Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I'm feeling extra crispy...

...and not in a good way.

Remember back when I was bragging on all my tomatoes and flowers and produce and you were drooling over my garden because yours wasn't even planted yet?

Remember when I told you that come summer when you are all lush and green and having summer picnics and stuff like that, we would be dying of heatstroke?

Yeah.

Well.

That happened.

We've had heat advisories here for the last few days. I believe we hit 118 degrees.
Today was a balmy 115!


And I don't care what anybody tells you, dry or not...it is wicked hot in the Valley of the Sunstroke during the summer months.

My tomatoes come already fire roasted right off the vine.


Well.

Almost.

My brain is even too hot to close this blogpost with a knock knock joke.

But don't despair.

I have some great one liners about the heat we endure here.

Okay.

Ready?

It's so hot in Arizona that...

...you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
...you can make instant sun tea.
...you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
...you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
...you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
...hot water now comes out of both taps.
...you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

Okay, fine. I did think of one moderately appropriate knock, knock joke.

Knock, Knock!

"Who's there?" you say?

Wooden shoe.

"Wooden shoe who?"

Wooden you like to invite me to stay in your mountain cabin for the next four months.

Ha!

Haha!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That was cute.

I know you liked it.

And...

You're welcome.

Sigh...

post signature

37 comments:

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I don't think I would like all that hot water. It is hot here ins Carolina, but not that hot.

ain't for city gals said...

I have always said in Az you can't take a cold shower for two months out of the year. Since I have been spending so much time in Sun City with my dad I am glad I live up by Congress..we are about 10° cooler and that makes a big difference.

noexcuses said...

Ha ha! I love your jokes! It's hot here, also, but not as hot as AZ! A good way I try to beat the heat is to spend the day at the mall! I meet a friend for brunch, get my nails done, and join a mall walker for a quick round-about where I can decide which stores to shop later! Of course, I don't forget an afternoon snack, and then a quick make-over from Nordstrom before returning to the castle.

I can dream, can't I? Hope you have a great day!

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

Wooden shoe was my favorite. :)

I'm sorry about the heat and the tomatoes and every other living thing.

I'm happy some guy invented air conditioning.

I don't know why people move to someplace that rivals Hell for temperature.

Stay cool. Sip mint juleps....oh, wait....isn't that a Kentucky drink?

xo

Susan said...

Trust me, it is even hot in the mountain cabin. I have to say, I like the heat better than the cold, however, 113 is really hot, too hot for me.
As always, you put a smile on my face, thank you.
Susan

Allie said...

You can come stay in the cottage anytime. I will even have a guest room ready for Mr. Jenny!!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Heat like that just isn't right Jenny I'm tellin ya. Come on down to Georgia where we only steam part of the day! hugs, Linda

Deb said...

I feel your pain...not much cooler here in Texas...

Jeanie said...

It sounds like the beginning of a new money making plan-heat proof driving gloves for Arizona summers...

ellen b. said...

Oh my you can really fry an egg on the pavement with that heat!

edenhills said...

Hope you cool down a bit. I must say I really did LOL at the condensation on the butt joke! :-)

Teresa

5thsister said...

But it's a "dry heat" right?

I don't know about you, but dry or not, 118 is wicked hot!

Gina said...

Jenny you crack me up....
"condensation on your butt from the hot water in your toilet bowl"

Bwahahahahahahaha!

Its pretty hot here in Texas (been up to 100 already) AND HUMID. One of the reasons I like hats so much, LOL.

Have a great day and stay cool inside :)

Gina

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Tell me Jenny, do you have to COOL the water in your pool, in Arizona?

Really?

We don't have a pool heater, but need the sun to heat our old pool, every summer. So I'd think, that with the hot sun beating down on your pool, every day....... You might need to cool the water in it, in some way.

~♥~

Carol said...

Driving with two fingers
....brilliant! You can still text!! (J/K) Here, in the midwest..we sweat getting out of the shower! Heat advisory over the holiday weekend. Time to hibernate! Keep cool Jenny!

Monica said...

I would absolutely invite you to stay in my mountain cabin. If I had one! We're at the base of the mountains and it was 110 here last week!

I try to stay inside - It's GREAT in our house with the swamp cooler - A swampy 82 the other day! ICK!

Judie said...

