking Cleaver said...

I'd be focused on the crust on his lip - and I'd be planning my escape.

One time, I went out on a first date that I feared would not go well. My daughter was instructed to call my pager at 8:30. If I wanted to escape, I could say it was work summoning me.

I was never so happy to receive a page in my life!

cj Schlottman said...

Another good one, Jenny. I can't get the image of crust on his lip from my mind! Boring and bad manners, too. Not good.

Namaste...........cj

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

Enjoyed your little story, but can't help but wonder where you found the perfect picture to go along with it.

Ames said...

Ugg that pizza looks gross! And I would be grossed out watching the crust gyrating on his mouth too!
This was a good one! Sounds like something I'd read in one of Robyn's Sex and Dating columns. LOL! ~Ames



Judie you crack me up too!

Cheryl said...

Perfection!

aprons & Old lace said...

Hilarious! I loved that story! That's one of my "things." Food is pretty when plated (nicely) but I don't want to see it after its been demolished by teeth. You're so funny!!!

aprons and old lace

Leovi said...

Very good and funny. Tasty pizza.

Sue said...

You're right. We DID kinda go the same direction.

You did it well!

=)

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

I think I know him!!! This is hilarious! And further proof that you da bomb when it comes to the written word.

Jo said...

I can't help but wonder how she is going to sneak out on him ... it doesn't sound like the date will end soon enough!

BECKY said...

Yucky pizza! And yes, a Great Escape was indeed essential! :)

Tina said...

oh dear he would definitely have to go wouldn't he! What a laugh! :-)

Karen S. said...

Oh so funny! I too can relate and Judie says it so well! Right on!

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Oh too funny! I'm so glad I don't have to go on dates. I'm afraid I'd get up and walk out on somebody like that! laurie

Anna said...

Dear Jenny,
Hilarious!
I love this prompt. I could write ten centus-texts using it!
There are so many possibilities to write family-dramas and about love-problems. Pizza units us!

Hugs,
Anna

Sanna trys an L-p-pizza for SC wk 70