Bug-session

Yes, I am bug-sessed. In fact, when I opened my blog to post this I swear I saw that stupid picture move. I actually did screech a little bit and even now when I'm typing I have my feet up off the floor. Hey, you can never be too careful.

My bug-session really started when we moved into this house. OK, sure I used to scream a tiny, little bit over grasshoppers, japanese beetles, moths and every once in awhile a bee or a wasp would freak me out BUT I wasn't really obsessive about it until we moved into this house about 8 years ago. In fact, I never saw a cockroach in real life before that.

The first month we moved in I fell in love with my bath-tub. It is one of those huge garden whirlpool tubs. On one side is a floor to ceiling window that looks out into a little garden courtyard and quite often in the evenings I would grab a book, take out my contacts, put on one of those clay masks guaranteed to give you poreless, younger looking skin (liar, liar pants on fire!)and spend enough time in that luscious water to raisin up.

Now just so you don't think what happened is impossible I have to tell you something personal. I wear coke bottle bottom glasses. It's true. They are about 1/2 of an inch thick at the outer edge and that's with all the fancy-schmancy technology to make them thinner and easier to wear. I actually once asked my eye doctor if perfect vision is 20/20 what is mine? After he got over laughing at me he said "oh something like 20/20,000" and even if he was exaggerating they are wicked thick AND I am wicked blind without them...

So anyway, there I am with a drying out clay mask that needs removed. I take off my glasses and start scrubbing my face with a washcloth. I scrub. I splash water on my face. I scrub. And all the sudden I feel something kinda big and kinda crunchy on the washcloth. Hmmm.... what could this be, I wonder?

So I kinda push the crunchy thing away but it bounces against my leg.

So I put my glasses on and look down to see ...

A GIANT COCKROACH CRAWLING OUT OF THE WATER ONTO MY LEG!

I scream. I leap out of the tub. I flail about like I'm practicing to be in a play about seizures.

I SCREAM SOME MORE!

My husband comes flying into the bathroom. I am screaming and crying and pointing and jumping ...

and SCREAMING some more!

So my husband bravely and valiantly kills the roach single-handedly without even calling 911 for back-up assistance.

And we got the exterminator company the next day and haven't seen any roaches since.

Until now.

So in the past 10 days my pores have become very enlarged and my skin is aging quite rapidly since there is no way to apply a clay mask AND I am getting quite behind on my reading. Which is upsetting to say the least.

But on top of that I am now relieving every single bug-session I have ever had.

The scorpion sting, the invasion of moths in our bedroom chimney, the grasshoppers that used to terrorize me while I was mowing the yard for my Dad.

Yup. They're all back.

And I'm hoping by blogging about them the terror will diminish.

Actually, I think my husband is hoping that by blogging about them my terror will diminish.

Because, quite frankly, I don't think he is falling for me batting my stubby eye-lashes at him and praising his bravery. It might just be the large pores throwing him off but it doesn't seem to be working well anymore.

AND I think the screaming might be getting to him.

And not in a good way.

So, I'm gonna pull it together here and just face this bug-session down.

I'm going to march right back into my bedroom right now and see if there are any roaches in the bathtub.

But first I'll just play another 734 games of spider solitaire. Not because I'm afraid or anything. Just because I find it intellectually stimilating.

And if it takes long enough to play that many games maybe the sun will come up and all the roaches will go back to sleep and not bother me at all.

Yes, that's what I'm gonna do.

Spider solitaire - game number one coming up!

Sigh...