Haha haha haaa ha! Tucson is cooler than Phoenix! O.k., so that's not saying much, I know. It was 112 here yesterday. The pool is 85 degrees, and I have one decorative plant that I have to water three times a day. Little Liz actually comes in when I call her after a potty break. Rod has to take the dogs for a walk VERY early because the pavement gets too hot for their little paws. Even so, when they return, Liz puts her feet in her water bowl to cool them off!

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

So, I have a mountain cabin! You are welcome anytime....

Keri said...

My tomatoes are feeling your tomatoes' pain! Its so hot here in TX that the glue melted and my rearview mirror fell off yesterday. I keep having to remind myself that six months from now we will be snowed in and I'll be complaining about that!

"Alone again.... naturally!" said...

Ok, I will take a few of your degree's and a lot of your sun. It's cool here (about 14c, that's probably around 65f.) and there hasn't been a lot of sun. My tomatoes think I should knit them little sweaters! Forget basil! Double sigh!

Sue said...

You forgot frying an egg on the sidewalk. My dad actually did that successfully once when we lived in Palm Springs.

;)

PS. Love that crazy sun clip art.

PPS. You can come and visit me any time, and I am right at the foot of the mountains...

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

No mountain cabin here, we are supposed to be in the high 90's for the weekend with high humidity. I never did buy that story about the lack of humidity making it not feel hot. Hot is hot and anything over 100 (okay...over 80) is hot to me! We just came back from a week in Michigan with temps in the low 70's. I want to live where it stays 75 all year long!

Jennifer said...

You can come to GA and cool off..... A little, anyway.

The toilet joke was so gross, but I definitely laughed.

Shay said...

Oh my goodness! Arizona sounds like summers in Adelaide, Australia.

I quite often scream "I'm melting , I'm melting " ala the wicked witch of the West during January and February here.

Stock up on ice blocks my friend and pump up that air conditioning! You have my sympathy.

Country Dreaming said...

I really feel for you.
We vacationed in Arizona several summers ago and it was HOT--nothing like I had EVER experienced
before here is the Midwest. We are warm compared to you. Today we will hit 90 and the rest of the week will be hot for us.
Drink lots and get lots of rest!

Melinda

PS: Loved the one liners and the joke!!

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

I couldn't do it, Jenny! It was only 80 degrees here today and I felt as if I were melting. I like cool weather much better!

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

My grandfather used to say, "It's so hot you can fry an egg on the sidewalk." Try it and let me know how it works. :)

Wanda..... said...

I laughed till I cried!

It's 77* here today with thunderstorms for the weekend...now cry for me!

EG Wow said...

I've been in Phoenix when it was 114° and that way too hot for me. 118°? YIKES!

Rosalind Adam said...

And there was me getting all excited because I thought summer had arrived in the UK. Well it did reach almost 30 the other day but it's all dull and rainy again. You wouldn't like it. Really you wouldn't!

Ms. A said...

Hell on earth! I feel your pain, it's hotter than Hades here, too!

Lorrie said...

You are more than welcome to come to Vancouver Island where we today's temperature is hovering around ... 69 degrees (I had to get up and look at the thermometer to convert it to Fahrenheit). Why, we're still sleeping with blankets on the bed. Please send some heat our way!

Amy said...

I like the heat. I lived in CA for a while and it got up to 120. I was a missionary, so that meant I was outside every day. All day. It was insane. But I did like it.

By the way, if I had a mountain cabin, I would invite you to it. But I do have a tent and many cabins. Wanna come play?

Dazee Dreamer said...

Wow,first of all. I have to listen to your music cuz I love all the songs on your player.

Now, if you lived here in the city of Salt, you would be able to drive up to the canyons and have a picnic. Just don't get to close to the streams as they are at flood stage at the moment.

And now, I will sit here on your site and finish listening toGordon Lightfoot. aaaaaaahhhhhhh heaven

Pondside said...

Here at Pondside, summer has finally arrived and the temperature will hover between 70 and 80 for the next three months. We have to use a duvet on the bed every night and air conditioning means opening the windows. Come on up!

Life@Cee said...

Last time I was in Arizona this time of year I had to open my car door with a piece of paper I found in my purse because the door handle was too hot to touch. I then had to use that same piece of paper to start the ignition and hold on to the steering wheel until the car cooled off. Dry heat my @$$!

J. Kwiatkowski-Schuler said...

That sounds really unpleasant. and sweaty.