The sad, weird tale of saying goodbye to a hardhat

So... there I am at Home Depot, again! Returning a rug for the third time hoping to find something I like better.

The return Chick remembered me from yesterday and said "third time wasn't the charm, eh?" Well, obviously not.

That's not the sad, weird thing, though.

So... I pick up some cleaning supplies and head over to rugs to find a fourth potential candidate. And I do. (and actually it's getting returned tomorrow, too, geez)

But ...I realize I better hit the ladies room before I head back to pick up our little Granddaughter at preschool and when I grab my purse out of the cart the keys fall out. So I stick them in my back pocket. I never stick them in my back pocket. But I did. OK, that's the sad, weird part. Just kidding. You have to keep reading...

OK ... so I go into the ladies room and I pull down my shorts and my keys take a little nosedive into the toilet.

Acccckkkk!

I jump up!

The toilet flushes itself!

Accccckkk! Double Acccccckkkk!

There are my keys, half wedged into the back of the toilet and I know I have to get them quickly because the automatic door opener thing-y on there will quit working if they get wet.

But they won't come out.

I tug. I tug.

And finally they come free!

But I still have to potty, badly now, and my hands are all wet and ewwwwww....

But when ya gotta go ...So I go and then I realize that my keychain broke in the process.

And the little yellow hardhat that my son gave me a long time ago is what got stuck.

And I love my little yellow hardhat. It looked like this only cuter without the cheesy flash-light thing in there.
And there is a little edge of the brim of the hardhat just showing at the back of the toilet bowl.

But now I have pottied in the bowl.

And I actually debate for a second cuz I really, really like my hardhat and my hand has already been in the toilet bowl.

I like this little hardhat for two reasons. 1) If I lend someone my car I always tell them if they are in an accident to just put the hardhat on their thumb and they always look at my strangely but now I can't do that anymore and I really have enjoyed that. and 2) my son never, ever, ever gives me anything and this is one of the lasting mementos I have that he appreciates me as a Mom and recognizes my inner and outer beauty (or something like that)

So ...I debate some more. It is really worth it to annoy people wanting to borrow my car! And I do like the validation that my son adores me! And it is ridiculously cute!

But I don't do it.

I flush the toilet and then wash my hands 63 times and spray sanitizer all over my keys.

And now I wish I had just done it and grabbed my little hard hat but it is too late.

I thought about calling Home Depot to see if they could somehow remove the toilet to see if perhaps it was stuck in the pipe or something.

But that might be too much. And maybe they wouldn't recognize the sadness and weirdness in this tale and they might just hang up on me.

And maybe it's just time to let the hardhat keyring go. But consider yourself warned that if you borrow my car now your thumb could be in extreme peril.

And if you could spare a moment of silence in remembrance, I'd sure appreciate it.

Thanks for listening to my sad, weird tale.

Sigh.